Is she an ENFP or ESFP?

[black]

It's a girl I know since school. Now we are both 23 and at different universities in different towns. We occasionally see each other during holidays. Honestly, I don't know whether she was interested in me or was just being nice, playing games and flirting (like all ENFPs do afterall) but I started to like her in the last years. Whatever, let's get started:

she grew up with 4 male cousins and she's a bit of a tomboy (she climbs trees, catches bugs, plays football, makes weird noises, etc). She has loads of friends and she's nice to everyone, always jokes around, lighthearted, and open with everyone and everyone likes her. She wasn't that pretty back in school (probably a 6), now she looks like a very fine woman (7-8). When we were at school, she used to organize parties and classmates "reunions". Everything she says is covered with a hint of sarcasm or irony. She often shares her philosophical "thoughts" on facebook and they all have some irony in them. They are never 100% serious.

Now, I'm an INTJ and only had 2 "friends" at school with who I hanged with, who I've known for years; they made friends with the other classmates and as a consequence I entered that "circle", even though not everyone acknowledged me. The girls were immersed in their bullshit drama lives and two guys liked picking on me since I was immersed in my thoughts most of the time and was unresponsive. The ExFP girl was nice to everyone in general, I was no exception.

Since I used humor a lot back then in order to "defend" myself from those guys attempts at insulting me, and she was also playful and always joking around, in a way or another, we ended up putting up a play where we were lovers. We would call names, make weird sounds, she would call me "Oh my love", grabbing my arm and pushing her boobs (A cups at the time) against it. Wrapping her arm around mine was routine. During school trips she'd take me around the hotel, always pretending the same thing, but I never thought much of it. It was just a game. This continued till last year of school. Then we departed, each to his own university. When we met up during the first year of university, she was always playing the same game and I tagged along till one point: when I noticed she was trying to get my attention, like she thought she could seduce me anyday, I started ignoring her. I simply pretended to be looking elsewhere and being immersed in my thoughts, not noticing her; on one occasion, when she was trying hard to get my attention by making weird sounds, I totally ignored her and I overheard one of my classmate tell her "Lol, he isn't even giving a shit about you". Back then I was thinking that perhaps she had gotten too much carried away, thinking that she should stop it if it wasn't serious. I became slightly colder when around her. The idea that I liked her had already insinuated my mind back then, but I rejected it. I tried hard to avoid her because well, being the loner I am, I thought that such a relationship would have been unwise to even begin.

Now, after some years of university have passed, she still is very warm and affectionate. I couldn't help myself liking her; I tried to force myself to forget her but it was in vain. I kept meeting her in the hope of seeing her acting cold towards me, a sign that perhaps she wasn't really interested and a hint that I should've moved on. I was looking for relief. I started some conversation about psychological and philosophical matters(she's studying psychology afterall) and she seemed enthusiast in discussing such things (she wrote very HUGE messages and didn't mind my HUGE messages). But eventually these conversation fell into oblivion (she either forgot to answer and got distracted, because after months she would remind me we had a conversation hanging when I was actually the last one to anwer... I was the one waiting for an answer lol). I thought I had found relief, I thought she didn't give a shit but then she invited me over at her apartment (uni town), telling me to go visit her from time to time and saying I could sleep over(she wasn't flirty as always but had a more melancholic and lonely face, like she wanted to tell me "you are such a loner, I never get to see you around if not during Christmas and summer. Let's meet sometimes at least :/". I thought she just didn't want to lose contact with me, because she wants to be friends with everyone. I don't think she meant anything sexual). I told her I might have picked up her offer but in the end I didn't go. I thought she was only trying to stay in contact with the old schoolmates and I didn't have time and money to waste for these trivial things.

After meeting again for these Christmas holidays, she was flirty as always, wrapping her arm around mine, interlocking fingers when walking and other stuff, with the difference that we no longer joke around like before. Perhaps it was just in memory of the "old days", even though she'd occasionally pretend to keep playing that game (when walking around with her, I took a glimpse of another girl's ass and she thundered me with a "What the fuck are you looking at?", then resuming her happy/flirty expression). Before parting ways again, she again encouraged me to visit her, twice, telling me she'll wait for me and that she'll visit me in spring. My brain keeps telling me that it's not rational for me to like this girl. She's the opposite of me, probably the only thing that links us is the humor and I don't get why my mind should obsess over her. But I can't help it. I tried to avoid her, forget her, but my subconscious would attack me with nice dreams about her. I eventually gave up to the idea that I like her, even though I don't really get why.

