Please, help me find my type - E/ISFP?

[sporty]

Hello, most often than not I score as ExFP or IxFP. If I answer the questions with my past childhood and tween self, and my ideal self I score as an E. However, if I answer the questions influenced by my present-day shy self, I score as an I. Can you help me identify my type?

Why i think I might be an I:
- Around age of 13 I got moody/depressed/shy. My shyness continues even to this day (I'm 25). That leads to frustration as I have no meaning connections that I crave. My heart says "I want a lot of friends", yet my shy/depressed/anxious mind kicks in and says "They won't like you, you're no longer cool."
- I am afraid of talking on the phone and I mess up my words.
- I don't like crowded spaces, cities, buses.
- I think strangers (except hot girls ) that stare at me don't like me. However, I'd much rather have strangers of the smaller town/village type that say 'Hi' than ones that are cold and ignore me or stare at me without saying 'Hi' like large-city ones.

Why I think I might be an E:
- I have always needed attention to thrive.
- Up to age 12 I loved talking at the phone; I talked for hours with my friends.
- The only way I'd enjoy activities like reading/gaming/writing poetry/browsing the Internet is if I share them with at least one other person. I feel disconnected from the world and bored when I'm on my own.
- Even now I hate being ignored. I want to throw things at people that ignore me. I want beautiful girls on the street to notice me.
- I find email/online communication too impersonal; I wish I had my confidence back so that I'd be better at talking on the phone/face-to-face communication instead.
- Unlike Introverts that need their 'alone time' to retreat, my ideal retreat-from-society situation includes other people, like 1-2 other people standing by me. I don't like alone time as I start to depress myself with thoughts 'Oh not again, I'm alone again, I want a gf so that I can hug and kiss her all the time.' or 'I want to have a buddy or two now with me so I can talk to them, I'm so lonely'. I hate seeing group of friends because I'm envious of what they have and I miss what I used to have and they make me feel even lonelier. I also envy couples in love. I think lots of friends and a girlfriend/wife that loves me is all I want and need in life.

Why I think I'm most likely an xxFP:

I'm not sure on the second letter either - as I kid I focused on the visible world, what was there. Yet, I liked fantasizing about things and as my age progressed I became ever more dreamy.

Although my loneliness makes me think way too much for my taste I'm more of an F - I definitely prefer feeling over thinking. I don't like going too deep into topics and subjects - I used to like cars until I knew all the models and makes, and their background. Now they bore me. The less I know about something the more I like it.

P - I tend to withhold judgment and delay important decisions, preferring to "keep my options open" should circumstances change.

BTW, about my username - I'm not sporty at all as I'm too lazy, but I wish to be because I turn unused energy into negative thoughts these days. I chose my username on wishful thinking lol. I also think a lot of sporty people are not the jerks that teen movies show them to be so I'd like having friends like that.

Thanks for your attention and fell free to ask me questions!

 

[hjgbujhghg]

I can't say weather you are I or E based on your description, but I can for sure say you have some issues with feelings of shame, or rejection which points out on enneagram heart center. The mixed feelings of liking attention and yet be afraid if people really like you strongly sound like social 4, mostl likely 4w3. But I don't think you mentioned anything that would strongly be I or E. Would you say you're more reserved talking about yourself, your thoughts and your feelings, or would you say you're more open? Do act before thinking, or think about acting? Do you get new friends easily, or you rather take some time to know the person well?
Based on your S/N description, I think you're strongly an S. Mostly because of this

I don't like going too deep into topics and subjects - I used to like cars until I knew all the models and makes, and their background. Now they bore me. The less I know about something the more I like it.

This has nothing to do with F or T. Inuitives are in general pretty deep, they love to analyze and get to the core of things around them. Sensors look more at the surface, but are better with noticing practical details. Being dreamy doesn't make you an intuitive. Intuition is the way your mind processes the world around you. Intuitives live in a world of possibilites. They see different patterns and options how things might work out. This possibility orientation makes them also future oriented people and so they minds are full of thoughts of all the diiferent analyzations and patterns they see, which makes them more withdrawn then sesnors. I think this is what made up the "dreamy" myth. Actually I think, that you're dreamy can be the first real sign of introversion in your post. Let's type you ISFP, but you as well might be ESFP 4. Being 4 usually makes you more introverted looking, while you might be an extrovert.

 

[sporty]

I think me being dreamy has little to do with my true personality. I mean when I used to have cool friends, I never dreamed about the future. All it mattered was the fun I had with them. Nowadays I rely on dreaming to cope with my social anxiety and I always dream about the things I used to have and I want to have again - friends and a girlfriend. Is it possible for an Extrovert to be struggling with social anxiety?

