1. What is beauty? What is love?
Beauty is a subjective measure of ones awe of some entity. Love is a feeling of commitment and loyalty, often accompanied by noting the beauty in the entity.
2. What are your most important values? They're a bit labile and depend on the person. For myself, I try to maintain a level of loyalty, helpfulness, and achievement.
3. Do you have any sort of spiritual/religious beliefs, and why do you hold (or don't) those beliefs in the first place? I do. I suppose I'd be an agnostic theist. On the theist end, I believe that there is something that created us, and that somethng does not discriminate based on our views (wheter we call them Allah, Yahweh, or in a more polytheistic reference). At the same time, I accept the reality that we all return to a state of non-existence, as just we were before birth.
4. Opinion on war and militaries? What is power to you? It's sometimes nessecary when a party is particularly unyielding and corrupt. Otherwise, it's senseless use of resources and emotional energy, often causing more harm than good. Power is the ability to enact change, but it doesn't always have to be militaristic or forceful.
5. What have you had long conversations about? What are your interests? Why? Unless someone primes a key interest of mine, I tend to talk of the other person's interests. I've had long talks about others' interests solely because it allows me to get into their heads more, which eases a lot of social anxiety for me. I may then speak of my interests, which tend to be vast but limited to music, science, literature/movies, and self-help related lore.
6. Interested in health/medicine as a conversation topic? Are you focused on your body?
I have an interesting relation to medicine. I tend to research any medication I take to an almost obsessive degree. I sometimes attribute simple things such as mild heart racing to be an impending stroke . I've had ekg's done simply because I was sure in my mind to go into cardiac arrest. At the same time, I can be quite neglectful and hedonistic with food. I desire a great body, as mind and body aren't really distinct, but I've had a hard time retaining momentum in this capacity. I'm not fat, but I'm not as skinny as I was in my early 20s. It's a balance of neglect and hyperawareness.
7. What do you think of daily chores?
I think they're nessecary, but I don't always have them done routinely. If my space becomes untidy, to a degree where locating things is an issue, I tend to get them done right away. As with the previous question, it's a balance of hyperawareness (feeling that things are out of control) and neglect.
8. Books or films you liked? Recently read/watched or otherwise. Examples welcome. I seldom have the attention span for movies unless they are particularly engrossing. Mainly, psychological thrillers are my favorite. I also like dark comedy, so things like family guy and most of what comes on adult swim is interesting to me; it translates into my movie/book interests fairly well.
9. What has made you cry? What has made you smile? Why? This is an odd one. When I was younger (now 28), I had very little that would make me cry. At 25 or so, I began becoming tearful when I saw real suffering on the news or a tv broadcast. Sometimes it doesn't happen; for example, if a newscast just recounts a horror, I won't get tearful. If, however, I see it/hear it, it has the possibility of reducing me to short lasting tearful bouts. Again, it has to be sincere and viewable
10. Where do you feel: at one with the environment/a sense of belonging? Sadly, alone. I don't tend to feel as though I belong. Others may take my act of being amicable and friendly as real (and sometimes it is), but I feel like I may say or do something silly. I've learned to cultivate enough social intelligence to blend in, but it's not something I "feel" ont he inside.
Evaluation & Behaviour[B]
11. What have people seen as your weaknesses? What do you dislike about yourself? I can look a bit wayward and simultaneously strong-willed. I guess it's because I continually evaluate things in a "Is this lucrative?; is this worth it?; will this lead me to where I want to be" fashion. However, once I have selected something to meet those goals, I can become obstinately obsessed (and sometimes single minded) in the pursuit.
I dislike that I sometimes lack the motivation to do some things. This is sometimes related to depression and other times related to my feelings of futility.
12. What have people seen as your strengths? What do you like about yourself?
Dedication, hard-working (although I can be lazy behind closed doors), insightful, caring. I like that I can adapt to situtations quickly, even when in panic underneath.
13. In what areas of your life would you like help?
I don't really like help because it's often transient. I rather help myself. I suppose that my desire to be alone is a hindrance at times. I suppose that I am a bit single-minded at times would be another area that I need help. Not "acting" or being overwraught in the emotional sphere would also aid quite a lot.
14. Ever feel stuck in a rut? If yes, describe the causes and your reaction to it.
Yes, I am in one right now. I don't care to discuss it, but I've already kind of mapped a plan to get out of it. It's a combination of health issues and switching careers.
People & Interactions
15. What qualities do you most like and dislike in other people? What types do you get along with?
I like people who get things done quicker than I do. I revere this. I revere resillient and insightful people. I tend to get along with a wide array of people, however. I can kind of adapt myself very quickly to someone palatable to the person (or persons) I'm around, even if I am just doing it out of boredom. I get along with people, but I don't always like "people." I hide behind a veneer of politeness a good 65-70% of the time
16. How do you feel about romance/sex? What qualities do you want in a partner?
It's very personal. It took me awhile to realize that I did not like casual sex. There's an emptiness with it that's a bit abhorrent to me, no matter how sensually pleasurable it was. I look for someone who understands me for the real me and does not encroach my need to be alone.
17. If you were to raise a child, what would be your main concerns, what measures would you take, and why?
I'd be concered with his self-esteem and fostering his natural abilities. Too often do we allow children to do things "we" wanted to do, and that's inherently destructive because they are individuals and need to grow into themselves. Self-esteem is central to nearly any job of social sphere.
18. A friend makes a claim that clashes with your current beliefs. What is your inward and outward reaction?
It depends on the friend. If it's completely egregious, I MAY say something spiteful. However, there's an equal chance that I just may leave on good terms and not speak to the person again, slowly. My inward reaction depends on how close I am to said friend. If it's an aquaintance-like relationship, I wouldn't care too much. If it's a deep friendship, I may try to look past it or, again, slowly refrain.
19. Describe your relationship to society. How do you see people as a whole? What do you consider a prevalent social problem? Name one.
I think more of us need to aid our community. It's easy for any of us with computers and laptops here to believe our problems are insurmountable (I do this), but there are many worse. With society, I see myself as a contributor financially and with people; however, I need a high degree of detatchment from society many times in order to thrive in it, if that makes sense. It allows me to recalibrate goals, thought processes, etc.
20. How do you choose your friends and how do you behave around them?
I don't really choose them. Most of my friends (90%) have talked to me first. I suppose some like the quiet mystique that suddely releases a ton of energy once they are close. I'm not saying that I'm this amazing person, however. I behave around my friends in a way that is shaped around that friend. Likewise, it's not uncommon for friends that have not met each other to have different views on who I am and how I am. I always tend to hide some part of myself with all of them, both for fear of losing them and because too much intimacy is scary to me
21. How do you behave around strangers? Poltie, amicable, even though I likely do not want a conversation to arise.