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    Default Fi age. Experiences?

    The relationship between Fi, Fi descriptions and self-assertion/conflict comes up a lot, and I've had an elephant sitting on my chest over it for a while.

    Do many IXFPs start more sensitive like in all those annoying internet stereotypes out there and come into their own strength with age? Like me? I was one of the shy Fi's described everyfuckingwhere when I was school-aged (believe it or not, there are a few) and still hate that little girl because it wasn't even real sensitivity to anyone but her soft self. The true thing is sensing when to stand up and doing it, which I feel is a human duty, so it makes me squirm to look back. And it's sore because I'm not all the way up out of the puddle yet. I'm harsh with myself when I don't live in line with what's important to me, if it's not obvious.

    While those in my most respected/close circle would say I've always been at home in confrontation, that doesn't count to me because I believe the true determinant of personality and character is how you express your values where/when it's not easy or safe. Reading about the outspokenness of the IXFPs on TypoC prompts me to look back at all the times where I was out in the real world, beyond my self-preserving wall, and acted like more accommodating and rulebound, less evaluative than I was inside. And then I want to shove my Fi card into a toaster even though I've grown so much, just because there's further to.

    Yes, it's a big specific fuss over a function. Perspective is what I'm laying this out for.

    But, back to my question. Youth. Fi. The different morphs people who use it go through as they grow up. To Fi users, dominants especially, who are older than me (mid to late 20s and beyond), do you relate to any of this?
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    likes this gromit's Avatar
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    I'm definitely rule-abiding, peacemaker, etc. by nature. So I am with you about feeling less in-your-face than a lot of the other FPs seem to be.

    And I agree with you, it is a struggle to find balance between your personal ideals and maybe doing what is right by other people.

    It's ok to struggle with that, and ok if sometimes you accidentally go too far in one direction or the other. You're just learning to calibrate yourself to different situations. And sometimes circumstances or moods or whatever will push you toward confrontation or toward holding stuff in.

    I think it can be easy for some people to be hard on themselves, but that's what it really comes down to, just accepting who you are, what you've got to work with in a given situation, not comparing yourself to some imaginary ideal.
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    Quote Originally Posted by gromit View Post
    I'm definitely rule-abiding, peacemaker, etc. by nature. So I am with you about feeling less in-your-face than a lot of the other FPs seem to be.
    The frustration here is feeling that I went against my nature for a phase and getting down on myself for not being myself. But you give a useful reminder: we're always being ourselves, just changing selves in a world of changing pressures, physical states and environments.
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    Senior Member King sns's Avatar
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    I do relate to stereotype Fi growth a lot... I guess it takes a while to build that complicated subjective judgment system. If you're born to want to do that it takes some life experience to adjust your views in a way that's comfortable. I was always pretty fragile and changeable at the same time, a bad combo. Now I'm getting the hang of it a bit, (28 years old) and am comfortable with myself at least. I have the basic framework of a healthy Fi, but am still adjusting.
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    Senior Member Sanjuro's Avatar
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    I actually relate to the OP a lot.

    Let me tell you why:

    First of all, no, I don't relate to the descriptions of Fi-doms as having been sickly-sweet children who could never ever assert their own needs. I've definitely met Fi-doms like that, but I was just sort of a willful, stubborn child. My first tendency was actually to argue with the kids who made fun of me (we're talking when I was like 6).

    There were also times in my very early childhood that I was very serious and detached as well--I remember in preschool, some kid kept kicking me in the shins, and it didn't occur to me that I should be bothered by this. I was OK, she was OK. So, you could easily say that I was "gentle" and "unassertive" when I was very young. It would be most accurate to say that I used different strategies in different places, however.

    When I got to middle school, though...oh man. I got made fun of so bad in the 3rd grade that I totally withdrew (actually, I was told to "ignore" it, which I read as "withdraw and pretend it's not happening"). I became somewhat paranoid after the 3rd grade and became hypersensitive to the slightest remark, which I was sure expressed the speaker's disdain for me. I stopped interacting and taking part in class and stopped keeping friends. This became such a facet of my personality that my teachers thought I was autistic and were always telling me to "be more assertive". If someone had tried to take my lunch money, I would have frozen up and just done what they asked. That stupid 5 wing! And this became my way of interacting with the outside world for about the next 15 years.

    So yeah, I CAN relate to being told to "assert myself more".

