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  1. #1
    Senior Member Hinastarr's Avatar
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    Question Am I an INFP or INFJ?

    Based upon an extended period of analyzing my interactions with others, this is what I've gathered:

    - I'm very self-conscious in regards to how others perceive me and often mold my values and opinions to fit those of another person to both maintain the peace between us and maintain a sense of connection between us both (horrible as it sounds). I quickly pick up on moods, vibes, and social cues from other people and admittedly become oversensitive and even a bit demanding when noticing that a person dear to me particularly is upset about something and won't open up about it; this causes me, in turn, to be overly persistent in figuring out what's wrong with said person and offering to give them pep talks and work through the problem together, which many of my other IxxP friends seem to refuse and even grow overwhelmed by.

    - I have a habit of becoming overly-attached to other people once I truly like them and constantly want to engage in quality conversation with them to find out their every whim and personal perspective and values on life. I particularly enjoy it once a person is honest, direct, and open with me and perceive it as aloofness once the person becomes to reserved, laconic, and private, since it makes it harder to figure out my standing in our relationship and understand them as a person. Whenever a problem surfaces, I also tend to want to discuss it with the person involved in it to manage both of our viewpoints and achieve closure, and again, my desire to talk things through with other people sometimes seems unappreciated or uncalled for. I also seem to idealize people to a fault and place them on a pedestal as well, and become disappointed once they do something that drastically alters my initial perception of them.

    - I expect certain things from people during my friendships, and become frustrated when said standards are not met. Although I never enforce my views or opinions on people and generally try to me amicable and understanding, I will become rather upset once I realize or begin to feel that a person is not putting forth what I expected of them in our friendship, and slowly begin to lose trust in them. I also need a lot of love, affection, and mutual understanding when it comes to my relationships with others.

    -I'm always trying to figure people out and subconsciously try to imagine what the hidden aspects of their personality that they don't show people are like, which gives me an overactive imagination as I imagine different scenarios involving other people and sort of make up little stories to go along with them. I also love to develop personality in my characters whenever I'm writing fiction above anything else to make them appear as personable as possible and sort of tend to embed different traits in me in them to some extent (if that even makes sense at all).

    - I love to understand how people see things compared to how I do, and upon hearing another person's perspective on things, will take their views into account to see what it is that I can learn from them and how they fit in to my own sense of values.

    - I self-disclose rather quickly when first meeting people and easily reveal little details about myself, and although I'm often very shy and withdrawn when first meeting people, I love to talk and open up with them once they've earned my trust (which occasional periods of needing alone time so that I can recharge my batteries, being the introvert that I am).

    -I love to feel included and at one with other people, and the idea of finding a soul mate or kindred spirit fascinates me (irrational as it may sound). I feel a particular sense of happiness and warmth when meeting someone who's views and values are similar to my own, since I am continuously longing for deep, valuable connections with others.

    - I tend to get lost in my own thoughts and daydreams and forget about the present moment, doing things at my own pace and the way that I feel they should be done and accomplished, which often irritates my SJ teachers. Ironically though, I tend to be overly detailed oriented when wanting to meet the standards of an assignment, but in a way, end up creating my own interpretation of everything and forgetting about the standards and expectations my teacher enforced.

    - I love to help people and empathize with them and am particularly attracted to lonely, misunderstood looking people (ex. the loner who's always walking around school mysteriously with his long hair hiding half his face, or the strange kid who's constantly doodling anime by himself and for some reason always seems to be avoided by other people) who I feel need my help and try to make open up more (which has, sadly, caused me to initiate several bad, unhealthy friendships with people who share nothing in common with me and never seem to appreciate me as I am). I have some strange idea, I suppose, of sort of being a guiding light for the people in this world who I feel are troubled and in need of a good friend, yet become a little frustrated once I see no results and the person fails to reveal their true colors.

    - I am not an organized or efficient person by any means, but I probably wouldn't ever be reckless enough to jump on a Harley with the hot, mysterious guy I met a couple of hours ago at a friends party, and am usually responsible enough to call my parents and let them know what I'm doing, when I'll be coming home, and when I'm coming back, since I also seem to plan everything out in my head in a way as well.

