Did I got it wrong ?

[Virtual ghost]

I will split this into two parts so that it is easier to navigate through this wall of text and I am aware of the fact that this is a long read.


Part 1


Over the recent months I had the time for deep introspections and there is the dillema that is more and more bothering me, especially since it is a deep existental dilema that can profundly change how I define myself. Also I would like to be judged purely on this post because I have the tendency to present myself as 5 (especially online), what is basically the core of the problem. The thing is that I can't solve this on my own with certainty because I may be a victim of Americanized type profiles and therefore I can't solve the problem fully on my own with purely with literature and online tests. What is the reason why I said many things about myself lately on this forum. I define myself as a INTJ 5w6, 1w9, 3w4 Sp/So/Sx but something is telling me everyday that my tritype is actually 1w9, 5w6, 3w4 and these concerns are not unfounded.


Since I came across the Enneagram years ago I have typed myself as 5w6 and that was making sense in the moment and was pretty compatibile with my INTJ type. Towards the research I have done 5w6 was a really good fit and because I had larger problems to solve in my life I have accepted 5w6 as a fact and moved further. However 2 problems were quietly swept under the carpet.


The first problem is that if I am 5w6 I am one of the most Jish 5s there is since scoring 100% J is really not that strange for me. One test even said that 96% of countless people who took the test are more random than me. What creates a problem of how can you be a detached observer if you are hardcore J ? These two are in direct conflict by both behaviour and definition. My Jness is not so much detail driven so that I need to have a day planned down the last detail. Instead I make very long term but concrete plans and I stick to them and I make sure that there is always logical order in my environment. Even if I get off my course for some external reason I invest a lot of energy to get back or save what I can. Plus on regular basis I tell people what I think that we should do next and why I think that we should do exactly that. If they are not interested I often try to force them to do what I see as a good idea.


The second problem is a very subtile one and I was not even aware of it since it seems I have wrongly connected the dots. The things is I did not see myself as a person that could be anger based at all since I am not a person that snaps, throws objects and shouts randomly at people. However there seems to be a trick ... since the age of 7 I am into very violent and strategic video games and I have spent hours on a daily basis cleaning myself from anger and frustations playing such games. This also gave me a sense of control and impact I need so much in order to be happy/wholesome and in combination with boring and messed up reality this led me to what is today called gaming addiction. What is interesting is that when I started to lower my gaming I became more aware of my anger/energy since I did not have a place where I could just bury it and leave it there. Another interesting detail is my choice of music which is actually full of anger. Therefore when you sum it all up it is hard that all of this is a pure coincidences.


Also there is a whole spectrum of real life circumstances that when accumulated could cast completely wrong light on my personality.

1. I am Sp dominant and as such I am much more private no matter what my core type is, however my dominant Ni is much more mentaly intense than 1w9 should be towards some type descriptions. What is actually a main argument that I am 5w6 in core. However if we add the concept of tritype and push 5w6 in the second place where it still keeps strong influence then the model becomes much more stable and compatible with reality. Especially since fairly strong 9 wing adds 5ish feeling into the mix. My tritype can make another trap in my case, even if I am not 5w6 but 1w9 my tritype remains a combination of 1,5 and 3 (aka. Technical expert), which is a very 5ish type in its interests no matter what type is the core. Plus this type is often described as "glacial", what can very easily lead into seeing yourself in the wrong light.


2. The second potential pitfall are my family and friends. I was mainly rised by my 7w6 mother, 6w7 father and 6w7 grandmother (all feelers). Therefore from very young age I was strongly influenced by head types and logic of a head type was served to me as "good/correct set of values". Therefore I have embraced this logic since I wanted to be a good person, what is typical of enneagram 1. Plus I have a 3 fix which means that I do not have overly strict personality regarding what I prefer ... and this may even look as the typical 5ish emptyness. What furthers this effect even further is that 80% of my friends seem to be head types. These are dear people to me but despite all of this there are a number of differences between us that should not be there if we are in the same triad. With all of them I have come to a number of situations where I am called: controling, overly determined, rude, that I need to chill down, that I am dictator material, etc. Therefore I now believe this is to be the main reason why I have developed this "5ish do not care" mask, since this was vital to get any love, respect and attention.


