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  1. #1
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    Default Help determining my girlfriend!

    Hi!

    I registered to this forum just to receive some help with this question, it's been driving me crazy lately I've been dating my girlfriend for almost a year now, and I can't seem to put my hands on her type. She has no interest in mbti herself and thus hasn't taken the test.

    She's definitely introverted, that much I know. She's socially very capable and well-liked among the people who know her but doesn't seem to have the energy to have many friends at all. If I'm not there to keep her company, she spends her time alone doing her own things. She has told me she feels lonely very often but doesn't do anything about it because according to her, relationships are too hard to maintain and it drains her energy. She has interest in people and the world though and she seems very polite on the outside. She's the person who will run after you if you drop something, she once even went as far as searching an owner of a car just to inform them they had left their lights on in order to avoid their battery from running out o_O At work she seems to be popular as well, but she never joins her workmates for activities outside work.

    She's interested and talented in a lot of things. She's very musical and she's currently working on a book. I've read glimpses of it and it's brilliant. Very surreal and kind of disturbing but nonetheless. She also seems really overall smart, she seems to have no problem grasping information and processing it, she has whooped my ass in every debate we've had. But at school she was an underachiever, her parents always tell me that if she wasn't so lazy, she'd be straight-A. This made me think of her as a T but then we started fighting about personal matters. All her logic seems to fly out of the window and she's overall very passive-aggressive, when she's upset she'll merely slam doors or give glares, it doesn't escalate into a full blown fight very often. She appears very logical when we fight, but goes overboard very often, she has emotional outbursts and she does everything within her ability to use poor logic in order to put everything on my shoulders. She seems to be hot-and-cold as well, she can calm down, we can both apologize and make up (during those times she sees the fault in herself as well) and then maybe weeks later she can remember it again and be all cold and obnoxious again. I have a hard time figuring what I've done when she does that.

    Overall she's a wallower as well, she worries about everything, she's very concerned about her future and everything else, she's overall very anxious even over silly matters and can't snap out of it. She seems to go through phases of being emotionally very unstable but when we're together she's not very verbal about it. She can appear fine and then I can receive a phone call out of nowhere where she's crying about everything having been falling apart for weeks and I never noticed a thing. I'm often scared by the intensity of her emotions and wonder how her feelings and thoughts can be so complex and random, her emotions just make no sense and I often can't follow her track of thought at all. She often takes our discussions into bizarre and weird paths, quite out of nowhere as well. Also, she's terrible at coping with frustration.

    I think she's a P though, her place is a mess, she doesn't have any self-discipline. She stresses about this and that needing to be done but never actually gets on with doing them, which is frustrating. Once she gets going, though, she can finish tasks fast and effectively, and at work she works diligently because she's constantly praised. For me, this is also very frustrating because she has enormous potential to do big things in her life but instead she hangs around at home worrying how she SHOULD be doing things instead of getting down to doing them.

    I'm maybe leaning towards an INxP, maybe an INFP with a strong Te? I don't know, she's just so confusing. I still love her, though..

  2. #2
    Senior Member Forever_Jung's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Kirk View Post
    Hi!

    I registered to this forum just to receive some help with this question, it's been driving me crazy lately I've been dating my girlfriend for almost a year now, and I can't seem to put my hands on her type. She has no interest in mbti herself and thus hasn't taken the test.

    She's definitely introverted, that much I know. She's socially very capable and well-liked among the people who know her but doesn't seem to have the energy to have many friends at all. If I'm not there to keep her company, she spends her time alone doing her own things. She has told me she feels lonely very often but doesn't do anything about it because according to her, relationships are too hard to maintain and it drains her energy. She has interest in people and the world though and she seems very polite on the outside. She's the person who will run after you if you drop something, she once even went as far as searching an owner of a car just to inform them they had left their lights on in order to avoid their battery from running out o_O At work she seems to be popular as well, but she never joins her workmates for activities outside work.

