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  1. #21
    brainheart
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    I think everyone as they get older- or if they face some major life-changing crisis- begins to develop their third instinct more. If not, their life typically comes to some bad end.

    My example- I thought I could dump everyone in my life in the quest for something and someone more ideal. Turns out other people get really hurt by this behavior. Family and friends are a good support and one can get very lonely without them. That said, I really still struggle with honoring the social instinct. This includes putting things off like submitting poetry because public admiration and acceptance does not motivate me.

    My so/sx husband's example- he got really sick and had to pay more attention to his health. So now he does, although he still pushes it too far. He has a hard time listening to his body's signals and following them. Conversely, I typically know what's going on with my body, although I definitely don't obsess about it.

  2. #22
    Senior Member The Great One's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by IndyAnnaJoan View Post
    I honestly feel like I have a fairly balanced amount of all 3: sx, sp, so.
    That's what my variants are like as well.

    Quote Originally Posted by skylights View Post
    I think it's quite possible that you're a sp-last 6 and you're noticing sp because you're well-aware of how you protect yourself.

    @EJCC is right, you can't compare to other people. Consider that you may have much more balanced stackings whereas others might have more skewed ones. If theoretically each person has 30 instinct energy "points", maybe you have 11 sx, 10 so, and 9 sp. And maybe someone else has 15 sx, 13 so, and 2 sp. You'd still be the same stacking but you'd probably be a bit different in terms of how you act things out.

    Technically the one surefire source to know will be figuring out what you feel like HAS to be taken care of first. I didn't realize I was Social in part because the instinct feels so second-nature and obvious. And then whatever falls to the wayside, that's your last instinct, even if you still feel strong in it. Maybe try to catch yourself in daily life making choices between the instincts. Or write down a quick summary of your last couple of days, and then analyze it in terms of the instincts. What did you have no problem prioritizing? What was left behind?

    For me it would be like:

    Friday - class, work on artwork for charity event, complete reading and online quizzes before deadline, go with boyfriend to concert, go home to hang out with family, stay over there for the night.
    Saturday - wake up early, consider driving home, discover boyfriend is asleep in the guest room at my parents' so go back to sleep, decline boyfriend's offer to fix my car light because that sounds like a boring thing to do on my one day off, accompany brother to his haircut, get my phone charger from my apartment, get brother to take me by the school bookstore for the test sheet I need for Monday morning, go with brother to used bookstore, drive to a store for him while he is resting to get one more thing he needs, meet up with family for late dinner, talk to brother for a little while then crash.
    Sunday - work, buy some fundraiser hot dogs and bring them home for the family, help mom and brother get ready to leave, go with brother on his last-minute store run and use it to find gift for boyfriend, try to cheer up my boyfriend because he had a shitty night yesterday, spend some time for just the two of us, take him for a drive in the countryside in the sports car, spend a little time with my dad, laze around playing on our computers, then finally hole up to study for Monday morning's test. (Edit, test went well!)

    You can sort of see how sp stuff always ends up getting shafted in my life, even just in these few days. I'm always leaving my school-related work til the last minute, I tend to sacrifice my own energy and sleep, I tend to forget life-maintenance-related items like my phone charger, and even when my sp boyfriend asked if he could do an sp thing for me, I didn't want to risk it taking time I could use to take care of other things. And so always gets prioritized. Gatherings, restoring harmony, focusing on others, taking part in group efforts. Those priorities are so key to me that I don't even think about prioritizing them; I just think about how to best fit them all in. My second instinct - sx - I think about more in the moment and "work it into" the so structure that segments my life. Trying to find good atmospheres, taking a slower route because I like the drive better, getting absorbed in music, driving fast, stirring up excitement in the relationship, etc. That can be found fairly easily within.

    There is a blog called RunningFather with lots of great instinct variant posts, and one tidbit I loved was this:



    You could do the same mini-journaling thing but with your life as a whole and see how it turns out - stair steps (sp), eras (sx), or pods (so). And what is left out.
    I think that this is a great methodology for identifying people's variants. However, I'm not really sure if it correctly works on me though. I mean, according to this theory I am SX last. My week looked like this...

    Thursday: Worked on 3 separate student projects that were all due on Friday. Busted ass to finish them all. Then when I completed most of them, I saw this "Hari Krishna" club at school that I had chatted with before. I saw them all sitting on the student campus and I chatted with them. I needed a break from my work after all. They kept trying to get me to join their club, but I really didn't give a damn about being a part of their club. Really I only infiltrated their club to flirt with this hot blonde girl that is the leader of their club. I basically unintentionally neglected the vast majority of the group members of the group and just went there just to hit on the blonde girl. I think if I keep working at it, I can get her number and eventually take her out one day.