    I can also relate to my family telling me I'm not averse to confrontation--they thought it was weird that people said I wasn't "assertive enough". So, again, it's just two different coping methods for two different circumstances.

    Now I could be hard on myself, as you are. Part of my problem was my 8-fix, which saw my outer persona as a form of weakness...so there'd be a lot of self-reproach. Then I'd feel like a total wimp, and have more self-esteem issues (LOL, did not live up to Fantasy Self?). I'd be the first to agree that it's what happens when you are in a position of discomfort that determines your real character--I had very disappointing experiences in my 20s and just about wrote myself off at one point.

    But you know what? Life happened to me. It basically forced me out of my Withdrawn Shell, and I honestly can't tell it was ever there. I mean, I'm still the silent loner who doesn't interact much in a group, but I've become very public about telling people off. You kind of lose the capacity to care, after a certain amount of life experience, I think.

    In your case, you've got a 9-fix that values equilibrium, and a 6-fix that is aware of ramifications with others, and that's just part of who you are. These are different strategies you can use to cope with life, but you're not beholden to them. And guess what else? If you read Jung's work, there's really nothing about Fi being the "gentle" function, or that it makes you more "accomodating" or even more "hypersensitive" than others. That's all stuff that's become amplified and passed around in internet lore.

    Actually, the function is more about maintaining inward emotional states, which often are not visible to others. Users tend to be perceived as cold, unemotional, and inaccessible, but are often more open around their nearest and dearest. They come to their own conclusions regarding right and wrong and can be outspoken around these values. Of course, they can value harmony, but this generally revolves around being in solidarity with oneself rather than being nicey-nice (though this will depend on other factors in the personality, obviously). Outbursts are not unusual.

    Anyway, there's not much about this type that necessitates that its users be nice and accommodating and what have you. As Feelers, there's a sense of awareness, or connection to the Universal that sometimes puts the user in the other person's shoes. Obviously, it's not easy to be hard-hearted when this is your dominant perspective. However, when this perverted gets perverted...Fi can be about War as much as Peace.

    And, I'm sure there are Te-dom 9-fixed 3s and phobic 6s who've needed to learn to assert themselves more effectively as well. I know of an ISTJ 1w2 who told me as much--not the first person you'd think of as being "unassertive". Functions don't have to determine EVERYTHING.

    Anyway, those are my thoughts on Fi, for now.

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    Quote Originally Posted by Sanjuro View Post
    First of all, no, I don't relate to the descriptions of Fi-doms as having been sickly-sweet children who could never ever assert their own needs. I've definitely met Fi-doms like that, but I was just sort of a willful, stubborn child.
    Yeah, on the earlier childhood descriptions, no way. I was adventurous and friendly but vocal about problems and had a hateful reaction to being told what to do. When I got into school, I was sensitive to heightened social consequences for screaming--my parents were pretty gentle and independent introverts, and when I had authorities with more of a push to their personalities who didn't care give me orders for the first time (You're not supposed to climb the trees. Get into line when the whistle blows. Taking the biggest piece of pizza? Tsk.), it was first of all a whole new physical sensation that chilled me. So, I'd freeze into line on the outside, but inside my head, I remember still putting them on a blacklist and erecting an avoidant wall between us. Maybe some incompatibility problems I had with teachers back then were because I had decided to shut down the relationship and it showed. Maybe this, maybe that.

    My first tendency was actually to argue with the kids who made fun of me (we're talking when I was like 6). There were also times in my very early childhood that I was very serious and detached as well--I remember in preschool, some kid kept kicking me in the shins, and it didn't occur to me that I should be bothered by this. I was OK, she was OK. So, you could easily say that I was "gentle" and "unassertive" when I was very young. It would be most accurate to say that I used different strategies in different places, however.
    I got hosed a lot for ignoring directions. Knew exactly what I was doing. Passive-aggressive, stunned if someone got upset because I wasn't HURTING anybody, riiiiight? Or if I was at home and being pushed to do something, I'd just tell the person to get out of my face and point at the door. baaaabies... I apologize retroactively to any reading teachers, school employees and babysitters. Children like that drain my sympathy, too.

