Not really sure about Enneagram. I usually either get 4w5, 4w3, 6w5, 6w7, or 8w7. So, any insights into my enneagram will be most appreciated. I did not really go too much overboard with the Enneagram...for some reason MBTI stuck around with me a little longer (understatement) than the enneagram.
@Doctor Business. You're speaking to an INFP e4 here mate, so no need to start an essay on fitting in vs. rebelling against the norms with me, because I sure do know all about that all too well. I've always been a piece of puzzle that never fits, unconventional, a quiet rebel who have to be different and constantly stimulated to survive. Conformists disgust me. Yet I can't vote for seeing oneself unempathetic, unapologetic, cold, evil and thirsty for power, AND taking pride in that.
You can be different, rebellious, eccentric, creative, innovative, etc. all you want, but lacking of empathy, desiring power, angry and unpredictable - that concoction makes one sociopath if one doesn't receive help to channel all that energy and clear out all that confusion.
Personally I don't think you are exactly the way you described yourself in terms of negative traits, because if you're at all truly 4w5 like you put on your profile, focusing on your "defects" and making them your identity over time could be what I'm seeing. One question I also want to ask is how old you are.
You certainly are having a lot of energy, you desire a lot of attention to yourself and you are ambitious. Apparently you possess great amount of knowledge. But all this knowledge is just going to be a plethora of tools. I say, you will never be able to pinpoint your type until you find your core first.
| | | If it is god who makes man, this is the devil finishing touches | | |
Not really sure about Enneagram. I usually either get 4w5, 4w3, 6w5, 6w7, or 8w7. So, any insights into my enneagram will be most appreciated. I did not really go too much overboard with the Enneagram...for some reason MBTI stuck around with me a little longer (understatement) than the Enneagram.
Wow, that was short.
I care nothing for MBTI but have had a similar (dare I say?) obsession with the Enneagram. After reading through your OP, my opinion is that you are not 4w5 at all. My first guess would be 3 with all your mention of needing to succeed, not knowing who you are, trying on different identities, etc. Even your sentiment about loving both power and style! That's pretty 3ish. Perhaps 3w4, you did mention minions after all.
3's sacrifice their "heart's desire" early in life to become whatever it is their culture deems worthy. They have an internal belief that they are worthless, and that in order to obtain acceptance and love, they must do whatever it takes to succeed-- or as some texts put it, "to win". 3's often struggle to accurately type because they are such chameleons, used to altering themselves to be whatever they must to achieve their goals. Because of this, they often loose touch with who they really are, thus the struggle to accurately type.
Here's the Enneagram Institute's outline of 3. In addition to reading it (it's not very long), I'd check out the middle to bottom of the health chart (as I agree that you seem a bit unhealthy emotionally).
I thought for a long time that my Dad was 8w7 with a 3 fix (he would never actually take the test) but it turns out he's actually a 3w4 with an 8 fix. You sort of remind me of him.
Find my Enneagram writing here, and ethical boutique here.✨
@all just another disclaimer, I know many of you would say to me to stop writing so much, in reality, writing helps me think, and I figure that my thought process would be a better way truly type me. Or maybe I should just log in more often, or start a blog. I will probably do the latter as soon as we figure out my type. Anyway, if you thought you saw it all "feast your eyes on...this" -Glitch Gremlin
@Fiend - Thoroughness is an indicator of an SJ type. However, I agree that narcissism is a stretch as well. I would describe my writing process as opening a can of worms and watching them go, its looking for a reaction, rather than careful coordination. What that means is I write what I think, rather than think what I write. Usually what I write either amuses me or provides me with some hidden inspirations and ideas. In other words writing is the best way for my unconscious to express itself for my consciousness to decide and take action.
@ExNinjaTropPervertie and @Mal12345 - Looks like you may both be correct about me not being 4w5 (through assuming and claiming respectively)...Enneagram is about desires (my interpretation of it) so if I desire power above all else that would make me an 8, and given that I am very much a disappointment at bomb diffusing, I will go with 7 as my wing using process of elimination.
@Arctic Hysteria - I am 19 right now. From your explanation we may have N and P in common, but differ in the E vs I and T vs F department. I never fit anywhere, but my uniqueness helped me stand out. Initially quiet, I pretended to conform to the norms of my school's honor society by working in their offices as an extracurricular activity, it was there where I gained the information about the school and its needs. Through hard work and pretending to be someone who I am not, (and a tad sprinkling of luck) I was promoted to lead a committee in the organization. After making nice with the school administrators (ST types) I then knew I had all my chess pieces lined up and with a bit of luck on my side I proceeded to change these so called norms, taking advantage of my position I purposefully empowered my committee while politically weakening the other committees present, until I was a virtually a dictator (some oiling of the administrators was necessary along the way). Now I am very sure you would expect someone of my position to also shift all resources to myself. Against all my natural instincts, I empowered the entire organization and school with a very efficient allocation of resources. My only crime is that I saw the people who worked for me as tools rather than human beings, but even tools need to be encased in gold and maintained. As much as I wish this was the actual story, there are some places where it is outright wrong. Yes, I did have all the power, yes I did drive my fellow student body to labor away for virtually nothing, but what is unique to the story was that they were happy, at least those that saw what I was trying to accomplish, I provided them with guidance, companionship, entertainment, the reasonable little things that I could use by my very limited power. I even gave away my own money to those who needed to get some water from the vending machine and needed the money, although partially I did so in order for them to bring me something as well (I paid enough for the both of us), I even planned to throw a employee appreciation party, which I failed to do because the administration was on to me, and it was HS, the epitome of dictatorship. This may just be the delusional ranting of a once powerful crackpot man who now lives in exile, whose words should rightfully be dismissed as nothing more than a hyperbole.