    Friday: I put the finishing touches on all of my school projects and submitted them. Also, I noticed that my loan money from school came in, and I immediately went to the bank to put the money in my savings account. I also budgeted every penny of the money so that I could make it last throughout the semester. After this, I went to the video store and bought, "Breaking Bad" season 4 and watched a few episodes of that.

    Saturday: Today, I spent the day doing nothing but trying to find a big screen TV protector for my 50 inch TV that I just bought. I don't want it to get damaged after all. I also went and saw a psychologist to try to get my mental health right.

    Note: Realistically I would like to spend more time looking for a mate, but I feel like I don't have the financial resources to do so.

  3. #23
    i love skylights's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by The Great One View Post
    I think that this is a great methodology for identifying people's variants. However, I'm not really sure if it correctly works on me though. I mean, according to this theory I am SX last. My week looked like this... [...]

    Note: Realistically I would like to spend more time looking for a mate, but I feel like I don't have the financial resources to do so.
    Actually, that sounds so-last to me. Sp/sx almost. But to be fair, was that a normal slice of time? Looking back, mine was probably not. I do a lot more lazing around on the forums and looking up lots of stuff I'm interested in online than that weekend would lead one to think. That really emphasized my so instinct so I used it as an example, since I think it still demonstrated the right order so>sx>sp, but I'm really way more so>sx>>>>>>>>sp.

  4. #24
    Senior Member Sanjuro's Avatar
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    I think some individuals can be relatively strong in all 3 instincts, or "balanced" but this is apparently rare. As others have pointed out, you may indeed be seeing yourself with stronger sp, simply because as a 6 you are going to focus on self-protection, worst-case scenarios, and preparation.

    I'd like to know why you're starting to think your sp is strong, though, before I formally rule on that. (I'll get back to your response whenever I can).

  5. #25
    this is my winter song EJCC's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by skylights View Post
    Actually, that sounds so-last to me. Sp/sx almost. But to be fair, was that a normal slice of time? Looking back, mine was probably not. I do a lot more lazing around on the forums and looking up lots of stuff I'm interested in online than that weekend would lead one to think. That really emphasized my so instinct so I used it as an example, since I think it still demonstrated the right order so>sx>sp, but I'm really way more so>sx>>>>>>>>sp.
    If a contribution from me will help, then I will contribute my usual daily routine:

    - Get up half an hour before leaving for work
    - consider eating breakfast and decide not to
    - get to work half an hour early, mosey to Starbuck's and get coffee and a pastry, mosey back to work
    - do my 9 to 5
    - make the long commute back home while either catching up on personal emails, listening to podcasts, knitting, listening to music, or a combination of the above
    - make dinner upon getting home
    - a combination of any of the following: work on some random project, chat with folks on Skype, do some Facebooking/TypeC posting, realize "oh shit I'd better do some cleaning" and then power-clean, have a similar reaction to laundry, and/or catch up on favorite TV shows
    - realize how late it is, shower, and collapse into bed

    (this routine will change a bit once I've moved into my new place)
    ~ g e t f e s t i v e ! ~


    EJCC: "The Big Questions in my life right now: 1) What am I willing to live with? 2) What do I have to live with? 3) What can I change for the better?"
    Coriolis: "Is that the ESTJ Serenity Prayer?"



    ESTJ - LSE - ESTj (mbti/socionics)
    1w2/7w6/3w4 so/sx (enneagram)
    want to ask me something? go for it!

  6. #26
    Senior Member The Great One's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by skylights View Post
    Actually, that sounds so-last to me. Sp/sx almost. But to be fair, was that a normal slice of time? Looking back, mine was probably not. I do a lot more lazing around on the forums and looking up lots of stuff I'm interested in online than that weekend would lead one to think. That really emphasized my so instinct so I used it as an example, since I think it still demonstrated the right order so>sx>sp, but I'm really way more so>sx>>>>>>>>sp.
    When I laze around, it is usually at night time. By day, I working hard on scholastics and trying to solve my health problems, and at night I'm usually chilling out and watching season episodes of any random show that I am into: Breaking Bad, Dexter, Game of Thrones, House of Cards, Burn Notice, X Files, etc.