Also on a number of occations I have started to think that I am ENTJ in denial because of my anger/energy that constantly outbursts from the surface is just too strong for anything an average type 5 should have in himself. However I have always quickly returned to INTJ since it is so much better fit and in MBTI terms I simply can't be anything else. (towards both test and people) However there is a fact that as I have started not to repress energy (repression of energy makes people feel more comfortable around me) the tests suddenly started to give me eNTJ scores.


When I took enneagram test for the first time I came out as a 5 but 1 was only a few percent behind. Some other tests have even labled me as 8 but I have never really believed that since I am too much in control of myself and I am far too abstract to trully be an 8. Even if you go with the idea that I am 5 grown into a 8 there is still kinda too much energy for this to explain everything (I think). Plus this can't explain my more extroverted phases that were later replaced with 5ish mask. For me personally arrows towards 7 and 4 in a way actually make more sense than arrows towards 8 and 7. The extra problem is that I have never been trully unhealthy to disintigrate to 4, even if I had many eccentric elements which I was actually proud of. However the clear preferance for thinking and dominant Sp instinct have countless times prevented that I trully collapse towards 4 and therefore I got stuck with 5ish mask and too much gaming that was healing me emotionally by providing sense of control.


3. Third large problem is my unorganised Eastern European environment that has little respect or interest for order. People are regulally late and that is mostly tolerated, seeing a train late for 3-4 hours is not a strange sight, teacher says that there will not be a final exam at the end of a class in summer and then on the last lecture he says that he changed his mind regarding that, it can happen that class starts but there is not no lecturer assigned to a class, or it can happen to you what has happened to be me that you become a university student and after 1 year the school management realises that they have let you in by mistake and that you have to leave, it is possible to wait for appointment with specialized doctor for over a year (if you survive of course), lawsuits that last over 5 years are a common practice, unemployment goes up to 70% in some places, ... etc. If you were reading my posts you know about what I am talking about.


4. Problem is that all type discriptions are USA based and some are even out of date. What often means that there is a clear connection between type 1 and religion. However since I was born in a place that at one point has even outlawed religion I never got into religion and regarding this topic I have values that are typical for 5s as well as their cynism. The problem is that 1 can be greatly different from environment to environment while 5 is pretty much always a 5.


5. Another problem is that through out life I had a number of problems with air flow towards my breathing system, what has resulted with a deficit of oxygen in my body. Result of this was constant sleepyness and energy deficit that made me more calm/detached than I should be. While now since the problem is solved people notice the difference in both behaviour and energy.


What in the end means that there are pretty good chances that I can be mistaken for a 5 even if I may not be really a 5. Everything in my life was simply layed out so that I become very detached, even if this is not who I am naturally. Huge social handcap is that my parents did not really socialize me untill I was 5 years old and to make things worse I do not have any siblings or evens cousins. What is enormous defect from a social point of view that inevitably leads to development of very introverted tendencies. The problem is that I see myself as 5 but when I come in direct contact with other people this can quickly turn into wishful thinking and from what I know mistyping of 1w9 as a 5 is one of the most common mistypings.

 

[Virtual ghost]

Part 2

However all of these arguments that I am not a 5 would not have too much meaning if there are no arguments that I am actually in the gut triad. First is that I am often anger/frustation based and I can directly see that as I am lowering my mask and showing a different face to people. What is because I am getting a lot more reactions that are typical for 1s and 8s and people often get all defensive around me. In a way I am actually sorry that I did not understand consciously sooner in my life how much I enjoy control, planning and even making rules for other people, my whole life I feel am out of touch with myself and this seems to be the element that was missing. Control for the sake of control does not interest me that much but in order to make my vision come true and in order to remove obsticles/problems I need some form of domination. However I got quite out of touch with myself and a few years ago MBTI started a renaissance in me by showing me that I am a J and without order I can't function normally.


In more concrete words: often people just want a opinion from me and talk about possiblities and they are bothered that I am turning facts into concrete plans. I have no problem with theory at all since I really seek understanding but in the end of a day I will act based on given information, as a matter of fact I will almost surely even force a solution upon less determined individuals if we do not have enough time. Friends even used to tease me with "Ok, you can come but just don't plan anything, that totally kills my mood."


When I was a teen my parents used to hang out in my room while I am gone since that was the most clean and organised room in the house (which was a mess for the most part). One day my father started to freak because his old friend said he was coming to visit and his room was a mess as usual. However he needed to go to work and did not have the time do anything about this, therefore I have said that I will clean it up for him. Once he was back home he was completely shocked and said that this room did not look so clean for the last 15 years. Also I got a academic degree without braking a single assignment deadline. As a person I have stayed away from alcohol overconsumption, drugs, teen sex and everything that comes in that package. My parents have always though that I am just shy and that may have been the element but I am more likely to believe that I just did not want to "become dirty". The whole teen thing was just too random for me and already at high school level I had quite a number grown up traits.


