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Response to Loss: Finding My Type

small.wonder

So she did.
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Last night a tragic thing happened and I wonder if my reaction to it might help discern which type I am (between INFJ, INFP and INTJ). I've been skeptical of my testing as INFJ as soon I realized how many people test as, and believe they are this "most rare" type. That and I don't fit some of the characteristics-- I am confrontational for the most part, and though I like to help people it's not a major component of my life.

So back to last night. My 15 year old, totally healthy, farm cat was attacked by my larger breed dog and we ended up having to put him down (the broken jaw he sustained would have been too much for him to recover from). This cat was the only cat I have ever loved, he essentially thought he was a dog, would come if you called him and was such a personable, awesome animal. My entire family loved him, it was a rough night to say the least. I should also say, this is the third incident my family has endured of violence between animals that ended in a visit to an emergency room. We're pretty jaded.

My Mom (who we think is an ESFJ, e2) was absolutely devastated, she cried, was very outwardly emotional and blamed herself. Even today she has been quiet, talking intermittently about him (the cat) and tearing up.

I on the other hand only cried a little, and was otherwise calm. I felt a lot of empathy for my cat, but I also am able to think clearly. I felt upset, angry and hurt but I just don't portray it outwardly in the same way as my Mom. I talk or write to express my emotions, they run extremely deep but I usually don't get hysterical. I have cried when talking one on one, or alone thinking/writing about something that has hurt me, but still not the hysterical hiccup kind (though I did do that in my teens). I can also get past things really quickly, like today (though I miss our cat) I was okay to actually treat today like Independence day. Even after an argument I move on immediately, which sometimes is frustrating/surprising to others. My Mom on the other hand usually needs to process an argument and have space/time to work through it on her own.

Does that say anything about my type? I think it points more to introverted feeling, but I'm only newly learning/understanding the functions.

One thing I just realized: it's only grief/sadness that I don't express outwardly. Anger, joy or other emotions are very outward expressions for me. Huh. :huh:

I'm totally open to thoughts or questions, thanks! -^_^-
 

SD45T-2

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This sounds like a job for [MENTION=6561]OrangeAppled[/MENTION] and/or [MENTION=5159]Lexicon[/MENTION].
 

OrangeAppled

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Feeling is not emotion in MBTI. The association with emoting and feeling is because emotion communicates weight. Feeling types tend to express emotion to impress upon others the value of what is being said. Introverted feeling types tend to do so less as they're feeling is applied inwardly, leaving them generally disinterested in affecting others and sometimes resistant to being affected.

I suggest reading more about the functions and not getting hung up on ideas of types being rare. Read Jung. Van Der Hoop is good too IMO. Both can be found online. Jung is better read in context though.

On my phone. Sry for any auto correct.
 

small.wonder

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Thanks @2D45T-2 and OrangeAppled.

Feeling is not emotion in MBTI. The association with emoting and feeling is because emotion communicates weight. Feeling types tend to express emotion to impress upon others the value of what is being said. Introverted feeling types tend to do so less as they're feeling is applied inwardly, leaving them generally disinterested in affecting others and sometimes resistant to being affected.

I've been reading all morning and think I'm getting a better understanding. Extroverted feeling seems more fitting than introverted for me. Thanks for responding to my question, though in hindsight I realize it was kind of a stupid one. :blush: Lots still to learn.
 

Mal12345

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This sounds like a job for [MENTION=6561]OrangeAppled[/MENTION] and/or [MENTION=5159]Lexicon[/MENTION].

Percentage of INFJs in the general population = 1 - 3%. Not common.

However, the OP's story indicates INFJ. Wanting not to be common, writing or using art to express emotions, feeling deeply not reacting hysterically, confrontational yet likes to help people (although this latter does not predominate) - all point to INFJ.

[MENTION=17697]small.wonder[/MENTION] - sorry about your loss. :(
 

Cellmold

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Your reaction sounds a lot like my own when my grandfather and then grandmother passed away.

I am sorry about your loss....animals are so beautiful in the unconditional love they present to us. Except for us of course, but who cares cats are cooler.
 

small.wonder

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Percentage of INFJs in the general population = 1 - 3%. Not common.