    - I have many goals and dreams I wish I knew how to fulfill, but am too lazy and distracted to actually accomplish much of anything; rather, all of these aspirations become mere daydreams in my head, while I continue to go through the motions and stick myself in the same rut I've always been in.

    - I'm always thinking and trying to find meaning in everything; I can never just let loose, relax, and enjoy the present moment as it is, or much less have fun without worries at a party with friends. Several of the people I know, in fact, believe that I second-guess myself to much and am constantly in search of answers and meaning in life, to the extent of losing touch with what's really there and savoring everything as it is.

    - Although this probably applies to anybody, I could never engage in a certain job for the sake of making money alone if I truly didn't have a passion for it. I'd need a flexible, open environment in which I could do things at my own pace and be able to feel a sense of connection with people who seem to accept me as I am, while impacting humanity at the same time in some way.

    - My feelings are often hurt rather easily; any subtlety in facial expression or misuse of words can offset me into a period of brooding and upset, although I usually hide this from the people I don't know well and go on to vent what I feel (rather emotionally) to my most trusted friends and solicit their advice on what I should do from their on.

    - Many of the interactions I have with people filter into my subconscious as memories that both impact the way I'll feel about things in the future and offer me more information on how I can better improve myself as a person in the future. I also have trouble letting go of the past and have a tendency to dwell on grudges for long, since once a person has deeply hurt my feelings in some way, I have trouble trusting and fully forgiving them for a long time (although I will try to be tolerant and accepting of them without hinting at all of these hurt feelings for the time being). While everything may seem as if it has all been forgotten and in the past, I'll still feel some sort of slight bitterness toward the person who hurt me and might unexpectedly become snarky and passive-aggressive.

    - I am very moody and sensitive, which is something that I truly hate about myself. My views at my age are constantly shifting and changing as I try to figure who I am in relation to myself and others, and I can grow even more impatient whenever I feel people aren't sympathetic or understanding of these moods. People who think either to rigidly, logically-based, or impulsively also tend to frustrate me much of the time, since I often need time to deliberate decisions carefully and think things through myself, after constant self-reflection and engagement in discussion with other people to verify if my views on things are correct or if I need to consider something else. I also like it when people think for themselves and express how they feel about things openly, instead of relying to much on what other people say or expect.

    - Even though I do occasionally try to be flexible and accommodate to what other people say, I absolutely hate it when I'm forced to be someone I'm not or forced to be exactly like them, since I like to think for myself and learn life lessons at my own pace based on my experiences and observations. I have an idea of the person I feel I am now and the person I wish to become in the future, and I do not fully appreciate me once people try to make me conform to the "norm" or meet their own rigid expectations of me.

    - I couldn't tolerate a lifestyle that is too rigidly structured and predictable, often to the form of monotony, but I do like to feel some sense of familiarity and comfort in situations so that I can still roam about freely without getting too overwhelmed with things happening too impulsively, I suppose.

    - I'm naturally very attuned to who I am, how I feel, and what it is that I like and don't like in myself and others, and often, my interactions are based off of ideas and values I've come up with in my own head.

    - Although I try to be patient, open-minded, and tolerant of society and it's values, I don't agree with everything that goes on around me or with all of the rules and expectations people have enforced, since I have my own way of viewing things and understanding "right and wrong".

    So, I suppose it's between INFP and INFJ for me, yet I still can't really discern which. What do you guys think, based upon what I've shared?

  2. #2
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    Quote Originally Posted by Hinastarr View Post
    Based upon an extended period of analyzing my interactions with others, this is what I've gathered:

    - I'm very self-conscious in regards to how others perceive me and often mold my values and opinions to fit those of another person to both maintain the peace between us and maintain a sense of connection between us both (horrible as it sounds).
    You want to be INFJ right?

    (I mean Fe > Fi)

    I also thought I saw some Ni here. You do mention some values of your own but I read that can come from Ni as well, just introversion really

    If you think you're more Fi > Fe and Ne > Ni, then do elaborate more on that

  3. #3
    reborn PeaceBaby's Avatar
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    Based upon the information, writing style and general vibe, INFJ. From my vantage point, nearly a 100% certainty.
    "Remember always that you not only have the right to be an individual, you have an obligation to be one."
    Eleanor Roosevelt


    "When people see some things as beautiful,
    other things become ugly.
    When people see some things as good,
    other things become bad."
    Lao Tzu, Tao Te Ching

  4. #4
    Senior Member Hinastarr's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by PeaceBaby View Post
    Based upon the information, writing style and general vibe, INFJ. From my vantage point, nearly a 100% certainty.
    I suppose I sometimes feel like a hybrid of both types, since I feel as if I'm way too daydreamy, scattered, and disorganized to be a judging type, yet I also don't feel as if an INFP would be as self-conscious and desiring of acceptance from others as I am, since I usually imagine that most INFPs seem grounded in their own firm idea of what their "identity" is and aren't as easily swayed by opinions from other people as I am.

    I guess I also tend to categorize a lot of stuff in my own head based on what fits here and there and tend to form quick opinions on things based on the little clues I've gathered externally, yet I also don't complete things as rapidly as I wish either, since I tend to procrastinate on stuff regularly to avoid risking failure or dissapointing others (irrational as it sounds). I also don't neccesarily agree with a lot of the values or traditions society imposes, since I usually try to process everything internally and filter things in my to figure out what I do value and what it is that I agree and disagree with. Still, this values and feelings often change depending on their information and varying opinions I receive from others, since if requently self-doubt and strive to make my view of my world seem as accurate and non-skewed as possible.

    I guess was confuses me most as well is whether I use more Fe and Ti or Fi and Te, since I tend to change around a lot depending on the situation. I know for certain though that a lot of my self-perception has been rooted from others think of me rather than of what I think of myself, since in a strange way, I feel as if everyone's views and opinions sort of build off of one another and work sort of to establish a general picture of what society truly is. I feel as if although in a constant search for self-identity and meaning, I also want to mold my own image of society and what it should be in my own head (although I will never try to impose these images or values upon other people, since I do this more for myself).

    Random as this sounds, I also tend to be sort of explosive when I'm angry and occasionally blurt out wrong, fallacious judgments on society and other people without truly reflecting over what I am saying, becoming increasingly hostile and argumentative when I feel someone has done something I find either amoral or disrespectful (I also have a hard time listening to other people's opinions during these periods and can ramble on for hours about my hurt feelings in an almost impassioned way, only to walk away on my lonesome for a brief period to reflect on what I've said, and later return apologetically toward the other person as I try to interact with them more calmly and attempt to be more patient in hearing their side of the story. I can anger rather easily, admittedly, yet I am also just as easy to forgive, although I don't forget the things that happened at that moment nearly as easily, which can lead to long periods of brooding over my hurt feelings before I can learn to sort them out and my own and move on).

    I'm wondering, what exactly is the difference between an INFP and INFJ vibe, though?

    I'm sorry if I'm confusing you or anyone else with all this, by the way...

  5. #5
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    Quote Originally Posted by Hinastarr View Post
    I have some strange idea, I suppose, of sort of being a guiding light for the people in this world who I feel are troubled and in need of a good friend, yet become a little frustrated once I see no results and the person fails to reveal their true colors.
    This is so XNFJ it hurts. As is the rest of it.

  6. #6
    reborn PeaceBaby's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Hinastarr View Post
    I'm wondering, what exactly is the difference between an INFP and INFJ vibe, though?
    It's based upon how you feel to me and thus difficult to put into words. Sorry I'm not able to expand on that more fully.

    Most of what you feel as being a "hybrid" is explained by your enneagram type, imo.
    "Remember always that you not only have the right to be an individual, you have an obligation to be one."
    Eleanor Roosevelt


    "When people see some things as beautiful,
    other things become ugly.
    When people see some things as good,
    other things become bad."
    Lao Tzu, Tao Te Ching

  7. #7
    Senior Member AzulEyes's Avatar
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    The only thing that doesn't make sense to me (or I'm thinking is simply not type related) is the molding of values to fit other / feeling self-conscious. A close INFJ friend of mine is SO not like that- quite the opposite.
    It takes courage to grow up and become who you really are. ~e.e. cummings

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  8. #8
    Sugar Hiccup OrangeAppled's Avatar
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    Most of this just sounds like e4 and general introvert NF stuff. Lots of what you say, most of it really, I can relate to technically; I would say I'm extremely similar. But there is some mode about it that strikes me as different from mine or how I hear other INFPs describe themselves. It's more of an attitude difference, which makes sense as both types prefer feeling & intution, but with reverse attitudes. So I agree you strike me as INFJ over all.

