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  1. #21
    Emperor/Dictator kyuuei's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Chaotic Harmony View Post
    That's why I avoid other people's babies. And let me tell you, most the women I know do not get this! They constantly ask "want to hold her?" For God's sake no. I didn't ask for a reason.
    Oh Gods this so much.. :/ nothing is more stressful and boring at the same time. .. I think it almost HAS to be different with your own.. because.. if you don't hold them no one will. It's like you really can't hate taking a shower when its your body that's getting clean.
    But I don't see myself getting any enjoyment out of the ritual at all. I loved my nephews so so much and I enjoyed them being born and being here... but even then, more than 5 minutes with the baby and I already hated it. I'd really struggle with the first few years.. so much so that it scares me out of the entire process entirely. If I knew 100% that my theoretical husband would be the primary caregiver and provider and be there for that baby when it was a baby, maybe.. if he was understanding of the fact that I just cannot stand them at that age.. but I've yet to see a dad as involved in the *baby* as a mom is.. Usually they get more involved when they start communicating, and just help out the mom and step in as a supportive role vs the primary care provider.. I'm not saying it doesn't happen.. I just have yet to see it. And the idea of being stuck caring for an infant constantly is terrifying and trapping. My temper also scares me.. Not that I'd take it out on the baby.. but that the baby would just have me pissed off constantly and I'd be a terrible person to other people as a result.

    For a while I assumed I was just rebelling because I didn't want people just telling me I'd change my mind anyways and invalidating my ideas because that's what all women want. I thought I'd eventually warm up to the idea of having my own children.. I figured my sisters having children would draw me closer to the concept.. And as cool as my niece and nephews are.. I just could not stand them as babies. The pregnancy process pushed me so far away from it all, I felt sick to my stomach feeling my nephew moving around inside of my sister. I don't know how people want to touch the stomachs.. I can't stand it. It is only THIS year that I've really accepted my nephews and started interacting with them. 3 years is a long, long time to dislike someone over something they cannot help at all.
    Kantgirl: Just say "I'm feminine and I'll punch anyone who says otherwise!"
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  2. #22

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    Quote Originally Posted by skylights View Post
    Lol, I like the grill simile.

    You guys are funny about babies. I love them because they're cute and their skin is all smooth and chubby and they do funny things. I just don't know what I'm going to do when they get old enough to understand that I just like looking at them and laughing.
    I like them when they can run around.

  3. #23
    Senior Member Chaotic Harmony's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by kyuuei View Post
    Oh Gods this so much.. :/ nothing is more stressful and boring at the same time. .. I think it almost HAS to be different with your own.. because.. if you don't hold them no one will. It's like you really can't hate taking a shower when its your body that's getting clean.
    But I don't see myself getting any enjoyment out of the ritual at all. I loved my nephews so so much and I enjoyed them being born and being here... but even then, more than 5 minutes with the baby and I already hated it. I'd really struggle with the first few years.. so much so that it scares me out of the entire process entirely. If I knew 100% that my theoretical husband would be the primary caregiver and provider and be there for that baby when it was a baby, maybe.. if he was understanding of the fact that I just cannot stand them at that age.. but I've yet to see a dad as involved in the *baby* as a mom is.. Usually they get more involved when they start communicating, and just help out the mom and step in as a supportive role vs the primary care provider.. I'm not saying it doesn't happen.. I just have yet to see it. And the idea of being stuck caring for an infant constantly is terrifying and trapping. My temper also scares me.. Not that I'd take it out on the baby.. but that the baby would just have me pissed off constantly and I'd be a terrible person to other people as a result.

    For a while I assumed I was just rebelling because I didn't want people just telling me I'd change my mind anyways and invalidating my ideas because that's what all women want. I thought I'd eventually warm up to the idea of having my own children.. I figured my sisters having children would draw me closer to the concept.. And as cool as my niece and nephews are.. I just could not stand them as babies. The pregnancy process pushed me so far away from it all, I felt sick to my stomach feeling my nephew moving around inside of my sister. I don't know how people want to touch the stomachs.. I can't stand it. It is only THIS year that I've really accepted my nephews and started interacting with them. 3 years is a long, long time to dislike someone over something they cannot help at all.
    I can totally relate to everything you said. I have to say that my husband felt the brunt of my frustration a lot of the time. I was never around any babies growing up, so I just don't know what to do with them. My husband really did a lot during the newborn/infant phase. I do think she helped me with my patience though! It's amazing how much less impatient I am about everything now!