However, the OP's story indicates INFJ. Wanting not to be common, writing or using art to express emotions, feeling deeply not reacting hysterically, confrontational yet likes to help people (although this latter does not predominate) - all point to INFJ.

[MENTION=17697]small.wonder[/MENTION] - sorry about your loss. :(

Thank you for the sentiment, and sharing your take on my potential type. It's not that I don't want to be common, that snobby rare label is actually what made me a bit squeamish about being INFJ. I like to be different, but only if I am-- if that makes sense. The more I read about the functions and actual foundation of INFJ (and stop watching youtube videos of "INFJ's", whom I cannot relate to), the more I begin to see it actually fitting though. I'm sure it'll be a while before I'm completely sure.

Your reaction sounds a lot like my own when my grandfather and then grandmother passed away.

I am sorry about your loss....animals are so beautiful in the unconditional love they present to us. Except for us of course, but who cares cats are cooler.

Thanks, they really are. I love all animals but actually prefer dogs to cats (if I had to choose)-- that shows how special Satchmo (my cat) was though for being thoroughly loved by a whole family of dog people. :) He's prowling the tall grasses in the sky now.
 

Lexicon

Temporal Mechanic
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Last night a tragic thing happened and I wonder if my reaction to it might help discern which type I am (between INFJ, INFP and INTJ). I've been skeptical of my testing as INFJ as soon I realized how many people test as, and believe they are this "most rare" type. That and I don't fit some of the characteristics-- I am confrontational for the most part, and though I like to help people it's not a major component of my life.

So back to last night. My 15 year old, totally healthy, farm cat was attacked by my larger breed dog and we ended up having to put him down (the broken jaw he sustained would have been too much for him to recover from). This cat was the only cat I have ever loved, he essentially thought he was a dog, would come if you called him and was such a personable, awesome animal. My entire family loved him, it was a rough night to say the least. I should also say, this is the third incident my family has endured of violence between animals that ended in a visit to an emergency room. We're pretty jaded.

My Mom (who we think is an ESFJ, e2) was absolutely devastated, she cried, was very outwardly emotional and blamed herself. Even today she has been quiet, talking intermittently about him (the cat) and tearing up.

I on the other hand only cried a little, and was otherwise calm. I felt a lot of empathy for my cat, but I also am able to think clearly. I felt upset, angry and hurt but I just don't portray it outwardly in the same way as my Mom. I talk or write to express my emotions, they run extremely deep but I usually don't get hysterical. I have cried when talking one on one, or alone thinking/writing about something that has hurt me, but still not the hysterical hiccup kind (though I did do that in my teens). I can also get past things really quickly, like today (though I miss our cat) I was okay to actually treat today like Independence day. Even after an argument I move on immediately, which sometimes is frustrating/surprising to others. My Mom on the other hand usually needs to process an argument and have space/time to work through it on her own.

Does that say anything about my type? I think it points more to introverted feeling, but I'm only newly learning/understanding the functions.

One thing I just realized: it's only grief/sadness that I don't express outwardly. Anger, joy or other emotions are very outward expressions for me. Huh. :huh:

I'm totally open to thoughts or questions, thanks! -^_^-


Too subjective to tack down to type, imo. Trauma will always be expressed in a pretty individual way, regardless of what MBTI type you relate to.

I don't know how other INFJ's deal with loss, but when I got the phone call that my brother was murdered/had to give the news to my mother, I was calm/could think incredibly clearly. I also didn't cry when my father died when I was 9. I try very hard to deal with the here and now when painful things occur/just a mental gearshift. When my cat went missing a few yrs ago, again I was calm, but obviously pretty distressed. I find writing as a means of extroverting the feeling/sorting through them to be pretty cathartic. Either privately or openly. Depends on where I am, at the time.

Anyway.. Honestly, I think it really depends on the person- external influential factors such as upbringing, environmental circumstances, etc. That's always going to shape how we react and express our feelings. I'm sure other types will vary across the board with how pain is expressed, as well. Sadness/grief are highly vulnerable emotions, regardless of type. I think a lot of people would by nature hold those cards close, for a variety of reasons.

