40Q, test results, etc.

[Shiver]

Thanks, I enjoyed reading that as it was very detailed.

Is there any particular reason you'd say One over Five as the primary type, or is the Nine wing the main contributing factor to that? Is this a typical likeness one would see between 5w4 and 1w9? I ask because it's also been suggested that I'm some variation of 5-8-3 or 5-8-4 on PerC, a forum on which I'm far more inclined to argue or be otherwise openly or explosively hostile with members. I'm not wholly sure how these archetypes stack up other than the brief things I've managed to search out on them. Would a Five lead in this situation subdue the Eight secondary somewhat for a similar - if more expressive - appearance, or is that not how it typically manifests?

I do usually score highly on One when I take tests and many of the things I read about it seem like something I can relate to. On the other hand, I've been called a "wizard in a tower" due to my innate tendency to completely isolate myself from any human interaction while I study whatever happens to be my current obsession. How does one discern between ordering of enneagram types that result in somewhat similar behavior? I guess that's my main question. 154 vs 514? Either vs 584? 583? Possibly I just need to find more to read on tritypes in general. I do feel like the 584 on this page is extremely fitting for me:

5-8-4: original, rebellious, temperamental and highly individualistic and independent, these Fives are can be extremely self-focused and mostly unconcerned with other people’s feelings and wants. They are often inspired and have great vision which they strive to turn into reality – they have a practical side which helps them. Although brilliant and resourceful, others may find it hard to deal with their self-important, narcissistic behavior and their oversensitivity to frustration – their violent reactions can be scary.
typical subtypes: sexual, 5w4, 5w6 (counterphobic wing)
similar tritypes: 5-4-8, 8-5-4
flavours: resourceful, defiant, visionary and reactive​

Much of your post does line up very well though; I'd even considered ILI-Te and INTJ as more likely than most other types prior. I'm glad you took the time to write this all up; many would be lucky to get such a thoughtful response.

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EDIT: Reading up on how One and Eight deal with "justice" kind of muddles things for me as well (although I couldn't ever see Eight as my primary type; how much of this could be "integration"?):

"In Eights, justice is more of a visceral response, a reaction to witnessing injustices occurring. Eights, generally speaking, do not walk around thinking about these matters, but if they saw a helpless person being harmed or bullied by others, without thinking about it, Eights would rush in to "level the playing field."​

This reminded me of a walk I had through a nearby college campus late one night. As I passed by a building on the path, I overheard a boy and a girl apparently having some sort of fight from about 12 feet below on a lower portion of the area outside of the building, with the male voice tone rather pushy and forceful as the female voice kept yelling along the lines of, "Get away! Don't touch me!" I went to the edge and stared down at them and was nearly ready to leap down myself when they saw me and stopped what they were doing. It occurred to me then that it was the building for theater - they were practicing with scripts in hand.

However the following is also true in me:

"Ones think a great deal about issues of providing suitable standards for human beings and about the specifics of how to administer a fair and equitable system."​

That said it is easier for me to desire tearing down a poor system than to spend the effort building a new one that isn't likely to see the light of day or may not live up to my ideal. I expect it's always easier for people to pick out flaws than to build something as a replacement, unless specifically asked.

Of course this subtype is pretty good too:

1-5-4: a reserved, cerebral and fairly intuitive One, who has a preference for the realm of the thought and the abstract. They can be very theoretical and philosophical and like to be alone and ponder things for a long time. They have a developed imagination and a deep insight into the nature of things and people. Mainly isolationists, they have a tendency towards spareness and austerity and are generally economical and even avaritious. At times experience gloomy moods which they strangely enjoy.
usual subtypes: self-preserving, 1w9
similar tritypes: 1-4-5, 5-1-4
flavours: theoretical, philosophical, hoarding and insightful​

 

[Shiver]

I may dump some other things here that I posted on the enneagram subforums at PersonalityCafe, just for reference in the future.

Questionnaire

1. What do you think your life is about? What drives you in life? This can be something like a goal or a purpose, or anything else that comes to mind.

I'm mostly content to live according to my hobbies and interests. There is no particular central driving focus or passion beyond whatever my current pattern of engagements is and there's no overarching "mission" I feel the need to adhere to. We are all responsible for the generation of meaning in our own lives and it would seem mine remains rather simple, if only because most other things bore or fail to impress me. I'd like to be left in peace to pursue the interests I do have.

2. What were you like as a kid?

Inquisitive. Creative. While I played outside like most kids, I've always lived primarily in my imagination and took a very quick liking to video games and other "inside toys". I used to be far more outgoing than I am now, even more light-hearted and självdistans, so to speak. Comparatively I suppose I'm now rather cynical, serious, and overall jaded. I undeniably hold myself above the people around me. In a way I feel like I left something behind as I aged and gained a lot of contempt for the world and people in general. It's made me stronger but less social.

