1. Is there anything that may affect the way you answer the questions? For example, a stressful time, mental illness, medications, special life circumstances? Other useful information includes sex, age, and current state of mind.
I've been diagnosed with Depression, a varitey of Anxiety disorders, and OCD. I went through psychiatric hospitalization for suicidal thoughts. I'm on Zoloft now, which helps regulate my moods.
2. Study these two images here and here. Which one do you prefer and why? How would you describe it?
They won't let me do links but whatever. I like the first one better. It's some place I'd like to go, I think, though both are lovely. I've always wanted to see the Northern Lights, and on a beach, too. I would like to perhaps sit with the girl, but I feel like I could go on a big adventure with the Northern Lights. I am also fond of sunsets - but I like sunrises better.
3. Please describe yourself as a person if you were to introduce yourself to someone else like in a cover letter. What kind of person are you and why?
A loaded question. I'm competitive - I like to win, I like to be in charge, I like to lead, almost to the place where I cannot not lead. I'm pretty quiet, but not necessarily shy. I just keep my opinions to myself, and contemplate the idiots surrounding me. I'm not sympathetic, but I am sensitive. I don't mind helping others occasionally. I consider myself intelligent, fascinated in theory and philosophy. I am fairly critical of myself and others. I sometimes use others to get what I want. I'm pretty cynical. I have a good sense of humor. I am pretty quick witted. I'm determined, resilient, perserverant, and ambitious. I have a good imagination.
4. What kind of person would you LIKE to be? Why? What kind of person would you NOT want to be? Why?
I wish I were more understanding, and sympathetic. I wish I could stand up for myself more, voice my anger instead of sitting idly in the background, simmering. I wish I was the kind of person that people would come to for advice. I do not, however, want to be an attention hog - wishing pity because of my mental illness.
5. Do you think there are any differences to how you described yourself and how people actually perceive you? How do you think others would describe you? If there are any discrepancies between these two that are you are aware of; do you know why exactly that is?
People view me as quiet and shy and kind and caring and understanding and generous, and I am some of those things, but I am also judgmental, critical, harsh, unsympathetic, manipulative, pessimisstic, and elitist. I am a lot meaner than most people think, and it's because it's in my best interests to seem like the sweet, kind girl instead of, for lack of a better term, an asshole.
6. What in life do you find to be of importance? Why? If you are unsure you can always take the Value Test and post the results here. Do note that it helps if you narrow it down to 20 or ideally 10 values as suggested at stage 2.
Ambition, Intelligence, tact, respect, perserverance, hard work, optimisim, trust, loyalty - I do not trust many people, and I am in no way loyal (i.e. I would jump on anything better that comes along), but I value it tremendously in other people.
7. How do you react to new situations in your life? Can you describe an event in your life where you were in an unknown situation? How did you deal with it?
I think going through hospitalization, and coming to terms with my mental illness affected me a lot. I was so, so afraid, but I put all my emotions aside because I wanted to get better - I was willing to remove myself from my friends and family for days to focus solely on myself, because I didn't want to feel the way I was feeling anymore.
Also, my mom was diagnosed with cancer a year and a half back - she collapsed on a business trip and I had to fly up to Canada and everything. I only cried twice, I believe. Everything was so crazy, so hectic, that I felt like I had to be my own rock - I had to be the sane one, I had to be the only normal thing left in my life. I pushed aside all of those feelings, and it eventually, months later, lead to a psychological break. My mom is my best friend, and seeing her so ill affected me so much, but I could never talk about it.
8. Please describe yourself when you are in a stressful situation. How do you act and why? Real life experiences are welcome.
First, I freak out and cry for roughly thirty minutes, complaining about it, then I get a game plan and tackle whatever is stressing me. I used to get overwhelmed so easily, but my psychologist has helped me alot with that. You do everything in little chunks, and only focus on the things that are immediately relevant.
9. Please describe yourself when you are in an enjoyable situation. How do you act and why? Real life experiences are welcome.
I can't stop smiling. I love adventure, I'm always yearning for excitement. I like to soak everything in. There is always some voice, my depression, nagging me - that I'll be depressed later so why does it matter that I am happy now.
10. Describe your relationship to socialization. How do you perceive one-on-one interaction? How do you perceive group interaction?
Complicated. I am perfectly able to function in a social situation with ease. I'm an excellent conversationalist, I know exactly the right questions to ask, the right things to say - I can read people easily, so I know exactly what they're looking for. I like large parties - they're so intimate. At small parties there is never any privacy. I would just rather prefer to be alone, or in a small group of like minded people. In big groups, I always feel like the sad third wheel, and everyone would be happier if I just left.