Anyways, leaving aside my clumsiness and confusion in relationships, what type most likely is she? I have hard times differentiating between ESFP and ENFPs: the girl is highly extroverted, is friend with everyone, humorous and funny, spontaneous (even a bit tomboyish), is touchy-feely and flirty, often organizing parties... a sunshine girl. Aren't these things that both ENFPs and ESFPs do?

Thanks for taking your time reading this waterfall of text. I tried to provide the most info possible. If it isn't enough, feel free to ask for other informations: I'll try to answer.

 

[five sounds]

Just read most of that. My guess is ENFP sp-last.

I dunno I'm changing my mind now. I don't understand what she's doing honestly. I dunno if it's not type related or what. Is she more bright, vibrant and present...or more dreamy and distant?

 

[black]

Just read most of that. My guess is ENFP sp-last.

I dunno I'm changing my mind now. I don't understand what she's doing honestly. I dunno if it's not type related or what. Is she more bright, vibrant and present...or more dreamy and distant?

What do you mean by vibrant or distant and dreamy? She appears to be quite active socially, her mind might be on eating or drinking(soft stuff) sometimes, but.. what's so different?

I would have typed her as ESFP but I feel she's a bit different from other extreme ESFPs. She's... "weird" in a good way. By comparison, at university there is a girl who talks non-stop and showers people in compliments, is very active socially, hyperactive, quick to criticize and whine... ugh, I can't tolerate her for more than 5min. She's also dumb and gets defensive when I point out her mistakes indirectly. Everytime I look forward to escape from her. It's not a wonder that ESFP and INTJ interactions aren't the best and that's what led me to think that the girl I like may perhaps be ENFP. I don't know many ENFPs (perhaps only one guy) and so it's hard for me to differentiate. I'm tempted to say ENFP just because I can rarely tolerate the ESFPs I've met, especially the emotionally turbolent ones. Ugh, I really can't bear the latter. But I like this girl a lot and she's not dumb. There is some "complicity" between us.

 

[Pionart]

She's an INTP. Legit.

 

[Cygnus]

ENFPs are creatures of comfort, displaying more Si-related sensibilities. They're more prone to relaxation and can be more high-maintenance and delicate. Since they don't project their physical energies outward like Se-users do, they often appear more obsequious than ESFPs.
ESFPs are hardier, their energies projected more directly outward.

If an ESFP is in the room, you'll be able to detect their physical force. An ENFP is off the radar, being an Si-user rather than Se, but you'll detect a more cerebral presence with them; they're more likely to directly interject and opine into your conversation just for the sake of debating even if they don't really care about the subject matter. ESFPs are highly unlikely to do this, their communication being much more direct and their games of competition being much more grounded.

There's also a lot of ENFPs who are really good at sports and can be confused for ESFPs for this reason. Don't judge based on this alone.



EDIT - Reinin Dichotomies

ESFPs are Decisive (Se/Ni) and ENFPs are Judicious (Ne/Si). ESFPs will take less time to plot their next course of action and will mobilize quickly. They will also have a tendency to accomplish the entire task at once. Their natural state is mobilized.

ENFPs are Judicious. They will pay more attention to the planning stages before mobilizing and may divide the task into several smaller segments. They take longer to mobilize and take action. Their natural state is relaxed.



ESFPs are Strategic and ENFPs are Tactical. ESFPs consider pre-defined goals more important than the methods used to achieve them and will deviate to whatever tactics are necessary for the given goal.

ENFPs are Tactical. Methods of accomplishing a goal are more important than the goals themselves. As such, Tacticals prefer to leave their options open whenever they can. They are more willing to modify their goals to accomodate for their pre-defined procedures.



ESFPs are Positivists. They will tend to notice what is. ESFPs will look back on what has been accomplished. "There is this amount of liquid in this container."

