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  1. #31
    Senior Member The Great One's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by skylights View Post
    ^



    I'm in agreement with you IRT sp/sx, because: you're talking about these things being "in the way" of your other instinct, but I think that the whole idea of the variants is that your first variant is what you feel like you have to take care of first. My boyfriend and I were talking about our variants (he's sp-first) and how those elements are just what we see as necessary to take care of before we can attend to anything else. Do you see what I'm trying to get at? Like that I think you're seeing these things as obstacles because they're sp obstacles. Really, theoretically, there's actually nothing holding you back from dating online without transportation, or dating without your body looking like you want it to, or dating without money. All of those things are resource concerns and you feel like you have to address them before you can move on - hence sp/sx. If you were sx/sp, it'd probably be more like, I haven't felt any spark yet with the girls I've been dating, and I really have to get that before I'm going to worry about whether or not I have the transportation to go see this girl. From the sp/sx viewpoint, having the resource must come before connecting, because how can you attract someone when your resources aren't right? From the sx/sp viewpoint, connecting must come before getting the resource, because how are you going to know which resources you'll need until you understand what kind of connection it is? The girl you connect with might really like heavier guys, after all, instead of more fit ones. Way before I was even ever into studying the variants, my boyfriend said something to me along the lines of, I have to take care of my personal needs because if I don't, then I don't even have the necessary foundation for a relationship - how can I take care of you if my life isn't in order? And I thought that was so utterly interesting (and confusing to me at the time) because for me, if I don't have my important relationships in order, I can barely think about taking care of myself. A relevant, immediate example - often when we're at home together, I wait for my ISFJ to get ready for bed and I follow his lead. I don't have a very good internal sense of needing to go to bed, unless I'm totally and completely wiped out, and it's more important/pleasing to me to go to bed with him than for me to get a certain amount of sleep. Sp-last, obviously. Whereas he needs to get to bed and that's what he needs to do. He'll invite me to come with him but he primarily sees it as him needing to get sleep, while I see it as a bonding moment of falling asleep together. I know he feels that too to a certain extent, but not enough to override the primary sleep factor.

    ...I think.
    It's very difficult though. After all, I have VERY high standards when looking for a woman. The women that I get with are usually in good shape, and are generally the kind of gorgeous babes that turn men's heads. It's very difficult for me to get the kind of woman that I want while looking the way that I do. I mean, I'm not hideous or disfigured or anything, but generally women that are that attractive are looking for a man that's either equally as attractive or that at least have money. I really have neither right now and that really bums me out. Also, my town of Jacksonville, Florida is HUGE! It's literally a 30 minute drive from one place to another in my town, and it's very hard to get from one place to another without a car. Generally you are lost without a car in my town. Most people feel that way too, despite their variant stacking.

    Side Question: Do you think that a constant need to work and earn resources is strictly a self pres activity or could you easily see a sp laster doing this as well? I would think that an SP laster would do this as well but for different reasons like social prestige for example. In other words, they work and earn money in order to to not be perceived as a loser socially.

  2. #32
    Stansmith
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    You seem contra-flow.

  3. #33
    Senior Member The Great One's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Stansmith View Post
    You seem contra-flow.
    What the hell does that mean?

  4. #34
    Stansmith
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    Quote Originally Posted by The Great One View Post
    What the hell does that mean?
    Syn-flow: sp→so→sx→sp
    Stackings involved: sp/so→so/sx→>sx/sp→sp/so
    Direction: Compelled toward people. Acting upon and with others as a born insider i.e.- deeply human.

    Contra-flow: sp→sx→so→sp
    Stackings involved: sp/sx→sx/so→so/sp→sp/sx
    Direction: Compelled against people. Seething belligerent outsiders; 'antisocial', provoking, reverse-flow change catalysts. In some profound sense, rejecting the human condition, their own and/or that of others.
    ^

  5. #35
    Senior Member The Great One's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Stansmith View Post
    ^
    I don't know if I would consider myself anti-social.

  6. #36
    i love skylights's Avatar
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    @The Great One, if you really feel like sx/sp fits you better, then go with that. I still see your thought process as more sp first, and then sx, but if you really feel best described by sx-dominant then identify as that for a while, and if you eventually feel that it's not the best descriptor for your prioritization, then reconsider.

