Disclaimer: How are you doing? Are there any major life events/illnesses/other issues that might be influencing you? Did you write this in one sitting, or have you pondered these issues deeply? Give us a sense of "where you're at" right now.
I’m fine. I have nothing negative influencing me. I’m a healthy person in every respect.
I looked over this questionnaire briefly and now I intend to answer it all in one go.
0. What's making you unsure of your type? What research have you already done to determine type?
To be honest I can’t say I’ve really ever had a stable type. When I was super unhealthy I typed as a 4. Then as I got better I typed as a 5. Then as I started going up in health I typed as a 9. Now that my health is ever increasing it seems I have nothing in common with 9’s anymore other than my prevailing sense of inner peace. I’m very focused on my goals and doing what needs to be done to get to where I want to be, which has made me consider either strong integration towards 3 and perhaps a switch to that, or being a 1w9 due to my need to always ‘do the right thing’. Then there’s the possibility I could still be a 5 without the obsessive need to research everything but to learn by experience instead.
1. Establish a "baseline mood"--when you're at home with nothing to do, where are you at mentally and emotionally? What do you notice in yourself? (Note, this is not a mood you inhabit "frequently", but your psychological baseline).
My psychological baseline is neutral. I infrequently have emotional highs or lows. Note that this is not the same type of neutral one feels when they are detached from life. Instead it’s like an inner space that I dwell in.
2. Describe yourself--
a. What's it like to be you?
My life is great. I think anyone would be jealous. I have no expectations placed on me, I have as much freedom as I could ever need to pursue what I want. I have space to pursue my own self-actualisation and goals, which is harder to do with a constant stream of external demands coming from every angle.
b. What have others said about you?
I spend a lot of time alone so I can’t imagine I have much feedback to give, but one compliment I get often get is how wise I am. Mentally I’m decades older than my age.
c. What do you think of yourself?
I think I’m great too, lol. Really, I genuinely think I’m amazing. And not in a narcissistic way. I went through some rough times growing up and I came out the other end assured of my own strength and ability to go on. I trust myself and believe in myself and whilst I know self-improvement will always be something to work on, I see myself ultimately as more perfect than imperfect. I have no shame.
3. What are the issues you've dealt with in life? List some recurrent themes, and tell us a little about each one.
I grew up with a narcissistic step-dad. This basically caused all my problems in life. To go into depth would take ages, but suffice to say I came out on the other end better than ever before.
4. You're not good at everything--
a. What personality traits and/or ways of being are impossible for you to adopt?
I can’t conform to the extent that it goes against what I believe in and who I am. I’m not so good at interacting with people, mostly because I don’t really know what to say. I tend to have a formal interaction style so I can come off quite reserved when it comes to informal interactions, unless it involves close family members and other people I trust. Other than those two things I’d say I’m rather flexible. I can assume any trait I want or need.
b. What are qualities you'd like to have, but can't seem to develop?
I can’t think of anything. I have a good balance of all qualities.
5. Why have you left friends and other relationships in the past and/or why have they left you?
I would rather not answer this question, mostly because it’s too complicated.
6. Which types do you identify with most?
I’d say 1, 3, 5 (in no particular order) and then 9 and 7 as close runner ups.
a. How do you relate to these types?
1, 3, and 5 are all competent types. I feel very competent and sure of myself. 9 and 7 because I am also quite chilled out and tend to do things because I enjoy them and want new experiences.
b. How do you NOT relate to them?
I don’t relate to 1’s rigidness. I know numerous 1’s and can sometimes feel stifled by their expectations and judgemental attitude. I don’t relate to 3’s achievements almost being like their sense of self. I don’t relate to 5’s obsessive need to understand everything. I don’t relate to 9’s constant denial of problems. I don’t relate to 7’s need to always stay optimistic, and also I don’t relate to their intense lifestyles.
7. Which types are least like you?
2, 4, and 8.
a. Why specifically do you not relate to these types?
I love 2’s because they’re so warm-hearted and nice but I have nothing really in common with them. I don’t step out of my way to help people because I find it a drain, I don’t make the best host because I’m rather aloof, and I’m not really a people person in general. I don’t relate to 4’s constant need to dramatize everything. In fact that tends to annoy me when people do that and make things into a bigger deal than they need to be. And I don’t relate to 8’s aggressiveness and their “it’s my way or the highway” attitude.
b. What points (if any) DO you relate to?
