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  1. #1
    Sweet Summer Dik Dik yama's Avatar
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    Default Second-guessing my type

    I've begun second-guessing if I'm really an xSFJ recently. As I was learning more about the functions I began wondering if my Fe is really Fe, or just Fi with Fe-like values. Or maybe it's Fe, but in some kind of loop?? Or tertiary or inferior Fe??? Or not Fe at all????? I'm also starting to think I'm probably a Te-user instead of a Ti-user... when making decisions I like to bounce off of others and want affirmation and facts before doing things, which is making me rethink my type. I'm definitely Si/Ne though. No doubts there.

    Here's why I've begun to rethink my Fe/Fi. Opinions and help are greatly appreciated. I have a few personal examples I'll be using.

    Yesterday I ran into someone online who was freaking out. Complete and utter panic. They wanted someone to message them. I didn't jump at the opportunity to help them out. First I thought to myself, "Do I really want to sacrifice the last hour of my evening before bed? I was gonna watch Netflix and work on my latch hook..." But then I felt guilty for not caring more about their problem, so I ended up helping them. I guess it felt nice to help them but I wouldn't have beat myself up and been unable to sleep if I had just scrolled right past them and forgotten about it. It's not because I'm heartless or whatever, it's just I guess because I didn't really know them and had never spoken to them before. If it had been one of my close friends I'd have been all over helping them.

    I usually test as Fe because I don't like disharmony or arguments and I can be pretty agreeable. But I've started to wonder if it's really Fe, or just Fi happening to value some of the things that Fe does. Even if I agree with someone for the sake of preventing some stupid petty argument, I still have my own opinions. I'll just keep them to myself and "pretend" around them so that I don't have to deal with it. I'm not really so much concerned with fitting into societal norms as just not drawing attention to myself because I really dislike talking to strangers (in person at least. Forums are fine). I don't dress in a "socially acceptable" way, I dress in comfortable clothes.

    I don't really look to others to decide what's moral or not. I have my own opinions on that and when people openly disagree around me it makes me really uncomfortable. I might not say anything because I don't want to start a scene but I would never agree with them to get them to shut up and would definitely never do anything against what I agree is right. Maybe I'd just laugh awkwardly until they changed the subject.

    I have a hard time crying over stuff. Sad shows, books, etc. It takes a lot to get me to cry over fiction. It's got to be something REALLY emotionally/personally touching. I also don't cry around other people. Just last week I had a huge argument with my dad about something I KNEW was logically stupid as hell but couldn't explain in words why I felt that way about it (won't go into details--it's probably got something to do with my OCPD). I frequently left in the middle of arguing, went to my room, cried a bit quietly, cleaned myself up, then went back out there and brought it back up again once I was emotionally stable. When I'm alone, though, I'll let myself cry. And I'll cry about really dumb things. I mean stuff like the lyrics of a My Little Pony song touching my heart because I can relate or something like that.

    But I can't say that I keep my emotions completely private either, which is one of my problems with trying to figure this Fe/Fi thing out. When I'm really stressed about something, I'll tell one or two of my closest friends about it to let off steam. But only those one or two friends. I wouldn't just rant to anyone like that. Those friends are really close to me and can understand me well. And I do like the affirmation about my feelings that they (well, one of them, the ISTJ just listens quietly and says nothing lol) provide, which seems Fe to me. So I don't know.

    Sometimes I feel like I do things simply because I feel guilty about it--like the first thing I mentioned. Helping them because "you're supposed to be Fe, aren't Fe users like really selfless and nice?" But really I'm not all that interested in other people's personal lives unless they're one of my close friends. I can't think of anything more boring than listening to coworkers or strangers tell me some anecdote about their lives. I'd rather talk about a common interest or something. I'd prefer if coworkers or strangers (irl anyway, online is different) didn't talk to me at all outside getting whatever task done that we're supposed to get done.

    I asked someone on a different site for advice, and they told me this: "If you spend half your time thinking about how someone else is going to react to something, you’re a Fe user. Fi doesn’t do that. Fe can actually have their enjoyment of something ruined by someone in their group not liking it while they are doing it. Fe orients itself to its emotional environment. So if you can attend a movie and love it even though everyone in your group absolutely hated it, congratulations: you’re Fi. Fe would leave with its enjoyment dampened."

