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  1. #11
    breaking out of my cocoon SearchingforPeace's Avatar
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    I believe long term abuse or neglect can scar people. I have been told so by a neurologist, which is why abuse is bad and bullying (including verbal abuse, relationship abuse, and cyberbullying) leaves life long wounds.

    I tested as a ISTP at 18, 22, and 25 on the official MBTI. I am not and have never been one really... I just was scarred from emotional neglect by my parents, especially my mother, my father's avoidance, and my brother's emotional and verbal and relationship abuse. I was ready to be codependent.

    I can see now how and why I closed myself off to pain. Consciously, I was a concrete thinker, an introverted problem solver. Unconsciously, I still acted as a ENFJ. Everything I did screamed ENFJ. My superego just hid it from me.

    I don't believe I had an alternative personality, just imperfect thinking. I was able to do all the tasks of life pretty well, except I had a repressed sense of something being very wrong, and experienced a lot of depression and anxiety.

    Similarly, my ISFP wife was scarred by childhood trauma. She tried to transform herself into a ESTJ, super competent and put together, but she fails at all the ESTJ things like planning, organizing, leading, delegating, etc. She still is trapped in that mindset, that ego construct, but she seems to be very slowly healing.

    My mother in law, a ISFP, disassociated during her abusive childhood and trauma. She fights urges to kill herself to this day She acted like a bad version of a ESTJ until she had her hysterectomy and got on meds at midlife. She never did therapy and so still isn't healthy, but she is functional.

    She has talked about her days as a young mother, angry, nasty, and controlling. She says she felt so out of control and lost that she needed to grab hold of control in order to function.

    Trauma, abuse, and neglect hurt people until then heal. Healing, from my experience is very hard..... I hope to be done one day.....
    Quote Originally Posted by Archilochus
    The fox knows many things--the hedgehog one big one.
    And I am not a hedgehog......

    -------------------

    Jesus said "Blessed are the peacemakers" not "blessed are the conflict avoiders.....

    9w8 6w5 4w5 sx/so

    ----------------------

    “Orthodoxy means not thinking--not needing to think. Orthodoxy is unconsciousness.”
    ― George Orwell, 1984
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  2. #12
    failure to thrive AphroditeGoneAwry's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by SearchingforPeace View Post
    I believe long term abuse or neglect can scar people. I have been told so by a neurologist, which is why abuse is bad and bullying (including verbal abuse, relationship abuse, and cyberbullying) leaves life long wounds.

    I tested as a ISTP at 18, 22, and 25 on the official MBTI. I am not and have never been one really... I just was scarred from emotional neglect by my parents, especially my mother, my father's avoidance, and my brother's emotional and verbal and relationship abuse. I was ready to be codependent.

    I can see now how and why I closed myself off to pain. Consciously, I was a concrete thinker, an introverted problem solver. Unconsciously, I still acted as a ENFJ. Everything I did screamed ENFJ. My superego just hid it from me.

    I don't believe I had an alternative personality, just imperfect thinking. I was able to do all the tasks of life pretty well, except I had a repressed sense of something being very wrong, and experienced a lot of depression and anxiety.

    Similarly, my ISFP wife was scarred by childhood trauma. She tried to transform herself into a ESTJ, super competent and put together, but she fails at all the ESTJ things like planning, organizing, leading, delegating, etc. She still is trapped in that mindset, that ego construct, but she seems to be very slowly healing.

    My mother in law, a ISFP, disassociated during her abusive childhood and trauma. She fights urges to kill herself to this day She acted like a bad version of a ESTJ until she had her hysterectomy and got on meds at midlife. She never did therapy and so still isn't healthy, but she is functional.

    She has talked about her days as a young mother, angry, nasty, and controlling. She says she felt so out of control and lost that she needed to grab hold of control in order to function.

    Trauma, abuse, and neglect hurt people until then heal. Healing, from my experience is very hard..... I hope to be done one day.....
    Okay, thank you. It is pretty common in some families, huh.


    For me, I am functional. I have memories of most of my adult life and I've never had memory losses, at least nothing that has been glaring. If I do indeed have multiple personalities, they come and go easily and without me even noticing.

    However, I am having increasing awareness that my core child is sleeping. The one who would have had my Christian name. Interestingly, I find myself wanting to rest a LOT lately, like I am constantly in my bed in this 'deep space' place, like I am waiting for something. I am not depressed. I am at peace. It is just this waiting sort of peace and calm, sometimes with an air of resignation. I wonder if this side of me isn't being slightly awakened in that I am at least aware of this sleeping side of me now.