    When I got to middle school, though...oh man. I got made fun of so bad in the 3rd grade that I totally withdrew (actually, I was told to "ignore" it, which I read as "withdraw and pretend it's not happening"). I became somewhat paranoid after the 3rd grade and became hypersensitive to the slightest remark, which I was sure expressed the speaker's disdain for me. I stopped interacting and taking part in class and stopped keeping friends. This became such a facet of my personality that my teachers thought I was autistic and were always telling me to "be more assertive".

    If someone had tried to take my lunch money, I would have frozen up and just done what they asked. That stupid 5 wing! And this became my way of interacting with the outside world for about the next 15 years.
    Ugh, I reacted to a lot of threats that way through all my school years and don't know what I was thinking. As in, probably nothing. This is like the type 5 of Naranjo, a writer whose 5 profile as a whole I mesh with way, way more than his 3, even typing as 5w4 once for a while after initially studying it. This experience is a very base startle reaction that I think has to do with being way up in one's own head all the time. Metaphorically, it's a long way down. When someone is pushed out of a tower, they're probably not going to choose how they react when they hit the ground, even if they believe in keeping a stiff upper lip. It's falling into the easiest and lowest-order reflexive action because I wasn't prepared with anything more sane. The ironic thing is that 5's are said to retreat inside to prepare for the outer world.

    The ironic thing about others telling you to be more [personal quality that will strengthen you against others' picking] is that it's just another emotional blow, at least to my kind of Fi. It's invasive. I know what I need to become, thank you. I was even more of a perfectionist as a kid, so guaranteed the problem was already weighing on me a ton! No, I'm not upset because I'm resisting you, but because you broke the back of a very strained camel.

    These two paragraph are what I felt called out by in avoidant and bendable descriptions, as well as the fact that telling yourself not to cry in an angry inner drill sergeant voice doesn't work very well. I was very depressed once.

    I can also relate to my family telling me I'm not averse to confrontation--they thought it was weird that people said I wasn't "assertive enough". So, again, it's just two different coping methods for two different circumstances.
    Yes, it's the different coping methods part that is a bother. I get to feeling like if I take more than one shape like that between environments, only one of the coping methods must be genuine and accuse myself of faking the other. Often I'll choose the skittish public method as the one that must be truth just because it's harder to be out there. It's the test, while the rest is playtime or something. But where did that initial assumption that drives this grief come from, that there can only be one accurate persona and that all elements of the others are automatically assigned to trash without further consideration? Getting someone else's similar experience helps validate other possibilities that are more unifying. This was important to read.

    Now I could be hard on myself, as you are. Part of my problem was my 8-fix, which saw my outer persona as a form of weakness...so there'd be a lot of self-reproach. Then I'd feel like a total wimp, and have more self-esteem issues (LOL, did not live up to Fantasy Self?). I'd be the first to agree that it's what happens when you are in a position of discomfort that determines your real character--I had very disappointing experiences in my 20s and just about wrote myself off at one point.
    There we go. That is just what's going on for me right now, although I am still quite 469 (see above.......). Cannot go into it further without plagiarizing your quote. Strength and weakness, where vulnerability lies between the two, no sympathy for self at all. Trying myself to be the parent that didn't harden me up? We're getting weird here. It's cool to see someone who valued stuff like that grow into it authentically. It's hopeful.

    But you know what? Life happened to me. It basically forced me out of my Withdrawn Shell, and I honestly can't tell it was ever there. I mean, I'm still the silent loner who doesn't interact much in a group, but I've become very public about telling people off. You kind of lose the capacity to care, after a certain amount of life experience, I think.
    That's right. Life for me is just starting. As put in my last post, that's the dynamism I was denying in my rant. Fast or slow at getting out into life, who I'll become with more experiences will be just as "me" as anything else. Excuse me while I write that memo down and staple it facedown over my eyes. The past is not more real than the future.

    In your case, you've got a 9-fix that values equilibrium, and a 6-fix that is aware of ramifications with others, and that's just part of who you are. These are different strategies you can use to cope with life, but you're not beholden to them. And guess what else? If you read Jung's work, there's really nothing about Fi being the "gentle" function, or that it makes you more "accomodating" or even more "hypersensitive" than others. That's all stuff that's become amplified and passed around in internet lore.
    I'm thinking now that those traits aren't part and parcel of any function, but related to mental health and lack of life experience.

