Please help me, seriously.

[hazyharpy]

I am 19 years old, I started reading about mbti, socionics etc. when I was 16, I can type anybody but myself.
I know that I am an xnfj... and by this I mean I use the functions- Ni, Fe, Ti, Se... but I do not know whether or not I am an introvert or an extrovert.
I want to be an introvert, not because, and F#ck I am sick of hearing this, I want to be a rare type, but because then it means that I can sink into myself, it means I can own myself finally. During high-school I became very engaged in my social life..although a majority of me believes that this is because I could not handle the stress of being at home with all my siblings and my parents mental health... but anyway... I became very "extroverted" in a means of behavior. But it was as though I felt I needed to act a certain way, not because it was me, but because I felt it was who I needed to be to be accepted.
I did not want to be boring, I wanted to entertain people.
Although, I must add, I was very intense during high-school, I used to throw big house parties and sneak out all the time, I wagged school nearly more often then I went and I got very into sexual things... which depressed me quite a lot.. I was brought up in a religious family, I'm not sure if it would have been against my basic moral otherwise..? Although my brothers don't seem to have a problem with it... but being sexual was also a way for me to be accepted as well (I had dealt with a lot of rejection since kindergarten).
Anyways...
So now I just want to be able to gain control over myself, to take myself back. But I don't know if that is my right. Maybe I am meant to be all extroverted and fun and bubbly, but I just don't know how to do that anymore. After I learned about mbti it sort of consumed me.. now keep in mind that I am a whole human being and my consciousness is consumed by things other than the mbti and whatever opinion you make of me based on this text, may be completely incorrect to who I actually am as a person.
Sometimes I think that this whole fear about being an extrovert is derived from back when I was 17 and I thought I was an ENFP or and ENFJ and then started dating an ESTJ whom I ended up really loving... and started thinking that I would never be the perfect little INFJ that he needed (I believe in this being the order for perfection, I'm sure this statement will cause a riot and hopefully it will because I would indeed like this opinion to be debased, however thus far it has not) and started to act in strange ways and get really envious of other girls when at the beginning of the relationship I was very confident in our connection...but this is my issue now.. as soon as I start to have real emotions for someone I start to freak out that they could have a better match than me.. and I don't even know what the fuck is going on anymore half the time... I don't know what reality is anymore, I have nothing to base anything from, all I really want to base myself on is myself, I want all of this information to leave my mind.
A lot of things have been taken out from under my feet the past few years... but thats a different story.
My brain goes a million miles an hour, I don't know if you can tell that from this.
Is it possible for someone to become like an introvert if they get themselves obsessed with something enough so that their brain starts focusing on information more that objectivity? I hope not.

I am so depressed and lonely and anxious and I can't prioritize anything.. I skip class because I get drunk in my room the night before.. stuff like that... I am so angry with myself, this is not the person I thought I would be as a child. I had a horrible dream where my younger self met my older self and she was really sad because of me.. I have broken my childish dreams.

I was always very spiritual actually... I was very imaginative as a child, like an INFJ and I do not remember most of it..
But I was also very naughty, I lived in a world inside my head and lied a lot and said things to adults that I really should not have... and caused lots of trouble.
I wish that this did not matter to me so much, but it does.. and I cannot stop thinking about it.
As soon as a new person walks into the room I start typing them. When I type somebody I am not ticking boxes, it is usually a gut instinct, it is how they move, what their focus is on, how they dress... just little things... once I learned about the cognitive functions it became very easy for me to type people because I feel the functions really do have this omnipresent presence in the way a person presents themselves... I guess that last note could be debated, but I hope the meaning of my words will filter through more strongly than the word meanings themselves.. whatever, get creative.
The point is, I'm completely obsessed with this stuff to the point of it affecting my mental health... before I read about the typology, I really didn't know who I was and after it I have a better understanding, but it is though I am putting labels on my thoughts now, I can't relax.

All of my friends say that I am an extrovert, and perhaps I am. But it just doesn't sit right. But then again, neither does Introversion.
I've looked into Ambiversion, but I would like to know what side of the scale I lean towards.. this answer is not enough.