    It all sounds very crazy.

    Also, it doesn't make sense that I wouldn't live in that place anymore at all. I would think coming and going would be most likely. Not leaving for good. A personality, I mean.
    Ni/Ti/Fe/Si
    4w5 5w4 1w9
    ~Torah observant, Christ inspired~
    Life Path 11

    The more one loves God, the more it is that having nothing in the world means everything, and the less one loves God, the more it is that having everything in the world means nothing.

    Do not resist an evil person, but to him who strikes you on the one cheek, offer also the other. ~Matthew 5:39

    songofmary.wordpress.com

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  3. #13
    FRACTALICIOUS phobik's Avatar
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    To avoid criticism, do nothing, say nothing, be nothing.
    ~ Elbert Hubbard

    Music provides one of the clearest examples of a much deeper relation between mathematics and human experience.
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  4. #14
    breaking out of my cocoon SearchingforPeace's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by AphroditeGoneAwry View Post
    Okay, thank you. It is pretty common in some families, huh.


    For me, I am functional. I have memories of most of my adult life and I've never had memory losses, at least nothing that has been glaring. If I do indeed have multiple personalities, they come and go easily and without me even noticing.

    However, I am having increasing awareness that my core child is sleeping. The one who would have had my Christian name. Interestingly, I find myself wanting to rest a LOT lately, like I am constantly in my bed in this 'deep space' place, like I am waiting for something. I am not depressed. I am at peace. It is just this waiting sort of peace and calm, sometimes with an air of resignation. I wonder if this side of me isn't being slightly awakened in that I am at least aware of this sleeping side of me now.

    It all sounds very crazy.

    Also, it doesn't make sense that I wouldn't live in that place anymore at all. I would think coming and going would be most likely. Not leaving for good. A personality, I mean.

    Your inner child exists and needs love and nurturing. A year ago I would have laughed at the idea, but I can now easily look in the mirror and see my inner child expressed on my face. When I focus on it, my entire countenance changes. I look like a young child instead of a 45 year old man. I comfort and soothe myself. At some people I hope I no longer see my inner child, because the merging will be complete and integration will occur.


    My wife will occasionally adopt the countenance, voice, mannerisms, cadence, and attitude of a young girl, approximately age 13. She does disassociate during episodes, and doesn't remember what she said even a few minutes later.

    My BIL, who doesn't remember his childhood (neither do his two siblings), has episodes followed by memory loss. He was diagnosed bipolar, but I believe might be something else.

    So, nurture your inner child however you can. Love yourself, care for yourself, and be gentle.....
    Quote Originally Posted by Archilochus
    The fox knows many things--the hedgehog one big one.
    And I am not a hedgehog......

    -------------------

    Jesus said "Blessed are the peacemakers" not "blessed are the conflict avoiders.....

    9w8 6w5 4w5 sx/so

    ----------------------

    “Orthodoxy means not thinking--not needing to think. Orthodoxy is unconsciousness.”
    ― George Orwell, 1984
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  5. #15
    failure to thrive AphroditeGoneAwry's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by SearchingforPeace View Post
    Your inner child exists and needs love and nurturing. A year ago I would have laughed at the idea, but I can now easily look in the mirror and see my inner child expressed on my face. When I focus on it, my entire countenance changes. I look like a young child instead of a 45 year old man. I comfort and soothe myself. At some people I hope I no longer see my inner child, because the merging will be complete and integration will occur.


    My wife will occasionally adopt the countenance, voice, mannerisms, cadence, and attitude of a young girl, approximately age 13. She does disassociate during episodes, and doesn't remember what she said even a few minutes later.

    My BIL, who doesn't remember his childhood (neither do his two siblings), has episodes followed by memory loss. He was diagnosed bipolar, but I believe might be something else.

    So, nurture your inner child however you can. Love yourself, care for yourself, and be gentle.....
    Thank you. I would say the same to someone.


    But my inner child is going to stay asleep until someone 'else' awakens her. Otherwise, there is no point. I am fine like I am. I am happy, pretty healthy, and surviving.

    And the thought keeps coming to me that I might have made a pretty good enfj, as much as I hate the thought of all that Fe...
    Ni/Ti/Fe/Si
    4w5 5w4 1w9
    ~Torah observant, Christ inspired~
    Life Path 11

    The more one loves God, the more it is that having nothing in the world means everything, and the less one loves God, the more it is that having everything in the world means nothing.