11. Describe your relationship to society. What are the elements of it you hold important or unimportant (e.g. social norms, values, customs, traditions)? How do you see people as a whole?
I am generally okay with society. I am frustrated with some of its views, but whatever. I believe that for the most part, society is superificial, obsessed with money and beauty, including myself. It's disgusting. Most people are content in their own little world - they don't ask the big questions. I think society is naive and ignorant, yet - I believe that society is generally good-hearted. I used to see this as weak and foolished, but now I just realized I am totally cyncial - I am the problem, and most everyone else is good.
12. Describe your relationship to authority. How do you perceive authority? What does it mean to you, and how do you deal with it?
I always want to be the authority. I will be disgruntled if I think I could do a better job than the current authority, or if the current authority is inadequate, but besides that, I'm fine. Though I love leading, it frequently stresses me out.
13. Describe your relationship to order and chaos. What do order and chaos mean to you? How do they manifest in your daily life?
Our universe is inherently chaotic. I do not think there is order behind it all, that things are preordained and for a reason and such. That being said, I like order - I like cleanliness, organization, schedules, no loose ends, predictability. But I also love adventure - I thrive in the unexpected and stimulating, and that is chaos. So I like chaos in small doses, I suppose. Chaos can be good - shaking things up.
14. What is it that you fear in life? Why? How does this fear manifest to you both in how you think and how you act?
I fear my mental illness, my future. I fear that I will become so depressed again that I'll hurt myself. I fear that I'll end up being lonely and unhappy and depressed as an adult. I fear my memories from my time prior to hospitalization, when I was at my worst. I avoid anything to do with those memories. For example, the day before I went to inpatient, I was watching Amazing Race, and now I can't watch it anymore because I remember how I felt watching it and I become upset.
15. What is it that you desire in life? What do you strive to achieve? Why? Where do you think these drives and desires stem from or are inspired by?
I desire to be content, above all else - be content with myself and my life, be happy with the path I have chosen. I used to strive to be successful, and I still wish to be, very much so, but as long as I am happy that doesn't matter. I think suffering from mental illness sort of inspired this.
16. a) What activities energize you most? b) What activities drain you most? Why?
Fencing energizes me, because I like competing. Travelling, going on an adventure, writing something I am truly proud of. Knowing I did well on something. Doing homework, math class, and studying drains me. I just can't concentrate on such boring things. Going to parties where I don't know anyone drains me - it makes me painfully awkward, almost like I'm frozen.
17. Why do you want to know your type? What type do you think you are? Why this/these type(s)? Is there a type that appeals to you, to your self-perception, that you would like to be? Why? If you know your enneagram, please post this here. If you have done any online function tests such as the Keys2Cognition, it helps if you post these results here as well.
So I'm fairly sure my enneagram is 3w4 - 7w6 - 1w9, sp/so. I've tested as INTP, ENTP, INFP, ENFP, ISTJ, ISFP, INTJ, ISTP, ESTP, and ENTJ for MBTI - quite eclectic. I used to be interested in MBTI because I thought if I could connected my personality with an objective evaluation, a four-letter code, then I could miraculously become happier - all I had to do was follow the advice for my type and so forth. Now, I want to be able to understand myself better, why I act the way I do, how I can grow.
Here's my Keys2Cognition results. They may be swayed a bit because I know how to manipulate the questions, but I promise I'm not trying to: - well it won't let me post images later but it's Se (excellent use - 36), Si (limited use - 16.9), Ne (good use - 32.2), Ni (excellent use - 45.5), Te (average use - 27.3), Ti (excellent use - 38.1), Fe (limited use - 17.1), Fi (average use - 27.1)
18. Finally, is there something else you find to be of importance you want to add about yourself you think might be of relevance when helping to type you?
I guess I'll talk about my personality a little more. I have this thing where I look down on everyone else - I think I'm the best person in existence, I am better and more intelligence than everyone else, but I have a very, very bad view of myself - I have very low self esteem. I was picked on as a kid, because I was a teacher's pet and didn't have the coolest clothes or anything. I'm not anymore, but it made me sort of bitter and resentful. I have a deep-seeded anger in me - I'm angry at everyone who's ever wronged me, vengeful.
Despite all of this, I'm relatively easy going. I'm fairly approachable, I think - like I mentioned, I don't mind helping others if they really need it. I like to read, and play with my cat, spend time with my family and friends, etc.