I notice some people seem to look at MBTI in what appear to be absolute terms. Personally, I see the functions/types as a relative spectrum. I don't expect anyone to 100% relate to type descriptions. People have more dimension than that. (example- not all INFJ's are bleeding heart Mother Teresas who live to serve humanity). If at the core you relate to the bare bones of a type description, then I figure that's the one you'll identify with most. /shrug


I'll end my rambling here. I want to say I'm sorry for your loss, but it always sounds hollow/manufactured. The feeling is there, though.

Take care.
 

small.wonder

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Too subjective to tack down to type, imo. Trauma will always be expressed in a pretty individual way, regardless of what MBTI type you relate to.

I don't know how other INFJ's deal with loss, but when I got the phone call that my brother was murdered/had to give the news to my mother, I was calm/could think incredibly clearly. I also didn't cry when my father died when I was 9. I try very hard to deal with the here and now when painful things occur/just a mental gearshift. When my cat went missing a few yrs ago, again I was calm, but obviously pretty distressed. I find writing as a means of extroverting the feeling/sorting through them to be pretty cathartic. Either privately or openly. Depends on where I am, at the time.

Anyway.. Honestly, I think it really depends on the person- external influential factors such as upbringing, environmental circumstances, etc. That's always going to shape how we react and express our feelings. I'm sure other types will vary across the board with how pain is expressed, as well. Sadness/grief are highly vulnerable emotions, regardless of type. I think a lot of people would by nature hold those cards close, for a variety of reasons.

I notice some people seem to look at MBTI in what appear to be absolute terms. Personally, I see the functions/types as a relative spectrum. I don't expect anyone to 100% relate to type descriptions. People have more dimension than that. (example- not all INFJ's are bleeding heart Mother Teresas who live to serve humanity). If at the core you relate to the bare bones of a type description, then I figure that's the one you'll identify with most. /shrug


I'll end my rambling here. I want to say I'm sorry for your loss, but it always sounds hollow/manufactured. The feeling is there, though.

Take care.

Thanks, I do appreciate it-- I feel your sincerity through the references to your own loss. I do agree with what you've said here, I likewise said somewhere on the forum recently that we are not cookies from type cutters (ugh, how boring would that be).

I've realized that my OP here was short-sighted, but appreciate the responses none the less. :)
 

Mal12345

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Thank you for the sentiment, and sharing your take on my potential type. It's not that I don't want to be common, that snobby rare label is actually what made me a bit squeamish about being INFJ. I like to be different, but only if I am-- if that makes sense. The more I read about the functions and actual foundation of INFJ (and stop watching youtube videos of "INFJ's", whom I cannot relate to), the more I begin to see it actually fitting though. I'm sure it'll be a while before I'm completely sure.

"I like to be different, but only if I am." That is an authentic INFJ talking right there.
 

small.wonder

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"I like to be different, but only if I am." That is an authentic INFJ talking right there.

I hear that, but this is where I agonize: that statement is also very true to my nature as a 4...so how does one differentiate?
 

SD45T-2

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I've been reading all morning and think I'm getting a better understanding. Extroverted feeling seems more fitting than introverted for me. Thanks for responding to my question, though in hindsight I realize it was kind of a stupid one. :blush: Lots still to learn.
That's alright, we all have to start somewhere.
 

OrangeAppled

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However, the OP's story indicates INFJ. Wanting not to be common, writing or using art to express emotions, feeling deeply not reacting hysterically, confrontational yet likes to help people (although this latter does not predominate) - all point to INFJ.

[MENTION=17697]small.wonder[/MENTION] - sorry about your loss. :(

Meh, that could describe many INFPs also, probably many IxFx types & even other types, period.
 

small.wonder

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That's alright, we all have to start somewhere.
True enough, thanks. :D

This looks interesting and useful:
http://personalitycafe.com/infj-for...between-ni-authenticity-fe-connectedness.html

It also ties into why I asked if you feel internally conflicted.
I can relate to that concept for sure, but doesn't everyone to some extent? Yes, I do feel internally conflicted, I think I self sabbatoge a lot.

