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  1. #11
    Senior Member The Great One's Avatar
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    @Urarienev

    Confrontations are so hard for me to describe.

    I don't often have a problem with them. But then again I don't have many people that I argue with.

    If someone confronts me off the street, and I don't know them, I ignore their very being. I do not acknowledge or engage in any conversation. I will continue with whatever I'm doing. Whether it be to continue walking, or finishing working on whatever it is at hand. I pay them no mind. I don't let other people control me like that.

    If I'm being screamed at or someone is being hostile, and I know them, my body does not move, I process what is happening, and then I walk away. I don't usually ever continue with nonsense. I usually don't say much though to shut it down. Cause at the point I know there's no point. Also, I think that my first go to response in confrontation is flight. Not fight. But I know if I did engage in anything back, I would not be able to control myself physically. And at that point I don't think straight in that extreme of situation. My attack would always be physical not verbal.
    Not wanting something to escalate into physical confrontation could just be self-pres at work. This doesn't necessarily point to a 9 fix. I know many self-pres 8's and 8 fixers who don't like things to get violent, because they could get seriously injured and may have to pay expensive hospital bills, and may even possibly be sued.

    If someone is just verbally saying shit to me and I know them (like today actually) I will try to one up the fuck out of them. And I want to have the last word. Depends on how comfortable I am with them. And what setting it took place in though. And how much I didn't like or care about the person. (Like today someone opened the door and almost hit me with it. I said something, and they said I should have done such and such, and I just started arguing with them. I don't like the girl a lot... though, and it felt perfectly normal to get that anger off of my chest. Verbal spewing is often what I enjoy, where others will think it's confrontation. )

    If I start a fight with someone I finish it. I will usually have a pretty good idea of how it's gonna go down.
    You sound like you have an 8 fix, but let me ask you this...how do you experience anger?

  2. #12
    Unapologetic being Evolving Transparency's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by The Great One View Post
    @Urarienev



    Not wanting something to escalate into physical confrontation could just be self-pres at work. This doesn't necessarily point to a 9 fix. I know many self-pres 8's and 8 fixers who don't like things to get violent, because they could get seriously injured and may have to pay expensive hospital bills, and may even possibly be sued.
    Yea, makes sense actually. My sp instinct stops me from doing like....everything. I never thought about it with confrontations but now that I am.... I know you're right!!! Thanks for the insight!




    You sound like you have an 8 fix, but let me ask you this...how do you experience anger?
    Hmm. This is a hard question for me to answer.

    I am so unaware of my emotions.

    It takes a lot to really get me mad. On a daily basis I may have frustrations, but they fade fast. I'm not really angry. Just tense.

    But If I'm really mad. I just don't care about the world. I lose all respect for everything in sight. I become a little like The Hulk I guess. Like when I'm normal, I care about consequences a lot. But when I'm angry, there's very little that can bring me back down. (Often as a kid, I would just break things. But I've made it a habit to do push ups when I get this mad. It takes the adrenaline down a notch.)
    "Once the game is over, the Pawn and the King go back into the same box"

    Freedom isn't free.
    "Freedom is the right to tell people what they do not want to hear." ~ Orwell
    I'm that person that embodies pretty much everything that you hate. Might as well get used to it.
    Unapologetically bonding in an uninhibited, propelled manner
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  3. #13
    Senior Member Sanjuro's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Urarienev View Post
    With reference to the quote you bolded as well...it rings true for 7 too. I feel an obligation to entertain people (especially in a social group.) I hate it. This even happens with my dog. If she is barking, I feel obligated, not because I want to help or I care about what she's barking about...but just obligated to fix the situation and give her the 3 seconds of attention no one else will. And it's just so that no one has to hear her bark. The same thing goes with friends sometimes. :/
    OK, so we'll assume it's a soc 6/7 thing for that part.


    Anyways I relate to 8 because I don't like to be vulnerable. I self-disclose a lot more than others, but I have never really opened up to someone with my emotions. And I have very quick temper. Anger is the only emotion I show really. Unless I'm overly stressed and get no sleep, then I'm liable to actually break. Or if I'm caught off guard by criticism on those stressed days, I recoil and retreat.

    And I would describe myself as: bold, controlling, mostly assertive, self confident, decisive, a little ego-centric, and not afraid of most confrontation.

    I don't relate to 8's when they are too overbearing though, like when they don't take no for an answer. I would never want to be the real cause or blame of someone making a crap decision, just because I can't take no for an answer. I still look for feedback. And when I get negative feedback, I reevaluate and come back with a different plan. It's just how I react (usually with anger) to that negative feedback, that makes me look 8ish. You know what I mean?

    As for the 1, I can relate because I'm extremely protectionistic. In retrospect, I worked with an 8, and I often got annoyed that I had to redo their work. Yes, they took the initiative to do it, but they didn't double check their own work, which defeated the purpose of them doing it in the first place. So I relate in that I like people to carry their weight and I'm quick to spot who isn't. I'm also always striving to improve things.

    And I would describe myself as orderly, organized, and some what detail oriented (usually more than others.)