    Actually, the function is more about maintaining inward emotional states, which often are not visible to others. Users tend to be perceived as cold, unemotional, and inaccessible, but are often more open around their nearest and dearest.
    Yes. More than once I've been shocked to hear how outsiders saw me that way before they got inside. Are you kidding? You don't know what you're missing.

    They come to their own conclusions regarding right and wrong and can be outspoken around these values. Of course, they can value harmony, but this generally revolves around being in solidarity with oneself rather than being nicey-nice (though this will depend on other factors in the personality, obviously). Outbursts are not unusual.
    ...and it might take them time to let everyone see that part of them, but that doesn't lessen them or make them less of who they are. I get this. And maaaaybe my definition of nicey-nice is necessarily vast. Earlier I was disappointed in myself for listening to a bore at a party last night and not telling them they were deluded. Satisfaction is the devil, huh? LOL.

    Anyway, there's not much about this type that necessitates that its users be nice and accommodating and what have you. As Feelers, there's a sense of awareness, or connection to the Universal that sometimes puts the user in the other person's shoes. Obviously, it's not easy to be hard-hearted when this is your dominant perspective. However, when this perverted gets perverted...Fi can be about War as much as Peace.
    ...and knows it.

    Thanks once more for sharing that much. It made a difference.
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  7. #7
    Senior Member Sanjuro's Avatar
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    Hi, new Misty. Finally getting back to you here--

    Quote Originally Posted by Misty View Post
    Yeah, on the earlier childhood descriptions, no way. I was adventurous and friendly but vocal about problems and had a hateful reaction to being told what to do. When I got into school, I was sensitive to heightened social consequences for screaming--my parents were pretty gentle and independent introverts, and when I had authorities with more of a push to their personalities who didn't care give me orders for the first time (You're not supposed to climb the trees. Get into line when the whistle blows. Taking the biggest piece of pizza? Tsk.), it was first of all a whole new physical sensation that chilled me. So, I'd freeze into line on the outside, but inside my head, I remember still putting them on a blacklist and erecting an avoidant wall between us. Maybe some incompatibility problems I had with teachers back then were because I had decided to shut down the relationship and it showed. Maybe this, maybe that.
    You're not the first four I've heard mention this!

    Even in my own life, I remember my entire world-view changing in preschool. The teacher said, "Pick up those toys." Now all my four years, I'd been told that I had to pick up my own things--my mom would say, I didn't make this mess, so I won't put it away. So I said, "But I didn't do it." The teacher then said, "It doesn't matter, when there is a mess, everyone has to help clean it up." Wow. What a way to mess up a kid's brain. I don't know if I complied or not, but I still resent that to this day.

    Anyway...back on topic:
    I got hosed a lot for ignoring directions. Knew exactly what I was doing. Passive-aggressive, stunned if someone got upset because I wasn't HURTING anybody, riiiiight? Or if I was at home and being pushed to do something, I'd just tell the person to get out of my face and point at the door. baaaabies... I apologize retroactively to any reading teachers, school employees and babysitters. Children like that drain my sympathy, too.
    I am one of those teachers, lol. But I was probably also one of those kids.

    Ugh, I reacted to a lot of threats that way through all my school years and don't know what I was thinking. As in, probably nothing. This is like the type 5 of Naranjo, a writer whose 5 profile as a whole I mesh with way, way more than his 3, even typing as 5w4 once for a while after initially studying it. This experience is a very base startle reaction that I think has to do with being way up in one's own head all the time. Metaphorically, it's a long way down. When someone is pushed out of a tower, they're probably not going to choose how they react when they hit the ground, even if they believe in keeping a stiff upper lip. It's falling into the easiest and lowest-order reflexive action because I wasn't prepared with anything more sane. The ironic thing is that 5's are said to retreat inside to prepare for the outer world.
    Thanks for mentioning that. I sooper-identify with Naranjo's 5 as well. Far more than 3 and especially 4. I am well-known (to myself) for delayed responses and "just freezing". I think it may have to do with being in my head all the time, though. It can take a few moments to switch gears, by which time it's generally too late to act.

    The ironic thing about others telling you to be more [personal quality that will strengthen you against others' picking] is that it's just another emotional blow, at least to my kind of Fi. It's invasive. I know what I need to become, thank you. I was even more of a perfectionist as a kid, so guaranteed the problem was already weighing on me a ton! No, I'm not upset because I'm resisting you, but because you broke the back of a very strained camel.
    I never really saw it that way...it was more like, Yeah I see your point there. I might feel bad for sucking that much, but at the same time I was resigned to it, I guess.

