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  1. #4671
    philosopher wood nymph greenfairy's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Saturned View Post
    you are so Fe the cosmos themselves tremble at the imbalance.
    Oh, then perhaps ENFJ? I don't really relate though. Thanks for your input.

  2. #4672
    Senior Member Sanjuro's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Chanaynay View Post
    Dunno about Sanjuro specifically, but I'm positive that my asexual friend is sp/sx. No, she's not sx-dom but with the importance you place on having sex for the sx instinct wouldn't that make her sp/so instead? I'm certain there are plenty of other ways for an sx type to get that connection, that intensity, that attraction, etc. Just putting that out there.
    This is what I think. The sx-instinct is about intensity, living intensely, and being "merged" with something--this does not necessarily have to be another human being, if the sx-first does not feel the chemistry with anyone. I'm certain that asexual sx-firsts exist as well (though I have no proof, admittedly).

    The response in the limerence thread, though, is questionable. I know that feeling all to well and so do the fellow sx-doms I know (as well as mostly everyone in that thread).
    The problem with the limerence thread is that I think it describes the feelings of infatuation. This is a normal human phenomenon and likely happens to people of all instinctual stackings. I personally don't like letting something have that sort of power over me (particularly towards other people) and have never been romantically involved, moreover. Others who have been infatuated but are sx-last may identify with limerence just as much. I'm not inclined to take it as proof of being or not being sx-first.

    Quote Originally Posted by The Great One View Post
    Now again, I know that some SX doms may not be that into sex (it's rare, but it exists). However, I'm just not feeling Sanjuro as an Sx dom who has never had a strong spark with anyone, or just instantly feels a strong sense of chemistry with anyone (friend or potential lover). This is so sexual last that it just plain hurts.
    See, this is where you're breaking off from what I've actually said. You're transferring your reading of my words about my own sexuality into stuff about "chemistry", which is a topic I haven't once touched upon. "Chemistry" isn't necessarily about sexual attraction, it's about qualitatively feeling the connection or "vibe" between yourself and another human being. That could a member of the same sex, a child, an interest, a new country, whatever, where you simply feel that there's something exciting there. You're drawn to that person; you want to spend time with them. You don't have to force conversation. It's something that comes from being with that person, specifically, and can't be recreated with just anyone.

    I haven't said anything on this message board about chemistry or a spark between myself and others, so it's not fair for anyone to comment on this yet. As near as I can tell, you're questioning my instincts because of the fact that my sex-life has been dull and I have been highly rejecting of others, but that's not quite the same thing. (See my response to your other thread on that one.)

    Quote Originally Posted by Lady X View Post
    i don't feel like i'm any more into sex than non sx people.

    i am into intense energy and connection and highly aware of it...i can feel the sexual energy from others constantly...actually i can't not feel it.

    so...that's not really the same as me being into sex as it is just feeling that energy very strongly.
    I think you're right about this--the sx-instinct is about intensity and the energy that transfers between two individuals, like I said above.

    Quote Originally Posted by Chanaynay View Post
    What else about her seems sx-last? The limerence thing makes sense to me because it's basically an overwhelming desire for that intense, quick emotional connection with someone, I was just saying that the lack of a desire for sex doesn't entirely prove someone isn't sx. But I'm fer sure open to any other points both of you may have about it.
    I'm not sure why everyone keeps bringing in "lack of desire for sex". I've never once said that about myself. That's a misunderstanding that keeps getting kicked around and inflated, actually. LOL, not yelling at you here, Chanaynay, just pointing that out to the general audience. I'm not sure where that's coming from--I've actually said quite the opposite in the link below.

    But, the way limerence is described in that thread, it makes the "limeree" (or whatever) sound romantically infatuated. That's a basic human phenomenon, not instinct related. Personally speaking, I've never been infatuated with another living human being, so I can't comment on that. The definition doesn't expand towards other interests or anything like that, so, again, I only take that semi-seriously as any indication of sx-first.

