help with my instinctual variant...

[CatBalou]

So, I'm trying to figure out my enneagram type/instinctual variant. I'm pretty sure I'm a 6 (when I was younger, I was constantly plagued by doubt, anxiety and paranoia and I still can be under extreme stress).

I've read other threads on here discussing that 6 is an Self-Preserving type anyway, so it's hard to separate the 6 from the SP. According to this, SP in a 6 actually looks like this:

Type 6: Warmth/affection

As a self-preservation subtype, you disarm others with your warmth and affection. By acting kindly with thoughtfulness and deferral, people won’t be angry with you or harm you. You’ll make friends and get people to like you by pleasing, supporting and aligning with them – in effect creating a safety zone populated with allies. This makes you feel safe and secure. Avoiding risks and staying within well-known boundaries also can abate your fears. At your worst, you give away your authority and power, paradoxically making you more vulnerable.
which sounds very different from the typical SP concerns with financial stability.

I do act like this in a work situation, but I guess most people do - especially Fes. While I will try and build relationships with people I need to have a relationship with - e.g. bosses, stakeholders (like most people!), I don't generally put a disarming amount of warmth into it and I'm not - consciously - doing it so they won't harm me. If I see someone as a potential threat, I'm much more likely to either avoid them or start confronting them, often to the detriment of that person's view of me.

In terms of general SP-ness I am pretty bad at maintaining daily routines, knowing when I'm tired or hungry and budgeting.

I feel more SX, in that I am very one-to-one focussed and feel bereft if I'm single too long. I find myself toning down my intensity in day to day life as I get older because it doesn't jive very well with most people, but possibly that means I'm actually SX second...

All thoughts welcome

 

[Chad of the OttomanEmpire]

Hi there--

I wouldn't go by the instinct descriptions necessarily, as we all have all 3 instincts and can often see ourselves in all 3 of them. The best idea I've read so far suggests that you look at which set of issues sets off your core 6 issues. Which one makes you go ballistic, 6-style? Your first instinct should not be comfortable.

Your second instinct should be more comfortable, maybe an area of interest for you. That you forget to eat and stuff doesn't necessarily make you sp-last--it could be correlated with an inferior Sensing function. Keep that in mind.

The last instinct is the one you neglect. Don't rule out not being social-last just because you don't like socializing--it's actually more about "society" than "being social" (you may have already heard that, but worth repeating).

Give it some thought and let me know what you think!! Hope it helps!

 

[CatBalou]

Hi there--

I wouldn't go by the instinct descriptions necessarily, as we all have all 3 instincts and can often see ourselves in all 3 of them. The best idea I've read so far suggests that you look at which set of issues sets off your core 6 issues. Which one makes you go ballistic, 6-style? Your first instinct should not be comfortable.

Your second instinct should be more comfortable, maybe an area of interest for you. That you forget to eat and stuff doesn't necessarily make you sp-last--it could be correlated with an inferior Sensing function. Keep that in mind.

The last instinct is the one you neglect. Don't rule out not being social-last just because you don't like socializing--it's actually more about "society" than "being social" (you may have already heard that, but worth repeating).

Give it some thought and let me know what you think!! Hope it helps!

Hey, I like socialising! I don't have the typical SO pod-affiliations though, maybe a little more so since having kids.

My core 6 issues are set off by rejection (romantically) or by feeling passed over/undervalued at work. It's always focussed on jealousy of one or two other rivals, so I don't know if that's an SP issue or SX.

In terms of comfort, I get more of an undertow of fear around things like my ability to provide financially for my kids, whether the house is secure etc but I probably spend a lot more conscious time thinking/fretting about my significant relationships. I don't know how that fits with your comfort guidelines?

 

[Chad of the OttomanEmpire]

Hey, I like socialising! I don't have the typical SO pod-affiliations though, maybe a little more so since having kids.

My core 6 issues are set off by rejection (romantically) or by feeling passed over/undervalued at work. It's always focussed on jealousy of one or two other rivals, so I don't know if that's an SP issue or SX.

In terms of comfort, I get more of an undertow of fear around things like my ability to provide financially for my kids, whether the house is secure etc but I probably spend a lot more conscious time thinking/fretting about my significant relationships. I don't know how that fits with your comfort guidelines?

Well so far, everything you've related suggests sx-first to me. Maybe sp is your second--we all worry about sp stuff sometimes (I'm sp-last and I feel this way) but if you're more prone to getting stressed out about romance, jealousy and rivals, those tend to be sx-first issues.