Hi! So I haven't really updated in a while and I think this might be helpful....I've done a lot of thinking and I realized I am a Ne user and not Ni user. I went through all the types and eliminated them one by one until I landed up with the XNXP types. I am certain that I resonate more with the descriptions of NP types than any of the others (a.k.a XSXJ, XNXJ, XSXP). Now I just need your help to figure out if I am Fe/Ti or Te/Fi. Here are some points that may help you. Feel free to ask questions.
I have almost have an inability to plan for my future. This is because i don't find the need to plan for it, I can see my life going in so many different directions and I believe wherever I end up I'll be fine. It's not because I don't want to go places, it's just that my definition of "going places" is travelling, and when I am travelling I like to wander, lose myself in anything that catches my fancy. Wander without an agenda or goals.
I don't have goals in life, I don't really have a huge drive to ACHIEVE things in life. I just know that wherever I end up, I want to continue making art, travelling (even if it's catching a train to go to work), writing in my journals, watching movies, listening to music, and learning.
I often do a lot of things just because I am curious about them or they catch my interest, to the utter horror of my father. I once spent an entire afternoon learning about military cuisine because one of the people I follow on tumblr. posted a recipe for a dish inspired by military cuisine. My father was completely perplexed and asked me why I was reading an article on military cuisine, because I guess he assumed that there was a purpose to what I was doing.
I don't share my sadness with other people because of the way I was bought up. My parents are unhealthy SJs, I believe, who do not express their emotions freely. I can be very moody, with really wild mood swings. And although I dream about having a shoulder to cry on, I can seldom find one in reality. I find it easy to express annoyance, happiness, and even melancholic moods...but I just don't want to cry because I don't want people to stare at me (in school) or my parents to wonder why I am unhappy. Usually, I can suppress my emotions without people knowing, but sometimes I just express those negative emotions because, I mean, I guess I get tried of having to pretend I am okay.
I am not really healthy, I know, but I am trying to make up my mind to visit a guidance counselor.