At one point years ago I was having a debate with a 7 about IQ and have said to her that this is pointless test and that this patterns are only in her head and that they represent nothing. Why should 4 lines be more logical than 3 lines and a circle? Especially since neither sign represents nothing and they can be mixed however you want ... and 7 was totally pissed off by my ""lack of understanding". On the other hand one ENFP girl once told me that I am the best person she ever met when it comes to the mix of organisation and problem solving. However in general ENFPs like to keep distance from me since I am choking them, what is not that much of a problem with INTJ 5s from what I see. Once I took a test and result options were Parent, Child and Adult and I came as 90% Parent. Also I have enough stamina to climb a mountain without too much problem and I enjoy doing that. Choping down trees efficiently without injury is also something I am clearly capable despite being pretty celebral person overal. I have never invested too much in sports but with invested effort I have even manage to triumph over Se-doms.


It is not strange that I get very frustated but that doesn't show on me since I am very good at hiding such emotions, but stronger feelers can detect "steam" comming out of me since I boil on the inside. Also there is a number of people that have anxiety regarding me since they are constantly afraid that I will come and ask them hard "Why didn't you ...?" questions and they are deeply annoyed that I don't want to leave things alone untill it is completely solved .... etc, etc.


Conslusion


All of these are small things but when they are summed they are not irrelevent case and are deeply in conflict with e5 logic. I am not really that much different from e5 INTJs with their cynicism, scientific approach, understanding the universe and being socially awkward ... but somehow I am just too Jish/Te to trully fit the profile. I am explaining this with very strong 1w9 fix and arrow towards 8 ... but somehow at the end of a day there is the taste that I am deluding myself.


Do you think it is realistic that I am actually a 1w9 in deep denial ?
All 1s and 5s are especially welcome into the thread.

 

[Virtual ghost]

Yeap, I got it all wrong from the very beginning I came to this forum, due to complex socio economic reasons. I am not 5w6 (or 1w9 and 8w9) but 3w4 that likes to pretend to be one of those types.



I finally came to peace with idea that this post was totally spot on, and I feel really really good about it. Especially since I have to stop censoring my energy just to keep the peace, because that makes me depressed. Without plenty of concrete planning, doing and even conflicting with people my life is empty to me.

There is something that is going around my mind lately as I am digging through my mind and trully core stuff. Idea is "crazy" but logic really stands if you think about it.


In the case someone said to me that I will ever write the post like this one I would think that they are completely out of their mind. Yet it it seems that "never say never" is true. The thing is that I am still not happy with my typing since there is still something that is observably off. Therefore to be completely honest I am starting to think I am actually one very deceitfull 3 (towards myself and others). I have said a number of times that 1 fits me very good but the conservative/traditional stuff was never a good fit for what I really do because of my brainy nature. However when you remove conservative stuff from e1 what is left is basically reserved version of e3. In most of my engages with 1s on this forum I have triggered responses like "I never thought of it that way" or "I have a problem with so much change". Also I look 1s in real life and how much they are uncomfortable at the signs of fundamantal change or being "bad", what is almost never too bothersome for me. The catch is that I am pretty good at not appearing as fake because I believe in my image and what I do, even if I struggle with some things about who I really am in core. (thousands of posts here may be taken as the proof)




However when you scratch the surface and connect the dots in a right way all of this really becomes much more obvious.


1. I always ask questions about stuff that will happen or are likely to happen, so that I know how to prepare for the whole thing in order to avoid problems and leave good impression.

2. There were days when I was reading 3 or 4 books a day but I am not sure that was purely for the sake of raw knowledge.

3. When I learned to play poker it took me only 3 games to win over my more experienced teachers.

4. I finnished my highschool at the top of my class.

5. I have took various courses for which I don't really care, simply because that may/will give me more money in the future.

6. I finnished my college on my second langauge and without braking a single deadline.

7. All presentations that I held were rated as good or very good. In general I am considered to be very persuasive person and I constantly push people into plans, successfuly.

8. My father says I am better cook than my mother ... and that really means something to me.

9. I tend to sit in the first line in classes and I got quite a few bonuses for doing that and being seen by the teacher.