    It just seems to me that you are more often looking at personal "fitness" first - whether you are up to snuff for something, how to get there if you are not, etc. - more than the nature of connections and the process of intensifying them.

    It occurs to me that you seem to see sx in a positive, desirable light, and that is common for sx-second like myself - it's why I misidentified as sx-first. Sx seems like an ideal an sx-second appreciates and desires, while sx-firsts are more immersed in it, so they seem to talk about it as a "thing" less, but they're also more ambivalent about it because it is more painful.

    Side Question: Do you think that a constant need to work and earn resources is strictly a self pres activity or could you easily see a sp laster doing this as well? I would think that an SP laster would do this as well but for different reasons like social prestige for example. In other words, they work and earn money in order to to not be perceived as a loser socially.
    Well, personally, I prefer to have enough resources at hand that I don't have to scrimp and save. And provided I'm employed in a function I enjoy, I like working. It makes me feel like I'm making a positive contribution. So I would identify with "a constant need to work and earn resources" even though I'm sp-last. I see social prestige more in career title than in how much work one actually does, so I don't really find that related. I'm picky about position title because I want it to be accurately representative of who I desire to be seen as. The social variant is more complex than desiring prestige, but it's hard to describe. It's more about figuring out what you want your niche to be and getting there, and how others fit in their own niches. Eventually I would like to be seen as an intelligent, competent professional, so I'm aiming for a fairly socially respected position, but also one that's in line with my personal preferences and my personality.

  7. #37
    Senior Member The Great One's Avatar
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    @skylights

    if you really feel like sx/sp fits you better, then go with that. I still see your thought process as more sp first, and then sx, but if you really feel best described by sx-dominant then identify as that for a while, and if you eventually feel that it's not the best descriptor for your prioritization, then reconsider.

    It just seems to me that you are more often looking at personal "fitness" first - whether you are up to snuff for something, how to get there if you are not, etc. - more than the nature of connections and the process of intensifying them.
    Yeah I guess you have a point. In fact, I happen to talk to @Elfboy all the time on the phone and on skype and it seems like he chases love, intensity, and romance, no matter what. I, on the other hand, tend to feel like I have to take care of all of these other things before I meet my sx needs. However, if I met a girl tomorrow that I really had strong chemistry with, and would be okay with my financial situation, then I wonder what would happen then? I would probably pursue her full force, and put everything that I have into her. It would be very interesting to see what would happen then.

    It occurs to me that you seem to see sx in a positive, desirable light, and that is common for sx-second like myself - it's why I misidentified as sx-first. Sx seems like an ideal an sx-second appreciates and desires, while sx-firsts are more immersed in it, so they seem to talk about it as a "thing" less, but they're also more ambivalent about it because it is more painful.
    No, I have mixed views when it comes to the SX variant. The good things that I see about it are:

    1) The fact that it is so intense and it makes you get close to people very easily. When I meet a woman that I really have strong connection with, it's one of the most amazing things in the world. I get so close to the woman so fast that it almost gives me goosebumps. Whenever, I am with that woman I get a really hot feeling inside, and it just feels so amazing! That woman is almost like a drug for me, and it's like I just want more, and more of her. This is one of the best feelings in the world.

    2) The way that SX makes you stand out. I've noticed that the sx variant really makes you stand out. SX tends to go against the norm and do it's own thing. It is for this reason that I see SX doms as highly influential people.

    What I don't like about the SX variant...

    1) The sx variant is obsessive. The sx variant makes you become obsessed and addicted to things very easily. Sx doms connect with people so intensely and it feels so amazing when you are around that special person, that they can almost be clingy. They constantly want to be around that special person and can't let them go, and this can be a burden to a lot of people. Sx doms, I feel, have to often hold back in the beginning of a relationship. Sx doms often times can't tell someone how they feel about them right away, because they connect so quickly to people that it would scare the other person if they were to tell them this. This can be very annoying to many sx doms.

    Also many SX doms can become so obsessed with someone that they just can't let them go. After all, because the Sx variant connects so intensely, and it feels so good to be around that special someone, they have a hard time breaking up. This can become very problematic for the sx dom, because if they ever lose that special someone, they feel like they have lost everything in life, and almost lose the will to live.