    She's interested and talented in a lot of things. She's very musical and she's currently working on a book. I've read glimpses of it and it's brilliant. Very surreal and kind of disturbing but nonetheless. She also seems really overall smart, she seems to have no problem grasping information and processing it, she has whooped my ass in every debate we've had. But at school she was an underachiever, her parents always tell me that if she wasn't so lazy, she'd be straight-A. This made me think of her as a T but then we started fighting about personal matters. All her logic seems to fly out of the window and she's overall very passive-aggressive, when she's upset she'll merely slam doors or give glares, it doesn't escalate into a full blown fight very often. She appears very logical when we fight, but goes overboard very often, she has emotional outbursts and she does everything within her ability to use poor logic in order to put everything on my shoulders. She seems to be hot-and-cold as well, she can calm down, we can both apologize and make up (during those times she sees the fault in herself as well) and then maybe weeks later she can remember it again and be all cold and obnoxious again. I have a hard time figuring what I've done when she does that.

    Overall she's a wallower as well, she worries about everything, she's very concerned about her future and everything else, she's overall very anxious even over silly matters and can't snap out of it. She seems to go through phases of being emotionally very unstable but when we're together she's not very verbal about it. She can appear fine and then I can receive a phone call out of nowhere where she's crying about everything having been falling apart for weeks and I never noticed a thing. I'm often scared by the intensity of her emotions and wonder how her feelings and thoughts can be so complex and random, her emotions just make no sense and I often can't follow her track of thought at all. She often takes our discussions into bizarre and weird paths, quite out of nowhere as well. Also, she's terrible at coping with frustration.

    I think she's a P though, her place is a mess, she doesn't have any self-discipline. She stresses about this and that needing to be done but never actually gets on with doing them, which is frustrating. Once she gets going, though, she can finish tasks fast and effectively, and at work she works diligently because she's constantly praised. For me, this is also very frustrating because she has enormous potential to do big things in her life but instead she hangs around at home worrying how she SHOULD be doing things instead of getting down to doing them.

    I'm maybe leaning towards an INxP, maybe an INFP with a strong Te? I don't know, she's just so confusing. I still love her, though..
    Dude, she sounds pretty INFP to me. INFP's can be good at debating, you know

    It's not iron-clad, but a lot of the stereotypes are there: quiet but people-oriented, messy, novelist, twists logic in arguments, moody, dweller/worrier, hangs onto feelings too long, smart but a bit of an underachiever, lack of self-discipline. Also a lot of people think INFP's are passive-aggressive, though most INFP's don't seem to think so

    Read this profile: http://www.typologycentral.com/forum...ad.php?t=68574 and see what you think.

  3. #3
    ndovjtjcaqidthi
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    My type?

  4. #4
    Senior Member Forever_Jung's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Nights and Days View Post
    My type?
    Is there a separate forum for friends/family?

  5. #5
    ndovjtjcaqidthi
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    Quote Originally Posted by Forever_Jung View Post
    Is there a separate forum for friends/family?
    No, I was saying she sounds like me. Haha.

  6. #6
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    Quote Originally Posted by Forever_Jung View Post
    Is there a separate forum for friends/family?
    I didn't find one even though I did try to search. This seemed like the most appropriate forum.

    The link you sent me does seem to describe her well, especially the "using Te to describe calmly why your behaviour is unacceptable and offensive to my Fi morals". The thing is, I never know what of her morals I've just insulted, they seem to come and go according to her moods. The thing about INFP that made me doubt it was the fact that they're usually called "dreamers" or "idealists" and while she is generally a spaced-out escapist and she does value her morals, she's still very observant when it comes to reality and she is quite realistic, and she's often told me everything's different shades of grey to her instead of black and white. She seems to grasp the reality of the world and that often sends her either doing Amélie-like deeds (such as helping out strangers) or straight out misanthropy. She also has a strong fascination for everything depressing and disturbing. It can be put on her overall curiosity, once she starts wondering about something, she can't stop until her thirst for knowledge is fulfilled, but it's still kind of twisted. And those things will get her down and I'll have to console her *rolling eyes*

  7. #7
    Senior Member Forever_Jung's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Kirk View Post
    I didn't find one even though I did try to search. This seemed like the most appropriate forum.