10. I never went to drugs, pills, coffe and similar to that but that wasn't really about morals, I simply didn't want to shoot myself in the foot and this gave me huge sense of superiority, plus I knew that I can use the money in better ways.

11. Back in a day I was a shock jock purely for the sake of shock and attention and I was very good at it. From music about very disturbing topics to walking naked around school. (What kind of a 1 would do that?)

12. Some people think I am a saint and pacifist, on the other hand I have beat up some people since I could not tolerate their bullying anymore.

13. I often say "It really depends ...."

14. I am freelancer for highly specialized field and I want to have developed company one day.

15. I have made jokes that people remembered for years. In general people find me easy to remember for some "undefined" reason.

16. My father loves Star Wars: and for years he "insults" me with saying that I have sneeky emperor Palpatine personality.

17. When I was recently changing my MBTI type from INTJ to ENTJ I was very hesitant about that since INTJ was my own image for so many years and I really liked it.

18. I won the comedy contests with overwhelming majority of votes when I was 7.

19. I am very good at finding holes, I have even managed to do that to my dean on the first day.

20. I never typed as 3 because my image isn't that I have "defined image". That is too transparent and mainstream for my liking, not to mention that people must not get the sense that they see image. Therefore people have a really hard time figuring out stuff about me with certainty, since I am not transparent at all. (what looks like a 5 in alot of ways) Today the best way to seduce people is to tell the truth, since truth is in very short supply. On the other hand it can be debated that my image is desire to be smarter and more competent than others around me. (since that is true)

21. I never had more than 10 pounds extra from my ideal weight.

22. When I was studing hard science in college I was very scientfic and 5ish, while now I am somewhat less concerned about scientific principles. Now it also makes more sense to act like a 1 so I am doing a 1 thing.

23. Back in my gaming days I could beat my friends with scores like 50:0 or even 350:0. Some of them didn't even want to talk about it for days ... and that still makes me smile.

24. I started many conversations for the sake of impression or "data gathering".

25. I have often wondered from where 4ish stuff in me are coming from and I never managed to pinpoint that with certainty. While in fact that could simply be my wing. Also some people here see some 6ish traits in me and that would be integration in this case. What in combination with technical expert tritype and NTJness can made me think that I am 5w6, what was my type for years. Integration to six would probably boosts my 1 fix as well.

26. My social alienation can be treated as one very long period of desintegration to 9, 100% flegmatic. However I was never that much of an outsider as much as I took that as my "image". My life was pretty dark and I didn't want it to be like that ... so doing everything I did for the sake of love, security or attention is not crazy concept.

27. I dislike when everything is static and set in stone. Since there is no real challange.

28. My problem with women is for the good part related to the fact that I have a problem being "emotionally naked". However even now when I am doing something about it finally I have concentrated on better looking ones. Since in the end there will still be the question of "compatibility", so it is better to shoot higher from the start. (in my opinion)

29. I dislike messy and inefficient, because this can slow me down in my progress. Also my room was always the cleanest in the house because that gave me sense of superiority. It was often so clean that my parents would come in when I am not at home in order to enjoy the cleaness. (I found them in there a couple of times just lying on the sofa or chairs).





All of this is just a bunch of random facts but basically all of them have one thing in common and that is desire to win. However even with this change I am still in the technical expert tritype zone so there is no fundamental change. Not to mention that technical expert tritype, NTJness, integration to 6 and integration to 9 would in the end look a lot like 5w6 when summed, what was my presented core type for years. The trick is that I am sx last a therefore I lack the glamour of the type 3, especially due to 1w9 an 5w6 fixes. My 3ness is more focused on superb knowledge, wanting to be more knowledgeable and competent than others, providing good advices or results and being able to take any problem with ease because of my advanced expertise.


Plus I think that in this case I will go back to Sp/So in this case, So 3 is a little bit too social for me. The theme of Sp 3 is: I will never be hungry, sick, poor, unloved and incompetent and I can really relate to that when I take a really deep thought about what makes me do things. Sp 3 is known as 1 that isn't 1 and as Sp/So it can look as So/Sp at face value due to 3ish tendecies. Also pilling up achievements and complaining how much your life sucks is pretty stereotypical 3ish behavior. (8ish elements are also likely to appear from time to time)


Therefore when I think of myself as 3 I throw away alot of wisdom about e3.
First, that type and its profiles are quite distorted through American culture that doesn't apply to me, Sp instinct would mild the extroversion part, plus technical expert tritype would push the whole ambition more towards science and knowledge while it would keep it's triple-robotic, triple competency definition. There is no reason that technical expert can't be 3 core and the way how I imagine such person is quite close to what I actually see in my life choices. Plus, since English isn't my first language I may not sound openly 3ish on the forum, but that doesn't mean that I am not having those kinds of thoughts. Many of my posts were made simply because I wanted to show my intellectual edge or I was simply bored.