    Quote Originally Posted by The Great One View Post
    I'm re-evaluating my opinion of her because she just said in the limerance thread that she can bond with close friends of the same sex very quickly. This seems a bit more sx to me. However, if she is an sx dom, she's a wierd ass sx dom.
    I think the mistake is your basing your ideas about sx-first solely on ideas of sex and romance. I already said that in other places, so I won't repeat here.

    Quote Originally Posted by Mal+ View Post
    I remember someone here who kept insisting, in post after post aimed at me, that sx means "has sex." Was that you?
    I don't believe it was. That's not my conception of the sexual instinct; I don't recall interacting with you prior; and I haven't posted that much around here anyway. Sorry you had that experience, though.

    LOL, care to share the story about this? I'm avidly curious now.

    Quote Originally Posted by decrescendo View Post
    Maybe this is the case with @Sanjuro, if she considers herself unhealthy? I don't know how accurate this summary is, and I'm not familiar with this person at all, but I remember reading a post of hers that seemed very sx 4.
    Hi there.

    No, I don't consider myself to be "unhealthy" in terms of my enneagram core fixation (4). But, I do consider that I likely manifest the unhealthy version of my instinct. As I've said on and off, this is the reason I assumed I was sx-last for a number of years. I wrote about forces that did this to me here:

    Enneagram sx doms: How do you feel when you aren't sexually desirable?

    That seems to be the crux of it.

    It wasn't until I got started commenting on another site that sx-first even came up as a possibility. There, everyone is CONVINCED I'm sx-first and sp-last, largely because I've told them my life story. I was *extremely* hesitant to accept it, but when I consider what issues have gotten under my skin throughout my life, and what has set off the biggest "fourish" reactions, it does actually revolve around a sense of deprivation about everything contained in the sx-instinct. Social, sometimes, but not so much. SP, hardly at all.

    So, the combination of the things that set of my deprivation and identity as being "deprived" revolve around sx-first. My life story reflects it. And I pretty much LOATHE the sx-instinct, an intense enough reaction that indicates I have some sort of neurosis around it.

    Look guys (everyone), I really am open to having my mind changed on this--I don't want to be sx-first. But I do have my reasons for typing this way. If you'd like to get into a protracted discussion with me on it, that's fine. I do note that sp4s can appear sx-first simply by being 4s, and that they can be counter-self-pres as well--meaning they're not necessarily exemplars of caring for themselves and building a solid foundation. But let's move away from the notions that the sx-instinct means "sex" and "romantic infatuation", especially to those who've been wounded around these issues. I think the sx-instinct is another principle entirely.

    I think that covers it. Looking forward to hearing back from y'all.

  3. #4673
    Senior Member Mal12345's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Sanjuro View Post
    I don't believe it was. That's not my conception of the sexual instinct; I don't recall interacting with you prior; and I haven't posted that much around here anyway. Sorry you had that experience, though.

    LOL, care to share the story about this? I'm avidly curious now.
    Quote Originally Posted by Richardsen View Post
    I dont mind, Sx instinct it's about what the word says, sex, breed, cuz at the end is instinctive, animalistic if you want. No need to theorize too much about. That's the root, now how you deal with that, it's your own bussines...
    And btw, the root of our personalities is biological, you should know that.

    Maybe im not as hyper-argumentative as you are,maybe my answers are somewhat dumb to you, maybe my IQ is much more lower than yours
    .
    "If you try to build something that is idiot-proof, the universe will build a better idiot."

  4. #4674
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    Quote Originally Posted by Rasofy View Post
    Aw, thank you, Starry.

    The "I hate all INTPs, except X,Y,Z." attention-seeking strategy is kinda obsolete already.