3. Describe your relationship with your parents. Does anything stand out about the way you interacted?

They've wanted the best for me but ultimately never existed on the same wavelength. My mother and I in particular may as well be from different ideological planets, with her a very "Fe"-driven, vaguely religious personality and me a highly individualistic young adult with a rather negative view of humanity and religion as a whole. By the time I left home, I did so in a rage during an argument with her, making arrangements and moving everything in a single night.

My dad has always been mostly agreeable. He had to be painted as the villainous disciplinarian but I realize it was only because of my mother's weakness pushing him into that role than any preference of his own. He's always been a good provider, there for me when I needed him despite not being "around" as much due to work. He coached my ball team as a child, introduced me to my first car, and is the silently strong perseverance that I must have picked up on without even realizing. We never really have connected much though. It would be nice to see him more - maybe we finally could.

4. What values are important to you? What do you hope to avoid doing or being?

In short, "restrained personal strength". I realized a long time ago that humanity essentially exists through a universal imposition of will and I've carefully cultivated myself to not embody the sort of thing I despise - I won't be the common type of person who forces an unnecessary amount of my personal agenda into the world in the form of presumptuous moral codes or by chasing material things. A certain level of will must be exerted but I do so with restraint. Not for the benefit of the people around me that I hold in such disdain, but for my own personal peace. It is a difficult thing to explain here without writing what is essentially a book, but those three words might be a good description. My restraint often slips in small ways (like when I let loose my anger online); it's an ongoing battle.

I guess it would be accurate to say I highly value this sort of restraint in others as well, or maybe it's just my high need for solitude. I've read a bit on the enneagram 5 and the idea of others being out to "steal my energy" does resonate with me a lot - it's probably one of the things that makes me most angry these days. I just want people to go away. I can also relate somewhat to 8, but if the 8 were intentionally holding itself back from its basic nature.

5. Aside from phobias, are there any fears that characterized your childhood? Have they continued into the present day, or not, and if not, how have you dealt with them?

None in my childhood. I recognize that as an adult I have an increasing pressure to be great in all that I do so as not to fail myself. When I say "great", I mean I cannot be second best. I don't often compete, but if I do I'll do anything to win. I avoid PvP in online games because it's difficult to control the sort of cut-throat I become. I'll sacrifice friendships or potential ones if it gets me victory.

a.) How do you see yourself?

That's really open-ended...I'll answer if you really want, but can't you just look at the rest of this already long questionnaire?

b.) How do you want others to see you?

People I like can see me as someone with genuine interests and talents. A tough ally with a strong sense of individuality. Enemies can see me as something they dare not provoke. Brutal, maybe crazy, but respectable. Nobody else really registers to me as significant I guess - I don't care how they see me, if they see me.

c.) What do you dislike the most in other people?

Oh wow, too much. Have I mentioned that I'm a really impatient, irritable person? lol

Today in particular it's been people who either won't go away or don't know when to shut up. About the fourth time someone is repeating something unnecessarily just for the sake of dragging a conversation out, I cut them off with, "Yeah, I heard you the first time." It's to the point where I'll groan audibly when I see a certain person coming my way because I know they're about to want to impose their inane crap into my time.

7. Which habit do you most automatically act on? Rank the following habits from most to least automatic, on a scale of 1 (most) to 3 (least).

a.) Work for personal gain with more concern for self than for others.
b.) Strive for a sense of tranquility in yourself and the world around you
c.) Decide what is right for the betterment of something or someone else.

The order looks fine as-is.

8. Where does the wandering mind take you? What provokes this?

It doesn't usually "wander" much - I think about thinking pretty often and could tell you why one thought leads to another, for the most part. My imagination goes anywhere though, in very vivid detail.

9.What makes you feel your best? What makes you feel your worst?

I love being engaged in something that is mentally stimulating or solving some sort of multi-step, complicated problem. Making progress and feeling the raw enjoyment that comes from simply being engaged in my hobbies or interests is great all on its own and a fine reason just to be alive. I can play a game, read, or do something interesting for hours on end and feel better coming out than I did going in.

Worst is probably any number of life's more irritating mundane pressures that force me to draw my attention away from the things I actually enjoy. It seems like there is always something demanding my time. Boredom is pretty awful too, but it mostly just makes me feel really sleepy.

10. Let's talk about emotions. Explain what might make you feel the following, how they feel to you or how you react to the emotion:

a.) anger

I have to say this is probably my go-to emotion that I don't even try to suppress. I'll usually do a pretty good job only showing it strategically or more loosely around people I'm more comfortable with, but it's present a lot.

b.) shame

I can't even remember the last time I would have felt this one, if ever.

c.) anxiety

Uh, health issues? Mostly only of the sort that would inconvenience me or potentially detract from my attractiveness (none, thankfully) - I'm vain and don't care, ha. I'd maybe say money if I were lacking...one of life's most relentless obstacles for most people.