    I should point out though, that I would probably do Sx-based activities more frequently but I'm trying to pinch every penny at the moment. I want to date SO BADLY but there are several obstacles in the way: First off, I have my gagging problem that keeps me from hard exercise. Next, I have my hypoglycemia which makes me eat more frequently. It is because of these two things that I pretty fat right now, and it makes it pretty hard to attract women. After that, I have SO MANY bills to pay that it's very difficult to find the appropriate funds to date. Finally, my father and I basically share a car right now. I have the ability to take my father's car out at any given moment, but his car is SO FUCKED UP that it's almost a hazard to drive: the power steering in the car is fucked up and you have to have the strength of, "Popeye the Sailor man" to steer it, when you brake the car automatically jerks to the left, and the car gets horrible gas mileage and constantly has to have more power steering fluid, so it cost me 7-9 dollars per trip to drive the damn thing. So yeah basically all of these hindrances make it very difficult to get a woman at the moment. I should point out that I want to be with a woman so badly, that it's literally driving me STAR CRAVING MAD!

    So yeah, I'm thinking that I am probably social last. However, I'm still not giving up on the possibility of me being an Sx dom, because my dating circumstances are so poor right now. BTW, what are social first activities to engage in, in the first place?

    Quote Originally Posted by Sanjuro View Post
    I think some individuals can be relatively strong in all 3 instincts, or "balanced" but this is apparently rare. As others have pointed out, you may indeed be seeing yourself with stronger sp, simply because as a 6 you are going to focus on self-protection, worst-case scenarios, and preparation.

    I'd like to know why you're starting to think your sp is strong, though, before I formally rule on that. (I'll get back to your response whenever I can).
    I'm starting to think that my SP is strong because I talk to the SP lasters and what they say just never resignates with me. For instance, most of them could give less a damn about money or health problems and I am constantly preoccupied with these things. Next, they tend to put work and college based activities last, and I generally will put these types of things first. Finally, I am hyper-aware of what can hurt me, and sp last people tend to be absolutely oblivious to these sorts of things.

    Quote Originally Posted by EJCC View Post
    If a contribution from me will help, then I will contribute my usual daily routine:

    - Get up half an hour before leaving for work
    - consider eating breakfast and decide not to
    - get to work half an hour early, mosey to Starbuck's and get coffee and a pastry, mosey back to work
    - do my 9 to 5
    - make the long commute back home while either catching up on personal emails, listening to podcasts, knitting, listening to music, or a combination of the above
    - make dinner upon getting home
    - a combination of any of the following: work on some random project, chat with folks on Skype, do some Facebooking/TypeC posting, realize "oh shit I'd better do some cleaning" and then power-clean, have a similar reaction to laundry, and/or catch up on favorite TV shows
    - realize how late it is, shower, and collapse into bed

    (this routine will change a bit once I've moved into my new place)
    Thank you for this. You seem to have elements of all 3 variants as well just as I do. It looks like you tend to put a greater emphasis on your job and in overall career success than most of the other so/sx people do as well. This was a very helpful post.

  7. #27
    Senior Member pinkgraffiti's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by EJCC View Post
    If a contribution from me will help, then I will contribute my usual daily routine:

    - Get up half an hour before leaving for work
    - consider eating breakfast and decide not to
    - get to work half an hour early, mosey to Starbuck's and get coffee and a pastry, mosey back to work
    - do my 9 to 5
    - make the long commute back home while either catching up on personal emails, listening to podcasts, knitting, listening to music, or a combination of the above
    - make dinner upon getting home
    - a combination of any of the following: work on some random project, chat with folks on Skype, do some Facebooking/TypeC posting, realize "oh shit I'd better do some cleaning" and then power-clean, have a similar reaction to laundry, and/or catch up on favorite TV shows
    - realize how late it is, shower, and collapse into bed

    (this routine will change a bit once I've moved into my new place)
    Oh! this is just like me. except i decide to have breakfast. so can we conclude that it's unrelated to instincts?

  8. #28
    Senior Member Sanjuro's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by The Great One View Post
    I'm starting to think that my SP is strong because I talk to the SP lasters and what they say just never resignates with me. For instance, most of them could give less a damn about money or health problems and I am constantly preoccupied with these things. Next, they tend to put work and college based activities last, and I generally will put these types of things first. Finally, I am hyper-aware of what can hurt me, and sp last people tend to be absolutely oblivious to these sorts of things.
    Yes, I think what you're touching on here is actually because you're a 6. OF COURSE you're going to think about things that could hurt you or go wrong--6s by nature are aware of the things that could possibly go wrong. It's sort of a self-pres type by nature--you've got to build a solid foundation in life, and the sp-instinct will of course be a part of that.

    I'm sorry, but if people don't worry about money, it's because they were born rich and have never had to manage it once in their lives, or they're just stupid--and once your health is gone, you're screwed. Any reasonably intelligent person understands this, even sp-lasts. The self-pres instinct is more about focusing (as THE MAJOR life focus) on forming a foundation IN LIFE (house and pension plan) and maintaining oneself in a daily sense (like stopping everything to eat, rather than ignore the impulse while continuing the demands of sx- or soc-activities). But I think everyone has to worry about money and health, particularly 6s or those influenced by that type.