    I get that way about other things, though. You're right--it's invasive. It's like they're their own personal civilization, trying to convert you to it. It's not helpful advice, and it's devaluing to the individual's inherent way of being.

    These two paragraph are what I felt called out by in avoidant and bendable descriptions, as well as the fact that telling yourself not to cry in an angry inner drill sergeant voice doesn't work very well. I was very depressed once.
    Same.


    Yes, it's the different coping methods part that is a bother. I get to feeling like if I take more than one shape like that between environments, only one of the coping methods must be genuine and accuse myself of faking the other. Often I'll choose the skittish public method as the one that must be truth just because it's harder to be out there. It's the test, while the rest is playtime or something. But where did that initial assumption that drives this grief come from, that there can only be one accurate persona and that all elements of the others are automatically assigned to trash without further consideration? Getting someone else's similar experience helps validate other possibilities that are more unifying. This was important to read.
    That there is an image issue for sure!

    But, if you read about "subpersonalities", you'll see that pretty much everyone is like this. We're all multi-faceted, and all interact differently to different people at different times.


    There we go. That is just what's going on for me right now, although I am still quite 469 (see above.......). Cannot go into it further without plagiarizing your quote. Strength and weakness, where vulnerability lies between the two, no sympathy for self at all. Trying myself to be the parent that didn't harden me up? We're getting weird here. It's cool to see someone who valued stuff like that grow into it authentically. It's hopeful.

    That's right. Life for me is just starting. As put in my last post, that's the dynamism I was denying in my rant. Fast or slow at getting out into life, who I'll become with more experiences will be just as "me" as anything else. Excuse me while I write that memo down and staple it facedown over my eyes. The past is not more real than the future.

    I'm thinking now that those traits aren't part and parcel of any function, but related to mental health and lack of life experience.
    Yeah, you're starting out life right now, so there's lots to discover. You will.

    I dunno much about your past, but if, like me, you were raised with hands-off parents in the US suburbs, your personality is probably within the range of "normal". (I knew a core 8w7--that's right, an EIGHT WING SEVEN--who thought he was too low-key and not "pushy" and "assertive" enough to possibly be that type, for instance). So I think there's a level of "getting by with the public" that is normal, particularly among those with orderly upbringings.

    Who you are is more defined by what happens when the shit hits the fan--and I don't mean "interacting with the general public", or "resolving disputes with roommate". I mean when you're alone in a third world country with a life-threatening illness and $24 in the bank, that is when you discover what you're made of.

    Best of luck.

    Yes. More than once I've been shocked to hear how outsiders saw me that way before they got inside. Are you kidding? You don't know what you're missing.
    LOL, I know I'm cold and unfriendly. No one's told me I'm "arrogant" yet, but I get that whole, What's wrong with you, you're not interacting spiel all the time. I see myself as being somewhat dull, emotionally unexpressive, and unenthusiastic. LOL, I'm so bad at being a bubbly "girl".


    ...and it might take them time to let everyone see that part of them, but that doesn't lessen them or make them less of who they are. I get this. And maaaaybe my definition of nicey-nice is necessarily vast. Earlier I was disappointed in myself for listening to a bore at a party last night and not telling them they were deluded. Satisfaction is the devil, huh? LOL.
    That's called manners. Don't confuse exercising them with being "nicey-nice".
    ...and knows it.

    Thanks once more for sharing that much. It made a difference.
    You're welcome!

  8. #8
    Paranoid Android Video's Avatar
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    Response to @Sanjuro, but also resolving the thread in general.

    I never really saw it that way...it was more like, Yeah I see your point there. I might feel bad for sucking that much, but at the same time I was resigned to it, I guess.

    I get that way about other things, though. You're right--it's invasive. It's like they're their own personal civilization, trying to convert you to it. It's not helpful advice, and it's devaluing to the individual's inherent way of being.
    Here we are.

    It's about being more intrapersonally imperialist than I want to admit. When I meet objective feedback that disagrees with my philosophy of being, my own laws are tested and may get burned because being right is more important to me. That invasion is painful for three reasons:

    -I intentionally arrange my doings so they do not intersect much with others' business.

