based on this, I see 3w? So/Sx (your post displays both 2-ish and 4-ish traits)Please I really need help to figure out which one of these two types am I? My ennea journey in abbreviation: I used to be very sure about being 4w5, but then I realised how much wrong I was and decided I am definetly a 4w3. I read a lot about 4w3s and I can relate to much from the description, so I also decided to learn something more about 3s and I was so suprised when I read it, because most of the characteristics seem to match me extremly well. Please will anyone be so nice, read my description and help me to figure this out?
I think I might had typed me as 4, because of some inner prejudices against 3s. When I first read about them I could very much relate, but I thought about them as that selfish, snobbish part of me, that I am not sure if I really like, so I just reject to be a 3. But now I see that the part of me, that rejected the 3, was actually my snobbish, selfish part. My biggest life dream is to be famous and successful. But not like the other people, I feel like my life doesn't worth a shit if I am not famous. I feel like there is no life without being known by others, or at least somehow popular. I am very much an image orriented person, but I need my image to be original, match my personality and also current fashion, or trends. I hate to look like everyone else, I love to wear clothes, that attracted attention. I very much care about other's opinion and always try to please the expectations of others and also somehow my own. I extremly fear rejection. I need to feel accepted around others and kind of likeable. The problem is I have pretty bad experiences from my childhood, when I was a total outsider, bullied by classmates. That made me very shy and oversensitive. So even though I want attention, I fear it. I fear shame, I fear rejection, I fear I won't be good enough. I have low confidence, but always throw myself in wierd competitions like I compare myself with the girl that is stading next to me and think.. "oh she has a better style, than I do, but I am thinner, so I could be better, than her..." things like that, that I know are not matter, but my head is full of them. I always need to know if other noticed me, or saw me and what might be their reaction on myself...Even though I am very sensitive type, I never express my emotions. I feel like emotions are weakness. I try to stay a bit further from them, but after all I always throw myself into emotional situations and behavior. I usually express my feelings only privately throught poetry, art, or some hidden way. I am totally anti-relationship person.In relationship I have a problem to show my intimate and soft side. To objects of my interests I often behave sarcastically, ironically and somehow arrogant. I just need to proove myself I can live also without them and, that I am a free living being. I have a strong sense for inner pride. I wanna be successful, so I think relationships are barrier in my way. The problem is, even though I wanna be successful I have a terrible problem with self control, finishing projects, keeping my interest in things. I hate schedules, detailed work and I often do everything at the last minute. I am one lazy ass... I need tons of a freedom for my own self expression and I hate to feel tied up to one project, or person. I almost never finish anything I start, I have to be in the right mood to do something. That's why I sometimes feel very dissapointed with myself and even feel hate against my own being, that often leads me to self-pitty, or depressions. I have extremly high ideals, that I need to reach and always try to develope and be better.
you are NOT an Sp dom. not by any stretch of the imagination
some other possibilities I could see are