0. What's making you unsure of your type? What research have you already done to determine type?
I am by principle an indecisive and confused person, trapped in the depths of uncertainty and ambiguity. It would be more of a surprise if I were to be sure of my type.
A decent bit of research.
1. Establish a "baseline mood"--when you're at home with nothing to do, where are you at mentally and emotionally? What do you notice in yourself? (Note, this is not a mood you inhabit "frequently", but your psychological baseline).
2. Describe yourself--
a. What's it like to be you?
b. What have others said about you?
c. What do you think of yourself?
a) Interesting. And at the risk of sounding supercilious, rewarding. My perception of the world is fascinating.
b) Lots of things, but my archetype is that of a reclusive intellectual (people somehow always end up assuming that I'm intelligent, not that I'm denying it) who's excessively awkward in the real world (but they're too polite to tell me that).
c) I don't know what I think of myself, I'll leave that to everyone else. I'm more concerned about what my role is in the grand scheme of things.
3. What are the issues you've dealt with in life? List some recurrent themes, and tell us a little about each one.
Issues basically revolving around me being a complete nut in social situations, or any situation where large amounts of people are involved.
4. You're not good at everything--
a. What personality traits and/or ways of being are impossible for you to adopt?
b. What are qualities you'd like to have, but can't seem to develop?
Jeez, that's encouraging.
a) Being social, principally. Faking it, adapting to social environments, doing something just for the sake of pleasing someone else (unless I genuinely like that individual, which is rare), socializing, talking just for the sake of it. I just don't know how to interact with people. I'm the epitome of social awkwardness. I've also discovered that people seldom take me seriously. My assertiveness might as well be nonexistent. Although, that can be attributed to the fact that Se is my role or vulnerable function, which reminds me, I'm incorrigibly lazy. Getting me to act in the immediate present is a difficult job. "Wait a minute" and "Soon... patience is a virtue" are my constant refrains.
b) First of all, I'd like to get rid of my social anxiety. None come to mind right now, to be honest. After a little more introspection, traits like confidence and assertiveness pop up.
5. Why have you left friends and other relationships in the past and/or why have they left you?
Mainly because of my inability to hold conversations or interact effectively, unless you have a predilection towards awkwardness. Although, for the same reasons, some people do tend to flock to me. I guess I leave people when I feel they don't have much in common with me anymore. Relationships? I'll be fortunate to be in one, seeing as I don't have the gall to approach the opposite sex (also, I struggle to understand how you can just approach someone and start talking to him or her, I always need a reason to open my mouth, if someone approaches me for no reason at all and wants to get to know me, I would be suspicious) but that's not the point of the question, anyway. Also, oftentimes it happens that people misunderstand my external behavior and mistake me for a pretentious, insensitive, rude and arrogant individual.
6. Which types do you identify with most?
a. How do you relate to these types?
b. How do you NOT relate to them?
Lol, I'm not sure anymore. 3, 4 and 5 come to mind, however. 3 because of the focus on image and achievement. 4 because of the focus on individuality, the need to have an identity (arguably why I delved into typology in the first place) and the sentiment of envy. 5 because of its investigative and contemplative, observer or researcher nature.
I don't relate to 3 because of the overly ambitious nature and because it sounds too concerned with what other people think of you. 4... well, people would say that I'm not as emotional as a 4 would be expected to be. 5... well, I don't know.
7. Which types are least like you?
a. Why specifically do you not relate to these types?
b. What points (if any) DO you relate to?
8, definitely. It's obvious if you read my previous answers. 7, they sound too energetic and adventurous. 2, certainly, it might as well be my diametrical opposite.
I can see how I might relate to parts of them, but I can't put it into words for the time being. My understanding is in the form of images. Although, now that I think about it, I relate to 2's concerns about not being loved or appreciated.
8. They claim enneagram type is a hidden love need. What are your attitudes toward finding love?
I want to find love in order to find someone who can understand and decipher me. Someone who can fix the broken pieces in my life or find the missing pieces of my life's puzzle. Someone who can complete me.
9. What is the message your superego tells you?
Consider a time when you felt poorly about yourself--this means your ego (i.e. YOU) is receiving negative feedback from your superego. Write a conversation between the two of them--what is your superego telling you about how to be? (Note: this obviously is very personal and may be better done privately. Report your findings).
My superego tells me that I will always be a black horse, a perennial loner shunned by the world, a misanthrope who wants to be understood. Of course, this might just be my depression. I sure as hell did not have such thoughts a few years ago, actually, come to think of it, I probably did.
10. Determine your ego ideal--the way you strive to be and want others to perceive you. (Note, you may be consciously aware of failing at this, and you will be hard on yourself if you do. If someone else tells you you're NOT this way, it may make you feel hurt, violated, or angry.)
Which of the following ideals resonate with you the most, and why? Rank them.
1. Throughout my life, I have endeavored to be different and unique. To stand out. A perpetual need to have a distinguished identity.
2. This is simple. Knowledge is power. Knowledge is my ammunition.
3. This is more of a compensatory desire. I despise the feeling of not being taken seriously or not being assertive. I don't want to be a pushover.
4. I can't explain it... it's more of an intangible desire.
11. Determine your "felt sense" of life. To do this it may help to look at how you perceive events. Another way to do this is to look back at your childhood and think of all the things your parents did to you. How did you/do you feel about these events?
Here are some common "felt senses" of life:
I relate so strongly to these. The first one goes it line with my thoughts about whether I'm just a broken piece. I've even compared myself to a defective machine of a human being on numerous occasions. "Inherently flawed". I used those exact words to describe myself. Abandonment is also a principal issue.
I honestly wish you could just peek inside my mind right now because I'm finding it quite difficult to verbally explain why I relate to these statements.
12. Core fears. You may have been aware of these fears even as a very small child, before anyone did anything to influence it. You'd be mortified to be in this position or have others perceive you this way.
Discuss which fears have played the greatest role in your life: