OK well all that reeks of Fe PoLR and I see possible Se dual seekingI need to specify a few things first lol. Last night I was explaining this on my phone. Now that I'm at a laptop I can really explain.
Going back to the previous question about empathy I said that I don't feel what others are feeling, but I do know and care about it. What makes me say that is that sometimes I will utterly disregard other people's feelings outwardly, but inwardly I'm still aware of how they may be feeling. I'm hesitant to say that I'm an empathetic person because, despite the fact I that I can't be outright malicious toward someone, I am very adept (unfortunately) and being passively malicious without a second thought.
A common trend in my life is me being nice and friendly to people that I utterly despise out of fear of other people. Even if I don't really care as to how they feel, I still put up a facade of politeness. The issue with that is that over time, that polite mask disappears and I become extremely sarcastic, mean spirited, and irritable with people, which makes me think that connecting with others isn't something that I'm necessarily adept at. Sometimes I don't even bother trying to be polite, and I just come off as cold and indifferent. I care very much about other people's opinions of me, but at the end of the day those feelings still go back to me. I approach other people through a position of fear and mistrust.
I thought for a while that I had Fe as a creative, but my ability to connect with other people and take their feelings into consideration is extremely unstable. What's more is that at the end of the day I feel threatened by other people, which is why I try not to offend anyone outwardly.
As for my own feelings, no one really knows until it's too late, even myself. Even simple preferences like my opinion, I keep to myself. You asked for an example;
I few days ago a friend of mine was doing something that was deeply offensive to me, and I kept telling them to stop doing it. I thought that by hearing me tell them to stop that they'd somehow figure out that they were upsetting me. It didn't happen and I had to literally spell out to them how they upset me, and even when I did that it was in a pretty unemotional manner...my tone didn't even change. That's why I also find difficulty with people taking me seriously; I never really change my tone, so when I'm upset no one can tell, unless I get loud or something. This dips into my romantic life as well....I'll explain to a person that I like them, but I do it in a such a dry and sometimes verbose manner that they just don't seem to get it.
When it comes to Se feeling off putting, that goes back to myself feeling threatened by other people. When someone is assertive, it makes me think that they'll run over other people to get what they want, which I see as threatening. Simultaneously and paradoxically, I'm attracted to assertive girls
With some Fi concerns about Se stuff, so you seem gamma > beta
Have you read ILI profiles?
And yeah, you said some things before that paused me to consider Fe creative but... it just doesn't make sense, no. A neurotic PoLR makes more sense.