I don’t really think I have anything in common with 2’s. With 4’s I share a good sense of self that I am true to. With 8 I sometimes have moments where I just like to let all my rage out to the people around me with no regrets so I can blow some steam off.
8. They claim enneagram type is a hidden love need. What are your attitudes toward finding love?
I’m indifferent to love. I’m one of those people who doesn’t care for a relationship or a family, mostly because I’m too busy pursuing my own goals, and also because my own self-love prevents there ever being an actual need to find external love.
9. What is the message your superego tells you?
Consider a time when you felt poorly about yourself--this means your ego (i.e. YOU) is receiving negative feedback from your superego. Write a conversation between the two of them--what is your superego telling you about how to be? (Note: this obviously is very personal and may be better done privately. Report your findings).
My super-ego is positive actually. I have trained it to be that way. My shadow is where sometimes I still have problems. The conversation may go something like this:
Shadow: You’re a worthless failure, you can’t do anything right
Ego: Not bothered (my reaction to everything in my neutral space)
Superego: That’s not true, you’re beautiful and perfect and look how far you’ve come, everything is a lesson and we can learn from this.
Ego: Cool story bro. Lol.
Life goes on.
For the following, rank the issues in the order they apply and give a brief description of why and how you relate.
10. Determine your ego ideal--the way you strive to be and want others to perceive you. (Note, you may be consciously aware of failing at this, and you will be hard on yourself if you do. If someone else tells you you're NOT this way, it may make you feel hurt, violated, or angry.)
Which of the following ideals resonate with you the most, and why? Rank them.
3 - to be "okay", having it together: No matter what happens, ultimately everything is okay.
2 - to be devoted and loyal to a person or cause: I’m very devoted to my goals and my need to self-actualise.
8 - to be sensitive, original, unique, and creative: Don’t have an opinion on this either way.
4 - to be knowledgeable: I like giving advice and enlightening people.
5 - to be powerful, strong, and unassailable: I want to control my own destiny.
1 - to be accomplished and successful: I have goals and I plan on accomplishing them.
9 - to strive to become/behave like a good person: Don’t relate to this because I believe everyone is good at heart.
7 - to be a loveable person: I want to be able to inspire people with my life
6 - to be loving and benevolent: I don’t want to be a hateful person.
11. Determine your "felt sense" of life. To do this it may help to look at how you perceive events. Another way to do this is to look back at your childhood and think of all the things your parents did to you. How did you/do you feel about these events?
I’ll rank these in order of how they apply to me now because my childhood is in the past.
On second thought after scanning through them all I don’t relate to any of them at all. I’m too healthy psychologically. So maybe I’ll remember back and see if that helps…
Here are some common "felt senses" of life:
9 - I must do everything to maintain my world: I hated my world. I wanted it to change.
2 - I have a sense of being unimportant, insignificant, and underving of attention: I felt so worthless and had no self-esteem at all. I was ashamed of existing.
1 - I feel imperfect, not (good) enough: Who I was and who I was told to be were two completely different things. I conformed but I hated myself for feeling two faced.
3 - I have been abandoned and I am inherently flawed: Relates to number 2.
5 - I'm outside the natural unfoldment of things: I was detached from life and felt like my life had all happened in the wrong order.
8 - People have wronged and messed with me: I wanted revenge.
4 - I feel isolated, cut off, and ultimately separate: I was all alone. I had no support.
6 - I have felt weak and/or vulnerable to attack: I think this was more prominent when I was much younger, for obvious reasons considering my childhood. When I got older I learned how to stay out the way.
7 - I've had a sense of being rejectible: Towards my older years I felt rejected by God.
12. Core fears. You may have been aware of these fears even as a very small child, before anyone did anything to influence it. You'd be mortified to be in this position or have others perceive you this way.
Discuss which fears have played the greatest role in your life:
- Creating conflict by making myself or my needs too obvious
- Rejection, being needy, and not being loved
- Weak and not being on top of things
- Being abandoned, sadness, feeling lost
- Entanglements and losing what I have
- Something is basically wrong with me--I'm not good enough
- Boredom, grunt work, and being exposed as a charlatan
- A lot--everything and everyone to one degree or another. It's very generalized.
The last one. It’s harder to give specifics because of what I went through. All I knew was fear. So that's probably not helpful, sorry.
Well anyway, this concludes the questionnaire. I hope someone can give me some insight.