Alright, so after many weeks of trying to find my Enneagram type, I've come to the conclusion that I have corrupted the process by gathering too much information instead of letting intuition take the lead and deciding which one "feels" right. Sadly, I can't reverse the amount of information I've gathered so I'm left with one option, external opinions. So here's the PerC Questionnaire, if you pick up on any distinct type, let me know.
Any disorders or conditions we should know about? I'm a High Machiavellian (which isn't a disorder), other than that, no.
1. What do you think your life is about? What drives you in life? This can be something like a goal or a purpose, or anything else that comes to mind. I think my life is about figuring out how things work, and what makes people, objects, and ideas tick. I'm driven by a nag to change the world in some way or fashion, I don't want to die without influencing or aiding something.
2. What were you like as a kid? Extremely socially awkward, yet highly inquisitive and piercing. My teachers in elementary school described me as "the kid who doesn't try and still gets a higher grade than most" and that followed through middle and high school. Emotionally, I had (have) a problem with guilt and remorse, and I was pretty emotionally stable except if I was teased harshly or held back from something I desperately wanted, which would cause me to collapse inward.
3. Describe your relationship with your parents. Does anything stand out about the way you interacted?
Nothing stands out particularly, my relationship with them was pretty normal.
4. What values are important to you? What do you hope to avoid doing or being?
Values: rationality, responsibility, emotional strength, passion (whether that be for a study or person), cunning, either complete directness or complete caution and conservation of words (no in-betweeners), and creativity.
Avoid: Over-emotional, self-revealing, vapidly original, incompetence, UNWILLING TO LEARN SOMETHING BECAUSE "I'M NOT SMART ENOUGH"(you know who you are, you guys suck), and lacking in confidence.
5. Aside from phobias, are there any fears that characterized your childhood? Have they continued into the present day, or not, and if not, how have you dealt with them?
I do/did possess a fear of rejection and criticism, and the way I deal with rejection and criticism is disproving the other person's opinions silently in my mind and carrying on. For criticism I usually take it as lightly and objectively as possible and adjust changes to fix the problem.
6. a.) How do you see yourself? I see myself as an intellectual and a bit of a social chameleon, I socially adjust to different people, i.e. with friends I become highly extroverted and with others I'm reserved and laid-back.
b.) How do you want others to see you? An intellectual who is going somewhere, who isn't going to be content with an average life
c.) What do you dislike the most in other people? Excessive emotions, a predisposition to accept anything a social superior tells them, and the over-dramatization of interpersonal issues, i.e. grudges and emotional meltdowns
7. Which habit do you most automatically act on? Rank the following habits from most to least automatic, on a scale of 1 (most) to 3 (least).
a.) Work for personal gain with more concern for self than for others. 1
b.) Strive for a sense of tranquility in yourself and the world around you 2 (chaos is fun sometimes)
c.) Decide what is right for the betterment of something or someone else. 3
8. Where does the wandering mind take you? What provokes this?
When my mind wanders, I see a plethora of ideas that need to be refined, expanded upon, and placed in my system of knowledge (how everything relates to one another), and I usually begin introspecting and contemplating implementations of ideas and theories. However, if I start thinking about more practical ideas (the social sphere) I start experiencing some depression and self-doubt, which I immediately try to eradicate with either rationalization or by suppressing them and distracting myself.
9.What makes you feel your best? What makes you feel your worst?
Best: When I'm appreciated and acknowledged. When I can share my knowledge to other people and work together to figure out the mysteries of life. I feel the best when I'm solving something and when I get an answer.
Worst: When I'm disrespected and completely ignored. The absolute worst is when I start thinking about how short life is and the possibility of not accomplishing something or doing something with my life.
