I hate to tell you this, but I find myself unable to type my Enneagram type accurately. And I could use an outsiders' perspective.
The Enneagram isn't something new to me; in fact, I own a copy of Personality Types from R&H by which I would type myself as a 4. While I relate quite a deal to this type, I just cant find my peace of mind typing as a 4. It doesn't seem to hit home quite hard enough.
Anyway, I'mma going to start answering this neat lil' questionnaire I found (credit to Sanjuro).
(answers in the quotes)
What's it like to be you?
What have others said about you?Great I suppose, and awful at the same time?
I struggle a great deal with 'finding myself', and I have been since as far back as I can remember. Always looking for some idea and archetype that could represent me, in order to finally understand myself. No wonder I eventually found the enneagram.
Apart from that I'm quite sociable, friendly, funny, doubtful and volatile. With a big "I don't give a f**k" -air about me; I don't do shame.
What do you think of yourself?People tend to complement me on my looks (yeah baby!), me being sociable (with anyone -and that for my age!-), my warm and gregarious energy and my take-charge ability in dire times.
On the other side of the coin, people have told me that I can be very hesitating, nonchalant, unpredictable and that they have a hard time reading me.
What are the issues you've dealt with in life? List some recurrent themes, and tell us a little about each one.Pretty much the sum of the answers above. Though I hate how self-conscious I can get. I'm always aware of the public's eye, as if I'm constantly needing to be more, better, ...
You're not good at everything--Hmm, let's see..
One of the biggest issues I've struggled with might actually seem like the stupidest one; I still can't let go of the feelings I had (have?) for a girl I went to school with for over 6 years. Mainly because she made it clear to me that the feelings weren't one sided, but I just couldn't accept her affection towards me. I felt that whatever she might've been feeling at the time, was only towards her interpretation of my projection of my image. And thus, not real enough. So freakin' lame.
Throughout highschool (in my country from age 12 - 18) I struggled quite a bit with social anxiety, even though I love letting go and doing whatever I feel like doing. It felt so stifling, I didn't want to be stuck with it for the rest of my life. So I became angry, at society for making me self-conscious (hey, I never claimed to be very rational at highschool age), and at myself for allowing this to happen. And so I forced myself to reach out to people and be more assertive, which payed off nicely. I'm back to being the self-conscious but social anxiety free person I was before highschool.
The last struggle is/has been work/school. I hate it. Just can't (won't?) do it. And I'm still figuring out a way to maintain comfort with the least amount of social slavery committed. I don't know why I feel this way, but it's something every cell in my body works against.
What personality traits and/or ways of being are impossible for you to adopt?
What are qualities you'd like to have, but can't seem to develop?Frankly, I feel as if most if not all of em are doable for me. There isn't one I couldn't ever adopt.
Except for maybe, hmm, 'selling out'? Whatever that means. It's very subjective isn't it? For me, 'selling out' means going against the nature of your being. I don't think I would feel fine selling mortgages to folks, though I don't think it's impossible for me. Never say never
Why have you left friends and other relationships in the past and/or why have they left you?Ha! Great question :p Dedication, discipline, the ability to put aside the 'mood of the moment'.
Which types do you identify with most?Boredom mainly, if I'm not passionately into you, then we're not going anywhere. No matter how polite I'm being.
That and friends who are too scared to stand up for/against you are no good friends, so fck em.
How do you relate to these types?4, 6, 7 mainly.
How do you NOT relate to them?4; the longing, the idealization of ideals (lol?), the feeling like I'm unworthy of love (yay...), the self-consciousness, the need to discover myself
6; the doubt, the sociability, the volatility (same for 4 really), the hesitation
7; the sense for adventure, love fun (but who doesn't?), the need for distractions, the shamelessness, the high self-esteem (though it tends to plummet deep from time to time)
And probably some more I forgot...
Which types are least like you?4; I'm not all that aware of my emotionality, nor am I burdened by shame or self-loathing, I look too upbeat and approachable (for how much that accounts to typing anyone)
6; no worst-case scenario thinking, no panicking, no ask-a-friend, no trust issues
7; not assertive enough, too hesitating, too reflective
Why specifically do you not relate to these types?1, 5
What points (if any) DO you relate to?They're too cold and calculated. Do not relate one bit to that.
And type 1 is way too self-controlled. I like to let go, especially on the anger part -> I need to let it all out.
They claim enneagram type is a hidden love need. What are your attitudes toward finding love?1; the sense for idealism, the self-righteousness (though I hate it in others -the irony)
5; I like being knowledgeable and capable
What is the message your superego tells you?I either fall in love instantly, or I don't. Love on first sight. But then...
I tend to hesitate and doubt, I try to get their attention by being.. more me to them than to others, by being more intense. Not easy though, the self-consciousness kicks in real hard here.
And I don't get over past loves. Ever. For better and worse.
Determine your ego ideal--the way you strive to be and want others to perceive you. (Note, you may be consciously aware of failing at this, and you will be hard on yourself if you do. If someone else tells you you're NOT this way, it may make you feel hurt, violated, or angry.)<< You have all these dreams, these ideal - you -'s, and yet here you sit, doing nothing at all about them. You're not capable enough, you never will be and you know it. You're not.. enough.>>
Which of the following ideals resonate with you the most, and why? Rank them.
Determine your "felt sense" of life. To do this it may help to look at how you perceive events. Another way to do this is to look back at your childhood and think of all the things your parents did to you. How did you/do you feel about these events?1- to be loving and benevolent
2- to be powerful, strong, unassailable.
3- to be accomplished and successful
4- to be sensitive, original, unique, and creative
5- to be knowledgeable
6- to be a lovable person
7- to be "okay", having it together
8- to be devoted and loyal to a person or cause
9- to strive to become/behave like a good person
Why to be loving and benevolent? Because it comes from a strong place; from a warm, open and generous heart that isn't afraid of getting rejected. A powerful philanthropist.
It's what I'm striving to be.
Core fears. You may have been aware of these fears even as a very small child, before anyone did anything to influence it. You'd be mortified to be in this position or have others perceive you this way.- I feel imperfect, not (good) enough
- I've been sensitive to rejection
There.- Rejection, being needy, and not being loved
Ha! It's sounds like I'm afraid of not being liked. That's not quite the case. I only care about rejection etc. with those I'm interested in - in more than just 'casual'. Anyone else can dislike me, or even hate me, I won't care. Though they usually don't
Phew, that took a while.