ENFPs are Negativists. This does not mean they are pessimists; rather, ENFPs notice what is not. ENFPs look towards what is left to be accomplished. "This amount of liquid must be added to the glass."



ESFPs are Process types. They will pay most attention to the procedures of a task and will judge the outcome based on how accurately the procedure was followed. They perform tasks in set sequences.

ENFPs are Result types. They will judge completion of tasks based on the results yielded rather than adherance to procedure. ENFPs do things randomly and out of order.



ESFPs are Asking types. Their inclination is toward dialogue. In conversation, they will often interrupt with a "yeah" or "uh-huh." They tend to play the role of the listener rather than the speaker. They're more likely to hear a given point in a discussion and derail from that point in any direction rather than hear out a drawn-out monologue.

ENFPs are Declarative types. Their thought come out as if they were pre-formed. Their tendency is to monologue.



ESFPs are Democratic. They will tend to associate with larger groups of acquaintances. They judge other people on a personal level before anything else.

ENFPs are Aristocratic. They will define their relationships based on the larger social groups to which people belong. As a result, their circles of acquaintances tend to be smaller and more exclusive.

 

[five sounds]

ENFPs are creatures of comfort, displaying more Si-related sensibilities. They're more prone to relaxation and can be more high-maintenance and delicate. Since they don't project their physical energies outward like Se-users do, they often appear more obsequious than ESFPs.
ESFPs are hardier, their energies projected more directly outward.

If an ESFP is in the room, you'll be able to detect their physical force. An ENFP is off the radar, being an Si-user rather than Se, but you'll detect a more cerebral presence with them; they're more likely to directly interject and opine into your conversation just for the sake of debating even if they don't really care about the subject matter. ESFPs are highly unlikely to do this, their communication being much more direct and their games of competition being much more grounded.

There's also a lot of ENFPs who are really good at sports and can be confused for ESFPs for this reason. Don't judge based on this alone.



EDIT - Reinin Dichotomies

ESFPs are Decisive (Se/Ni) and ENFPs are Judicious (Ne/Si). ESFPs will take less time to plot their next course of action and will mobilize quickly. They will also have a tendency to accomplish the entire task at once. Their natural state is mobilized.

ENFPs are Judicious. They will pay more attention to the planning stages before mobilizing and may divide the task into several smaller segments. They take longer to mobilize and take action. Their natural state is relaxed.



ESFPs are Strategic and ENFPs are Tactical. ESFPs consider pre-defined goals more important than the methods used to achieve them and will deviate to whatever tactics are necessary for the given goal.

ENFPs are Tactical. Methods of accomplishing a goal are more important than the goals themselves. As such, Tacticals prefer to leave their options open whenever they can. They are more willing to modify their goals to accomodate for their pre-defined procedures.



ESFPs are Positivists. They will tend to notice what is. ESFPs will look back on what has been accomplished. "There is this amount of liquid in this container."

ENFPs are Negativists. This does not mean they are pessimists; rather, ENFPs notice what is not. ENFPs look towards what is left to be accomplished. "This amount of liquid must be added to the glass."



ESFPs are Process types. They will pay most attention to the procedures of a task and will judge the outcome based on how accurately the procedure was followed. They perform tasks in set sequences.

ENFPs are Result types. They will judge completion of tasks based on the results yielded rather than adherance to procedure. ENFPs do things randomly and out of order.



ESFPs are Asking types. Their inclination is toward dialogue. In conversation, they will often interrupt with a "yeah" or "uh-huh." They tend to play the role of the listener rather than the speaker. They're more likely to hear a given point in a discussion and derail from that point in any direction rather than hear out a drawn-out monologue.

ENFPs are Declarative types. Their thought come out as if they were pre-formed. Their tendency is to monologue.



ESFPs are Democratic. They will tend to associate with larger groups of acquaintances. They judge other people on a personal level before anything else.

ENFPs are Aristocratic. They will define their relationships based on the larger social groups to which people belong. As a result, their circles of acquaintances tend to be smaller and more exclusive.

i like this, interesting.

aristocratic though? that's the only one i'm having trouble seeing. is it like i see a group of people i think look cool and pick my favorites to get close to? i guess i do that. seemed like a social variant thing possibly to me though.