    :coke:
    I guess I would be more concerned by this stunning denouement of my character were it given by someone who's major contributions to the forum hasn't been a mere regurgitation of Reddit feeds. And coupled with the fact that you have on more than one occasion thrown a childish hissy fit at me simply because I didn't publicly agree with something you said, and thereby caused you to worry over your "forum image", I find your passive aggressive purposeful misunderstanding of the joke I engaged with members above rather sad and its own form of, how did you put it? attention-seeking obsolete strategy.

    If you have something to say to me, then have the balls to say it directly to my face.

  5. #4675
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    Aww yeah, shit just got real.

  6. #4676
    Wake, See, Sing, Dance Cellmold's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Saturned View Post
    Then they can be reborn with beautiful attractive accents
    I could spoil that notion for you.
    'Consciousness is not simply a sensory-perceptual affair, a matter of mental imagery, as the contents of our mind would have us believe. It is deeply enmeshed with the brain mechanisms that automatically promote action readiness' - Jaak Panksepp

    Suppose a tree fell down, Pooh, when we were underneath it?"
    "Suppose it didn't," said Pooh, after careful thought.
    Piglet was comforted by this.
    - A.A. Milne.

  7. #4677
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    Quote Originally Posted by Saturned View Post
    Aww, what a cute picture!! Ok, you can still post. BUT NO MORE! This is like Noah's Ark people and Jennifaire and Stigmata shall fulfill the two by two requirement.
    Not if I barrel in and rape all the animals.

  8. #4678
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    Quote Originally Posted by DJ Arendee View Post
    Not if I come in and rape all the animals.
    At least they'll be sterile.

  9. #4679
    untitled Chanaynay's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Sanjuro View Post
    I'm not sure why everyone keeps bringing in "lack of desire for sex". I've never once said that about myself. That's a misunderstanding that keeps getting kicked around and inflated, actually. LOL, not yelling at you here, Chanaynay, just pointing that out to the general audience. I'm not sure where that's coming from--I've actually said quite the opposite in the link below.

    But, the way limerence is described in that thread, it makes the "limeree" (or whatever) sound romantically infatuated. That's a basic human phenomenon, not instinct related. Personally speaking, I've never been infatuated with another living human being, so I can't comment on that. The definition doesn't expand towards other interests or anything like that, so, again, I only take that semi-seriously as any indication of sx-first.
    Oh no no, I wasn't saying you lacked a desire for sex. I was just addressing The Great One who said "so she basically said here that she's not that into sex either." I wanted to make the point that if you're not interested in sex then that doesn't necessarily rule out being sx (and thus I talked about my asexual friend). It's not the case for me, but it still shouldn't be used to rule out others completely.

    The limerence thing, yes, is a basic human phenomenon. However, I wouldn't be surprised if it was commonly emphasized in those who are sx-first.

    primary concern - intense experiences, connections, and contacts, wide-ranging and exploratory, in order to find something to "complete" them inside (sky diving, deep conversations, exciting movies)
    primary focus - people and attractions promising intense energy and charge
    primary ambition - looking outside themselves for the person or situation that will complete them, and then obsessing over that completing element
    primary stresses - lack of intense mental or emotional stimulation, lack of an intense connection or experience
    coping methods (unhealthy) - scattered attention, lack of focus, sexual promiscuity, intensely avoiding intense experiences and connections with a fearful and dysfunctional attitude toward sex, intimacy, and other intense "completing" experiences, as is skewed by the secondary instinct
    The bold screams limerence to me. Of course, everyone goes through this - from sx-first to sx-last - but I'd venture to say it's a more frequent occurrence with those who are sx-first. Moreover, with a lack of intense emotional stimulation or connection being a primary stress it shouldn't be that surprising that people might question your sx-nature. You could still very well be sx/so (the sexually desirable thread supports it imo) but I'm not shocked that it was called into question because of this.
    7w6 - 2w3 - 8w7 sx/so


  10. #4680
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    how do you distinguish the quoted above (the sx summary) from e4 traits? especially sp 4:

    You have a reckless urgency to obtain those ultimate and uniquely elite experiences that make you feel alive and quell longing. [source]

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