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  1. #6361
    my floof is luxury Wind Up Rex's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Cloudpatrol View Post
    I think sometimes it's possible to not feel a type resonates with oneself. But, here's the thing: it doesn't mean that the person being questioned doesn't like or wish they COULD be that particular type.
    What matters is who you are, and how willing are you to actually get to know that person. Are you willing to figure out what's up with them, and address those needs meaningfully? Politicking about letters won't help you answer that question.

    Maybe there's a reason that some identity resonates with you, even if it's not the one that belongs to you. That's something that's worth exploring. If you stop simply at "liking" or "disliking" something, it will only create a barrier to really getting at how it relates to you. Why does it resonate? Why do you reject it? How does it fit? How is it different?

    My underlying frustration with this conversation is that type is a tool and not a destination. None of this would matter if that distinction was understood. No one is going to get upset if someone else tells them that they're using their screwdriver as a hammer.


    Quote Originally Posted by Hard View Post
    I gossip ALL the time. Always have, always will. It's just so... interesting. There isn't anything inherently wrong with it either. You just need to be mindful of who, when, how, and where you do it. I don't think I have ever gotten in trouble or caused problems through gossiping.
    Talking about people that you know shouldn't be such a bad thing. My rule has always been to not say something behind someone's back that I wouldn't say to their face.

    Quote Originally Posted by Starry View Post
    haha!
    This actually got me thinking about hiring a group of ESFJs to make-over my life.
    I found a nice Fe user to help me run my life, and have zero complaints.

    That said...he can be super mean sometimes, though. So just know what you're getting into :<<<

  2. #6362

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    Quote Originally Posted by Hard View Post
    I gossip ALL the time.
    Think.
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  3. #6363
    Not Sexy. Not ENFP. Starry's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by MDP2525 View Post



    It totally does! It. Just. Does. It's very funny tho.

    omg what is it? And you know it took me a while to get this about myself being someone that is "slightly" over-optimistic about my abilities so I'd start off with "I've got this" and end with "That did not go the way I thought it would go in my mind..."



    Interesting. Now, you just showed a distinction to me. Outwardly, it looks the same. You cannot tell whether the ExFP is doing it out of boredom or defense, or smoothing of feathers. I also see this in my ENFP. For instance, if he knows how I feel or think about something and it is strong, if that subject gets brought up in discussion, even if it isn't heated or anything with someone else, I see him tense up a bit. Like, "be alert/must protect" here....

    I think that is defending me, or watching out for me. Still, I sort of see how intense his discomfort or boredom must be because of how ill-timed the joke will come in. The more bored/wary the more "forced" the diffusion! I also see this in my ESFP friend too, btw.

    Yah, totally, being "on alert". Some of this might just be being a dude. But what it feels like internally is being taken off Ne-only cruise control because something tripped Fi. So now he is waiting to either defend you...or break up the energy when he has had enough and is ready to go back to Ne-only autopilot ("break up the energy" is probably more accurate than saying "diffuse" if diffuse is thought to be done with a more channeled action and awareness of outcome). I mean, even if he knows nothing is going to get out of hand...he will be feeling on your behalf.

    Now if it was you and I in a friend situation I would be secretly wanting things to get heated haha! Then I'd be like "aww yah" grab my popcorn. Breaking up energy...while I have done this in situations for others it is very rare and done when I don't know the person well. It is difficult to explain but there is something that feels like a betrayal or manipulative about doing this to an intimate. It would be like saying "I don't trust you to know what's best for situations you are involved in." I need to have your back (I need to support not end what you are doing.)







    This is a big difference in just Fe and Fi in general and when discussing ENFP/ESFJ, I think it's a pretty good distinction to make! It's often what I see as the difference in typed people I know IRL. ESFJ's, I know really enjoy this. Learning, bouncing off. ENFP's do this....but it's totally not in the same way. With ESFJ's it seems seamless. There is less of a building of trust necessary that I think ENFP's generally enjoy.

    I've had it where I've tried to go on a shit-talk rant with an ESFJ and they keep trying to get me to see the good in the person and I'm like "Please stop, I'm just trying to vent."
    لا تستطيع كسر المكسور
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  4. #6364

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    Quote Originally Posted by Wind Up Rex View Post
    What matters is who you are, and how willing are you to actually get to know that person. Are you willing to figure out what's up with them, and address those needs meaningfully? Politicking about letters won't help you answer that question.

    Maybe there's a reason that some identity resonates with you, even if it's not the one that belongs to you. That's something that's worth exploring. If you stop simply at "liking" or "disliking" something, it will only create a barrier to really getting at how it relates to you. Why does it resonate? Why do you reject it? How does it fit? How is it different?