 

[five sounds]

What do you mean by vibrant or distant and dreamy? She appears to be quite active socially, her mind might be on eating or drinking(soft stuff) sometimes, but.. what's so different?

I would have typed her as ESFP but I feel she's a bit different from other extreme ESFPs. She's... "weird" in a good way. By comparison, at university there is a girl who talks non-stop and showers people in compliments, is very active socially, hyperactive, quick to criticize and whine... ugh, I can't tolerate her for more than 5min. She's also dumb and gets defensive when I point out her mistakes indirectly. Everytime I look forward to escape from her. It's not a wonder that ESFP and INTJ interactions aren't the best and that's what led me to think that the girl I like may perhaps be ENFP. I don't know many ENFPs (perhaps only one guy) and so it's hard for me to differentiate. I'm tempted to say ENFP just because I can rarely tolerate the ESFPs I've met, especially the emotionally turbolent ones. Ugh, I really can't bear the latter. But I like this girl a lot and she's not dumb. There is some "complicity" between us.

my question was basically getting at the dichotomy in Nihilogen's post that was named Decisive vs Judicious. ESFPs are like actively engaged, always in motion, while ENFPs are chill and observant most of the time and kinda randomly spring into action when something strikes.

 

[thoughtlost]

I do not know the type of your friend, but I enjoyed reading your story.

 

[black]

my question was basically getting at the dichotomy in Nihilogen's post that was named Decisive vs Judicious. ESFPs are like actively engaged, always in motion, while ENFPs are chill and observant most of the time and kinda randomly spring into action when something strikes.

When we were at school, she was the one who often organized parties. The whole town is her friend, she knows everyone, whatever the age, and everyone likes her. As I stated before, she uses humor a lot (perhaps even as a defense). She often resorts to make herself look funny (she's a bit tomboysh, so I think it's a way to appear more spontaneous and natural without losing on the feminine aspect). From what I know, 1 guy tried to enter a relationship with her back then (when I didn't even care about the girl) without success, while another one confessed to her but got rejected on two different occasions (To be honest, it's no wonder she rejected the latter since he's a drugbag). In this 9 years period, she has been free the whole time (she isn't even ugly. Back in school she was average but now she turned into a fine woman) and which is good for me now that I'm interested in her.

Either way, she's very active socially. The last day of vacation, before parting ways again, she hung out with us even though she had a flu. Even if she's ill, she'll still hang out.

As far as dichotomies are concerned, I don't know enough about her to say which one she identifies with more. They are very personal characteristics. I don't know how she studies, how she's about goals or other things. I can only tell you that at school she was above average and at university she's making it in time, so whatever her method, she's doing fine.

The only things I can answer are:
Asking/Declarative: she often says random stuff (often joking with her friends) so it's hard to see when we are out; she's never serious, but the only time I got her into a serious conversation via messages, she would write walls of text to which I would respond with waterfalls of text. So yea, she's able to think and vomit a lot of things. But beside those isolated occasions, the few times I hang out with her, she's always joking, greeting randoms, and other shit because well, that's what my peers do when they hang out: sit in a bar, have a drink, talk about nothing while staring into the void... that's what they do and that's why I seldom hang out with them; it's goddamn boring. The only reason I do is because she's there.


Democratic/Aristocrat: I'm inclined to classify her as democratic, considering the large amount of people she knows. The ones she usually hangs out with are the same 8-10 though but well, they are still a lot imo. Beside, when she starts parties, she always invites over 50-60 peoples so I wonder...

Is there no other way to tell an ESFP apart from an ENFP by only taking into account the information I posted?

 

[black]

I'll also add that she often engages in activies like cicling, mountain climbing, skiing, submersion, etc.

Anyways, what would your first impression be on a girl who is friendly with everyone and doesn't hold any judgement against anyone (doesn't leave out anyone and accepts everyone no matter their flaws), is very active socially, organizes parties to gather people together, has good grades and makes fun out of everything (never serious), is often distracted and is touchy-feely (pressing boobs against my arm or intercrossing our fingers or giving a broad caress to get my attention when I'm elsewhere with my mind).