I relate to 1w9, 3w4, 8w9 and 5w6. But ....

I am too open minded and flexible for a 1
I am too diplomatic and untransparent for an 8
I am too ambitious and bossy for a 5

So maybe I am indeed the type that can look as any other type at any time. This is really reasonable assumption at the end of the day. In the end all of this is all very simple: I am not a thinker but careerist, however I want to have a career of being a thinker.

Therefore In the end I would be ENTJ 3w4, 1w9, 5w6 Sp/So/Sx



Later I was curious and I was digging though enneagram institute website and I found this.

The principal reason these two very different types are confused is that some average Threes (especially if they are intelligent) would like to see themselves as "thinkers." Since Fives are most stereotypically seen as the "intelligent, thinking type," average Threes may choose it rather than the type they actually are. This misidentification is made almost exclusively by Threes since Fives are not likely to think that they are Threes. Average Threes are set up to fulfil the hidden expectations of their parents; so in a family that values intelligence, originality, and intellectual brilliance, it is quite natural for Threes to grow up thinking that they must be those things in order to be worthwhile. Thus, narrow conceptions of the types, or unflattering and unfair presentations of type Three in some Enneagram literature may cause some average Threes to want to be Fives.

We have all been deceived, myself included.

 

[Virtual ghost]

All of that is even more true if we add these two texts to the mix, which exactly explain how 3w4 can be mistyped as 5w6. Especially if the person is "technical expert" in tritype (combinantion of 3, 1 and 5), what means that 3ess is directly and mostly focused on competency/knowledge issues. Not to mention that not growing up in Capitalism and desintegrations to 9 due to all circumstances only furthers the confusion. As a matter of fact I was fairly extroverted child until the political mess came into play.

Self-pres/Social

This subtype is the most reserved and introverted of the subtypes of enneatype Three, and possibly the hardest worker. They generally put a great deal of effort into their work, excelling at whatever they choose to do. They usually do what it takes to rise to the top. There is a strong desire to excel, although the areas chosen may differ widely from one Three to the next. These Threes are competitive in a quiet way. On the high side, they can be very generous with what they have learned and acquired. The driving motivation for their hard work comes down to their fear of not being good enough. Self-pres Threes seem to feel that if they get that promotion, have enough money or buy a big enough house they will then be lovable, admired by others and finally stop feeling like a failure. The false belief that they are what they accomplish is the driving force behind the behavior of self-pres/soc Threes. When healthier, this subtype comes to the realization that all of their hard work won’t change what they fundamentally feel inside. They learn to prioritize other aspects of their lives. They slow down and begin to accept themselves as they are. As the sexual instinct is last, less energy is available for intimate relationships. These Threes can therefore have a hard time with intimacy until they learn to slow down and prioritize their relationships

The Self-Preservation Three - "Security" (Countertype)

Following Ichazo, Naranjo calls this subtype "Security" because these Threes work hard to achieve a sense of security, both in terms of material and financial resources and knowing how to do things effectively. Self-Preservation Threes express a concern with security in that they have a need to feel autonomous and self-sufficient–to know how to take care of themselves and others.

People with this subtype often had a childhood in which they didn't have enough protection and resources. In response to those conditions, these Threes learned to be active and efficient doers, oriented to taking care of themselves without help from others. They have developed a special focus on autonomy in the face of a jeopardized sense of security.

This preoccupation with security can also extend out to others. This person emanates a sense of security; they are solid people who you might go to for advice. They seem outwardly calm and organized, like they have it all together, but they are anxious underneath. These are assertive people who specialize in solving problems and getting things done in a high-quality way–and while they work very hard, they don't show their stress. They are usually financially secure, highly productive, and "in control," but they also report feeling an underlying sense of anxiety related to the effort it takes to achieve the sense of security they crave.

