Cool, so I have your attention now.
Here, I am like a vulnerable loaf of bread with more than enough butter on it to taste. Basically, I am shooting bullets of information about myself, so I hope my effort is worth it.
1. Is there anything that may affect the way you answer the questions? For example, a stressful time, mental illness, medications, special life circumstances? Other useful information includes sex, age, and current state of mind.
2. Study these two images here and here. Which one do you prefer and why? How would you describe it?
The first picture is generic. Pedestrian. Nothing interesting. The second picture is equally meaningless, just depicting someone eating and presenting it in an artistic light so as to seem sophisticated and cultured, with the croissant being a symbol for France, a country often associated with intelligence and sophistication. However, since I like croissant, I choose the second one.
3. Please describe yourself as a person if you were to introduce yourself to someone else like in a cover letter. What kind of person are you and why?
I have no idea. I would prefer an imaginary scenario where I connect a biological USB to my brain and send it to them.
I know what I am, but I cannot put it into words.
4. What kind of person would you LIKE to be? Why? What kind of person would you NOT want to be? Why?
I would like to be more charismatic, outspoken, confident and most importantly, free. Break the shackles. Escape the prison of anxiety. Why? Because I want to be more successful and represent my character in a better way. A silent man is a cardboard. I want to paint the cardboard.
Dunno. Maybe a cannibal, who knows.
5. Do you think there are any differences to how you described yourself and how people actually perceive you? How do you think others would describe you? If there are any discrepancies between these two that are you are aware of; do you know why exactly that is?
Yes, thus the cardboard metaphor. Although, my close friends do know me, of course, they have no idea about the dark conceits concealed in the security of my diabolical mind, hehe.
Others would describe me as silent, calm, intelligent (for some reason, not denying my intelligence though) and reserved. My close friends would describe me as unpredictable, high (even though I'm technically straight edge), smart, eccentric, slovenly and carefree.
6. What in life do you find to be of importance? Why? If you are unsure you can always take the Value Test and post the results here. Do note that it helps if you narrow it down to 20 or ideally 10 values as suggested at stage 2.
I want to be successful (though I'm still unsure about the definition of success)... and to a certain degree, be recognized for being a great individual. I have a vague desire to have my name recorded in history books. All the while, remaining true to myself and being independent. Oh, and having fun, of course. Without that, you're just a machine.
My values are intelligence, independence and authenticity.
7. How do you react to new situations in your life? Can you describe an event in your life where you were in an unknown situation? How did you deal with it?
Neutrally. Although, I admit it can be hard to get out of my comfort zone. Sometimes, the present is just optimal.
I don't specifically recall such a situation.
8. Please describe yourself when you are in a stressful situation. How do you act and why? Real life experiences are welcome.
Depends. Usually, I either distract myself with sensory sources of entertainment (often over-indulging) or over-think about the future implications of my predicament. The dark visions, dead ends and shit. I become Melisandre from Game Of Thrones.
9. Please describe yourself when you are in an enjoyable situation. How do you act and why? Real life experiences are welcome.
I am charismatic, goofy, deliberately nonsensical and witty.
10. Describe your relationship to socialization. How do you perceive one-on-one interaction? How do you perceive group interaction?
I ignore socialization for the most part. I don't like that socialization is basically no different from a theater play. Putting on masks, entertaining others, talking for the sake of talking. Blah. If there's a party in my house, I just shut myself in and don't bother to socialize.
I guess I prefer one-on-one interaction to group interaction. Although, I love group interactions when we're doing something like watching a movie.
11. Describe your relationship to society. What are the elements of it you hold important or unimportant (e.g. social norms, values, customs, traditions)? How do you see people as a whole?
Yeah, I don't care much about society. I'm indifferent. But I find people who think our current society or generation is horrible annoying and pathetic pseudo-intellectuals. Yeah, we have Nicki Minaj and Justin Bieber. But be thankful that we are past world wars, slavery, homophobia, racism, bigotry and most importantly, inferior technology. Move on. I think people are getting more intelligent with time, thanks to the internet. Social norms, values, customs and traditions are meaningless bullshit to me. Social etiquette makes the process of becoming friends seem mechanical and inauthentic.
People are... okay?
12. Describe your relationship to authority. How do you perceive authority? What does it mean to you, and how do you deal with it?
I'm generally indifferent to authority. Although, I do critique it now and then. I made a controversial remark recently where I proposed that democracy might be losing its touch because of global stupidity and that the system needed a renovation. I was half-joking, of course. We don't want dictatorship or monarchy, do we?