    My underlying frustration with this conversation is that type is a tool and not a destination. None of this would matter if that distinction was understood. No one is going to get upset if someone else tells them that they're using their screwdriver as a hammer.




    Talking about people that you know shouldn't be such a bad thing. My rule has always been to not say something behind someone's back that I wouldn't say to their face.



    I found a nice Fe user to help me run my life, and have zero complaints.

    That said...he can be super mean sometimes, though. So just know what you're getting into :<<<

    Agreed Rex. I value the tool analogy. I might use it myself sometime, if that's ok


    Quote Originally Posted by Anaximander View Post
    Hello typoC. Been a while since someone called me out in this thread. I think Evee was the last and then he backtracked in a Facebook PM LOL
    K, I'm officially calling you out on the 'existence of your P ness'.

    No wait that came out all wrong (grin).
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  5. #6365
    You are what you love themightyfetus's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Starry View Post
    I've had it where I've tried to go on a shit-talk rant with an ESFJ and they keep trying to get me to see the good in the person and I'm like "Please stop, I'm just trying to vent."
    My ESFJ mom (bless her soul, I love her) does this. I don't always want to see the optimistic silver lining. I just need to get it out. My mom is as optimistic and inspiring as I come off, but am probably not.

    The variance between types, in action. Just clarifying that this isn't necessarily just an ESFJ thing--but I know you probably already knew that.
    Yet I know, if I stepped aside
    Released the controls, you would open my eyes
    That somehow, all of this mess
    Is just my attempt to know the worth of my life
    .

    Mercury - Sleeping At Last

    3w2 // 6w7 // 9w1
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  6. #6366
    Analytical Dreamer Coriolis's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by themightyfetus View Post
    My ESFJ mom (bless her soul, I love her) does this. I don't always want to see the optimistic silver lining. I just need to get it out. My mom is as optimistic and inspiring as I come off, but am probably not.

    The variance between types, in action. Just clarifying that this isn't necessarily just an ESFJ thing--but I know you probably already knew that.
    IME, this attitude is like going to the doctor with what turns out to be a broken arm, and having him tell you to look on the bright side: at least there is nothing wrong with your legs.

    The negative aspects of a situation are what require our attention and correction. We actually have to DO something about them.
    I've been called a criminal, a terrorist, and a threat to the known universe. But everything you were told is a lie. The truth is, they've taken our freedom, our home, and our future. The time has come for all humanity to take a stand...
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  7. #6367
    my floof is luxury Wind Up Rex's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Cloudpatrol View Post
    Agreed Rex. I value the tool analogy. I might use it myself sometime, if that's ok
    Lol. You're welcome to it :P

    I think personal growth and seeking self-knowledge are some of the most difficult things we can do in this life. I respect the point that you and others are making that having other people badger you about your conclusions is super counterproductive. What do you think is the best way for people to support each other as they work out questions like type?
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  8. #6368
    Senior Member
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    Quote Originally Posted by themightyfetus View Post
    My ESFJ mom (bless her soul, I love her) does this. I don't always want to see the optimistic silver lining. I just need to get it out. My mom is as optimistic and inspiring as I come off, but am probably not.

    The variance between types, in action. Just clarifying that this isn't necessarily just an ESFJ thing--but I know you probably already knew that.
    Quote Originally Posted by Coriolis View Post
    IME, this attitude is like going to the doctor with what turns out to be a broken arm, and having him tell you to look on the bright side: at least there is nothing wrong with your legs.

    The negative aspects of a situation are what require our attention and correction. We actually have to DO something about them.
    Also, @Hard @Wind Up Rex @Starry

    Yes. Gossip can be used as a productive tool: to vent, to brainstorm, to gather information, to size up a situation (is the person notorious for doing questionable activities?). It only really becomes a problem when you do it out of malicious intent (slander, tearing someone down, public humiliation) or being excessively negative. If you guys want to read into the potential evolutionary basis for gossip, there is a concept called "cheater detection" (not necessarily in romantic situations, but moreso social situations in general - liars, thiefs, mooches, etc.). http://www.cep.ucsb.edu/papers/cheat..._ld_jt2007.pdf
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  9. #6369
    Aspiring polymath asynartetic's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Cloudpatrol View Post
    K, I'm officially calling you out on the 'existence of your P ness'.

    No wait that came out all wrong (grin).
    Formerly Anaximander
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  10. #6370

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    Quote Originally Posted by Anaximander View Post
    Giggle.

    Your new avatar seems to always fit whatever thought you are currently expressing in some way. It's genius really.
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