    Do not resist an evil person, but to him who strikes you on the one cheek, offer also the other. ~Matthew 5:39

    songofmary.wordpress.com


  6. #16
    breaking out of my cocoon SearchingforPeace's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by AphroditeGoneAwry View Post
    Thank you. I would say the same to someone.


    But my inner child is going to stay asleep until someone 'else' awakens her. Otherwise, there is no point. I am fine like I am. I am happy, pretty healthy, and surviving.

    And the thought keeps coming to me that I might have made a pretty good enfj, as much as I hate the thought of all that Fe...
    To be happy and complete, we need to maximize our functions.

    In Biblical terms, I would reference the parable of the Talents. Will you double what you were given? Or bury it, becoming an unproductive servant?

    Besides, undeveloped dom and aux functions come out unconsciously if we don't develop them. People in the forum see your Fe expressed constantly.... better to develop it and be your true self with maximum usage of your talents....
    Quote Originally Posted by Archilochus
    The fox knows many things--the hedgehog one big one.
    And I am not a hedgehog......

    -------------------

    Jesus said "Blessed are the peacemakers" not "blessed are the conflict avoiders.....

    9w8 6w5 4w5 sx/so

    ----------------------

    “Orthodoxy means not thinking--not needing to think. Orthodoxy is unconsciousness.”
    ― George Orwell, 1984

  7. #17
    failure to thrive AphroditeGoneAwry's Avatar
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    Oh, I think I am doing pretty well as I am.

    But thanks for your contribution.
    Ni/Ti/Fe/Si
    4w5 5w4 1w9
    ~Torah observant, Christ inspired~
    Life Path 11

    The more one loves God, the more it is that having nothing in the world means everything, and the less one loves God, the more it is that having everything in the world means nothing.

    Do not resist an evil person, but to him who strikes you on the one cheek, offer also the other. ~Matthew 5:39

    songofmary.wordpress.com


  8. #18
    resonance entropie's Avatar
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    Maybe one has to separate: loving other types, doesnt make you the type. That can get you confused.
    [URL]https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tEBvftJUwDw&t=0s[/URL]

  9. #19
    failure to thrive AphroditeGoneAwry's Avatar
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    Meh. I talked to my lovely sister tonight and took a trip down memory lane. I do have a few memories of when my mom was still living at home.

    I remember sitting at the kitchen table for dinner together once(while the tv stayed on)

    I remember my mom bringing homemade cupcakes to my kindergarten class on a breadboard

    i remember the time she left me at the house in the country while she rode horses in the pasture



    But most of my memories are post-separation. But if I was 7-8 at that time, it makes sense I can't remember much, right? I mean, most people can't remember much before 8 I'd imagine. My childhood wasn't so bad, but maybe it was hard enough that I forced functions which wouldn't normally have developed, etc.

    I would suspect any alter personalities would be due more to this and less due to dissociation and creation of new personas. Anyway, if I did, it hasn't caused me problems so it doesn't really matter anyway. I'm just glad I didn't have it worse, and am thankful for the parents I did have.
    Ni/Ti/Fe/Si
    4w5 5w4 1w9
    ~Torah observant, Christ inspired~
    Life Path 11

    The more one loves God, the more it is that having nothing in the world means everything, and the less one loves God, the more it is that having everything in the world means nothing.

    Do not resist an evil person, but to him who strikes you on the one cheek, offer also the other. ~Matthew 5:39

    songofmary.wordpress.com


  10. #20
    resonance entropie's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by AphroditeGoneAwry View Post
    Meh. I talked to my lovely sister tonight and took a trip down memory lane. I do have a few memories of when my mom was still living at home.

    I remember sitting at the kitchen table for dinner together once(while the tv stayed on)

    I remember my mom bringing homemade cupcakes to my kindergarten class on a breadboard

    i remember the time she left me at the house in the country while she rode horses in the pasture



    But most of my memories are post-separation. But if I was 7-8 at that time, it makes sense I can't remember much, right? I mean, most people can't remember much before 8 I'd imagine. My childhood wasn't so bad, but maybe it was hard enough that I forced functions which wouldn't normally have developed, etc.

    I would suspect any alter personalities would be due more to this and less due to dissociation and creation of new personas. Anyway, if I did, it hasn't caused me problems so it doesn't really matter anyway. I'm just glad I didn't have it worse, and am thankful for the parents I did have.
    Are you in a relationship at the moment ?
    [URL]https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tEBvftJUwDw&t=0s[/URL]

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