I've begun second-guessing if I'm really an xSFJ recently. As I was learning more about the functions I began wondering if my Fe is really Fe, or just Fi with Fe-like values. Or maybe it's Fe, but in some kind of loop?? Or tertiary or inferior Fe??? Or not Fe at all????? I'm also starting to think I'm probably a Te-user instead of a Ti-user... when making decisions I like to bounce off of others and want affirmation and facts before doing things, which is making me rethink my type. I'm definitely Si/Ne though. No doubts there.
Here's why I've begun to rethink my Fe/Fi. Opinions and help are greatly appreciated. I have a few personal examples I'll be using.
Yesterday I ran into someone online who was freaking out. Complete and utter panic. They wanted someone to message them. I didn't jump at the opportunity to help them out. First I thought to myself, "Do I really want to sacrifice the last hour of my evening before bed? I was gonna watch Netflix and work on my latch hook..." But then I felt guilty for not caring more about their problem, so I ended up helping them. I guess it felt nice to help them but I wouldn't have beat myself up and been unable to sleep if I had just scrolled right past them and forgotten about it. It's not because I'm heartless or whatever, it's just I guess because I didn't really know them and had never spoken to them before. If it had been one of my close friends I'd have been all over helping them.
I usually test as Fe because I don't like disharmony or arguments and I can be pretty agreeable. But I've started to wonder if it's really Fe, or just Fi happening to value some of the things that Fe does. Even if I agree with someone for the sake of preventing some stupid petty argument, I still have my own opinions. I'll just keep them to myself and "pretend" around them so that I don't have to deal with it. I'm not really so much concerned with fitting into societal norms as just not drawing attention to myself because I really dislike talking to strangers (in person at least. Forums are fine). I don't dress in a "socially acceptable" way, I dress in comfortable clothes.
I don't really look to others to decide what's moral or not. I have my own opinions on that and when people openly disagree around me it makes me really uncomfortable. I might not say anything because I don't want to start a scene but I would never agree with them to get them to shut up and would definitely never do anything against what I agree is right. Maybe I'd just laugh awkwardly until they changed the subject.
I have a hard time crying over stuff. Sad shows, books, etc. It takes a lot to get me to cry over fiction. It's got to be something REALLY emotionally/personally touching. I also don't cry around other people. Just last week I had a huge argument with my dad about something I KNEW was logically stupid as hell but couldn't explain in words why I felt that way about it (won't go into details--it's probably got something to do with my OCPD). I frequently left in the middle of arguing, went to my room, cried a bit quietly, cleaned myself up, then went back out there and brought it back up again once I was emotionally stable. When I'm alone, though, I'll let myself cry. And I'll cry about really dumb things. I mean stuff like the lyrics of a My Little Pony song touching my heart because I can relate or something like that.
But I can't say that I keep my emotions completely private either, which is one of my problems with trying to figure this Fe/Fi thing out. When I'm really stressed about something, I'll tell one or two of my closest friends about it to let off steam. But only those one or two friends. I wouldn't just rant to anyone like that. Those friends are really close to me and can understand me well. And I do like the affirmation about my feelings that they (well, one of them, the ISTJ just listens quietly and says nothing lol) provide, which seems Fe to me. So I don't know.
Sometimes I feel like I do things simply because I feel guilty about it--like the first thing I mentioned. Helping them because "you're supposed to be Fe, aren't Fe users like really selfless and nice?" But really I'm not all that interested in other people's personal lives unless they're one of my close friends. I can't think of anything more boring than listening to coworkers or strangers tell me some anecdote about their lives. I'd rather talk about a common interest or something. I'd prefer if coworkers or strangers (irl anyway, online is different) didn't talk to me at all outside getting whatever task done that we're supposed to get done.
I asked someone on a different site for advice, and they told me this: "If you spend half your time thinking about how someone else is going to react to something, you’re a Fe user. Fi doesn’t do that. Fe can actually have their enjoyment of something ruined by someone in their group not liking it while they are doing it. Fe orients itself to its emotional environment. So if you can attend a movie and love it even though everyone in your group absolutely hated it, congratulations: you’re Fi. Fe would leave with its enjoyment dampened."
If I hate a movie and everyone else loves it, I might tell them it's okay just so they don't get on my case about it. But I'll still hate it on the inside. Not gonna try to force myself to like something I just don't. I don't see a lot of movies, but I do have one friend who has a similar music taste to mine and we talk about songs and stuff. I'm not afraid to tell him I hate something that he likes. And he'll tell me, "What's wrong with you this song is AWESOME" and I'll be like "It's terrible wtf are you talking about?" I wouldn't say my enjoyment is "dampened" by other people not liking the things I like. If I force my friends to play a board game with me I'm still gonna have fun even if they're miserable about it the whole time. I might feel a little bad but like it's not goign to consume me.
I don't have a lot of patience with people who don't share my political views or views on specific issues. I won't try to "convert" them or whatever but I'll avoid them. Idk, I've just started wondering recently if I'm actually Fe, or just Fi that happens to value some of the things that Fe does (like agreeableness).
Whatever I am, I'm definitely Si/Ne. All help appreciated. This is bothering me and I want to hear other people's opinions and see what the majority thinks.