Eight: I have a fear of vulnerability. There have been times where I've shown my vulnerable side to others and then been dropped by them. I try to avoid that as much as possible. However, as a sexual four what I want more than anything is to share my vulnerable side. Therefore, my reluctance to share my vulnerability feels like a real hurdle. I tend to oscillate between sharing too much and sharing too little. I'm a Cancer and I've always related to the concept of the crab shell- having this seeming layer of impermeability but being extremely squishy on the inside. I have a hard time with psychiatrists/therapists because I don't share with them. Obviously, as a four I withdraw to protect my feelings, but I really protect my feelings in these situations. Also, I feel like I need to handle things myself, and so asking a therapist what to do/ putting my life in their hands feels like failure. It seems to me like all of this could also be explained by my five wing.
I hate the idea of being controlled in any way. I don't have a job because I can't stand living my life to meet the ends of others. I am my own boss. The only way I will make money is independently. I would rather be broke than have to work for someone else.
Nine: I often feel like I disappear, like I overly go with the flow of life and then my needs aren't met. I'm not good at initiating and I'm not good at completing. It seems like years can pass in the blink of an eye and I have very little to show for it. I'm not all that aggressive at getting what I want. The exception would be those I'm attracted to. Then I get aggressive.