    I don't relate to a ones resentment though at all (very 7 that way, I easily forgive, don't have time to hold on to stuff), or moral ethics, being principled, and I'm not a self-critic...usually I'm more critical of others (probably projection )

    And now actually reading about the 1w2 compared to the 8w7, it sounds like me here:

    All the bold, are things I relate to.

    This is from http://theenneagram.blogspot.com/2007/09/type-1.html

    I didn't relate to the 8 as much as the 1 according to that site. But I also think some of the things in bold are 6 tendencies.

    And according to enneagram institute I related to both types kind of equally.

    This was really longer than I thought it would be, sorry!

    And thank you for taking the time to help me!
    Looking this over, I think you're still 8-fixed, especially if you manage your anger through being open and direct as opposed to being principled, moral, resentful, and self-critical.

    The perfectionistic strains could come from a number of other things--your 7-wing might experience disintegration. It could be a complaint-triad thing. It could be an iNtuitive thing (getting anal about the details fitting the vision). The instance you mention with your 8 boss (was s/he a 9-winger?) could simply be an illustration of this.

    I, too, thought I was 1-fixed for awhile due to everyone pointing out how my standards are "too high" and I'm "too perfectionistic". In the end, I think it's a combination of the factors I listed to you. I'll let you do your own work on that, obviously, but it's possible to maintain high standards and not be 1-fixed.

    In determining the difference, you want to look at how you manage your anger, your sentiments on justice and morality, and your relationship to your own instincts and impulses (figuring for a 6 core, of course). Don't rely on the online descriptions alone--most of what you bolded in that quote honestly looked as much like potential 6 concerns as anything else, for instance.

    Anyway, best of luck!

  4. #14
    Unapologetic being Evolving Transparency's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Sanjuro View Post
    OK, so we'll assume it's a soc 6/7 thing for that part.



    Looking this over, I think you're still 8-fixed, especially if you manage your anger through being open and direct as opposed to being principled, moral, resentful, and self-critical.

    The perfectionistic strains could come from a number of other things--your 7-wing might experience disintegration. It could be a complaint-triad thing. It could be an iNtuitive thing (getting anal about the details fitting the vision). The instance you mention with your 8 boss (was s/he a 9-winger?) could simply be an illustration of this.

    I, too, thought I was 1-fixed for awhile due to everyone pointing out how my standards are "too high" and I'm "too perfectionistic". In the end, I think it's a combination of the factors I listed to you. I'll let you do your own work on that, obviously, but it's possible to maintain high standards and not be 1-fixed.

    In determining the difference, you want to look at how you manage your anger, your sentiments on justice and morality, and your relationship to your own instincts and impulses (figuring for a 6 core, of course). Don't rely on the online descriptions alone--most of what you bolded in that quote honestly looked as much like potential 6 concerns as anything else, for instance.

    Anyway, best of luck!
    Thank you so much!!!

    I think I'm going to do some more self exploration before I set it in stone. I am going to have to really look at how I experience my anger. But you're input has helped!!!
    "Once the game is over, the Pawn and the King go back into the same box"

    Freedom isn't free.
    "Freedom is the right to tell people what they do not want to hear." ~ Orwell
    I'm that person that embodies pretty much everything that you hate. Might as well get used to it.
    Unapologetically bonding in an uninhibited, propelled manner
    10w12

  5. #15
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    I think you're probably 8-fixed but because your core type is 6 (superego type) you might have a hard time jiving with the id aspects of 8 anger. I think a 1-fixed 6 would stew in their resentment a lot more.

  6. #16
    Unapologetic being Evolving Transparency's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by senza tema View Post
    I think you're probably 8-fixed but because your core type is 6 (superego type) you might have a hard time jiving with the id aspects of 8 anger. I think a 1-fixed 6 would stew in their resentment a lot more.
    Yea, I definitely have some superego going on. So your right that does sort of confuse things.

    But I know I don't really hold grudges or have much resentment. I actually have to force myself to hold on to stuff, so that I don't get hurt in the future by the same person. Its really hard for me to hold on though.

    Thanks for your input!! Really helpful!
    "Once the game is over, the Pawn and the King go back into the same box"

    Freedom isn't free.
    "Freedom is the right to tell people what they do not want to hear." ~ Orwell
    I'm that person that embodies pretty much everything that you hate. Might as well get used to it.
    Unapologetically bonding in an uninhibited, propelled manner
    10w12

  7. #17
    Senior Member The Great One's Avatar
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    @Urarienev

    Yea, makes sense actually. My sp instinct stops me from doing like....everything. I never thought about it with confrontations but now that I am.... I know you're right!!! Thanks for the insight!
    I figured that was what it was. I know another 8 fixer with strong self-pres that is like this as well.

    Hmm. This is a hard question for me to answer.

    I am so unaware of my emotions.

    It takes a lot to really get me mad. On a daily basis I may have frustrations, but they fade fast. I'm not really angry. Just tense.

    But If I'm really mad. I just don't care about the world. I lose all respect for everything in sight. I become a little like The Hulk I guess. Like when I'm normal, I care about consequences a lot. But when I'm angry, there's very little that can bring me back down. (Often as a kid, I would just break things. But I've made it a habit to do push ups when I get this mad. It takes the adrenaline down a notch.)
    Yeah you're probably 8 fixed.