11. Describe how you respond to the following:

a.) stress
b.) negative unexpected change

For both of these, remember what I said above about anger? It's empowering. Anger grants me even more strength to take corrective action towards whatever is stressing me, whether it's proactive, reactive, or simply enduring. I'll definitely penetrate to and criticize the root cause of both, but it only drives my will harder.

c.) conflict

It's all about strategic value to me. Say we're talking business: Okay, let's find the most reasonable solution. I won't jump into conflict IRL if it can be helped because there is usually a better alternative. But if that's off the table and I'm just in conflict with a stranger? Get out of my way. No compromise.

12. a.) What kind of role are you naturally inclined to take in a group? Why?

When forced into this scenario in college, I didn't trust the rest of the group to come up with quality material and pretty much planned for the worst case scenario - that it would all fall on me. Thankfully that wasn't wholly necessary. As a kid I would have been content to let the rest of the group figure it out on their own and probably wouldn't have contributed a lot because I didn't take it seriously...but now I'm the person who will get the job done right with or without them. I guess I'm just very different now.

b.) If put in power, how do you behave? Why?

I usually leave people to their own devices unless they specifically ask for help. I'd rather give people the gist of what needs done and leave them with autonomy. I really don't feel comfortable applying pressure to people unless they've really managed to irritate me or are wasting an inordinate amount of time/resources.

c.) Do you tend to struggle with others who have authority over you? Why?

I never really consider anyone "over" me. Most positions I couldn't care less about but there are a number that distinctly say to me that I could be doing a better job with just a bit of training or technical knowledge. I suppose I'm just self-important enough to feel that nobody has any "right" to be over me. As you can imagine I don't often get on well with forum staff because coercion only provokes me more.

13. What do you see or notice in others that most people don't?

Their underlying motivations and behavioral patterns. I tend to look right at what makes people tick and that's always been an interesting topic to me to the point where some of my online friends might say it's something of a fixation of mine.

14. Comment on your relationship with trust.

I trust what I see and know, like how most people are self-serving liars. ;c

Otherwise, uh, I guess there's got to be a level of trust in a romantic relationship. Mostly that they won't "cheat on" me. I don't dare trust anyone else with my finances though; I'll never be married but even if I were we'd have two separate bank accounts. I'm overall not very trusting and usually score appropriately on tests that measure it.

15. Briefly: What religious and/or political beliefs do you have? Do you think they influenced your responses in this questionnaire?

I'm not a fan of organized religion at all. Politicians are liars and usually the least suited to be in the positions they seek. I'm socially progressive and have zero patience for a lot of America's antiquated social norms and prejudices.

Which of the following temptations do you find yourself acting upon the most? (And briefly state why)

- To constantly push yourself to be “the best”

Pretty sure I mentioned this one specifically above. I definitely must be "the [very] best" (LIKE NO ONE EVER WAS; TO CATCH THEM IS MY REAL TEST, TO TRAIN THEM IS MY CAUSE).

- To be without needs, well-intentioned

Being without needs would be excellent. It just means more resources to divert to things that are actually interesting. I don't know about "well-intentioned".

- To consider yourself entirely self-sufficient

Being more self-sufficient can only be good. I hate relying on others for the most part. People are unreliable.

Examples of Anger

Reaction mostly to the use of "The end." I tend to hate any variation of it such as, "Period", as it comes off as if the person in question has the final word; it comes off as a direct attempt to dominate, to me: [link]

A post I took as condescending, regarding social norms: [link]

Irritation at being called "dishonest": [link]

In response to being called "afraid" in some bizarre, nonsensical way: [link]

Long post that is growing increasingly annoyed at the overuse of emoticons for the sake of trolling; the mods refused to acknowledge this repeated behavior and I blew up on them in a section that isn't visible as well: [link]

Never insult my intelligence: [link]

Indirectly calling me weak. Received an infraction for the use of "filth", lel: [link]

In response to moral preaching. I hate that. This user in particular cannot go a single post without bringing up morality: [link] [link]

There are probably more I could find but maybe that gives you an idea. I do know exactly what sets me off but I don't really make much of an effort to correct the habit either because I tend to view it as wholly justified. I know it's going to happen again and again and actually sort of enjoy that rush as it feels very much "alive".

Big 5 Test

https://www.outofservice.com/bigfiv...75&e=44,25,25&a=19,38,0&n=50,63,50&y=1980&g=m

O: 0.84 (84th percentile)
C: 0.58 (50th percentile)
E: 0.31 (9th percentile)
A: 0.19 (0th percentile)
N: 0.54 (67th percentile)

HumanMetrics MBTI

I once took this one in the past and had a 1% preference for J, which seems to be about as close to having no preference as one can be, lol...