@small.wonder - Power and Style may symbolize 3 when mixed together, the pure ingredients to me seem 8 and 7 respectively, so I would lean 8w7 or 7w8. However, I want to explore 3 as well. My hearts desire is respect, not necessarily love, I just threw it in because maybe, deep inside that is what I value, my years of rejection (minus that golden year in high school) seem to have handed me down a final offer: either I surrender to my badly bruised and defeated ego and suffer, or condition my strong side and suppress any emotions I can and seek out opportunity. Culture means nothing to me, I respect laws, especially the main ones, I truly believe that they make sense in regards to keeping society together and foster equal opportunity, so I may deep inside resent laws and rules, but I have to accept them if they make sense and only stand up to them only when I am ready and have a valid reason to do so. Culture consists of moralistic and social rules, both of which I have no patience with, if I had the power, they would be pushed aside a bit. (I respect those who value morals and culture, that is why I in no way believe in getting rid of the two) However, there are those who do not wish to be hindered by pointless invisible walls, so I believe in making laws and letting them be known...everything else is up to the individual person. Now to dissect the 3s...
(1) Threes are self-assured, attractive, and charming. Ambitious, competent, and energetic, they can also be status-conscious and highly driven for advancement. They are diplomatic and poised, but can also be overly concerned with their image and what others think of them. They typically have problems with workaholism and competitiveness. - I have bolded what does not fit me (there is a reason why I banished all mirrors from my house). I am usually sluggish, when reduced to a pile of waste. (I am drinking red bull though, which helps a lot)
(2) Basic Fear: Of being worthless, Basic Desire: To feel valuable and worthwhile, Enneagram Three with a Two-Wing: "The Charmer", Enneagram Three with a Four-Wing: "The Professional" - I only half agree, its not so much worthlessness I worry about as incompetence, weakness, and lack of intelligence (I used to think of myself as incompetent, weak, and dumber than an amoeba, but now I settle on average as a starting point, because its easier to get to the top from the middle than from the bottom) If a omnipotent being viewed me as a valuable asset then 3 is my enneagram, but if some low-life employer who does nothing all day calls me worthless, then lets just say, we can safely add span in between his/her title (I think my resulting tantrum would give him/her a nervous breakdown and scar him/her for life, I had many jobs in my life and my bosses were an amazing bunch). Anyway, I am neither charming nor professional (if anything slightly more professional, but even that is a flawed observation of myself)
(3) Key Motivations: Want to be affirmed, to distinguish themselves from others, to have attention, to be admired, and to impress others. - as a secondary satisfaction I wholeheartedly agree.
(4) The Meaning of the Arrows (in brief): When moving in their Direction of Disintegration (stress), driven Threes suddenly become disengaged and apathetic at Nine. However, when moving in their Direction of Integration (growth), vain, deceitful Threes become more cooperative and committed to others, like healthy Sixes. For more information. - I am easily stressed and when that happens I am both very impulsive and indecisive, I see everyone as the enemy and treat them as such, even if it is a false presumption, I usually understand it, but my instincts keep pounding against me. When I feel grown (only happened for one year only) I become more like a 3 based on the description or 9. In that I focus all my resources on treating my friends with everything I can reasonable muster, I even see some of my lesser enemies as allies and have very high tolerance for others, I become very much like a workaholic.
(5) Before analyzing the body of the text I will define my level (assuming I am a 3) - A combination of Level 6 and 7 is apparent, however I only inflate what did occur. I had a leadership position, I had power, I did make a change. My rhetoric is my pressure pump, the facts are, I was a student leader, I did make decisions on behalf of a group of people, I changed my predecessor's system to fit a growing committee. However (I am only good at doing this with text) I have used rhetoric to amplify my truthful achievements to match those of major leaders, sometimes intentionally, sometimes unintentionally. I have a deep fear of failure and in many ways I am just a babbling buffoon, however, despite pondering and even threating retaliation against those I am jealous of (interestingly enough jealously is a 4 type's sin). I find myself too rational to go out and lose a limb to make one person cry. I might as well figure out what to do with myself and surpass them in everyway. So yes I am opportunistic, but never at the expense of another more worthier candidate, if the individual is better than me, I hate them, but I accept them at the same time. Only when a true fool surpasses me, I take offense.
(6) The first paragraph can be said about me only from the point of view of my inner circle, and very few make it that far. Like Robert California once said "There are winners and losers, if I have dinner with you I think you're a winner, if not..." that happens to be the general perception of myself that I get (Hey, I spooked an ENTJ).
(7) Shifting through the rest, I noticed that most of the rest applies to healthy embodiments of 3 types. What I will add is, yes I crave attention (more so worship, but hey I'm not really picky at this point) I also value power and independence above all things (8 seems to come to my head) I just don't have either now, but when I did, I actually felt that I was flying high...too bad I flew too high and crash landed. Every time I try a new venture it fails, usually because I do not try it as I start reading about "protocol" and "rules" and "procedures" I start to feel sick to my stomach and end up banging on my desk (I have installed one of those hitting bricks on my desk and attached a sturdy wooden pillar under my desk so that the vibration of my fist does not break the desk) anyway, the point is I am too lazy to implement it and all the lawyers are expensive. As much as I like lawyers, I think law is now the new catholic bible, I really think that laws should be simple enough for anyone to read and should be as easily available to everyone. I very much agree that I have no clear preference for my career, when asked, I give vague descriptions like "I want the power to innovate XYZ" or "I want to become self sufficient". Other times I simply compromise for tangible jobs and goals such as Office worker, college courses, or vacation time. I also take orders from no one, my respect is earned, I even clash with my family a lot. All in all groups mean nothing to me if its individuals act like they wanted nothing more than to earn their penny and walk away, just seeing heroic stories on the news brings some joy to my cold 3 sizes too small heart.