Meh, that could describe many INFPs also, probably many IxFx types & even other types, period.

INFP is the other type I'm considering. I've been reading a lot about the differences (functions and behavior/tendencies). Some of them I'm pretty torn about, INFJ's have a long term plan/goal while INTP's live more in the moment-- I'm still trying to decide which side I err more on. I relate a lot to the introverted thinking of INFJ, sometimes pausing between thoughts and silently listening when others are speaking. INFP creates ideas (extroverted/creative intuition), and INFJ makes connections between ideas (introverted intuition). That's another tough one to decide which side I fall on, I know I'm creatively inclined but in regards to that? As I said before, I'm also pretty sure that I'm an extroverted feeler (yet I tested high in Fi on a socionics test-- they labelled me EII-Fi? I honestly didn't fully grasp half of the questions though, so I'm not sure how far to trust it.

Le sigh. :dry:

Even if I don't know which I am yet, I'm glad to be learning the differences so I can truly know (not just think I know). Any other differences or identifying qualities of either INFJ or INFP would be helpful!


INFP is not a confrontational type.

'INFPs do not like conflict, and go to great lengths to avoid it.'
http://www.personalitypage.com/INFP.html

(Of course, personalitypage.com is a bad site and nobody should believe it, right?)
Hmm...I don't fit that aspect anyway. Confrontation is so important to me, maybe it's because my Mom has long been very non-confrontational which I've often seen as childish.
 

OrangeAppled

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INFP is not a confrontational type.

'INFPs do not like conflict, and go to great lengths to avoid it.'
http://www.personalitypage.com/INFP.html

(Of course, personalitypage.com is a bad site and nobody should believe it, right?)

INFJs have been described as finding confrontation "toxic". You'll find such comments in pretty much any Feeling type profile.
 

OrangeAppled

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INFP is the other type I'm considering. I've been reading a lot about the differences (functions and behavior/tendencies). Some of them I'm pretty torn about, INFJ's have a long term plan/goal while INTP's live more in the moment-- I'm still trying to decide which side I err more on. I relate a lot to the introverted thinking of INFJ, sometimes pausing between thoughts and silently listening when others are speaking. INFP creates ideas (extroverted/creative intuition), and INFJ makes connections between ideas (introverted intuition). That's another tough one to decide which side I fall on, I know I'm creatively inclined but in regards to that? As I said before, I'm also pretty sure that I'm an extroverted feeler (yet I tested high in Fi on a socionics test-- they labelled me EII-Fi? I honestly didn't fully grasp half of the questions though, so I'm not sure how far to trust it.

Le sigh. :dry:

Even if I don't know which I am yet, I'm glad to be learning the differences so I can truly know (not just think I know). Any other differences or identifying qualities of either INFJ or INFP would be helpful!

I would not use socionics to find your Jungian/MBTI type.

I suggest reading Jung, and the Van Der Hoop descriptions too. These can be found easily on the internet for free.

Focus on discerning your dominant type - that is your ego. Look less at behaviors & specific "do this or that" than over all mindset. With what mentality do you approach life? That can be good for determining your auxiliary if you're an introvert also. Inferior function is better to spot in yourself than tertiary. It's called inferior for a reason - if it's not antagonistic in your psychology, then it's probably not your inferior. It tends to have a greater influence on you'd like to think, and often negatively. The tertiary is childish & often used as stress-relief, but people tend to overrate it in themselves anyway.

And of course, this is about personality, so consider how you appear & like to appear to others. INFPs & INFJs have distinctly different demeanors (as far as how they typically appear) that lists of traits fail to capture. Their personas & self-perception can be somewhat similar though, due to both being introverts who prefer feeling & intuition. It can help to think of yourself in an exaggerated way - which caricature is closer to you? Type profiles are kind of like that....
 

JAVO

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My behavior/thoughts were similar in similar pet situations. Unfortunately, I don't think it reveals much about type.

Sorry about your cat though. :(
 
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