How would you type such random creature?

 

[adamn]

Probably Esfp

I'll also add that she often engages in activies like cicling, mountain climbing, skiing, submersion, etc.

Anyways, what would your first impression be on a girl who is friendly with everyone and doesn't hold any judgement against anyone (doesn't leave out anyone and accepts everyone no matter their flaws), is very active socially, organizes parties to gather people together, has good grades and makes fun out of everything (never serious), is often distracted and is touchy-feely (pressing boobs against my arm or intercrossing our fingers or giving a broad caress to get my attention when I'm elsewhere with my mind).

How would you type such random creature?

As an ESFP, I think your friend is an ESFP too. She is flirty because maybe she really likes you. Did you start any close relationship with her from the last post?

 

[ScareBear]

I'll also add that she often engages in activies like cicling, mountain climbing, skiing, submersion, etc.

Anyways, what would your first impression be on a girl who is friendly with everyone and doesn't hold any judgement against anyone (doesn't leave out anyone and accepts everyone no matter their flaws), is very active socially, organizes parties to gather people together, has good grades and makes fun out of everything (never serious), is often distracted and is touchy-feely (pressing boobs against my arm or intercrossing our fingers or giving a broad caress to get my attention when I'm elsewhere with my mind).

How would you type such random creature?

Other than the flirting, she sounds like a friend of mine who is ESFP. I've been around that type a lot in my life and for some odd reason I'm drawn to that type. Conversational wise you might be able to pick up whether she's S or N. ESFP's tend to talk more about their day and what they've done. Just typical small talk, though it won't be small talk for them. ENFP's tend to be a little more out there with their conversations often jumping from one thought to another in a single bound.

 

[Entropic]

i like this, interesting.

aristocratic though? that's the only one i'm having trouble seeing. is it like i see a group of people i think look cool and pick my favorites to get close to? i guess i do that. seemed like a social variant thing possibly to me though.

Aristocracy is poorly understood and defined. It's more about social organization. Delta NFs such as ENFps see potential in people and how their talents aren't honed and are harmed by a limiting environment, and they see how these talents can be best honed. The original MBTI system as deviced by Myers is a great example of delta NF aristocracy which categorizes people based on their type because the logic is that say, an INTP will thrive and perform better in an environment that supports INTP endeavors and interests than in an environment that is better suited for ISTJs, as an example. Delta aristocracy is about identifying an individual's strengths and helping the person develop these strengths. Beta aristocracy understand the strengths of groups such as gender or race. The South American view of female empowerment is a great example of beta aristocracy, in how feminism is about honing in and embracing the uniqueness of the feminine rather than seeing it how it's seen in most of the West, where female empowerment means becoming equal to men by adopting masculine traits.

tl;dr delta is about the individual and how they can best develop and it's about removing hindering factors in their life that keeps them from fulfilling their inner potential whereas beta is about identifying with concepts larger than the individual such as femininity/masculinity, race etc. and how we can liberate ourselves by understanding these concepts in ourselves and manipulate them in our environment.

Is there no other way to tell an ESFP apart from an ENFP by only taking into account the information I posted?

Not really. We'd have to understand whether she uses Ne or Se, which is impossible to tell from the information you've posted. You are probably better off researching the cognitive functions and understanding the difference between ENFPs and ESFPs, but as a whole, ESFPs are more direct, more forceful, more to the point. The stuff they talk about tend to be stuff they've done or experienced. ENFPs focus more on ideas, potential, what things could become. More what ifs, hey, did you think about this possibility? kind of deal.

 

[aanule]

Her sarcasm sways me toward ENFP. My ESFP best friend really doesn't "get" sarcasm, or use it often. She's very straightforward. Whereas, I use sarcasm as my main form of communication ( ha ha). That may be a very shallow assessment, but it's what I observe.

Also, my esfp is not a planner. She can barely plan her day, very much takes things as they come.

I, on the other hand, step up to plan reunions, camping trips, ski trips, little league events, etc... I'm constantly trying to organize people to get them together to have a fun time.