    What strikes me is, in terms of feeling, you mostly focus on the "space between you and others". The emotional status of yourself with others, how much others live up to your ideals, how you can affect others, etc. Being attuned to how you feel is just feeling, but it's how you develop those concepts that is telling. You seem to form feelings based on the external world - still personally picking & choosing what is reasonable to you, but it's based on external data. Fi-dom create value-concepts inwardly (often through exploration of imagination, memories, emotions, etc - things that make up the inner world) & see what externally resonates with it to give them more literal form. I don't know if that distinction is clear.

    INFPs tend to focus on the "space within" people, whether its themselves or others. When INFPs describe themselves, there is often a clearer focus on XYZ being important to them, even if worded in more vague concepts than a concrete thing (that's more ISFP). When they discuss their relation to others, it's helping someone else figure out what is important/good for them as an individual and/or overcome emotional obstacles to do it. It's not that we don't care about our relation to others, but there's some pride in letting people just be who they are, so we may be less nudgey in encouraging them to meet some ideal. This can look like disinterest when more pronounced. I suppose this is why you may think others find you pushy, which is not how INFPs usually come across.

    IxFPs are less likely to take mood changes in individuals personally, although I too am hyper-sensitive to feedback from others in a social setting. IxFPs will comment more on discrepancies between displayed attitude in people their actual emotions seeping through. This is why "bad mood" on its own is not taken so personally.

    IxFPs also tend to turn their feeling judgments inward, meaning most of their critical attitude for falling short of ideals is aimed at themselves (hence a rep for being self-deprecating or struggling with self-esteem). I can be critical towards unmet potential in intimates, but I'm far more critical of it in myself. IxFPs have to work on giving themselves more credit, usually.

    I'm not frightened of conflict nor feel I avoid it, but I don't feel a need to iron out every detail. I tend to want to give the benefit of the doubt, write it off as an isolated thing, and then move on. In my mind, this is being forgiving. Only if it shows as a pattern will I feel a need to address it, and I sort of give "warnings" along the way. I guess this looks like "ignoring" problems to people, not communicating, and then "blowing up" unexpectedly, but I experience it as "patience" & "understanding" and then asserting my needs when truly necessary. You can see this is a less structured mentality - it's more exploratory, wait-and-see, and adjusting to a process rather than strategically addressing things & having more defined boundaries and expectations (which seems more INFJ).

    Whatever iNtution you describe is not Ne. I hear no Ne in this. I also don't see it in the way you express. NPs are more novelty drive, more creative thinkers. It's hard to pinpoint again, but just not coming across.
    Often a star was waiting for you to notice it. A wave rolled toward you out of the distant past, or as you walked under an open window, a violin yielded itself to your hearing. All this was mission. But could you accomplish it? (Rilke)

    INFP | 4w5 sp/sx | RLUEI - Primary Inquisitive | Tritype is tripe

  9. #9
    Senior Member Hinastarr's Avatar
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    I suppose I'm pretty certain I have more INFJ than INFP tendencies, although I once believed otherwise... still here a few more details about my personality I'd like to contribute just to expand on who I am a bit more

    - I am hypersensitive to conflict and am particularly frustrated by people who are excessively demanding and overbearing towards me, overwhelming me with an overflow of criticism and scrutiny over my every action, which both makes me feel incredibly self-conscious and tense. I enjoy it when people allow me the independence to roam about and be the person I am rather than molding me to fit into their criteria of the person I ought to be; appearing relatively easygoing and gentle unless a person begins sending me negative vibes and becomes fussy and inflexible. I wish, rather, that those around me could simply accept themselves as they are and live harmoniously with one another, rather than picking on little tidbits and measuring the universe against there own pedestal.

    - I am constantly analyzing everything and questioning why everything occurs as it does, which leads me to develop a certain idea in my mind that I seek to elaborate more upon by extensive brainstorming and reflection; I try to see the underlying symbolism and significance beyond everything standing before me and often interpret actions or even objects as representations of a certain meaning or idea. I feel that there are many possibilities surrounding us in the world, yet also believe that they are all interconnected by one idea that serves as the root of it all, the one "truth" I suppose that will explain the entire framework of it all and why everything appears as it is. I can't reflect or brainstorm simply for the sake of it, but feel the need to do so in order to explain the world surrounding me and achieve that one certainty that will help me craft my own perception of reality.