    -My way may be different, but it's calculated very carefully to get the job done well. That calculation process is worth a lot more than I know how to explain. Without interference, I have the proven ability to excel. But when people expect me to show my work, that is my weakness because a great deal of it is Ni leaps. There's nothing more important to me than the morality and factual accuracy of my processes, but people assume the worst just because their form is inaccessible to others. God forbid, they assume carelessness or deviousness. This is why I'm such a private person: because I don't have as much of a choice about it as you think, and to protect myself from those assumptions. It's evasive, but a lot of it evades me, too. Basically, being misunderstood. You'd back off if you had any idea how high my production standards are. Right? (Exemption rears its head here: "I don't have to openly account for what I do because you wouldn't get it, but I need everyone else's data so I can make my machine perfect.")

    -Underlying fear of losing touch with what is objectively true, which drives a rigorous re-evaluation every time I discover a strong new argument.

    That is all based on the premise that a correct way exists, which bothers because I do not remember consciously choosing to believe this, and can give no good reason or evidence for why this is true. I've always seen myself as the opposite, too tolerant within if anything. I asked some people close to me about this because it was such a blind spot, and the consensus was "lol yeah, you have no idea". I'm glad I found that out and consider being brought to that a win for this thread's exploration.

    I dunno much about your past, but if, like me, you were raised with hands-off parents in the US suburbs, your personality is probably within the range of "normal".
    That is how I was raised. I remember thinking from a young age that they were being too easy on us. Eventually, I made my own set of expectations that, like I said above, are esoteric but hold objective standards in high importance like this.

    LOL, I know I'm cold and unfriendly. No one's told me I'm "arrogant" yet, but I get that whole, What's wrong with you, you're not interacting spiel all the time. I see myself as being somewhat dull, emotionally unexpressive, and unenthusiastic. LOL, I'm so bad at being a bubbly "girl".
    A few years ago, I got feedback along those lines in several cases that really shook me, so learned and pushed myself hard to become more accomodating. Right now, you catch me questioning the integrity of my choice, though the knowledge gained is invaluable.
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  9. #9
    Senior Member Sanjuro's Avatar
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    Glad you've come to a resolution about this--you're right. Part of "assertion" issues and Fi stem from the fact that we're just what we are. We don't see the need to change anyone else, so why should anyone else change us? But then you think, Maybe I should, at least to establish parameters.

    Anyway, I just want to respond to a couple of things, "for fun", and you don't even have to respond.

    Quote Originally Posted by Misty View Post
    That is how I was raised. I remember thinking from a young age that they were being too easy on us. Eventually, I made my own set of expectations that, like I said above, are esoteric but hold objective standards in high importance like this.
    Yeah, me too. IFP 9w1 parents. Being the older child, I got held to more strictures than my sister (sometimes unfairly stupid ones) but mostly they were easy to wrap around my finger, and they gave me lots of room to be "creative" and develop myself.

    In some ways, I kind of wish there'd been more structure or guidance--like my mother enforced me being "true to myself", rather than just going along, blending in, saying the right things, etc, so that was a skill I had to painfully acquire later in life. The thing about how Fi-dom parents make their authority felt in subtle ways is totally true...I was more or less coerced into "being myself", lol.


    A few years ago, I got feedback along those lines in several cases that really shook me, so learned and pushed myself hard to become more accomodating. Right now, you catch me questioning the integrity of my choice, though the knowledge gained is invaluable.
    Wow, really?

    Something similar to this happened to me as well. I got the feedback that I was a downer and no one could stand to have me around, that keeping my own company and traveling alone was creepy, and speaking my mind was inappropriate. This came from people I needed on my side to obtain what I wanted.

    I felt like I was selling out, but I swallowed my pride and just started doing what other people "wanted" me to do (in terms of social presentation). I became "phony" and learned how to laugh sycophantic laughter. I learned to say the "right" things, rather than what I really thought.

    Oh, it was a bitter bitter pill to swallow, but I now see that I've only gained skills and who I am inside remains unchanged. I'm glad I took the trouble to do it. It made me a healthier 4.

    I now understand that this is called "developing my 3-wing".

    That may not be Fi-related per se, but I definitely appreciate your struggles here. Unfortunately, the "cold and unfriendly" thing won't ever really go away (or it hasn't for me), but you can definitely become better at keeping up a professional patter and making others think yoú're interested in them. XD I jest, but really.

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