soul_searching
New member
- Joined
- Jul 23, 2017
- Messages
- 33
0. Is there anything that may affect the way you answer the questions? For example, a stressful time, mental illness, medications, special life circumstances? Other useful information includes sex, age, and current state of mind.
This was actually the last question I answered because I couldn't think of anything specific that would impact my answers. I was in a great mood, but then the deeper I delved into the answers, the more repressed emotions and thoughts were pouring to the surface, which isn't necessarily a bad thing.
1. Click on this link: Flickr: Explore! Look at the random photo for about 30 seconds. Copy and paste it here, and write about your impression of it.
Flickr:
This butterfly is beautiful. I'm impressed with the colors, even the colors of the rocks it's resting on. I love how the color tones complement each other so well. I love butterflies because to me they symbolize childlike innocence, beauty, and freedom. They also remind me of my mom because she loves butterflies. My grandmother is deceased, and whenever either one of us see a butterfly, we think it's her watching over us.
2. You are with a group of people in a car, heading to a different town to see your favourite band/artist/musician. Suddenly, the car breaks down for an unknown reason in the middle of nowhere. What are your initial thoughts? What are your outward reactions?
I don't think I'd be all that upset, to be honest. If I were with friends whom I trusted could get us back to town safely, I wouldn't be all that stressed out. Of course I'd be disappointed about missing the concert, but I think the only way I'd react with extreme emotion is if someone had high anxiety and was freaking out, because then I'd internalize that and most likely freak out too. If I feel safe and secure with the people I'm surrounded with, and they're calm and can take charge, then I'd be calm as well.
3. You somehow make it to the concert. The driver wants to go to the afterparty that was announced (and assure you they won't drink so they can drive back later). How do you feel about this party? What do you do?
After the concert, I'd probably just want to go back home and go to sleep. I love concerts, but the sensory overload is overwhelming for me; especially the crowds and the loud music. I'd probably politely decline and take an Uber home.
4. On the drive back, your friends are talking. A friend makes a claim that clashes with your current beliefs. What is your inward reaction? What do you outwardly say?
This question reminds me of one of my cousins and her constantly spewing ignorant comments about gay people. (I'm a lesbian, but she has no clue) When she goes on her rants, I'm on fire internally, but I still manage to keep my composure because I'm not one for conflict. I find it easier for me to handle my own emotions, even if I rage and stew, than dealing with other people's emotions. I always diplomatically tell her that gay people shouldn't be judged or treated any differently, but I don't outwardly judge her despite doing so internally. Other people have noticed that my emotions show on my face, so to most, it's obvious how I feel anyway, even if I try to hide.
5. What would you do if you actually saw/experienced something that clashes with your previous beliefs, experiences, and habits?
I'd definitely judge internally. Depending on what it was, my face would probably grow hot and turn beet red, and I'd feel anger or any other emotions run through my body first. I feel like this is situation based, and it would all depend on what I saw, whom I saw, and how strongly I felt about it and if it deeply impacted me/someone close to me.
6. What are some of your most important values? How did you come about determining them? How can they change?
I've always believed that there was good in everyone, that deep down people just want and need someone to understand and love them. I can't really explain this particular value; it was just always there. When I was a kid, I was very naive this way, even if kids were mean to me, I'd continue to befriend them and allow them into my life because that good I saw in them shined, and that's all that mattered to me. But I think I lost sight of this deeply held value due to outside influences (parents, other people, and experiences). I do miss the girl I used to be, though, the one with the rose colored glasses. Another deeply held value is that when you're in a relationship, you shouldn't be attracted to anyone else, for any reason. Acting on it was unforgivable. That one person you're committed to should be enough. Now, this was more of a value that I held with conviction when I was younger. But through past experience, this changed, because I found myself attracted to others for different reasons while in a relationship, and even acting on it. The only way I truly understand the complexity of things (that it's not simply black and white) is once I've experienced something personally, and that's how those values may or may not change.
7. a) What about your personality most distinguishes you from everyone else? b) If you could change one thing about you personality, what would it be? Why?
a) I tend to have odd taste (and I mean odd in comparison to what my friends or mainstream considers interesting or relevant). I purposely distance myself from mainstream or even pop culture because in some ways I feel that I'm above that (Plus I find it difficult to care when everyone is into something). This part of my personality I feel most separates me from others. I tend to feel somewhat removed from society in this sense.
b) I'd change my insecurity, my lack of self-confidence. I want to enjoy life more profoundly, and I don't really feel I can do that until I get to the root of myself and learn more about me. Who am I really? I've spent my entire life hiding because early in life when I was more open, my true self was rejected, butchered, tortured. So the insecure little girl is very much lingering inside the body of a woman who desperately wants to become her own person.