Sometime I think this obsession can be compared to other obsessions such as anorexia.. in the sense where, once they lose all of the weight, they still think that they are fat.. so maybe once I know what type I am, I will still be obsessed with all of this... and chances are I will because I've made those pathways in my head very easy to travel down now.........

I have been stopping myself from researching this stuff for awhile, but it didn't seem to work very well, so here I am again, hahahahahaha. f#ck.

Has anyone else been affected by this stuff as badly as I have?
Sometimes I don't know if my actions are being controlled by my idea of these cognitive functions and what I believe other peoples functions are.. this is so complicated.

About a year ago I had a melt down where I realized all of these scary things about existence and everything lost its meaning, it was interesting, it was like what I think judgement day would be like if it will ever happen (I'm not sure if there is a God or if I just think like this because of how I was brought up) and all of a sudden everything in the bible made sense. Like it was written for this moment. Nothing had meaning, nothing, but the bible gave it meaning, showed me there would be a resurrection of mind.
And then eventually everything became better because I started realizing different meanings in things and began to appreciate nature once more (if I am to explain this melt-down properly it cannot be in this text, sorry if this made no sense, I just want all of this bad stuff gone).

I've been seeing a psychologist for the past few years as well, but none of them have really "got" me.. I ended up in hospital a month or two ago because I self-harmed very badly, I am living on campus in a dorm and I do not mix well with my roommates, they think I did it for attention even though I have never discussed any of my issues with them and did not ask for any sympathy. But they are all very close-minded.

blah blah blah blah blah

okay, I'm going to go now before I go completely insane, maybe I'll go cry for awhile.

Sorry if this sounds dramatic to any of you but I'm SO SICK OF FEELING LIKE THIS. I am alone. Please respond.

yours sincerely,
hazy harpy

 

[á´…eparted]

All of my friends say that I am an extrovert, and perhaps I am. But it just doesn't sit right. But then again, neither does Introversion.

There is your answer.

You are an extrovert. It is what it is, and there isn't anything wrong with it either.

 

[hazyharpy]

Are you insulted by me?

 

[á´…eparted]

Are you insulted by me?

No? Why would I be?

 

[hazyharpy]

Don't read my words like that, I could have written anything, but I happened to express myself with the words that I did.
There is a maze in my head so it can be very hard to get my points across.
Please, if you want to type someone properly, you don't take snippets from their writing, you take snippets from their energy, you take snippets from their presence, their focus, their way of using the functions, please give me a better explanation than that, it does not settle my mind.
It is not a matter of accepting something, it is a matter of realizing something and to not push the real information away, but then accept it and move on.

 

[hazyharpy]

No? Why would I be?

I thought maybe you thought I was being rude by not wanting to be an enfj because you are one and im sorry if it came out that way.

 

[hazyharpy]

also can i ask how old you are?
where do you come from?
what is your favorite ice-cream?

 

[á´…eparted]

Don't read my words like that, I could have written anything, but I happened to express myself with the words that I did.
There is a maze in my head so it can be very hard to get my points across.
Please, if you want to type someone properly, you don't take snippets from their writing, you take snippets from their energy, you take snippets from their presence, their focus, their way of using the functions, please give me a better explanation than that, it does not settle my mind.
It is not a matter of accepting something, it is a matter of realizing something and to not push the real information away, but then accept it and move on.

Woah, you are way over-reacting. Besides, what you're doing is asking people to give you a service. It's like going into a soup kitchen, being given free food to be helped with, then raging that it's horrible, throwing it on the ground and demanding that it be cooked better.

I read the entire thing, and it all says extrovert to me. I decided to highlight that in particular because it is ultimately what captures it. If the majority of people that know you, say you are extroverted, then it's highly likely that you are extroverted. You express not wanting to be one, but frequently state that it does seem to fit.

If you really want to sort it out for yourself and feel satisfied with the answer you're given, you're going to have to give it time. Hang around on this forum for a while. Read things, post things, get an idea of what typology is by interacting with others that are familar, read recent research as it appear (albeit there is little of it). It's not an overnight process.

