Quick about me: an INTJ who sometimes tests as an INFJ. Strong I, moderate N/J, weak T/F. The gentlest INTJ you'll ever meet, essentially.
Right now: I've been seeing a girl for the last month. I like her, and I'm having fun with her. We live in a major American city, and we both work for well-known arts institutions. I simply cannot, for the life of me, figure out if she's an ENFP or ESFP. It's driving me nuts and stressing me out - considering that ENFPs are a classically great match for my type, and ESFPs are quite possibly the worst - and so I'm hoping all of you can help me a bit.
On the ENFP side of things: she reads The New Yorker and listens to more abstract podcasts like Freakonomics. Has a strong interest in opera and classical music. Works in public relations at a very famous arts institution. Felt pressured to join a sorority at the small university she attended, and looks at it with a sense of regret and feeling that she didn't match the 'party girl' stereotype. Her OKCupid profile notes that she likes intellectual conversations, and she told me how she disliked having meathead dudes message her with pictures of their abs. Seems to think about her future - what her kids will be like, where she wants to live in 5-10 years. Has observed that all things are grey, and nothing is black or white in the world. Has spoken disparagingly of a sister who is obsessed with celebrity gossip and knows nothing of the arts.
On the ESFP side: she doesn't really seem to be weird or zany or wildly creative in the way that a lot of ENFPs are. She doesn't dress like an ENFP girl in a creative way, although part of that is working for an organization that doesn't let her wear jeans to work. Did belong to a sorority, once upon a time. Doesn't talk a lot about hidden meanings or abstractions, and doesn't seem especially scatter-brained or helplessly disorganized. Doesn't seem particularly obsessed with figuring out why people act the way that they do. Doesn't volunteer or do a lot of overt 'help the world' things that ENFPs tend to like. Works an office job, as opposed to something more free-flowing.
So what do you guys think? Am I dating a somewhat more conservative ENFP, or a more intellectual ESFP, or something else entirely? I'm perfectly inclined to believe that some people don't fall neatly into the four quadrants - I straddle the T/F divide, other people are ambiverts who have no Introvert/Extrovert preference, and she just may be someone who is caught between an N and S. I'd be curious to hear what people think of this. Thanks.