    If I hate a movie and everyone else loves it, I might tell them it's okay just so they don't get on my case about it. But I'll still hate it on the inside. Not gonna try to force myself to like something I just don't. I don't see a lot of movies, but I do have one friend who has a similar music taste to mine and we talk about songs and stuff. I'm not afraid to tell him I hate something that he likes. And he'll tell me, "What's wrong with you this song is AWESOME" and I'll be like "It's terrible wtf are you talking about?" I wouldn't say my enjoyment is "dampened" by other people not liking the things I like. If I force my friends to play a board game with me I'm still gonna have fun even if they're miserable about it the whole time. I might feel a little bad but like it's not goign to consume me.

    I don't have a lot of patience with people who don't share my political views or views on specific issues. I won't try to "convert" them or whatever but I'll avoid them. Idk, I've just started wondering recently if I'm actually Fe, or just Fi that happens to value some of the things that Fe does (like agreeableness).

    Whatever I am, I'm definitely Si/Ne. All help appreciated. This is bothering me and I want to hear other people's opinions and see what the majority thinks.

  2. #2
    I could do things Hard's Avatar
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    You definitely use Fe. Not Fi.
    MBTI: ExxJ tetramer
    Functions: Fe > Te > Ni > Se > Si > Ti > Fi > Ne
    Enneagram: 1w2 - 3w4 - 6w5 (The Taskmaster) | sp/so
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    Big 5: slOaI
    Temperament: Choleric/Melancholic
    Alignment: Lawful Neutral
    External Perception: Nohari and Johari


  3. #3
    Sweet Summer Dik Dik yama's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Hard View Post
    You definitely use Fe. Not Fi.
    Maybe I'm not Fe-dom then? What position do you think my Fe most sounds like it should be in?

  4. #4
    Senior Member BlackDog's Avatar
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    You are Fe dom or secondary. In your examples, if you weren't Fe you wouldn't just have inwardly not wanted to do it; you wouldn't have done it period.
    Formerly Lion4!5

  5. #5
    Senior Member BlackDog's Avatar
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    double post.
    Formerly Lion4!5

  6. #6
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    ISFJ?

    The personality type Nine corresponds to Jung's introverted sensation type. Jung describes what we would regard as average to unhealthy Nines, people who maintain their peacefulness and connection with others not as they are, but through an idealization of them. The other person may feel "devalued," as Jung says, for the following reasons:

    ...he may be conspicuous for his calmness and passivity, or for his rational self-control [especially, for example, if the Nine has a One-wing]. This peculiarity, which often leads a superficial judgment astray, is really due to his unrelatedness to objects. Normally the object is not consciously devalued in the least, but its stimulus is removed from it and immediately replaced by a subjective reaction no longer related to the reality of the object. This naturally has the same effect as devaluation. Such a type can easily make one question why one should exist at all...

    Seen from the outside, it looks as though the effect of the object did not penetrate into the subject at all. This impression is correct inasmuch as a subjective content does, in fact, intervene from the unconscious and intercept the effect of the object. The intervention may be so abrupt that the individual appears to be shielding himself directly from all objective influences... If the object is a person, he feels completely devalued, while the subject has an illusory conception of reality, which in pathological cases goes so far that he is no longer able to distinguish between the real object and the subjective perception... Such action has an illusory character unrelated to objective reality and is extremely disconcerting. It instantly reveals the reality-alienating subjectivity of this type. But when the influence of the object does not break through completely, it is met with well-intentioned neutrality, disclosing little sympathy yet constantly striving to soothe and adjust. The too low is raised a little, the too high is lowered, enthusiasm is damped down, extravagance restrained, and anything out of the ordinary reduced to the right formula—all this in order to keep the influence of the object within the necessary bounds. In this way the type becomes a menace to his environment because his total innocuousness is not altogether above suspicion. In that case he easily becomes a victim of the aggressiveness and domineeringness of others. Such men allow themselves to be abused and then take their revenge on the most unsuitable occasions with redoubled obtuseness and stubbornness. (C. G. Jung, Psychological Types, 396-397.)

  7. #7
    Sweet Summer Dik Dik yama's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by BlackDog View Post
    You are Fe dom or secondary. In your examples, if you weren't Fe you wouldn't just have inwardly not wanted to do it; you wouldn't have done it period.
    Good point.
    @Evee: I do type as ISFJ on some tests and ESFJ on others

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