10. Let's talk about emotions. Explain what might make you feel the following, how they feel to you or how you react to the emotion:
a.) anger disrespect, direct antagonism, unwilling to accept others beliefs, physically harming someone for a verbal dispute. I don't get angry often; however, when I do, I seem to intensify my cunning and duplicity and begin figuring out how to get vengeance. I withdraw from the situation and become hyper-vigilant of my actions and what I say so that I can't be criticized. My friends tell me that my anger is cold and calculating, and one friend specifically told me that when I'm truly angry I act and seem like a serial killer.
b.) shame Me doing something stupid without thinking, being criticized on physique and or attractiveness. I don't really experience shame that often, even less so than anger, I don't really care about my body or how I look (though criticize my looks and I will feel somewhat shameful).
c.) anxiety I do experience heavy anxiety, and this usually replaces shame completely when I'm criticized. I'm afraid of looking like a fool twice. I get extremely anxious when I have to be assessed by someone in a one-on-one scenario, it's almost crippling. I try to shrug off my anxiety but to no real avail. If I'm anxious about something that is going to happen I usually become withdrawn and try and concentrate on remaining stoic.
11. Describe how you respond to the following:
a.) stress It depends on the stress, if the stress is a person, I will usually deal with it with no problem. If the stress is like the one-on-ones mentioned above I get extremely anxious. I don't really get stress from working unless I'm on a time-schedule, which then I get pissed off at whoever made the time schedule or get worried that I won't complete the task on time.
b.) negative unexpected change I think negative unexpected change is a bit of a challenge and possibly even a little fun. However, if this unexpected change is like a tornado ripping down my house or that someone who I care about cares nothing for me, I become depressed and despairing, but eventually I pick myself up and keep pushing forward.
c.) conflict Conflict is definitely a formal challenge, one I won't hesitate to accept, unless the conflict is primarily emotional and based on complete bullshit.
a.) What kind of role are you naturally inclined to take in a group? Why? In a group I usually become the mastermind, I make plans (definitely not as structured as the INTJ shit) on how to achieve our goals with the most efficiency and least amount of exhaustion. In a group I'm usually the person who discovers how to solve a problem or is the person who understands everything about the problem and can churn out ways to solve it.
b.) If put in power, how do you behave? Why? If I'm put in power, I try to act as fairly as possible and make sure that everyone puts in their opinion on a matter, so that no voice is suppressed or ignored. The only problem is that I'm not a structured leader so I err on the side of organization and "true" (more like totalitarian) leadership skills.
c.) Do you tend to struggle with others who have authority over you? Why? If the person in authority questions my judgement or my knowledge, definitely yes. I don't like when people exercise their power over others as dominance and superiority.
13. What do you see or notice in others that most people don't? Their motivations, their pattern (a roadmap to what they are going to do next), and their reliability. I'm exceptionally good at dissecting through someone's facade and seeing what they truly want (my friends hate it).
14. Comment on your relationship with trust. I think trust is important, but I would rather trust myself than trust others. I live by the code that all people are untrustworthy one way or another and that I must out-maneuver their own agendas and ploys so that I can defend myself. (reading this over again this sounds excruciatingly cynical)
15. Briefly: What religious and/or political beliefs do you have? Do you think they influenced your responses in this questionnaire?
I don't think my religious affiliations would have any affect on these answers, I'm an agnostic.
Politically I'm a Libertarian, which might have some impact on the leadership questions.
Optional Question (due to personal nature)
Discuss an event that has impacted your life significantly; more importantly, how you responded to it.
Not going to happen.
Which of the following temptations do you find yourself acting upon the most? (And briefly state why)
- To constantly push yourself to be “the best”
- To be without needs, well-intentioned
- To replace direct experience with concepts
- To have an extreme sense of personal moral obligation
- To think that fulfillment is somewhere else
- To cyclically become indecisive and seek others for reassurance
- To overuse imagination in searching for yourself
- To avoid conflicts and asserting yourself
- To consider yourself entirely self-sufficient
I think the most prominent one would be to consider myself entirely self-sufficient.
What's something you are: a.) thankful you have b.) wish you could have? Why?
A.) Opportunity to do great things if I so desire
B.) Stoicism, anxiety is the root of many problems.