Ultimately, you do need to ask yourself: is knowing a label, whether you are an introvert or extrovert really change anything? What benefit does it give beyond feeling nice? Yes it's nice to know, but in the grand scheme of things, it's not the end of the world to be unsure of. You're also 19, and have not settled into who you are. That doesn't really happen until your mid 20's give or take a few years. You might not really know until then. I mistyped myself for 9 years largely because of that.

 

[á´…eparted]

also can i ask how old you are?
where do you come from?
what is your favorite ice-cream?

I'm 25, male, gay, grew up in Southern New Jersey, currently live in Oregon for grad school. Favorite icecream is chocolate peanut butter.

 

[hazyharpy]

I have given it a lot of thought, believe me hahaha
And I have many introverted traits, for example, I find information to be very stimulating, I have kept a diary since I was in primary school, I began to read novels in year one, I would sit on my own for hours and devour the whole thing, I go to parties not for the party, but to see a certain individual, I think and think and think a lot more than people would expect, I can sit in my room alone for days on end... it is just that I USED to be so extroverted... this is all very complicated.. I want to be able to see myself in third person.
I know quiet extroverts and loud introverts.
How much can an extrovert internalize in one day?
Do you type people often?
What did you think you were in the past?

I am sorry you felt that way about the soup but it's more like I'm a wanderer who is looking for a nice juicy piece of steak and I keep being given soup and I can't be sustained on soup alone haha.... but thank-you for replying.. I'm just in a way today and feel like throwing off the filters for awhile, I am very stressed out at the moment.

I have never had chocolate peanut butter ice-cream, but I like chocolate peanut butter cups, so I will hunt for some one day.

What did you study in school?

 

[hazyharpy]

I hope I grow up and then my brain is like, "yay you are you now".
would be a fun time.

 

[á´…eparted]

I have given it a lot of time, believe me hahaha
And I have many introverted traits, for example, I find information to be very stimulating, I have kept a diary since I was in primary school, I began to read novels in year one, I would sit on my own for hours and devour the whole thing, I go to parties not for the party, but to see a certain individual, I think and think and think a lot more than people would expect, I can sit in my room alone for days on end... it is just that I USED to be so extroverted... this is all very complicated.. I want to be able to see myself in third person.
I know quiet extroverts and loud introverts.
How much can an extrovert internalize in one day?
Do you type people often?
What did you think you were in the past?

I am sorry you felt that way about the soup but it's more like I'm a wanderer who is looking for a nice juicy piece of steak and I keep being given soup and I can't be sustained on soup alone haha.... but thank-you for replying.. I'm just in a way today and feel like throwing off the filters for awhile, I am very stressed out at the moment.

I have never had chocolate peanut butter ice-cream, but I like chocolate peanut butter cups, so I will hunt for some one day.

What did you study in school?

I posted this recently and I highly highly recommend you read the article contained within it. It really gets into the nitty gritty of what introversion and extroversion is, and more importantly is not. I think it will give you many new things to think about. Simply put, there are so many misconseptions about I vs. E that I couldn't possibly list them all. I don't really type people often. I find it to be a lot of work and don't enjoy it. I opened my mouth here because I saw the I/E divide to be pretty clear based off the information you provided.

I thought I was an INFP when I first discovered MBTI when I was 15 or so, then changed that to INFJ shortly thereafter, and stuck with that until I was 24 (of course I questioned it numerous times inbetween). I realized last year that it was wrong, and ditched it. It wasn't until I realized that I actually am an extrovert, that everything made more sense. In hindsight, it's kind of rediculous I ever considered myself an introvert. It was partly driven by the fact that I have bipolar disorder type II. Mental disorders (legitimage diagnosed ones) that are unmanaged can and do cloud perceived type. Age is also a factor. My personality and who I am as a person really didn't start to settle until a few years ago. I had to come into my own completely.

I'm working on a PhD in organic chemistry.

 

[hazyharpy]

Interesting article.... this leads me to believe that we have two different ideas on what introversion and extroversion is... please review this link-

Easily the most fascintaing and illuminating comparison of introversion and extroversion I’ve ever seen | Musings on Mormonism

This explains how introversion and extroversion works inside the brain.

 

[hazyharpy]

Actually, further reading and I see how these two link... I will ponder on this for awhile and come back soon.