  4. #24
    Emperor/Dictator kyuuei's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Chaotic Harmony View Post
    I can totally relate to everything you said. I have to say that my husband felt the brunt of my frustration a lot of the time. I was never around any babies growing up, so I just don't know what to do with them. My husband really did a lot during the newborn/infant phase. I do think she helped me with my patience though! It's amazing how much less impatient I am about everything now!
    This gives me a lot of hope. I'm no less scared.. but I'm grateful I don't feel so alone on this. I'm the only one in my whole family like this.. No one I talk to really relates.. Not really.
    Kantgirl: Just say "I'm feminine and I'll punch anyone who says otherwise!"
    Halla74: Think your way through the world. Feel your way through life.

    Cimarron: maybe Prpl will be your girl-bud
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    In Search Of... ... Kiwi Sketch Art ... Dream Journal ... Kyuuei's Cook book ... Kyu's Tiny House Blog ... Minimalist Challenge ... Kyu's Savings Challenge

  5. #25
    this is my winter song EJCC's Avatar
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    Well since we're all posting ours

    ~ g e t f e s t i v e ! ~


    EJCC: "The Big Questions in my life right now: 1) What am I willing to live with? 2) What do I have to live with? 3) What can I change for the better?"
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  6. #26
    this is my winter song EJCC's Avatar
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    @wolfy you seem on the ISTP/ISFP border, but more ISFP. For sure 9.

    @Chaotic Harmony so much Fi! ISFP works.

    @kyuuei ENFP I guess, though you vibe more 8 than anything in the MBTI.

    Quote Originally Posted by Chaotic Harmony View Post
    That's why I avoid other people's babies. And let me tell you, most the women I know do not get this! They constantly ask "want to hold her?" For God's sake no. I didn't ask for a reason.
    Reminds me of a Marc Maron comedy set... "I'm not a cat guy. I'm a MY cat guy. I don't give a shit about your cat!"
    ~ g e t f e s t i v e ! ~


    EJCC: "The Big Questions in my life right now: 1) What am I willing to live with? 2) What do I have to live with? 3) What can I change for the better?"
    Coriolis: "Is that the ESTJ Serenity Prayer?"



    ESTJ - LSE - ESTj (mbti/socionics)
    1w2/7w6/3w4 so/sx (enneagram)
    want to ask me something? go for it!

  7. #27
    Sheep pill, broster asynartetic's Avatar
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    1. What is beauty? What is love?

    Beauty = just a touch of ugly in everything pretty. Love = compatibility and comfort.

    2. What are your most important values?

    Independence, fairness, equality; judge people not by their outward appearance, gender, etc, but by their intelligence, competence, and the content of their minds.

    3. Do you have any sort of spiritual/religious beliefs, and why do you hold (or don't) those beliefs in the first place?

    I don't believe in God, at least not in the judeo-christian-islamic autocratic version. That would go against me as I have a natural urge to question and rebel against all authority figures. I like the idea of an impersonal god which manifests in all life and matter and perhaps I might get on board a philosophy which embodies that. I have read a lot on most major religions. There are valuable things I have taken away from Taoism and other eastern philosophies and even from Christianity, but I would never let myself be guided by any one doctrine or faith

    4. Opinion on war and militaries? What is power to you?

    War is (most of the time) an unnecessary endeavour waged by the rich elite who have little concern for the men and women on the front lines. Power is, next to wealth, one of the things which most corrupts men and turns them into selfish despots.

    Interests
    5. What have you had long conversations about? What are your interests? Why?

    Stuff. I like music, history, sci-fi, unsolved mysteries, etc

    6. Interested in health/medicine as a conversation topic? Are you focused on your body?

    I think about my body and health a lot. I'm not in the best of shape, but I am often conscious of my body and physical state and would like to improve my health/strength/agility

    7. What do you think of daily chores?

    Chores bore me. I often put them off.