Would you say you're more reserved talking about yourself, your thoughts and your feelings, or would you say you're more open?

I used to love to talk about these and would love talking about them now. I just find it that adults suck at communicating. I mean when we were kids everyone was friendly and nowadays most adults have something like a protective shell you have to crack to get to know them. That annoys me. I want everyone to be friendly and open, happy-go-lucky. I don't like reserved people, they repel me. And there are far more reserved adults than reserved children. Yet, when you talk to them most adult people try to minimize small talk for some reason - they always try to change the subject to some deepish topics I have no interest like politics and economy. It's like they have nothing interesting happening in their lives that they have to talk about &%!^ politics and current events, otherwise they won't talk at all. I prefer people that talk about what they did, what they want to do, about their passions, to ones discussing the latest interview of some politician or a celebrity.

Do act before thinking, or think about acting?

I act before thinking, although I have to plan my day. Even if I have planned some things, I often screw them and act on my feelings at the moment, e.g. I've decided yesterday that today I should visit a cinema. However today I don't feel like going to the cinema so I stay home or go to the park. I wish I didn't have fixed office hours. Fixed things get boring to me fast. I also never used a map as a kid and discovered streets, houses etc. by walking there. Maps ruin it to me, and they even have fixed directions! I hate using maps for traveling because I prefer discovering unknown areas/streets in my city where I don't expect them. I feel bored knowing what to expect. I prefer to be surprised that the street ends near a park than to know there's a park there beforehand from the map. Due to my social anxiety I started thinking more but I'd do anything to become impulsive again. I *am* still impulsive, but not enough for my taste and well-being.

Do you get new friends easily, or you rather take some time to know the person well?

Again, I used to be able to make friends easily up until age 12. Then at 13-14, I became shy and developed social anxiety which led to frustration that I can't have what I had and took for granted. I guess the way adults behave contributes to that. It's like most adult people have grown out of the 'looking for new friends, open and friendly to everyone' phase? Even if my shy/anxious mind tries to overtake my life, I'm still a kid at heart. I need to find me some friends quick because I want to stop thinking. I feel lonely and I don't like being alone with my thoughts. When i had friends I lived my life to the fullest - without any (over)thinking or analyzing lol.

 

[Lady_X]

My guess would be isfp type 4w3 so/sx

Or esfp 3w4 sx/so low extroversion

 

[sporty]

Some background info: I think the reason why I became shy and started staying at home more from age 13 on is because I decided to stop driving my mom crazy, to give her a break. To be a 'decent, good child'. I mean I skipped a lot of classes all the way from grade 1 to grade 6 to go play outside with friends/dance to some music from their HiFi. She often came to their houses or looked for me outside because I didn't get home. For 6 years at that school I was far more often outside of the building than inside lol. Those crazy days kept me in a great emotional and physical shape, whether staying at home worsened both. Imagine three to five kids skipping school to chase each other sneaking into a hospital (or a building in construction), running around the halls like crazy, then going to one of their homes and prank-calling loads of people. Yep, one of those kids was me.

 

[Avocado]

I think me being dreamy has little to do with my true personality. I mean when I used to have cool friends, I never dreamed about the future. All it mattered was the fun I had with them. Nowadays I rely on dreaming to cope with my social anxiety and I always dream about the things I used to have and I want to have again - friends and a girlfriend. Is it possible for an Extrovert to be struggling with social anxiety?


I used to love to talk about these and would love talking about them now. I just find it that adults suck at communicating. I mean when we were kids everyone was friendly and nowadays most adults have something like a protective shell you have to crack to get to know them. That annoys me. I want everyone to be friendly and open, happy-go-lucky. I don't like reserved people, they repel me. And there are far more reserved adults than reserved children. Yet, when you talk to them most adult people try to minimize small talk for some reason - they always try to change the subject to some deepish topics I have no interest like politics and economy. It's like they have nothing interesting happening in their lives that they have to talk about &%!^ politics and current events, otherwise they won't talk at all. I prefer people that talk about what they did, what they want to do, about their passions, to ones discussing the latest interview of some politician or a celebrity.