 

[hazyharpy]

I thought Introversion was having an introverted dominant function and extroversion having an extroverted dominant function? Thus the focus thing.. inward focus or outward focus.

 

[hazyharpy]

alright, so... it seems to me that the big 5 and other similar domains base themselves off of behavioral science, while mbti, cognitive functions and etc. base introversion off of where the individuals focus is on.. external or internal, based upon their order of functions... this means that an individual can very much enjoy "extroverted" qualities such as being in the spot light.. because they view the spot-light internally.. it's like everything isn't as real for them, so is less draining... is hard to explain, but I have met a few of these interesting individuals.. this is very complicated now because I feel as though theories are being joined incorrectly... the word introversion is only a word, as is extroversion, what is real is the things we have tried to title.. but have not done so very well thus far and so we start to think we are talking about the same thing when maybe we are not?
I am not sure if this makes sense, but that's my two cents... correct me if I'm wrong, I may be missing some vital piece of information to clear this all up. thanks

 

[BlackCat]

You sound very much like an EXFJ to me for sure (I may or may not be typing you in socionics). You kind of have a lack of structure that Ti inferiors have, and are always kicking yourself over not "knowing better" when you look at everything. Just know that the difference in an Se inferior and Ti inferior are major, and the way you describe yourself does not sound like an Se inferior to me at all. In fact it sounds like you were in an FeSe loop for a while and you only regained your senses when you got some Ni back.

Now may I ask why you were so rebellious and "bad"? Do you hard a hard time giving a definite answer to that? If so that kind of sounds like extroversion, since if you dom-tert loop function wise as an extrovert then you are operating 100% externally with no inner regard.

I think you are attached to being an introvert because it makes you seem more appealing in some way. And because you describe yourself as depressed. I was depressed for the longest time, but when I came out of it I felt like a totally different person. Also, you may be a social instinct last extrovert (in socionics terms). A social instinct last makes someone seem like a typical "introvert" because they don't weigh the bigger world and society against themselves, and have more of an individualized approach with an interest in protecting their own ideas. The E/I scale has to do with more how your brain is situated and how you process information. You should really look up the enneagram instinctive variants. Because without the enneagram, it's hard to get a full picture of yourself using just the MBTI.

Overall I'd go with ENFJ, EIE-Fe, I'd check on the subtype.

As far as enneagram, I can't tell at all. If you are interested in answering more questions, there are some great questionnaires floating around that I can link you to.

 

[yeghor]

I am 19 years old, I started reading about mbti, socionics etc. when I was 16, I can type anybody but myself.
I know that I am an xnfj... and by this I mean I use the functions- Ni, Fe, Ti, Se... but I do not know whether or not I am an introvert or an extrovert.
I want to be an introvert, not because, and F#ck I am sick of hearing this, I want to be a rare type, but because then it means that I can sink into myself, it means I can own myself finally. During high-school I became very engaged in my social life..although a majority of me believes that this is because I could not handle the stress of being at home with all my siblings and my parents mental health... but anyway... I became very "extroverted" in a means of behavior. But it was as though I felt I needed to act a certain way, not because it was me, but because I felt it was who I needed to be to be accepted.
I did not want to be boring, I wanted to entertain people.
Although, I must add, I was very intense during high-school, I used to throw big house parties and sneak out all the time, I wagged school nearly more often then I went and I got very into sexual things... which depressed me quite a lot.. I was brought up in a religious family, I'm not sure if it would have been against my basic moral otherwise..? Although my brothers don't seem to have a problem with it... but being sexual was also a way for me to be accepted as well (I had dealt with a lot of rejection since kindergarten).
Anyways...
So now I just want to be able to gain control over myself, to take myself back. But I don't know if that is my right. Maybe I am meant to be all extroverted and fun and bubbly, but I just don't know how to do that anymore. After I learned about mbti it sort of consumed me.. now keep in mind that I am a whole human being and my consciousness is consumed by things other than the mbti and whatever opinion you make of me based on this text, may be completely incorrect to who I actually am as a person.
Sometimes I think that this whole fear about being an extrovert is derived from back when I was 17 and I thought I was an ENFP or and ENFJ and then started dating an ESTJ whom I ended up really loving... and started thinking that I would never be the perfect little INFJ that he needed (I believe in this being the order for perfection, I'm sure this statement will cause a riot and hopefully it will because I would indeed like this opinion to be debased, however thus far it has not) and started to act in strange ways and get really envious of other girls when at the beginning of the relationship I was very confident in our connection...but this is my issue now.. as soon as I start to have real emotions for someone I start to freak out that they could have a better match than me.. and I don't even know what the fuck is going on anymore half the time... I don't know what reality is anymore, I have nothing to base anything from, all I really want to base myself on is myself, I want all of this information to leave my mind.
A lot of things have been taken out from under my feet the past few years... but thats a different story.
My brain goes a million miles an hour, I don't know if you can tell that from this.
Is it possible for someone to become like an introvert if they get themselves obsessed with something enough so that their brain starts focusing on information more that objectivity? I hope not.

