I'll say that since your notions of what type you are shift seemingly hourly, and never take hold, you're probably not INTP or ISTP or INTJ, unless you're twelve years old. The last time there was a thread like this, the eventual consensus was ISFP.
For the past forever I think Ive been misinterpreting F for N.
Also Ive had a strong wall in my heart saying 'Nuh uh! Youre totally no S!' every time I looked at an S type. And I feel energized when I just let go, allowing F to run, when that happens N has a stronger conviction
One thing to watch out for is your shadow.
I think he had it right right there. A thing I really found out recently was that at school I feel tired and bleah. Probably trying to use my bad T all the time?
Anywho, when I leave school after a few hours just drooling at the computer screen I feel energized and more 'myself' . . . addiction probably and thats scary.
I really learned a lot about my inner self from this, and here is my conclusion:
From reading the SP board, I relate to more things said about ISFPs than about INFPs, I have ideals and a somewhat strong N but S comes first. I find that I can use both, with myself I have N enough that making sure my inner self is expressed right is important (Could be F working though)
I find that I am much more Extroverted, yet feel less 'me' when S is running and when N is working more I am more withdrawn and more focused on self expression. This really fits with the title of 'Artist' than an ISFP gets.
Another is that in the INFP threads they talk about being able to brood on outcomes for hours. I may not be a 'gotta do some now!!' SP but I'm not a 'super brooder' like an N is (Though I love your ideas, working or no. I love the tangents me and my INxP friend go on in phone conversations. I dont make up ideas for the sake of the ideas, but I do make them up if the idea itself is fun.
All I need to do is make my F (Or my inferior T?) to change 'S is for Stupid' into 'S is for Stupendous' and then I'm good (I just have the INFP label to make myself feel better )
Its less about being ashamed and more about wondering who I actually am inside. From what Ive learned through this thread Ive been able to look at myself through a somewhat clearer lens. Either way, I'm more interested in my type only because once I find myself out I'll have a good base for understanding functions and how to spot them.
ENFP feels a lot like what I am, since they're adaptable. I'm with people most of my waking hours. Either online or with them at their place. The only thing that doesn't apply to me is the hyper alertness. I could be just unaware of my alertness. But I find my best decisions aren't thought about too much because all it does is send me into a thought cycle, constantly rolling in the dryer until I somehow find a different thought to occupy me.
Another thing is that I'm interested in how I react to people and how people react to me. I love knowing what people think about me either by gossip or other, and have a need to express who I am through actions and senses, although its just so I feel that my inner is out, I don't have anything to prove to people.
An example is looking for a new guitar. I was surfing the Guitar Center (Evil Empire as my guitar teacher calls it) website and looks for guitars. I took the feel of the guitars into account more than the color or shape, although I already knew a shape I was looking for since its feel was much more me than others.
I saw the black Dean Vendetta and fell in love with it. ( http://http://www.guitarcenter.com/D...14-i1147926.gc ) It felt like a brother or twin, and unless I find a different guitar at Guitar Center, or the Vendetta has some flaw to it that I wont be able to stand, the vendetta will be mine.
A thing happened a few days ago that helps me put N and S into perspective. It was a math competition for our school area (I'm just doing it so I can get the math credit and never have to do math again x.x ).
I found that if I go into an 'Ni mode' I feel in the zone and things just come quickly. I both did very well on the 2 rounds of competition and wrote a poem (Probably the first one that I liked) a couple minutes later. I was also very unresponsive to things. It was thrilling to see the world in the different viewfinder.
Another thing I remember happened a couple years ago at a drama I was an actor in. This is the third performance and the last two went great, but this one was black backstage. Thats all a person could describe it as. It was as if some black weight flowed.
One of the most confident girl actors had a panic attack at one point, which scared me and was odd. Another thing was that another girl apparently took too many painkillers and antidepressants, making her a zombie and giving her friends deep fear emotion. Everyone but me and another few people (Probably NFs or Introverts I would reckon) seemed superficially unaffected. I turned on my clown self and did a LOT of work trying to raise the mood. One of the supervisors told me to bugger off at one point, so I knew I had the happy energy tuned up high enough at that point.
It felt really good to be that person who pushed people away from the black surrounding while being a beacon of silly energy.