fetus
New member
- Joined
- Mar 22, 2015
- Messages
- 2,575
- Enneagram
- 6w7
I'm really just airing out my recent thoughts and I want to bounce some of them off some of y'all!
It's been a while since I've seriously discussed my type with the forum (at least a couple months) and I've done a lot of soul-searching this past year. I thought for sure I was a 2w3 but I'm seriously considering 3w2.
The more I'm honest with myself, the more I realize that a lot of the "inspirational, loving" things I've done have been, admittedly, for my own recognition. I used to pass out lollipops with inspirational messages on them and relish the attention of everyone flocking to me. There's The Lollipop Girl! Everyone's talking about her! I delivered an inspirational speech on failure and imperfection because the lights and the sound of the applause invigorated me. Even thinking about it makes me feel energized.
My free thoughts are often spent daydreaming about myself being famous. I fantasize about going on TV and talking about my life, going on Ellen, publishing a book and having my photo everywhere, etc. In my day-to-day life I imagine myself rising to the top and being the leader, having that power, feeling the rush of being the face of a group. On a regular basis I go outside and listen to music while planning conversations/writing speeches in my head that will never come to reality. I can do this for hours.
I have an identity that I've created among my friends, family, and social circle, and I become extremely upset if somebody starts encroaching on it. (I recognize that it's irrational, at least.) I'm going to a college, and when I heard that my younger sister was considering going there, I got very disturbed and even afraid. Of course it's irrational to claim an entire university for one's own identity, but I was afraid that she would attend, and my individuality would be soiled. I hate being "lumped in" with others. It's like I always need to stand out.
When I was a child I also had a lot of image issues--obsessing over whether or not I was popular or not (I didn't get "popular" until late high school), needing everyone to see me as beautiful/smart/funny, grabbing myself a boyfriend or doing this or that just to keep up with everyone else my age. I didn't want to fall behind, and in a way, I still don't.
I think one of my issues finding a type is that I see all of these as costumes that I can try on for fun. I love molding my identity into all kinds of boxes and labels--which is kind of why I'm so interested in all of this. The only problem is that when I start to mold or "embody" one, I find myself relating to some elements of that type and thus misidentifying myself as one. And if I find something that fits, my behavior will start to align with that. It often feels like I make my identity into play-dough.
Some elements of 3 I don't really relate to--like the concealing of emotion. I'm quite honest about my feelings and I don't mind being extremely transparent with people. I also really know how to relax and can be lazy at times, unlike your prototypical 3. Then again, I wonder if my emotional honesty is part of the whole image.
Could the fact that I'm very Fe-heavy mellow out the 3 a bit? I think people equate 3 with the ENTJ personality, but it might be different for an ESFJ. I also know I have 6w7 and 9w1 in my tritype, so if I was 369, that would be a clusterfuck of integration and disintegration.
It's been a while since I've seriously discussed my type with the forum (at least a couple months) and I've done a lot of soul-searching this past year. I thought for sure I was a 2w3 but I'm seriously considering 3w2.
The more I'm honest with myself, the more I realize that a lot of the "inspirational, loving" things I've done have been, admittedly, for my own recognition. I used to pass out lollipops with inspirational messages on them and relish the attention of everyone flocking to me. There's The Lollipop Girl! Everyone's talking about her! I delivered an inspirational speech on failure and imperfection because the lights and the sound of the applause invigorated me. Even thinking about it makes me feel energized.
My free thoughts are often spent daydreaming about myself being famous. I fantasize about going on TV and talking about my life, going on Ellen, publishing a book and having my photo everywhere, etc. In my day-to-day life I imagine myself rising to the top and being the leader, having that power, feeling the rush of being the face of a group. On a regular basis I go outside and listen to music while planning conversations/writing speeches in my head that will never come to reality. I can do this for hours.
I have an identity that I've created among my friends, family, and social circle, and I become extremely upset if somebody starts encroaching on it. (I recognize that it's irrational, at least.) I'm going to a college, and when I heard that my younger sister was considering going there, I got very disturbed and even afraid. Of course it's irrational to claim an entire university for one's own identity, but I was afraid that she would attend, and my individuality would be soiled. I hate being "lumped in" with others. It's like I always need to stand out.
When I was a child I also had a lot of image issues--obsessing over whether or not I was popular or not (I didn't get "popular" until late high school), needing everyone to see me as beautiful/smart/funny, grabbing myself a boyfriend or doing this or that just to keep up with everyone else my age. I didn't want to fall behind, and in a way, I still don't.
I think one of my issues finding a type is that I see all of these as costumes that I can try on for fun. I love molding my identity into all kinds of boxes and labels--which is kind of why I'm so interested in all of this. The only problem is that when I start to mold or "embody" one, I find myself relating to some elements of that type and thus misidentifying myself as one. And if I find something that fits, my behavior will start to align with that. It often feels like I make my identity into play-dough.
Some elements of 3 I don't really relate to--like the concealing of emotion. I'm quite honest about my feelings and I don't mind being extremely transparent with people. I also really know how to relax and can be lazy at times, unlike your prototypical 3. Then again, I wonder if my emotional honesty is part of the whole image.
Could the fact that I'm very Fe-heavy mellow out the 3 a bit? I think people equate 3 with the ENTJ personality, but it might be different for an ESFJ. I also know I have 6w7 and 9w1 in my tritype, so if I was 369, that would be a clusterfuck of integration and disintegration.