    - I am often frustrated by people who do things either unexpectedly or in a rush, wanting to achieve 50 things at once and expecting to simply follow around compliantly, even though situations like these make me feel like a nervous wreck, since I'd rather be aware of what it is that I'm getting myself into and need time to process my surrounding quietly and perceive them through my own lens. I can't just force myself into the present impulsively and do things without a purpose or meaning; there has to be something to gained or learned from an experience.

    - Although mistakes often leave me feeling vulnerable, I often feel as though they'll only further shape up my future perception of everything

    - I am often quite content with simply lying down and either daydreaming or imaging possibilities in my mind

    - My ESFJ mother sometimes aggravates not because I dislike her or her company (I love her very much, as a matter of fact), but because she is overly emotional and hysterical about EVERYTHING. She constantly does "services" to people and tries to seem helpful for others in order to receive gratitude, but often glorifies herself whenever she is upset in order to appear like superwoman and make the "unappreciative" world around her feel like scum; she victimizes herself constantly often rambles on... and on... and on... whenever she's feeling overwhelmed or conflicted. She also doesn't seem to appreciate privacy or personal space, since she strives to impose her standards of how people should act and treat each other upon everybody. I dislike these traits in her personality because I feel that they make her seem very manipulative and inauthentic, particularly when she gets sentimental and refuses to acknowledge anyone else's feelings or views of a situation in order to prove that she is right and that everyone else that stands beneath her has wronged her in some way and... are pretty much assholes. I'd rather just exchange views on the situation in a calmer setting with the person involved as we talk it out and achieve a mutual understanding, but my mother creates a melodrama out of anything and will become defensive at the drop of a hat.

    - I hate it whenever people moralize; I'd rather have a person be kindhearted in a sincere fashion because that sweetness is coming from their heart, rather than feel self-righteous either because of their religious values/ beliefs or need for self-entitlement in order to manipulate the world according to their own tastes. I do not like to feel controlled or bossed around by another person, and certainly do not enjoy feeling inhibited and uncomfortable when trying to live up to another person's standards. I'd love for everyone to simply live harmoniously and respect one another regardless of their independent beliefs or perspectives.

    - I try to be patient and conceal my feelings whenever I feel deeply hurt or offended, often by brooding about it in a corner in solitude and avoiding the person who wounded me by sending off passive-aggressive vibes (and I'm not proud of this either), ultimately explode whenever a person either keeps pestering me about the situation or does some sort of action that seems to aggravate me even more so. And when I do explode, I admit that I can be quite brutal with my words, as much as I wish it weren't so. I'll angrily voice my distaste of what they've been doing and long to ramble about these feelings without interruption, becoming even angrier whenever the person jumps in while I'm trying to explain something in order to voice there side of the story or say something that contradicts everything I've been expressing.

    - I do not wish harm on anyone, but love it whenever people pay for their wrongdoings; I feel that everyone is entitled to learning from their mistakes, but also believe that, depending upon the graveness of what it was that the person did, people should have to suffer consequences for what they've done. If someone has wronged or offended me in a way that has caused me hurt, for instance, I'd feel satisfied if the person had to experience the same pain they caused me by some other occurrence. It probably sounds wrong of me to feel this way, but it's something I've noted in myself for a while now.

    - I can sense what is about to happen in a situation or what a person is about to do or say based upon the vibes I've been receiving; I process all those subtleties subconsciously, I suppose, until I achieve a vision or explanation of what might occur.

    - I'd rather have 1 person to genuinely accept and understand me from the inside out than 50 people whom I interact with superficially, yet feel no sense of deep connection toward whatsoever. I love to get to know people deeply and prefer interacting with them one-on-one, becoming overwhelmed by noisy, boisterous settings and feeling a little frustrated or even disappointed whenever I feel that I can't open up to a person as deeply as I wish I could.

    -

  10. #10
    Senior Member Hinastarr's Avatar
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    Well, I'm guessing I won't getting any more responses this time so... I'll just agree that I'm an INFJ and end it and that

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