  9. #29
    Senior Member The Great One's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Sanjuro View Post
    Yes, I think what you're touching on here is actually because you're a 6. OF COURSE you're going to think about things that could hurt you or go wrong--6s by nature are aware of the things that could possibly go wrong. It's sort of a self-pres type by nature--you've got to build a solid foundation in life, and the sp-instinct will of course be a part of that.

    I'm sorry, but if people don't worry about money, it's because they were born rich and have never had to manage it once in their lives, or they're just stupid--and once your health is gone, you're screwed. Any reasonably intelligent person understands this, even sp-lasts. The self-pres instinct is more about focusing (as THE MAJOR life focus) on forming a foundation IN LIFE (house and pension plan) and maintaining oneself in a daily sense (like stopping everything to eat, rather than ignore the impulse while continuing the demands of sx- or soc-activities). But I think everyone has to worry about money and health, particularly 6s or those influenced by that type.
    I also thought that it was just the 6 part of me that was making me look more self pres, but then I made this thread...

    http://www.typologycentral.com/forum...cares-you.html

    ...and it made me realize that the things that I worry about are actually related to self pres, not just type 6. The other 6's definitely worry just as I, it's just that they don't tend to worry about self pres stuff if they are sp last.

  10. #30
    i love skylights's Avatar
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    ^

    Quote Originally Posted by The Great One View Post
    I should point out though, that I would probably do Sx-based activities more frequently but I'm trying to pinch every penny at the moment. I want to date SO BADLY but there are several obstacles in the way: First off, I have my gagging problem that keeps me from hard exercise. Next, I have my hypoglycemia which makes me eat more frequently. It is because of these two things that I pretty fat right now, and it makes it pretty hard to attract women. After that, I have SO MANY bills to pay that it's very difficult to find the appropriate funds to date. Finally, my father and I basically share a car right now. I have the ability to take my father's car out at any given moment, but his car is SO FUCKED UP that it's almost a hazard to drive: the power steering in the car is fucked up and you have to have the strength of, "Popeye the Sailor man" to steer it, when you brake the car automatically jerks to the left, and the car gets horrible gas mileage and constantly has to have more power steering fluid, so it cost me 7-9 dollars per trip to drive the damn thing. So yeah basically all of these hindrances make it very difficult to get a woman at the moment. I should point out that I want to be with a woman so badly, that it's literally driving me STAR CRAVING MAD!

    So yeah, I'm thinking that I am probably social last. However, I'm still not giving up on the possibility of me being an Sx dom, because my dating circumstances are so poor right now. BTW, what are social first activities to engage in, in the first place?
    I'm in agreement with you IRT sp/sx, because: you're talking about these things being "in the way" of your other instinct, but I think that the whole idea of the variants is that your first variant is what you feel like you have to take care of first. My boyfriend and I were talking about our variants (he's sp-first) and how those elements are just what we see as necessary to take care of before we can attend to anything else. Do you see what I'm trying to get at? Like that I think you're seeing these things as obstacles because they're sp obstacles. Really, theoretically, there's actually nothing holding you back from dating online without transportation, or dating without your body looking like you want it to, or dating without money. All of those things are resource concerns and you feel like you have to address them before you can move on - hence sp/sx. If you were sx/sp, it'd probably be more like, I haven't felt any spark yet with the girls I've been dating, and I really have to get that before I'm going to worry about whether or not I have the transportation to go see this girl. From the sp/sx viewpoint, having the resource must come before connecting, because how can you attract someone when your resources aren't right? From the sx/sp viewpoint, connecting must come before getting the resource, because how are you going to know which resources you'll need until you understand what kind of connection it is? The girl you connect with might really like heavier guys, after all, instead of more fit ones. Way before I was even ever into studying the variants, my boyfriend said something to me along the lines of, I have to take care of my personal needs because if I don't, then I don't even have the necessary foundation for a relationship - how can I take care of you if my life isn't in order? And I thought that was so utterly interesting (and confusing to me at the time) because for me, if I don't have my important relationships in order, I can barely think about taking care of myself. A relevant, immediate example - often when we're at home together, I wait for my ISFJ to get ready for bed and I follow his lead. I don't have a very good internal sense of needing to go to bed, unless I'm totally and completely wiped out, and it's more important/pleasing to me to go to bed with him than for me to get a certain amount of sleep. Sp-last, obviously. Whereas he needs to get to bed and that's what he needs to do. He'll invite me to come with him but he primarily sees it as him needing to get sleep, while I see it as a bonding moment of falling asleep together. I know he feels that too to a certain extent, but not enough to override the primary sleep factor.

    ...I think.

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