Self-Preservation Threes strive to be the ideal model of quality in whatever they do. They want to be the best example of how to be in whatever role they play: the best parent, the best partner, the best worker, the best at whatever they do. They feel a need not only to be seen as good, but also to actually be good. They do this both to achieve a sense of security and to inspire admiration in others without being obvious about their vanity. They want to be admired because they do things well, and they want to do the things they do in the best way possible–not just to have a good image that people will find attractive, but also to live up to that image. Their tendency to adapt to a "model" also motivates them to forget their own feelings.

Following the perfect model of how things should be done means being virtuous, and being virtuous implies a lack of vanity. In this sense, the Self-Preservation Three "has vanity for having no vanity." This means that while this Three wants to look attractive and successful in the eyes of others, they don't want other people to know they want this–they don’t want others to see that they have actively created an image to look good to others. They don't want others to catch them in the act of wanting or working to look good because they have an ethic that say that "good,” or virtuous, people are not vain. Some Self-Preservation Threes are aware (and will admit) that they want people to admire them for their good image–though, generally, they want to keep this a secret–but some Self-Preservation Threes believe so firmly that it is wrong or superficial to want the approval of others that they won't admit this desire even to themselves. These are people who want to be so perfect that it's not in their code of honor to allow for vanity.

In denying the presence of vanity, the Self-Preservation Threes represents the countertype of the three Three subtypes–that is, this Three is the "counter-passional" type, the Three that doesn't necessarily look like a Three. Though these Threes are motivated out of vanity, just like the other Threes, they deny their vanity to some extent, and so their character is shaped more around going against the energetic pull of vanity. And there is a natural opposition between the vain desire to attract attention and a primary instinctual drive toward security and self-preservation. Unlike Social Threes, who will more openly brag about their accomplishments, Self-Preservation Threes avoid talking about their positive characteristics and high-status credentials because they believe it's bad form to advertise their strong points, even if they also want others to see them as successful. They may be either modest or falsely modest.

In terms of the mental habit of deception, this subtype is also anti-deception in that they try to tell the truth. The deception in this Three comes at a more unconscious level; when it comes to knowing their true motivations, Threes often confuse their image-based reasons for doing things with their real feelings and convictions.

Self-Preservation Threes display a strong workaholic tendency and are motivated to work very hard to achieve security. They have a compulsion to be self-reliant and to feel in control of their lives. They also feel responsible for making everything happen, and can even have a sense of omnipotence. Along with their need for control and their underlying anxiety, they may experience a sense of panic when they need help or lose autonomy.

The passion for security in this subtype leads them to oversimplification in life, reducing their focus and interest to what is "practical and useful." These individuals have an imperative need to know they can handle it all and that all will be good for everyone surrounding them. They don't show weakness. They may think things like, "I have to do everything, because I do it better." Situations that feel beyond their control can leave them confused and lost internally, causing them to freeze up, and in an effort to reestablish control, they can become invasive. These are the most rigid of the Threes.

With so much energy focused on work and efficiency and security, there can be little mental and emotional space left for these Threes to be able to engage deeply with others. Though they may work hard to maintain relationships, they may have trouble making deep connections. When Self-Preservation Threes–especially less self-aware Self-Preservation Threes–do make connections, they can be superficial. They can view feeling their emotions as a waste of time, and this inhibits their ability to connect in intimate relationships, since a true relationship comes through each person being in touch with their feelings and their "real self."

It can be hard for a Self-Preservation Three to be recognized as a Three. They may be easily confused with Ones or Sixes. This Three looks like a One in that the type is rigid, responsible, and self-sufficient. These Threes, like Ones, try to be a model of virtue in the things they do. The can be distinguished from Ones in that they move at a faster pace, pay attention to creating an image (even when they don't acknowledge it), and conform to a perfect model of how to be as judged by social consensus, not according to internal standards of right and wrong (as Ones do). They differ from Sixes in that they are fundamentally image-oriented and work harder in response to insecurity, while Sixes find protection in other ways. And while Threes may question their sense of identity, they generally don't allow their productive to get slowed down by too much doubt or questioning.




