I=78% N=38% F=50% J=1%
IEI (INFp): 89% as likely EII.
IEE (ENFp): 85%
SEI (ISFp): 77%."
A year or a few years ago I made a sticky note with my MBTI, INFJ, I read up on it a bit, enjoyed it, left it at that. Now I am in college and I somehow got deep into trying to find out who I am, and even more so this semester because I have a intro to psychology class. Now I am starting to wonder just who am I? I typed as INFJ before I knew anything, but now I am worried, what if I just want to be INFJ because they are so 'special, rare, unique" I also got a E4 (Which recently I have been told is rare.) What if I am only seeing in the test who I want to be, and not who I am? But then I think, I got those before I knew about them, but I also Re-took them and received other possibilities. Such as I identify strongly with INFP as well. I also like the ISFJ type, I identify with many fictional ISFJ types, but I don't heavily lean towards it as my own personality (there are bits that fit and others that just don't)..
I do feel that I want to be special, but I don't want that to misguide me, but then I read the E4 type and it seems to be a characteristic that they do enjoy being individualistic. I don't do funky hairs styles or extreme things though. I strongly believe in "I'm unique!.... Just like every body else." I got INFj on Socionics as well, yet it seems to describe more reasons why I feel like I may be an INFP rather than confirming INFJ.(I am so confused about that!)
How do I go forward with as little biased as possible? Maybe I just hate categories so much that even fitting in to a unique one sounds off putting so I try to shove my self in an in-between mixture one?
I don't care and yet I am also overly concerned with what other people think of me. I am who I am, and I won't let others change that but I do like to consider who they are as well and show them respect.
A reason why I am debating on J v P is My organization. I am scattered, and organized. I will plan things out, but leave room for random stuff. I will post pone things if there is time and I can fit more in, but I take deadlines seriously! I feel late if I am less than 5 minuets early. 5 minuets is my staple. I prefer 10, and I would rather be 30 minuets early than 1 minuet late. Yet, I am often late, well not often at all but it does happens. (Remember I count my self late sometimes if I am 'just on time' and fewer times I am actually late) I love organization, yet I am a messy. I will clean someone else's house in a jiffy, but my own space is a disaster. My closet is arranged by type, fabric, color. but I will take forever to take my clean clothes out of the hamper to put up and thus throw dirty clothes on the floor. I can see why I am confused between J/P but I can't solve why. (I have no idea where the random ISFJ came from, I have no Ideas what the S is, or what the functions for ISFJ are.) I know the functions are completely reversed on the two INFJ INFP yet I feel so strongly for both. I mostly identify with INFJ - minus organization and I mainly only identify with INFP with disorganized and head in the clouds/fantasy life.
When it comes to rules, I can not at all force myself to curse. I tried, I really tried but I could not. I have a really weird and strong sense of morality. I am adventurous and will bend rules as far as I can, and break some I don't personally agree with, but I will never break rules that go with my moral. (I'll hop a fence and explore the woods behind the college, but I would not borrow with out permission a bike to ride on. (Uhhg, my friends wanted to ride bikes so just 'borrowed' some.... no asking at all. They tried to get me to and I compromised by calling a friend and asking to borrow his bike.)
I highly doubt this factors in but I am extremely jumpy. I jump and flinch when there is a loud and or sudden noise or sometimes even just a movement. I also jump when some people touch me. Most people at college think I am touch avoident and skittish. I even fall down sometimes I get so scared and my heart just starts to go wild. Yet I love to cuddle. Mainly with family, trusted people, old people, little kids and animals. (Sooo all but people my age group 15-35) I think it may be a trust issue or something. But I will run and hug all the old people at church and give piggy back rides to kids. yet if a person at colleges touches me I freak out, to the point of being accused of faking it (By the most awesome honest girl in the world! (Brutally so sometimes.) She has said "At first I thought you were faking it." and said now she thinks it's actually a problem because I guess I'm consistent or something that made her decide otherwise, if you could say that, hah. Ex. There was an old lady in the cafeteria who came up behind me and placed her hands in my pockets and wiggled them around, I did not jump at all! I did not even see her at first! Yet a fellow college student places their hand on my shoulder to calm me down and I freak and fall out of my chair. I think this tendency has led me to be much more introverted than maybe I would be if it were not a character flaw of mine. Though I'd probably be introverted in general either way. Some people say I'm out going and talkative, others think I am shy and mute. (Obviously most people vary and are more talkative around those they know!!)
I get along with others fairly easily if they give me a chance, and I can also, but rarely, have people who I don't get along with at all. (I say I hate every one, but I just hate every one I don't know, because even If I hate characteristics about a person if I meet and talk to them I can't hate them because I can always see why they may be that way, not meaning I agree or would be in their situation, or see the stupid humanity in them, so I hate to get to know people because it makes me stop hating them. /: ) I like the INFJ counselor sterotype because I feel that's what I have been all my life. Even a girl who bullied me came to me with her problems once (Well, her complaints and gossip really, when her tag along friend and her had a fight, later she thanked me for not repeating what she said. Not that I had anyone to tell anyways.)
I have also vastly been alone in my peer group. Older people love me and call me an old soul and mature and unlike other teenagers. Younger people love me because I can be very fun loving and exiting wile still keeping things safe and get down to their level.
Some time I worry excessively if I am Mentally Handicapped. I feel as if people (mainly my age group/generation) treat me in a way they treat MH people. I also enjoy MH peoples company more that so called 'normal' people sometimes, thought I do sometime have a lack of patience and understanding with MH people I feel close to them. Gosh I love autistic kids, they are just so pure! But I also fear if I am one, what am I missing out on and lacking, what do I not see that's wrong with me that's obvious to others? I always get asked "What's wrong with you?" My neutral face looks frowny, or just unhappy, so people ask me that with the idea I am sad or angry or not enjoying myself. Most of the time however its when I jump, or freak out or just do something that's 'me' I get asked "What's wrong with you?" I hate that question, but I know there are so many answers to it, and I fear what the answers to it that I am unaware of are. I settle this fear the more and more I find out about who I am. I love feeling unique, but I also want to feel real or normal..... in the Nobody's normal kind of way.
I know this is long, and probably not of much use to anyone, and I left out so much just because I do not know how to covey what I mean at all. I hope someone reads this and can help me find another bit of me so I can continue putting my endless puzzle together.
(Sorry for poor grammer/spelling/ bad wording, I love writing, but in technical terms I am no good at it lol.)