    8. Books or films you liked? Recently read/watched or otherwise. Examples welcome.

    The Death Wish series; various documentaries.

    9. What has made you cry? What has made you smile? Why?

    I haven't cried in a long time so I can't remember what I cried over last. Everyday I smile over something my son does or says.

    10. Where do you feel: at one with the environment/a sense of belonging?

    I can feel at one with the environment in the woods or in the blue ridge mountains. I'm not sure I've ever been in a place where I felt an overwhelming sense of belonging. I get restless easily and want to move on to new places.

    Evaluation & Behaviour
    11. What have people seen as your weaknesses? What do you dislike about yourself?

    Apathetic, sometimes indecisive, sometimes too willing too forget my own needs and desires in lieu of pleasing others.

    12. What have people seen as your strengths? What do you like about yourself?

    I am typically a calm port of harbor for people to visit in times of stress and turmoil. I like that I am liked by people for that reason but that I can also be a cold, intimidating badass to people who wrong myself or my friends and family.

    13. In what areas of your life would you like help?

    I would like to have more social energy; I want to be more extraverted and comfortable in dealing with people.

    14. Ever feel stuck in a rut? If yes, describe the causes and your reaction to it.

    Constantly. I have always been in a rut. As soon as I improve myself or get out of a rut, I find myself in a new rut.

    People & Interactions
    15. What qualities do you most like and dislike in other people? What types do you get along with?

    I hate people who try to manipulate me or take advantage of my kindness. I hate people who thrive on petty, day-to-day drama as though it were world-changing. I like honest, down-to-earth, laidback, straight-forward people who don't beat around the bush and have no ulterior motives when they hang out with me.

    16. How do you feel about romance/sex? What qualities do you want in a partner?

    I am a closet romantic--it's tedious but I will go all out for a woman I am really into (i.e. my wife). I love sex and experimenting in bed. The qualities I seek--see answer to question 15.

    17. If you were to raise a child, what would be your main concerns, what measures would you take, and why?

    Making sure he is kind and compassionate, yet not at the cost of sacrificing his independence and ability to always question everything.

    18. A friend makes a claim that clashes with your current beliefs. What is your inward and outward reaction?

    I will usually accept that is their personal opinion and respect that. If I feel the need to disagree aloud, I will usually say something like, "I disagree but I completely respect your opinion and understand why you think that way"

    19. Describe your relationship to society. How do you see people as a whole? What do you consider a prevalent social problem? Name one.

    I see myself as a withdrawn, disconnected observer forced to interact with society. I see people as generally being irrational, emotional idiots who are governed more by their personal opinions and sentiments and who often refuse to look at facts or the lessons of common sense and history. A prevalent social problem is gender inequality in the workplace.

    20. How do you choose your friends and how do you behave around them?

    Again, see answer to question 15. Around people I like, I can fully be myself and let loose. Only around those people can I feel like a true extravert and I will regret having to leave and go home.

    21. How do you behave around strangers?

    Calm, reserved, confident, only speaking if I feel I have valuable information to contribute. Sometimes I will goof around a bit and act witty with a bit of a smartass attitude. I am constantly analyzing and sizing up people I meet, even if I may not appear to be aware. People usually think I am daydreaming or not focused on the present, but I am almost always taking in my surrounding places and people and evaluating them.[/QUOTE]

  8. #28
    climb on Showbread's Avatar
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    Since everyone else is doing it...

    1. What is beauty? What is love?

    I think I see the most beauty in vulnerability and trust between people. Love is selflessness.

    2. What are your most important values?

    Live with integrity, treat others with gentleness, and remember that my life is about something bigger than meeting my own needs.

    3. Do you have any sort of spiritual/religious beliefs, and why do you hold (or don't) those beliefs in the first place?

    I am a Christian. I suppose the original reason why is because I was raised that way. However over the last few years I've done lots of searching and questioning, straying pretty far at times. But something (Jesus) always brings me back. A world without a God just doesn't make sense to me for a very long list of reasons.

    4. Opinion on war and militaries? What is power to you?

    Blargh. Does anyone actually like wars or militaries? I suppose they are necessary to keep things in order. Power is the ability to influence people to see things your way.

