VIs 6w7 sp/sx. I think that fits for your type as well....I believe your earlier self-typing was 6w5 sp/sx. You remind me more of trash panda (6w7 sx/sp) than you do some of the 4w5s that post here, which aren't many. 4w5s are especially driven to brood in the arena of vulnerability and this colors the content of their introspection. It also colors the information they can pick up on about others. In contrast, your energy is harder....even when you're introspecting softer heart energy doesn't come through (head triad > feeling triad)....it's more unrefined. Your introspective abilities are more calibrated for mainstream viewing, so to speak, more factual and less intuitively refined than a 4w5's.
As you had previously mentioned pretending to be normal, 4w5/5w4s don't mind being seen as weird, even going out of their way to emphasize how normal they aren't...In contrast to the 4w5 fixed 9w1's ruminating style of introspection, the 4w5 introspection 'bleeds'. It's not stopping at the point of discomfort but dwelling into the defective aspects of the self....externalizing a persona that takes pride in these defects and vulnerabilities is central to the ennea IV character type. Pretending to be normal is the last thing you would catch a 4w5 doing online. On a minor note, you have a stronger group, moving-towards-others orientation and a concern for popularity than a 4w5 would imo...4w5 is an inner-directed, outsiderish type with a tendency towards alienation (this would be even more apparent in a social-laster).
I never identified as Sp/Sx. I
did test as 6w5 Sp while
in the midst of a deep depression complete with extreme anxiety after a series of extremely painful relationship deaths and a brief period of being homeless. NO ONE should type themselves at their lowest point in life. No. One.
Question: Do you read only my lighthearted jokes or trolly posts? Because I have an entire blog that shows another side of me, a side I am generally uncomfortable revealing to such great depths on stage (I used to and I usually ended up wanting to delete my posts to protect my image, so I decided to limit that). A private blog gives me a (likely false) sense of security; a place for me to be myself. Raw. Mostly unfiltered. Somewhat insufferable. I would say that I am one of
the most willingly vulnerable members on the forum. You won't find any "other" core 6s doing that...
Additionally, I think you are taking my use of the word "normal" much too literally. As I am sure you will take my use of the word "security" above. I
do afterall have a 6-fix, but additionally, I tend to speak in a manner which leaves out details and adequate explanation, probably because I falsely assume that people understand the deeper messages that I am implying in between my words. That is, for the most part, what Ni does. It takes extra energy and time for me to choose my words just right, so I occasionally opt for simpler language just to get through what I am trying to say.
I'm not sure where you got the idea that I don't want to be seen as "weird" or different. Or at least that it isn't some innate part of my being. Also, I don't think you completely understand how 4 manifests in conjunction with Fe, or Soc for that matter. While I do identify as Sx/Sp currently, I have not completely ruled out Sx/So. Regardless, when I lost the majority of my close friendships in a very short amount of time, I was involuntarily
forced into an awareness of my lack of Soc. My friends left me because I was shitty at being there for them when I didn't need or want them myself. I didn't check in with them like I should have. Once I realized the error of my ways, it was impossible to turn the other way. I'm actually surprised that you haven't picked up on the deep shame I now carry... everyone else here has made it clear that it's obvious to onlookers.
And what makes you think that a 4 should be revealing to the point of hemorrhage? Is it not human, regardless of the theory of typology, to reach for a cloth and apply heavy pressure when you realize that you are bleeding out? You have no access to my inner world and don't know what parts of me I have put effort into containing
for the sake of growth. A 4 should strive for better emotional regulation. A 4 Fe should strive to not disintegrate to 2 in a needy "please validate me" sorta way.
I am a core 4, for better or worse. I have a 6-fix. I use Fe. I am an intense Sx first. I have elements of 1 and strive to improve them day in and day out (including self-discipline). I am contradictory by nature, but the sum of all parts still forms a solid whole. In other words: Shit adds up.
Perhaps I have overreacted, but I am beyond the point of irritation when it comes to defending my identity. And it's not that I need you to all see me as I see myself. No. It's that other people have the arrogance to presume that they can type an individual that they HAVE NEVER MET better than the individual him-/herself. Maybe you should implement a signature that says "Take what I say with a grain of salt" instead of speaking as if your
perspective is concrete fact.