I am so depressed and lonely and anxious and I can't prioritize anything.. I skip class because I get drunk in my room the night before.. stuff like that... I am so angry with myself, this is not the person I thought I would be as a child. I had a horrible dream where my younger self met my older self and she was really sad because of me.. I have broken my childish dreams.

I was always very spiritual actually... I was very imaginative as a child, like an INFJ and I do not remember most of it..
But I was also very naughty, I lived in a world inside my head and lied a lot and said things to adults that I really should not have... and caused lots of trouble.
I wish that this did not matter to me so much, but it does.. and I cannot stop thinking about it.
As soon as a new person walks into the room I start typing them. When I type somebody I am not ticking boxes, it is usually a gut instinct, it is how they move, what their focus is on, how they dress... just little things... once I learned about the cognitive functions it became very easy for me to type people because I feel the functions really do have this omnipresent presence in the way a person presents themselves... I guess that last note could be debated, but I hope the meaning of my words will filter through more strongly than the word meanings themselves.. whatever, get creative.
The point is, I'm completely obsessed with this stuff to the point of it affecting my mental health... before I read about the typology, I really didn't know who I was and after it I have a better understanding, but it is though I am putting labels on my thoughts now, I can't relax.

All of my friends say that I am an extrovert, and perhaps I am. But it just doesn't sit right. But then again, neither does Introversion.
I've looked into Ambiversion, but I would like to know what side of the scale I lean towards.. this answer is not enough.

Sometime I think this obsession can be compared to other obsessions such as anorexia.. in the sense where, once they lose all of the weight, they still think that they are fat.. so maybe once I know what type I am, I will still be obsessed with all of this... and chances are I will because I've made those pathways in my head very easy to travel down now.........

I have been stopping myself from researching this stuff for awhile, but it didn't seem to work very well, so here I am again, hahahahahaha. f#ck.

Has anyone else been affected by this stuff as badly as I have?
Sometimes I don't know if my actions are being controlled by my idea of these cognitive functions and what I believe other peoples functions are.. this is so complicated.

About a year ago I had a melt down where I realized all of these scary things about existence and everything lost its meaning, it was interesting, it was like what I think judgement day would be like if it will ever happen (I'm not sure if there is a God or if I just think like this because of how I was brought up) and all of a sudden everything in the bible made sense. Like it was written for this moment. Nothing had meaning, nothing, but the bible gave it meaning, showed me there would be a resurrection of mind.
And then eventually everything became better because I started realizing different meanings in things and began to appreciate nature once more (if I am to explain this melt-down properly it cannot be in this text, sorry if this made no sense, I just want all of this bad stuff gone).

I've been seeing a psychologist for the past few years as well, but none of them have really "got" me.. I ended up in hospital a month or two ago because I self-harmed very badly, I am living on campus in a dorm and I do not mix well with my roommates, they think I did it for attention even though I have never discussed any of my issues with them and did not ask for any sympathy. But they are all very close-minded.

blah blah blah blah blah

okay, I'm going to go now before I go completely insane, maybe I'll go cry for awhile.

Sorry if this sounds dramatic to any of you but I'm SO SICK OF FEELING LIKE THIS. I am alone. Please respond.

yours sincerely,
hazy harpy

Check the links in my signature and post your enneagram results in my thread if you are interested.