13. Describe your relationship to order and chaos. What do order and chaos mean to you? How do they manifest in your daily life?
I like chaos, I guess. Order can be... restrictive. Order is kind of like claustrophobia in some ways.
14. What is it that you fear in life? Why? How does this fear manifest to you both in how you think and how you act?
I'm not sure. I fear heights and darkness to some degree, but they are just phobias.
15. What is it that you desire in life? What do you strive to achieve? Why? Where do you think these drives and desires stem from or are inspired by?
Didn't I answer this earlier?
16. a) What activities energize you most? b) What activities drain you most? Why?
Browsing the internet, football, video games, listening to music, engaging in arguments, witty banter, sarcasm and grandiose visions.
Socializing, pretending to give a damn, doing what I don't want to do.
17. Why do you want to know your type? What type do you think you are? Why this/these type(s)? Is there a type that appeals to you, to your self-perception, that you would like to be? Why? If you know your enneagram, please post this here. If you have done any online function tests such as the Keys2Cognition, it helps if you post these results here as well.
Because I want to know myself.
0. Is there anything that may affect the way you answer the questions? For example, a stressful time, mental illness, medications, special life circumstances? Other useful information includes sex, age, and current state of mind.
1. Click on this link: Flickr: Explore! Look at the random photo for about 30 seconds. Copy and paste it here, and write about your impression of it.
For some reason, I get the impression that the artist is trying to depict the odyssey of life, with the solitary log (or whatever you call it) representing death. That descending group of wooden things somewhere in the middle might symbolize depression or mid-life crisis.
Because one is not enough and as the title alludes to my indecisiveness...
From the looks of it, they're planning to invade the next cheeseburger joint.
2. You are with a group of people in a car, heading to a different town to see your favourite band/artist/musician. Suddenly, the car breaks down for an unknown reason in the middle of nowhere. What are your initial thoughts? What are your outward reactions?
Fuck. My preliminary thoughts are all about being annoyed. Then, I begin to ponder the situation and try to estimate just how screwed up our situation is by thinking about the probability of us reaching the concert on time, taking into account relevant variables like the current time, the time the concert starts, the time it would take for us to reach the concert, the time it might take for the car to be fixed depending on the current situation etc.
3. You somehow make it to the concert. The driver wants to go to the afterparty that was announced (and assure you they won't drink so they can drive back later). How do you feel about this party? What do you do?
Dunno how I feel about the party. That would obviously depend on the situation. Most likely, I don't attend the party unless I'm in an indulgent mood and yearning for immediate sources of sensory entertainment.
4. On the drive back, your friends are talking. A friend makes a claim that clashes with your current beliefs. What is your inward reaction? What do you outwardly say?
What makes you think so?
5. What would you do if you actually saw/experienced something that clashes with your previous beliefs, experiences, and habits?
I would be rather skeptical at first. Eventually, I would do a re-evaluation of my beliefs.
6. What are some of your most important values? How did you come about determining them? How can they change?
I answered this before. I occasionally try to beguile myself into believing I have a set of values just to give me a particular identity, though.
7. a) What about your personality most distinguishes you from everyone else? b) If you could change one thing about you personality, what would it be? Why?
Everything. I'm a genuine dark horse, and this judgment is not at all a symptom of the special snowflake syndrome.
Being less socially anxious. Notice the choice of words. I'm not implying that I want to be more social, solitude is excellent no thank you. I'm implying that being socially anxious gets in the way of... living in the real world.
8. How do you treat hunches or gut feelings? In what situations are they most often triggered?
I get them quite often. They are fascinating.
9. a) What activities energize you most? b) What activities drain you most? Why?
Being alone, independent, and in full control of my actions. What people might find strange is that I dislike it when people try to help or take care of me, especially when it's unsolicited. It can even get on my nerves. I also hate repeating myself. Sure, some people might have an auditory problem but there is a special breed of people who instinctively need others to repeat whatever they said. How do I know this? Because I'm one of them. I must be quite the hypocrite. As for specific activities, I would go with browsing the internet, reading and solitary walks.
Attending social events.