8. How do you treat hunches or gut feelings? In what situations are they most often triggered?
To be honest, I don't really trust hunches or gut feelings, I tend to be skeptical and question them. Unless they're so obvious that I can't ignore them, when I'm in a situation that requires extreme thought and analysis (especially life decisions), I tend to consult those closest to me. I'll talk and talk and talk and talk, requiring several different opinions, and sometimes that confuses me even more, yet it's how I've always handled things. I've made some bad decisions in the past, therefore I have a tendency to not trust myself and rely too much on others input.
9. a) What activities energize you most? b) What activities drain you most? Why?
a) Shopping (retail therapy, much?), deep conversations (although truthfully, they can both drain AND energize me. If I've burst open a few emotional flood gates, then I feel it in my body; my throat is tight, my chest hurts, my head aches, and I just have really, really low energy), unexpected connections, going out to dinners with trusted family and small circle of friends, going to the beach, sitting by the water, being out in the sun.
b) Work, having to be "on" when I just want to get lost in fantasy (and I don't mean fantasy in a magical/other wordly sense, but my own, inner reality), meaningless conversations, I tend to become the most drained when I'm bored, and it feels like my energy is literally zapped out of my body, it's almost painful.
10. What do you repress about your outward behavior or internal thought process when around others? Why?
There's a dark side to me that not too many people have seen. There's a lot of anger and resentment for different reasons, mainly because I'm bitter, insecure, and don't feel I was given the tools to become more than who I am. I feel very stuck, and while I've expressed these emotions, I don't think people truly understand the extent of them. I repress them mainly because I've been seen as selfish and entitled, and I don't want to be seen that way. I also tend to compare myself to others, and I don't always express this outwardly. If I feel someone is better than me, I tend to distance myself and watch them from afar because in my mind, they don't need me. If a close friend gets close to a person I'm comparing myself to, then I'll slowly drift away, and people never know why. I truly repress my desire to start life over and tear myself out of the confines of my body and become someone else entirely - new soul, new life, new everything. I repress these feelings because no matter how many times I talk about it, how I feel about myself never changes.
This was actually the last question I answered because I couldn't think of anything specific that would impact my answers. I was in a great mood, but then the deeper I delved into the answers, the more repressed emotions and thoughts were pouring to the surface, which isn't necessarily a bad thing.
1. Click on this link: Flickr: Explore! Look at the random photo for about 30 seconds. Copy and paste it here, and write about your impression of it.
Flickr:
This butterfly is beautiful. I'm impressed with the colors, even the colors of the rocks it's resting on. I love how the color tones complement each other so well. I love butterflies because to me they symbolize childlike innocence, beauty, and freedom. They also remind me of my mom because she loves butterflies. My grandmother is deceased, and whenever either one of us see a butterfly, we think it's her watching over us.
2. You are with a group of people in a car, heading to a different town to see your favourite band/artist/musician. Suddenly, the car breaks down for an unknown reason in the middle of nowhere. What are your initial thoughts? What are your outward reactions?
I don't think I'd be all that upset, to be honest. If I were with friends whom I trusted could get us back to town safely, I wouldn't be all that stressed out. Of course I'd be disappointed about missing the concert, but I think the only way I'd react with extreme emotion is if someone had high anxiety and was freaking out, because then I'd internalize that and most likely freak out too. If I feel safe and secure with the people I'm surrounded with, and they're calm and can take charge, then I'd be calm as well.
3. You somehow make it to the concert. The driver wants to go to the afterparty that was announced (and assure you they won't drink so they can drive back later). How do you feel about this party? What do you do?
After the concert, I'd probably just want to go back home and go to sleep. I love concerts, but the sensory overload is overwhelming for me; especially the crowds and the loud music. I'd probably politely decline and take an Uber home.
4. On the drive back, your friends are talking. A friend makes a claim that clashes with your current beliefs. What is your inward reaction? What do you outwardly say?
This question reminds me of one of my cousins and her constantly spewing ignorant comments about gay people. (I'm a lesbian, but she has no clue) When she goes on her rants, I'm on fire internally, but I still manage to keep my composure because I'm not one for conflict. I find it easier for me to handle my own emotions, even if I rage and stew, than dealing with other people's emotions. I always diplomatically tell her that gay people shouldn't be judged or treated any differently, but I don't outwardly judge her despite doing so internally. Other people have noticed that my emotions show on my face, so to most, it's obvious how I feel anyway, even if I try to hide.
