0. What's making you unsure of your type? What research have you already done to determine type?
I've been obsessed with typology for around three years. I've put dozens of hours of research into it. I've got a bad case of analysis paralysis, and I've successfully ambiguated the reasons for what I do. A new perspective would be appreciated.
1. Establish a "baseline mood"--when you're at home with nothing to do, where are you at mentally and emotionally? What do you notice in yourself? (Note, this is not a mood you inhabit "frequently", but your psychological baseline).
I'm calm and relaxed at home. I yell and sing and otherwise behave frivolously alone and around my family.
2. Describe yourself-- I rarely take anything seriously. I play devil's advocate advocate around my good friends, and I often contrive plans to mess with them. I'm uncomfortable around strangers, but those present themselves as serious or fake upon introduction are prone to toxic one-liners.
a. What's it like to be you?
b. What have others said about you? My parents and my brother think that I'm annoying, and they vilify me for joking around too much.
c. What do you think of yourself?
I think that I am a normal teenager who sucks at life, but is good at video games and science. I have a weird sense of humor.
3. What are the issues you've dealt with in life? List some recurrent themes, and tell us a little about each one.
I've dealt with social rejection
4. You're not good at everything--
a. What personality traits and/or ways of being are impossible for you to adopt?
It's impossible for me to be oversensitive or histrionic. I hate whiny people who expect others to aid them in their despondency. It's also hard for me to be obstinately sure of anything - I always recognize the room for error.
b. What are qualities you'd like to have, but can't seem to develop?
I'd like to be more confident and visceral around others; even though I can purport confidence, I'm likely to convince myself that I'm better off without other people. I noticed that I've constructed detrimental, but self-protective barriers to prevent myself from making social hiccups. I'd like to have the motivation or purpose.
5. Why have you left friends and other relationships in the past and/or why have they left you? Situation #1 : My friend kept trying to get me to play his video games, and he couldn't accept that I didn't want to play them even after trying them for a few hours. I criticized him for this and we got into a long-winded argument. He and I faded away. Situation #2 : I hung out with two other guys, but they teamed up against me, so I stopped talking with them. Situation #3 : Best friend just kind of faded out of contact with me. All other situations: Eric Cartman "Fuck you guys, I'm going home" kind of deal happened a lot. I never liked cliques.
6. Which types do you identify with most? ISTP, INTP, INFJ
a. How do you relate to these types? I'm a detached thinker like the ISTP and INTP, but I value virtue and humanity.
b. How do you NOT relate to them? I can be really obnoxious and immature, but it's never in the company of strangers or at formal events.
7. Which types are least like you? ExFJ, ISTJ
a. Why specifically do you not relate to these types? Social hierarchy and power games. I indulge in weird habits and behavior. I hate meaningless obstinance and boundaries.
b. What points (if any) DO you relate to?
8. They claim enneagram type is a hidden love need. What are your attitudes toward finding love?
I've never looked for love. I'm seventeen. Teenagers get into relationships because that's what teenagers think that they need to do. Hikigaya Hachiman attitude.
9. What is the message your superego tells you?
Consider a time when you felt poorly about yourself--this means your ego (i.e. YOU) is receiving negative feedback from your superego. Write a conversation between the two of them--what is your superego telling you about how to be? (Note: this obviously is very personal and may be better done privately. Report your findings).
I felt poorly about myself when I asked a girl out in middle school because her friends told me to, and I didn't talk to her after that. Her friends sent me a lot of negative texts, and I criticized myself for asking her out in the first place.
For the following, rank the issues in the order they apply and give a brief description of why and how you relate.
10. Determine your ego ideal--the way you strive to be and want others to perceive you. (Note, you may be consciously aware of failing at this, and you will be hard on yourself if you do. If someone else tells you you're NOT this way, it may make you feel hurt, violated, or angry.)
Independent, ruminative, tough.
Which of the following ideals resonate with you the most, and why? Rank them.
2- to be "okay", having it together
6- to be devoted and loyal to a person or cause
7- to be sensitive, original, unique, and creative
1- to be knowlegeable
3- to be powerful, strong, unassailable.
9- to be accomplished and successful
4- to strive to become/behave like a good person
8- to be a loveable person
5- to be loving and benevolent
11. Determine your "felt sense" of life. To do this it may help to look at how you perceive events. Another way to do this is to look back at your childhood and think of all the things your parents did to you. How did you/do you feel about these events?
Here are some common "felt senses" of life:
- I must do everything to maintain my world
- I have a sense of being unimportant, insignificant, and underving of attention
- I feel imperfect, not (good) enough
- I have been abandoned and I am inherently flawed
- I'm outside the natural unfoldment of things
- People have wronged and messed with me
- I feel isolated, cut off, and ultimately separate
- I have felt weak and/or vulnerable to attack
- I've had a sense of being rejectible
I have difficulty fitting in with others, and I have a generally cynical attitude towards 90% of people.
12. Core fears. You may have been aware of these fears even as a very small child, before anyone did anything to influence it. You'd be mortified to be in this position or have others perceive you this way.
Discuss which fears have played the greatest role in your life:
3- Creating conflict by making myself or my needs too obvious
8- Rejection, being needy, and not being loved
2- Weak and not being on top of things
5- Being abandoned, sadness, feeling lost
7- Entanglements and losing what I have
1- Something is basically wrong with me--I'm not good enough
6- Boredom, grunt work, and being exposed as a charlatan
9- A lot--everything and everyone to one degree or another. It's very generalized.