10. What do you repress about your outward behavior or internal thought process when around others? Why?
Almost everything. I'm quite cautious and deliberate in this case. As a matter of fact, people point out that I am not even inside a shell, I am a shell. They can almost touch the wall between us. Oftentimes, my life feels like a game of strategy, even for the most pedestrian decisions. I'm hyper-aware of consequences in general. For example, while I'm writing this, I am already imagining or anticipating what kind of replies I would get, and then thinking about how my counter-replies would be. Contingency plans.
Now, random stuff about my thought process and life.
I like background music. Even now as I'm writing (or to be precise, attacking my keyboard), I have the 'Iron Man' movie playing but I'm not really watching it. For some reason, listening to cinematic explosions and Robert Downey Jr's pontifications is good background sound.
I can get aggressive in arguments. Of course, this doesn't happen in real life because I'm too socially awkward to even speak, haha. I especially take pleasure in reducing my opponents to the level where they have to resort to ad hominems. This is easy in YouTube.
My disregard for my health is curious. Usually, I'm outrageously nonchalant to it. But sometimes, I might go to WebMD and in a matter of minutes, diagnose myself with various ailments. For example, I diagnosed myself with testicular cancer when I first watched Fight Club. I diagnosed myself with brain tumor because of a headache. These incidents are merely fleeting worries, though.
I like playing video games where I can create my own characters and lead them on an adventure in fantasy world. I create intricate plots and story-lines for them. Games like Skyrim where you can pick a character and choose a separate path for him stimulate me. But I also like them to be authentic and reasonable. Explicable.
I like film-making, writing fiction, making animations game designing mainly because I like creating things. In fact, my interests revolved around creation. The only careers I've seriously considered are game designing, film-making, graphics designing, and animating. All because of my inherent fascination with expressing my imagination. I want to design a game to tell a story. I want to make a film to tell a story. You get the gist of it. Characters, archetypes, stories, new worlds. Ah, orgasmic.
I have a predilection towards the concept of characters and personas. I like putting on different personas or gimmicks and watching people's reaction to them. I once spent an entire year of high school in a gimmick and amused myself. I was trying to portray an aristocratic pseudo-intellectual with a prodigious vocabulary. Sometimes, I would also portray an old-fashioned knight with a fixed and rigid set of morals and principles. The vocabulary remained, as you can discern.
I was watching a video showing a scene from the movie In Bruges, where a character comically insults his companion. One of the comments talked about how the scene would be even more hilarious if you decreased the speed of the video. Naturally, as I watched the scene with decreased speed, I noticed that their accent also became more coherent. Then, I started wondering whether the guy who commented originally used the speed feature to understand what they were saying and accidentally discovered the humor in the situation.
My friend and I were once crossing a road. I was somewhat impatient and saw a taxi approaching the zebra crossing. I started to cross the road but my friend hesitated and told me to be cautious. I spontaneously made up an explanation that the taxi was bound to halt, since the driver would probably take the advantage to exploit the meter (where I live, even if a taxi is not in motion, the meter works). I did not entertain the possibility that the taxi might not have an occupant, but then again, it was just an excuse.
I also have a tendency to engage in imaginary conversations. I have talked about my habit of listening to music and imagining my friends reacting to them, in realistic and detailed scenarios.
Well, as a kid, I mostly played football, read fiction and played games on my PC (before I discovered the glorious portal of YouTube). I wasn't particularly imaginative, but I had a fascination with creating fictional worlds. Except that I won't create them from scratch, I would adapt them. For example, Dragon Ball Z was my favorite show and I would spend a lot of time imagining and constructing a story in Dragon Ball Z that took place after its official ending, as if I was a director hired for the reboot of the series; or envisage alternate scenarios with new characters. I remember that my stories were mainly about action. The characters should look cool, they should have cool superpowers, etc. There wasn't any underlying theme, actually. Even when I later, in my teens, started writing novels, they would be restricted to genres such as spy, crime and thriller. Your typical Jason Bourne or James Bond movie.
I remember creating my own imaginary football league. I loved football. So, in my mind, I started hosting my own world cups, with imaginary teams and tournaments. But I cared about authenticity and realism. For example, if I wanted to create the German national football team, I would go on the internet and look up common German names and the like.
In retrospect, honestly, my childhood was all about sensory entertainment. Video games, football, exploring the complex we lived in (I was a part of a juvenile "Secret Society" where my friends and I were considering going down a tunnel in search of "secrets" and "mysteries", we also tried creating cryptic languages and clandestine hideouts... with special cards of identification and passwords), PC games, TV, etc. Of course, maybe my memory's unreliable.
I never had any imaginary friends.