That was a good read, thank for that. I btw consider it a compliment that you feel that's not me at all - you have no idea
You've stumbled upon something I..tend to keep to myself. My dark side if you will. I do experience all the feelings described there and when I was younger I did express them.
The only thing I do not relate to is the entitlement to put it on others or being shameless about it as that stuff gets caught in my empathy filter. I always felt sick (and still do) when I did that because of the hypocrisy (and I *HATE* hypocrisy - my Ne is paranoid about it and checks all angles it can get a hold of anxiously all the time). I know what it's like to be on the receiving end of that. I am not always able to curb it and often it is more of a 'lament to the world' than a direct targeting of others which I try to avoid. And if I target someone and I'm aware of what I'm doing but unable to stop, I'll apologise while raging to show that I...am aware of what I'm doing and I am *trying* to address it. The worst is feeling justified in the moment, then ashamed after.
In that same vein, I associate this hypocrisy with competition - as well as feeling superior in any way - and therefore stay away from it as far as I can. The only place I cannot turn it off is in the dating arena. Even there though, I find ways to disable the jealousy, envy and competition as ultimately, that stuff doesn't matter and I *know* that so I can cope with that till they vanish on their own - or better yet, I transform and channel them into something productive to improve upon myself. I seriously refuse to be ruled by my emotions anymore - I've done the chaotic being tossed about by intense emotions and while I enjoy the roller-coaster ride, I try to be in the drivers seat nowadays. The only one I'm still taming is Fear.
Also, keep in mind I'm 497 sx-so. The So and the 9 might just have a lot of impact on my not wanting to express my anger - too much. Usually, I strive to only go as far as (hopefully) righteous indignation. I also very much relate to the advice given at the end - it is the only way forward and what I share with others who I notice going through the same thing - because believe me, I'm hyperaware of it in others due to being so..intimately familiar with that shit myself.
Iow, I try and rule that side of mine with an iron fist as it isn't fair to others to have to deal with my emotional waste. I don't like being taken for granted as a (emotionally) toxic waste bin either, so why would I do that to others if I can prevent it?
As for the 8 comment....why do you think I have such an appetite for them? They're the ones who can *TAKE* this side of me without backing down or even blinking. I can rely on them not putting up with it while also appreciating it without judgement. If they're not happy about it, I can be sure that they'll let me know instead of ignoring me or avoiding me. And vice versa, btw. I enjoy a good 8 show of power - it rarely scares, annoys or intimidates me.
In fact, often it's something that'll actually make us take a second look at each other. It's liberating not to have to feel guilty for this crap and to give them the same license when they're with me - a moment to stretch their legs.