I really need to learn my MBTI type to find out more about myself so I can work well with others.
I've always had a hard time getting along with others. Most of the jobs I've held have ended poorly. My worst traits? I can come across as aloof, hot/cold, opinionated, stubborn, blunt, etc. I know I hurt others' feelings with my sharp tongue, but most of the time I don't realize it. Then when I know I've hurt someone's feelings (or I've alienated them), I'll retreat into my small hole and shut out the rest of the co-workers because I'm paranoid.
I was a teacher and that ended poorly. I alienated all of my co-workers for pretty much the same reasons. In my last job I was asked to do something that I knew was wrong and went against the rules and I refused to do it (on my first day as a brand new teacher!!!) No, I was not going to change test scores. The two veteran teachers did not take it well. When I was treated unfairly all year from one of the those teachers (long story, but I was unable to to my job properly) I took it upon my self to set up a one on one with the principal and her. That did not go over well. I hope I'm not sounding too whiny. I know it's not others. It's me. I'm the one with the problem. I know it.
Now it's happening in my new job. I wish people could see the person inside that is warm. The person who is passionate about animal rights and veganism. How I volunteer my time to helping sick animals in need, but for some reason I can't let people in. I need to come across as tough and not weak. I need to stay in control.
I know some people see that I have a heart. I was even nominated as an 'ambassador' for underprivileged children at my new job. It's not that I'm shy either. I was one of those girls who spoke up in a room of 100 students in college and blasted my professor for something that wasn't logical in my eyes (yeah, I wish I could take that one back).
Obviously, I have no problems shooting my mouth off without thinking, yet then I can turn aloof. I can not talk for most of the shift, lost in my own world of fantasy and endless thoughts that I analyze to death. Then the next minute I'm spouting off opinions and talking my mouth off about things that interest me/or annoy me. I do tend to daze off when things don't interest me and people think I'm being rude. I do have problems staying in the present moment.
I really need to change my behavior, or learn more about my personality so I can work with others. This took a lot for me to be so honest with others about my shortcomings.My husband says I have a wall built up and that he wishes he could chip away the ice around my heart. He says I lack empathy (well, not for animals). Hey, I asked for honesty and I got it!
Maybe I'm just not meant to work with others? I'm so confused. I'm in my thirties. I'm not super young. I need to figure this out. I've taken the MBTI so many times and I can never seem to connect with a definitive type. Ugh, I need help. Thanks for listening.