    2) The sx variant repels people unintentionally. I've noticed that sx doms tend to be either loved or hated by people and evoke very strong reactions in people. It sucks that because of their energy, so many SX doms don't realize how they effect people.

  8. #38
    i love skylights's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by The Great One View Post
    @skylights

    Yeah I guess you have a point. In fact, I happen to talk to @Elfboy all the time on the phone and on skype and it seems like he chases love, intensity, and romance, no matter what. I, on the other hand, tend to feel like I have to take care of all of these other things before I meet my sx needs.


    However, if I met a girl tomorrow that I really had strong chemistry with, and would be okay with my financial situation, then I wonder what would happen then? I would probably pursue her full force, and put everything that I have into her. It would be very interesting to see what would happen then.
    You're still framing pursuing the connection as contingent upon your resources

    When I meet a woman that I really have strong connection with, it's one of the most amazing things in the world. I get so close to the woman so fast that it almost gives me goosebumps. Whenever, I am with that woman I get a really hot feeling inside, and it just feels so amazing! That woman is almost like a drug for me, and it's like I just want more, and more of her. This is one of the best feelings in the world.


    What do you mean by getting close fast? Like both of you get into intimate conversations/situations quickly, or you just feel close to her very quickly?

    2) The way that SX makes you stand out. I've noticed that the sx variant really makes you stand out. SX tends to go against the norm and do it's own thing. It is for this reason that I see SX doms as highly influential people.
    Out of curiosity, do you feel like you stand out like this?

    Sx doms connect with people so intensely and it feels so amazing when you are around that special person, that they can almost be clingy. They constantly want to be around that special person and can't let them go, and this can be a burden to a lot of people.
    Actually I read some interesting blurb the other day about how that's more of an so/sx thing - the clinging - and sx-doms (especially sx/sp) can actually need less time with their partners, but the time they do have has to be super super connected. I am not an expert on that particular topic but I thought it was an interesting look at it.

    I've noticed that sx doms tend to be either loved or hated by people and evoke very strong reactions in people. It sucks that because of their energy, so many SX doms don't realize how they effect people.
    Yeah. That was another clue for me not being sx, I don't seem to have that effect. Do you?

  9. #39
    Senior Member The Great One's Avatar
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    @skylights

    You're still framing pursuing the connection as contingent upon your resources
    Well skylights, I'll come out and say it...I don't think that you've ever been poor before. From what I gather, you seem to have had money your whole life and it would probably be difficult for you to think like a poor person. When you are as broke as I am, you have to think of everything in terms of money or you just simply won't survive. The dating process is very expensive and as much as I want to pursue it, I just simply can't afford it. Also, you're a woman and women don't need to really need to have money to date. I mean, after all, men are generally expected to pay for a woman's date and if they don't they are looked at like a cheapskate and basically fail to meet their social obligation as a provider in many women's eyes. It is very difficult for me to date right now with no funds.



    What do you mean by getting close fast? Like both of you get into intimate conversations/situations quickly, or you just feel close to her very quickly?
    I mean, I fall in love fast. I mean, that I get addicted to being around the woman, kissing her, and making love to her. I need more and more of her, and this happens fast!

    Actually I read some interesting blurb the other day about how that's more of an so/sx thing - the clinging - and sx-doms (especially sx/sp) can actually need less time with their partners, but the time they do have has to be super super connected. I am not an expert on that particular topic but I thought it was an interesting look at it.
    No way do I believe this. In fact, I believe that the sx/sp is the most clingy type of all. Where on earth did you read this nonsense?

    Yeah. That was another clue for me not being sx, I don't seem to have that effect. Do you?
    Yep. I stand out like a sore thumb. I tend to have a VERY lasting impression on people.

  10. #40
    brainheart
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    Quote Originally Posted by skylights View Post

    Actually I read some interesting blurb the other day about how that's more of an so/sx thing - the clinging - and sx-doms (especially sx/sp) can actually need less time with their partners, but the time they do have has to be super super connected. I am not an expert on that particular topic but I thought it was an interesting look at it.
    Yes, this is very true.

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