    The link you sent me does seem to describe her well, especially the "using Te to describe calmly why your behaviour is unacceptable and offensive to my Fi morals". The thing is, I never know what of her morals I've just insulted, they seem to come and go according to her moods. The thing about INFP that made me doubt it was the fact that they're usually called "dreamers" or "idealists" and while she is generally a spaced-out escapist and she does value her morals, she's still very observant when it comes to reality and she is quite realistic, and she's often told me everything's different shades of grey to her instead of black and white. She seems to grasp the reality of the world and that often sends her either doing Amélie-like deeds (such as helping out strangers) or straight out misanthropy. She also has a strong fascination for everything depressing and disturbing. It can be put on her overall curiosity, once she starts wondering about something, she can't stop until her thirst for knowledge is fulfilled, but it's still kind of twisted. And those things will get her down and I'll have to console her *rolling eyes*
    Your argument against INFP, just made her sound more INFP

    Quote Originally Posted by Nights and Days View Post
    No, I was saying she sounds like me. Haha.
    Oh I thought you meant, this for typing yourself, not others!

    Yeah, you're starting to seem INFP to me lately. Maybe it's the avi...

  8. #8
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    Quote Originally Posted by Kirk View Post
    The link you sent me does seem to describe her well, especially the "using Te to describe calmly why your behaviour is unacceptable and offensive to my Fi morals". The thing is, I never know what of her morals I've just insulted, they seem to come and go according to her moods.
    This is pretty much my experience with my INFP. I've been with her for 4+ years and am only now getting an idea of what her core inner values are, but still I never know when they'll emerge or what they'll be connected with. For me, the tip-off is a sort of forceful and sometimes kind of nasty (defensive maybe?) energy that to me seems disproportionate to the situation at hand.

    The thing about INFP that made me doubt it was the fact that they're usually called "dreamers" or "idealists" and while she is generally a spaced-out escapist and she does value her morals, she's still very observant when it comes to reality and she is quite realistic, and she's often told me everything's different shades of grey to her instead of black and white.
    IMO not inconsistent with INFP.

  9. #9
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    Quote Originally Posted by Werebudgie View Post
    This is pretty much my experience with my INFP. I've been with her for 4+ years and am only now getting an idea of what her core inner values are, but still I never know when they'll emerge or what they'll be connected with. For me, the tip-off is a sort of forceful and sometimes kind of nasty (defensive maybe?) energy that to me seems disproportionate to the situation at hand.
    Yes, I agree with this. We've had many conflicts in which I've done something she doesn't agree with and she'll attack me with verbal whack after another, she very coldly and even cruelly tells me, with (twisted) logic why my behavior is unacceptable. Then, when she does those things herself and I call her out on it using her own arguments she used against me, she twists the logic so that the circumstances made her behavior less wrong than mine. It's one of the things about her that drive me crazy. Also, she tends to overreact a lot when it comes to conflicts. She sees every little thing as a part of something bigger that's going on and takes small quarrels as grand epic battles. When she's angry, she can be very ballsy and even badass, watching her in a conflict as an outsider gives me shivers but being on the receiving end of her rant is not a pleasant experience.

    My image is that INFPs are thought to be very emphatic and gentle, but she's certainly not. Towards strangers and people she doesn't know that well it is the case, but she can be outright cruel with the people actually closest to her. Like, with the people she has obtained a sense of closeness with she can hit under the belt (not literally) and not even feel bad about it. She can be very emphatic and engages in my troubles but only if it's not related to her.

  10. #10
    pathwise dependent FDG's Avatar
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    Some kind of emotionally unstable ENTP, imho.

    However, what I wish to know is: why are you attracted to her? Given that you have posted a fairly negative list.
    ENTj 7-3-8 sx/sp

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