5. What would you do if you actually saw/experienced something that clashes with your previous beliefs, experiences, and habits?
I'd definitely judge internally. Depending on what it was, my face would probably grow hot and turn beet red, and I'd feel anger or any other emotions run through my body first. I feel like this is situation based, and it would all depend on what I saw, whom I saw, and how strongly I felt about it and if it deeply impacted me/someone close to me.
6. What are some of your most important values? How did you come about determining them? How can they change?
I've always believed that there was good in everyone, that deep down people just want and need someone to understand and love them. I can't really explain this particular value; it was just always there. When I was a kid, I was very naive this way, even if kids were mean to me, I'd continue to befriend them and allow them into my life because that good I saw in them shined, and that's all that mattered to me. But I think I lost sight of this deeply held value due to outside influences (parents, other people, and experiences). I do miss the girl I used to be, though, the one with the rose colored glasses. Another deeply held value is that when you're in a relationship, you shouldn't be attracted to anyone else, for any reason. Acting on it was unforgivable. That one person you're committed to should be enough. Now, this was more of a value that I held with conviction when I was younger. But through past experience, this changed, because I found myself attracted to others for different reasons while in a relationship, and even acting on it. The only way I truly understand the complexity of things (that it's not simply black and white) is once I've experienced something personally, and that's how those values may or may not change.
7. a) What about your personality most distinguishes you from everyone else? b) If you could change one thing about you personality, what would it be? Why?
a) I tend to have odd taste (and I mean odd in comparison to what my friends or mainstream considers interesting or relevant). I purposely distance myself from mainstream or even pop culture because in some ways I feel that I'm above that (Plus I find it difficult to care when everyone is into something). This part of my personality I feel most separates me from others. I tend to feel somewhat removed from society in this sense.
b) I'd change my insecurity, my lack of self-confidence. I want to enjoy life more profoundly, and I don't really feel I can do that until I get to the root of myself and learn more about me. Who am I really? I've spent my entire life hiding because early in life when I was more open, my true self was rejected, butchered, tortured. So the insecure little girl is very much lingering inside the body of a woman who desperately wants to become her own person.
8. How do you treat hunches or gut feelings? In what situations are they most often triggered?
To be honest, I don't really trust hunches or gut feelings, I tend to be skeptical and question them. Unless they're so obvious that I can't ignore them, when I'm in a situation that requires extreme thought and analysis (especially life decisions), I tend to consult those closest to me. I'll talk and talk and talk and talk, requiring several different opinions, and sometimes that confuses me even more, yet it's how I've always handled things. I've made some bad decisions in the past, therefore I have a tendency to not trust myself and rely too much on others input.
9. a) What activities energize you most? b) What activities drain you most? Why?
a) Shopping (retail therapy, much?), deep conversations (although truthfully, they can both drain AND energize me. If I've burst open a few emotional flood gates, then I feel it in my body; my throat is tight, my chest hurts, my head aches, and I just have really, really low energy), unexpected connections, going out to dinners with trusted family and small circle of friends, going to the beach, sitting by the water, being out in the sun.
b) Work, having to be "on" when I just want to get lost in fantasy (and I don't mean fantasy in a magical/other wordly sense, but my own, inner reality), meaningless conversations, I tend to become the most drained when I'm bored, and it feels like my energy is literally zapped out of my body, it's almost painful.
10. What do you repress about your outward behavior or internal thought process when around others? Why?
There's a dark side to me that not too many people have seen. There's a lot of anger and resentment for different reasons, mainly because I'm bitter, insecure, and don't feel I was given the tools to become more than who I am. I feel very stuck, and while I've expressed these emotions, I don't think people truly understand the extent of them. I repress them mainly because I've been seen as selfish and entitled, and I don't want to be seen that way. I also tend to compare myself to others, and I don't always express this outwardly. If I feel someone is better than me, I tend to distance myself and watch them from afar because in my mind, they don't need me. If a close friend gets close to a person I'm comparing myself to, then I'll slowly drift away, and people never know why. I truly repress my desire to start life over and tear myself out of the confines of my body and become someone else entirely - new soul, new life, new everything. I repress these feelings because no matter how many times I talk about it, how I feel about myself never changes.
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