My first exposure to MBTI was when I attended a cultural exchange course a few years ago. The test was part of the course and I took it online. I got a Type II report and was typed as an ISTP. My colleagues could not believe I typed as extraverted! And neither could I.
So my search began – I scoured the internet and found Perc and Typo forums and I lurked for a long time. I read through the ISTP forums and frankly I could not identify with the descriptions and the stereotype. It wasn't just the stereotype; there was nothing I read that aligned with my experiences, it just didn't fit right. My desire was (and still is) increased self-awareness and how to function around other people to better connect with them and build meaningful relationships. In my opinion, inaccurate typing wasn't going to help me with my goal. It seemed the last two letters made sense, so for a while, I believed I was xSTP. Alas, the more I understood what sensing meant, the more I realized that sensing did not come to me naturally. I’m almost always in my head and my observation skills are not very good, I’m not visual, don’t have good eye /hand coordination and suck at sports.
Anyway, a few weeks ago, I decided to read a little more about Jung’s theory and the cognitive functions. The result of my exploration made me realize that most likely I am a dominant introverted feeler. I always thought I was a thinker, but boy was I wrong!. Last weekend, I re-took the Humanetrics(sp?) online test with my Husband as a sounding board. He told me that I think, but my thoughts and judgments are first emotion and value based. I was typed as ISFP.
I have been reflecting and reading the ISFP and INFP forums and I identify with a lot of things that people expressed about themselves. I cannot recognize Se or Ne in myself at all and I have been thinking that maybe I didn't develop the auxiliary function. My Te is pretty good basically because I have worked as an Auditor for 15 years and managed teams for a few years in a structured environment, but it’s exhausting. Now I understand why I find it exhausting and I feel like I need to be dead to the world after working my Te so hard!
Also, the last 2 years have been tough - lots of up and down with my career, health, family, finances and relationship. I don’t know how I survived this year. There were so many times I wanted to just take my car and drive and escape my life… I couldn't bring myself to do it… I love my husband and kids too much and besides where will I go?. I almost felt I was going to have a nervous breakdown. It doesn't help living in a new country, surrounded by people with different cultures, values and experiences and when you don’t have friends to share your troubles! A lot of times I feel so ungrateful but its annoying that I can't help myself.
Oh by the way I just left a meeting with my boss where she said I have been moody lately and I seemed upset in some earlier planning meetings. I told her I wasn't upset – well, I wasn't! I was just angry with a particular colleague that I find very manipulative (okay, maybe i'm exaggerating, but she's exasperating) . I also find it annoying that the others can’t see through her antics!. I don’t care what she does as long as she leaves me out of it!
I want to change my life and I’m not sure what I should change it to.
I wanted to answer the questionnaires, but I don’t have answer to many of them so I decided to just write. Please feel free to comment or ask any questions that you think might be helpful in typing me.