Virginia, a Self-Preservation Three, speaks:

I've always been an achiever. In preschool I finished tasks so early that I was assigned to help others in order to say engaged. By first grade, the school counselor explained to my proud parents that my insistence on perfect homework and exemplary behavior were early predictors of later anxiety, I have worked incredibly hard throughout my career and am now an officer of a Fortune 500 company. Married and divorced twice, my pattern was three to five years of being the perfect wife, followed by emotional exhaustion and an angry husband. Vulnerability or relying on others makes me uncomfortable. I love being counted on to tackle difficult challenges and strive to be hyper-responsible, fair, and generous. Although I crave admiration for these traits, I avoid seeming to care about superficial appearances. I need to be the good traits. When I first studied the Enneagram, I rejected the idea that I could be an image-conscious Three. I made myself a Six, even "performing" once as a model Six on an Enneagram workshop panel. My goal now is balance: vulnerability (versus fierce autonomy) and stillness (versus overactive doing).


Specific Work For The Self-Preservation Three on the Path from Vice to Virtue

Self-Preservation Threes can travel the path form vanity to hope by slowing down and making room for experiencing more than just what's on their "to-do list." They aim for hope by leaving themselves more space to feel, and to express those feelings, so that they can tap into the rhythm of their own inner experience. As a Self-Preservation Three, it is important to notice when you create rationalizations for not allowing space for deeper emotions and relational needs. Allow yourself to find a security through deep connections with other people, not just by relying on yourself and working hard. Allow yourself to realize that you don't have to be responsible for everything. Create safety through shared feelings of mutual trust, as opposed to going it alone and working so hard to be autonomous. Learn that your anxiety is a sign that you have deeper feelings and needs that aren’t' being addressed, and instead of working harder, take care of yourself by listening to your real self, allowing yourself to rest, and taking refuge in hope, the expectancy of future bliss that you don't have to make happen all by yourself. Allow yourself to be still, such that you can make room to have an experience of vulnerability and more of your true self.

All of this sounds quite a lot like me. The only difference is that I am more cynical about achievement and being perfect since I have spent most of my first grade in basement of the school hidding from the air strikes, plus I never lived in a real market economy. Therefore I know that financial achievement isn't everything and I don't play by simplistic definitions of that term as people further West. Plus I am somewhat more cold blooded due to the MBTI type and my enneagram fixes. The Sp 3 is the hybrid I was looking for since 5 was correct at face value and under the circumstances but there was always something fundamentally wrong with idea this is my core. I am sure not really fear motivated and I steamroll too much for a 5, but I can be 5ish around people in order not to steamroll over them. Because I am alienated enough as it is.


Therefore because of this and the fact that I don't have the 8 in tritype and I am Sx last I don't show stereotypical ENTJ vibe. However that is related to e3 and the fact that I am surrounded with P people who freak out when masks drop, therefore I am rarely fully open with people. All of this actually explains why I have much weaker chemistry with ENxP people than typical INTJs and why I tend to attract e6 girls. However I am ambiverted and I am not more than 55 to 60% E and what makes me E is basically Se that is simply too good to be inferior function: since I walk alot, I don't get lost or bump into things, sometimes I party whole night, I climb mountains or swim across the rivers, repair my own house, give orders etc. While in unhealthy state I show much more unhealthy Fi than unhealthy Se. For years I wanted to switch to ENTJ but I had no idea what to do with enneagram in this situation, especially since I don't see myself as a feeling type, although ENTJ 3w4, 1w9, 5w6 Sp/So/Sx is probably the most cold blooded feeling type you can have. Since I am in the feeling triad simply because I want to be ultra competent and that is my main motivator, what is emotional desire.

Even the none typology test are pointing more in the ENTJ direction than INTJ direction. (even if I test only as those two types and balanced E/I)

Right Brain |||||||||||| 44%
Left Brain |||||||||||||||||| 74%


Holland code

Realistic: 10
Investigative: 12
Artistic: 6 *lowest
Social: 13 *highest
Enterprising: 13 *highest
Conventional: 9


You are the Ruler!
Goal: Order, prosperity
Fear: Chaos
Response to Dragon/Problem: Find its constructive uses
Task: Take full responsibility for life
Gift: Responsibility, control
Addictions: Control, codependence


You are Yellow:
60% High Alpha
38% Mid Beta

You are High Alpha and Mid Beta, which means that you are dominant in most relationships but have the capacity to collaborate and compromise. However, you have to guard against imposing your strong will and overpowering people. You will match up well with a partner who has a strong Mid to High Beta profile and will allow your Alpha to lead. Your best match is with someone more laid-back than you, who will help you take the edge off when necessary.

Etc.

Therefore with this I consider my typing to finally be settled. It wouldn't get much more accurate then this. So regarding the typology I am done and can now move from internal repair fully to external problems.