    Interests
    5. What have you had long conversations about? What are your interests? Why?

    Theology, religion, psychology, Harry Potter, cooking/food. But most all life.

    6. Interested in health/medicine as a conversation topic? Are you focused on your body?

    Yes. I like to stay healthy. I try to eat as healthfully as possible given my limited budget and serious sweet tooth. I also try to exercise 3+ times a week. Lots of walking, yoga, occasionally jogging.

    7. What do you think of daily chores?

    Necessary. Sometimes a good way to relieve stress.

    8. Books or films you liked? Recently read/watched or otherwise. Examples welcome.

    Currently reading Cuckoo's Calling. Recently read/watched The Fault in Our Stars. I've also been watching a LOT of Doctor Who.

    9. What has made you cry? What has made you smile? Why?

    Most recently, being broken up with. I also cry over sad books, and when I am angry/frustrated. I smiled today because I went hiking. And because I bought three fish.

    10. Where do you feel: at one with the environment/a sense of belonging?

    Wherever my friends/family are.

    Evaluation & Behaviour
    11. What have people seen as your weaknesses? What do you dislike about yourself?

    I'm bossy, can be overbearing. I don't do well with change. And I tend to let me emotions get the best of me.

    12. What have people seen as your strengths? What do you like about yourself?

    I'm definitely a natural leader, and very practical. Apparently another one of my strengths is objectivity and a positive outlook.

    13. In what areas of your life would you like help?

    My neediness. I get lonely very easily. And I'm always striving to grow spiritually.

    14. Ever feel stuck in a rut? If yes, describe the causes and your reaction to it.

    Yes. I get very frustrated, and emotional. But, sooner or later life always changes again.

    People & Interactions
    15. What qualities do you most like and dislike in other people? What types do you get along with?

    I really dislike being manipulated, probably more than anything. I need to be able to trust my friends. I get along with really genuine people well. I dislike it when I can tell people are putting on a show for me. I'm also a sucker for a really dry sense of humor.

    16. How do you feel about romance/sex? What qualities do you want in a partner?

    I very much like the idea of sex, I've never had it. Romance is also lovely. Intentionality is something that is huge for me in a partner. Whether it's with actions, words, etc. And vulnerability. I need a man who is comfortable with his emotions.

    17. If you were to raise a child, what would be your main concerns, what measures would you take, and why?

    Their health, obviously. But also managing to find a balance of kindness/compassion and justice/fairness. I want to raise kids who will be well adjusted adults. But, I think most importantly I want to raise kids who will grow up to follow God.

    18. A friend makes a claim that clashes with your current beliefs. What is your inward and outward reaction?

    It really depends on a lot of things. I have quite a few friends who I know have beliefs that clash with mine. They know this too. We often have great conversations about our disagreements.

    19. Describe your relationship to society. How do you see people as a whole? What do you consider a prevalent social problem? Name one.

    I suppose I am part of society, hopefully a contributing member of it. I think people as a whole are searching. We are all searching for truth and fulfillment. Human trafficking is one that immediately comes to mind.

    20. How do you choose your friends and how do you behave around them?

    I'm not sure I really "choose" my friendships, they just kind of happen. I definitely gravitate towards a certain type of person. Almost ALL my close friends are Fe/Fi dominant. The ones that aren't are Fe/Fi secondary. I am completely myself around my friends. I can be silly, blunt, or very serious.

    21. How do you behave around strangers?

    Um, probably about the same. I'm generally very social and friendly. I try to tone down the silliness and be a little less blunt.
    Friends, waffles, work

    "The problem is, when you depend on a substitute for love, you can never get enough" - Louis Cozolino

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    *Gryffindor*


  9. #29

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    Quote Originally Posted by Fuzzy Conduit View Post
    14. Ever feel stuck in a rut? If yes, describe the causes and your reaction to it.

    Constantly. I have always been in a rut. As soon as I improve myself or get out of a rut, I find myself in a new rut.
    This a good answer. And a healthy attitude I reckon.

  10. #30

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    Quote Originally Posted by Showbread View Post
    7. What do you think of daily chores?

    Necessary. Sometimes a good way to relieve stress
    Chores can be relaxing. The repetitive nature can be relaxing.

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