I act before thinking, although I have to plan my day. Even if I have planned some things, I often screw them and act on my feelings at the moment, e.g. I've decided yesterday that today I should visit a cinema. However today I don't feel like going to the cinema so I stay home or go to the park. I wish I didn't have fixed office hours. Fixed things get boring to me fast. I also never used a map as a kid and discovered streets, houses etc. by walking there. Maps ruin it to me, and they even have fixed directions! I hate using maps for traveling because I prefer discovering unknown areas/streets in my city where I don't expect them. I feel bored knowing what to expect. I prefer to be surprised that the street ends near a park than to know there's a park there beforehand from the map. Due to my social anxiety I started thinking more but I'd do anything to become impulsive again. I *am* still impulsive, but not enough for my taste and well-being.


Again, I used to be able to make friends easily up until age 12. Then at 13-14, I became shy and developed social anxiety which led to frustration that I can't have what I had and took for granted. I guess the way adults behave contributes to that. It's like most adult people have grown out of the 'looking for new friends, open and friendly to everyone' phase? Even if my shy/anxious mind tries to overtake my life, I'm still a kid at heart. I need to find me some friends quick because I want to stop thinking. I feel lonely and I don't like being alone with my thoughts. When i had friends I lived my life to the fullest - without any (over)thinking or analyzing lol.

I feel your pain…

 

[WALMART]

Based on your S/N description, I think you're strongly an S. Mostly because of this This has nothing to do with F or T. Inuitives are in general pretty deep, they love to analyze and get to the core of things around them. Sensors look more at the surface, but are better with noticing practical details. Being dreamy doesn't make you an intuitive. Intuition is the way your mind processes the world around you. Intuitives live in a world of possibilites. They see different patterns and options how things might work out. This possibility orientation makes them also future oriented people and so they minds are full of thoughts of all the diiferent analyzations and patterns they see, which makes them more withdrawn then sesnors. I think this is what made up the "dreamy" myth. Actually I think, that you're dreamy can be the first real sign of introversion in your post. Let's type you ISFP, but you as well might be ESFP 4. Being 4 usually makes you more introverted looking, while you might be an extrovert.

This is very untrue, or at least, the first part is not exclusive. Anything substantiated in reality is the realm of sensing, and Jung really alludes to sensors having a knack for facts and logic.

Intuition is not about sensing "multiple" possibilities, it is about sensing one possibility and becoming strongly attached to it. It's why Jung called introverted intuitors relatively worthless to any external observer, because they don't really "adhere" to any form of logical consistency, they are severely at the whim of their ego.

It also doesn't make sense to call intuitors more withdrawn than sensors because he explicitly states they are social-oriented people, from politicians (Ne) to prophets (Ni). Do you see how both adhere to one set of philosophy with great strength?

OP, I think you're Fi or Ni.

 

[Lady_X]

I guess you're talking about introverte intuition with that?

 

[sporty]

I guess I have to add more details, because it seems my personality type is quite hard to be identified:

I love nature and animals. I have the need to belong, to be well-liked, to have friends. I want friends that call me every day. I'm a loyal friend like a dog would be, so some of my ex friends have taken advantage of that. I'm too unstable in my hobbies and interests, except the inbuilt need to go out. Yep, going out (preferably with friends) is my favorite hobby.

In school I always talked to my buddies in class and once a teacher put a tape on my mouth. I am still a loud mouth but only at home. When I felt bored I dialed random numbers so that I can talk to someone. I also talked for hours with my buddies. I would always put shows to impress adults, like a performer. I liked everyone and I didn't let negative things get to me. In high school I became shy which made me lacking in the social department. My need to belong, to communicate, and relate to others coupled with my shyness made me constantly depressed. I would never get exhausted from interacting with loads of friends, provided they're the easy-going kind. I get exhausted from interacting with cynical, bossy, negative people, people that get their energy from putting others down or people that always look on the dark side of things.

I don't like following news, current events, and politics; I don't like following celebrities either, but I'd rather talk with people about them vs talking about news or finance.
I used to like computers, but I no longer care about them and I dislike the Internet because it's so impersonal. I need physical contact and I prefer face-to-face/phones to email.

I think the less I know about a subject or an object, the more interesting it seems. Once the mystery is gone I no longer like it. I already gave one example - cars.

I miss the way I was thinking as a kid when I used to think positive and I'd do anything to go back to the way I viewed the world back then. Actually I don't remember thinking a lot lol. I was too busy being happy / playing with friends to bother to think about life and boring stuff like that. I let all bad vibes and energy go past me and didn't bother. I was boosting with serotonin I guess as I was euphoric 99% of the time so my slightly dysfunctional family and anything else bad didn't get to me.

 

[Standuble]

This is very untrue, or at least, the first part is not exclusive. Anything substantiated in reality is the realm of sensing, and Jung really alludes to sensors having a knack for facts and logic.