  8. #18
    Unapologetic being Evolving Transparency's Avatar
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    Default Taking another stab at this

    Ok, so I think I changed my mind.

    I started looking at these lists below because it's easiest for me to see problems and contemplate their solutions. I can usually identify which type I am by looking at the weaknesses and inferiors (which ironically is probably a 1 thing ha)

    Personal Growth Recommendations
    for Enneagram Type Ones


    -Learn to relax. Take some time for yourself, without feeling that everything is up to you or that what you do not accomplish will result in chaos and disaster. Mercifully, the salvation of the world does not depend on you alone, even though you may sometimes feel it does.

    -You have a lot to teach others and are probably a good teacher, but do not expect others to change immediately. What is obvious to you may not be as obvious to them, especially if they are not used to being as self-disciplined and objective about themselves as you are about yourself. Many people may also want to do what is right and may agree with you in principle but for various reasons simply cannot change right away. The fact that others do not change immediately according to your prescriptions does not mean that they will not change sometime in the future. Your words and above all, your example may do more good than you realize, although they may take longer than you expect. So have patience.

    -It is easy for you to work yourself up into a lather about the wrongdoings of others. And it may sometimes be true that they are wrong. But what is it to you? Your irritation with them will do nothing to help them see another way of being. Similarly, beware of your constant irritation with your own "shortcomings." Does your own harsh self-criticism really help you to improve? Or does it simply make you tense, nervous, and self-doubting? Learn to recognize the attacks of your superego and how they undermine you rather than helping you.

    -It is important for you to get in touch with your feelings, particularly your unconscious impulses. You may find that you are uneasy with your emotions and your sexual and aggressive impulses—in short, with the messy human things that make us human. It might be beneficial to keep a journal or to get into some kind of group therapy or other group work both to develop your emotions and to see that others will not condemn you for having human needs and limitations.

    -Your Achilles' heel is your self-righteous anger. You get angry easily and are offended by what seems to you to be the perverse refusal of others to do the right thing—as you have defined it. Try to step back and see that your anger alienates people so that they cannot hear many of the good things you have to say. Further, your own repressed anger may well be giving you an ulcer or high blood pressure and is a harbinger of worse things to come.
    So pretty much every sentence I should take as advice. lol




    Personal Growth Recommendations
    for Enneagram Type Eights


    -It goes against the grain, but act with self-restraint. You show true power when you forbear from asserting your will with others, even when you could. Your real power lies in your ability to inspire and uplift people. You are at your best when you take charge and help everyone through a crisis. Few will take advantage of you when you are caring, and you will do more to secure the loyalty and devotion of others by showing the greatness of your heart than you ever could by displays of raw power.

    -It is difficult for Eights, but learn to yield to others, at least occasionally. Often, little is really at stake, and you can allow others to have their way without fear of sacrificing your power, or your real needs. The desire to dominate everyone all the time is a sign that your ego is beginning to inflate—a danger signal that more serious conflicts with others are inevitable.

    -Remember that the world is not against you. Many people in your life care about you and look up to you, but when you are in your fixation, you do not make this easy for them. Let in the affection that is available. Doing this will not make you weak, but will confirm the strength and support in yourself and your life. Also remember that by believing that others are against you and reacting against them, you tend to alienate them and confirm your own fears. Take stock of the people who truly are on your side, and let them know-how important they are to you.

    -Eights typically want to be self-reliant and depend on no one. But, ironically, they depend on many people. For example, you may think that you are not dependent on your employees because they depend on you for their jobs. You could dismiss them at any time and hire other workers. Everyone is expendable in your little kingdom—except you. But the fact is that you are dependent on others to do their jobs too, especially if your business concerns grow beyond what you can manage alone. But if you alienate everyone associated with you, you will eventually be forced to employ the most obsequious and untrustworthy operatives. When you do, you will have reason to question their loyalty and to fear losing your position. The fact is that whether in your business world or your domestic life, yourself-sufficiency is largely an illusion.

    -Eights typically overvalue power. Having power, whether through wealth, position, or simple brute force, allows them to do whatever they want, to feel important, to be feared and obeyed. But those who are attracted to you because of your power do not love you for yourself, nor do you love or respect them. While this may be the Faustian bargain you have made, you will nevertheless have to pay the price that whatever power you accumulated will inevitably be at a cost you, physically and emotionally.
    I relate to this, but not near the same degree that I do with the list for E1.

    I would say I'm about 75-90% E1

    And 50% or less E8.

    The self sufficiency is what I relate to the most with 8's. But I don't strive for people to fear me. I just want respect. I give it immediately and I expect others to also.
    "Once the game is over, the Pawn and the King go back into the same box"

    Freedom isn't free.
    "Freedom is the right to tell people what they do not want to hear." ~ Orwell
    I'm that person that embodies pretty much everything that you hate. Might as well get used to it.
    Unapologetically bonding in an uninhibited, propelled manner
    10w12

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