Intuition is not about sensing "multiple" possibilities, it is about sensing one possibility and becoming strongly attached to it. It's why Jung called introverted intuitors relatively worthless to any external observer, because they don't really "adhere" to any form of logical consistency, they are severely at the whim of their ego.

It also doesn't make sense to call intuitors more withdrawn than sensors because he explicitly states they are social-oriented people, from politicians (Ne) to prophets (Ni). Do you see how both adhere to one set of philosophy with great strength?

OP, I think you're Fi or Ni.

This is Ni and not Ne. Ne is about determining emerging patterns in real world data, seeing how different objects and pre-existing ideas can connect together and determining numerous ways how an event or series of events can play out.

I also don't believe that Ne = politician. They would need a facility with a Je function to actualise them and at best an Ne user can expect a tertiary Je which would be a bit hit and miss at times. Ne would be better suited to an adviser I think as they can use their Ji to rein the possibilities in.

 

[RaptorWizard]

Just the basic fact that you joined this forum and are rather unsure of yourself makes ISFP a more likely option I would say.

 

[sporty]

So how can a negative trait* like introversion turn into extroversion? I sure don't want to attract any more dorks/nerds/emos/depressed people. I want cool, easy-going people for friends that I'll spend hours on the phone with.
*For me anyways.

 

[WALMART]

This is Ni and not Ne. Ne is about determining emerging patterns in real world data, seeing how different objects and pre-existing ideas can connect together and determining numerous ways how an event or series of events can play out.

I also don't believe that Ne = politician. They would need a facility with a Je function to actualise them and at best an Ne user can expect a tertiary Je which would be a bit hit and miss at times. Ne would be better suited to an adviser I think as they can use their Ji to rein the possibilities in.

Hey, I've had a pulse and looked at MBTI too.

But seriously, Jung said the Ne politician thing. It is our job, then, to reverse engineer his intent. I do not see that his intent was to show that Ne types demonstrate any particular subset of intelligence regarding possibility, but rather, their need to utilize a strong drive towards possibility in general, "new futures". The implications of this distinction are important.

 

[Mal12345]

When someone offers a confused representation of their personality, as in the above posts, what is it all about? is it an attempt to create order out of chaos? It seems more like a search for identity, or a desire to return to a previous identity. So the answer is, if you WANT to be an ESFP (or some other type), then work on becoming that.

 

[hjgbujhghg]

Why dou you think introversion is a weakness? I am an introvert and I have the coolest friends ever and I was at coolest parties

 

[sporty]

Well, I said I doubt that I'm introverted.
Unlike introverts, I prefer small talk to deeper subjects. I'd rather discuss the obvious things like "Look at the clouds today, they're so beautiful", "Hey, look at that car!", "My gf has the same phone" than more serious topics like politics, religion, etc. Topics like that are what made me leave my high school friends behind. I need friends to have fun with, not a nerdy discussion club. I regard conversations as a way to connect to people, to share energy and good vibes with them, not as a way to delve into the subjects discussed if that makes sense. I also prefer talking about other people and obvious things (Look at that...) than about ideas. I rarely go "I wish I had...", I go "I have/don't have". I am more people- and now-oriented I guess.

Some quote from the Internet:

Contrary to what many might assume, being introverted is not synonymous with being shy. Shy people often carry around fears and insecurities, making interpersonal communication difficult if not impossible.

Sounds like me.

Introverts, on the other hand, are energized by being alone and choose to be alone. Introverts like to think and reflect on themselves and the world around them.

If I had to chose I'd never be alone. I also don't like thinking and reflecting,especially about myself. And when it comes to the world round me I like experiencing. I need to find more friends soon, so that I can start experiencing life again.

Although introverts enjoy people and can be very personable unlike those marked as shy, being surrounded by people drains introverts of their energy. Instead, they opt for quiet walks alone or other activities like reading or cooking or baking or knitting. You get the idea.

Only emotional vampires and negative/judging people drain me. The cool, upbeat ones recharge me with energy. And I'd like reading, cooking only if I have company. I guess I'm like 60% extroverted and 40% introverted and my social anxiety/shyness subdued my extroverted part.

I think the best part of always having someone by your side apart from feeling their presence is that you don't have time to think (thinking is overrated and makes me depressed), you experience things by doing/talking/touching/etc. That's the way I want to live. I don't want to spend my life reflecting on anything, I want a rich, active life that leaves me with no time to think and reflect. If introversion/extroversion is about preference, I don't like reflecting, I like experiencing. I prefer living to thinking about life.