User Tag List

12 Last

Results 1 to 10 of 19

  1. #1
    So she did. small.wonder's Avatar
    Join Date
    Feb 2013
    Enneagram
    4w5 sx/so
    Posts
    976

    Default Response to Loss: Finding My Type

    Last night a tragic thing happened and I wonder if my reaction to it might help discern which type I am (between INFJ, INFP and INTJ). I've been skeptical of my testing as INFJ as soon I realized how many people test as, and believe they are this "most rare" type. That and I don't fit some of the characteristics-- I am confrontational for the most part, and though I like to help people it's not a major component of my life.

    So back to last night. My 15 year old, totally healthy, farm cat was attacked by my larger breed dog and we ended up having to put him down (the broken jaw he sustained would have been too much for him to recover from). This cat was the only cat I have ever loved, he essentially thought he was a dog, would come if you called him and was such a personable, awesome animal. My entire family loved him, it was a rough night to say the least. I should also say, this is the third incident my family has endured of violence between animals that ended in a visit to an emergency room. We're pretty jaded.

    My Mom (who we think is an ESFJ, e2) was absolutely devastated, she cried, was very outwardly emotional and blamed herself. Even today she has been quiet, talking intermittently about him (the cat) and tearing up.

    I on the other hand only cried a little, and was otherwise calm. I felt a lot of empathy for my cat, but I also am able to think clearly. I felt upset, angry and hurt but I just don't portray it outwardly in the same way as my Mom. I talk or write to express my emotions, they run extremely deep but I usually don't get hysterical. I have cried when talking one on one, or alone thinking/writing about something that has hurt me, but still not the hysterical hiccup kind (though I did do that in my teens). I can also get past things really quickly, like today (though I miss our cat) I was okay to actually treat today like Independence day. Even after an argument I move on immediately, which sometimes is frustrating/surprising to others. My Mom on the other hand usually needs to process an argument and have space/time to work through it on her own.

    Does that say anything about my type? I think it points more to introverted feeling, but I'm only newly learning/understanding the functions.

    One thing I just realized: it's only grief/sadness that I don't express outwardly. Anger, joy or other emotions are very outward expressions for me. Huh.

    I'm totally open to thoughts or questions, thanks! -^_^-
    Find my Enneagram writing here. Also, I'd love for you to take my six question Enneagram surveyEnneagram survey!✨

  2. #2
    Sweet Ocean Cloud SD45T-2's Avatar
    Join Date
    Feb 2012
    MBTI
    ESTJ
    Enneagram
    1w2 so/sp
    Posts
    2,761

    Default

    This sounds like a job for @OrangeAppled and/or @Lexicon.
    1w2-6w5-3w2 so/sp

    "I took one those personality tests. It came back negative." - Dan Mintz

  3. #3
    Sugar Hiccup OrangeAppled's Avatar
    Join Date
    Mar 2009
    MBTI
    INFP
    Enneagram
    4w5 sp/sx
    Socionics
    IEI Ni
    Posts
    7,661

    Default

    Feeling is not emotion in MBTI. The association with emoting and feeling is because emotion communicates weight. Feeling types tend to express emotion to impress upon others the value of what is being said. Introverted feeling types tend to do so less as they're feeling is applied inwardly, leaving them generally disinterested in affecting others and sometimes resistant to being affected.

    I suggest reading more about the functions and not getting hung up on ideas of types being rare. Read Jung. Van Der Hoop is good too IMO. Both can be found online. Jung is better read in context though.

    On my phone. Sry for any auto correct.
    Often a star was waiting for you to notice it. A wave rolled toward you out of the distant past, or as you walked under an open window, a violin yielded itself to your hearing. All this was mission. But could you accomplish it? (Rilke)

    INFP | 4w5 sp/sx | RLUEI - Primary Inquisitive | Tritype is tripe

  4. #4
    So she did. small.wonder's Avatar
    Join Date
    Feb 2013
    Enneagram
    4w5 sx/so
    Posts
    976

    Default

    Thanks @2D45T-2 and OrangeAppled.

    Quote Originally Posted by OrangeAppled View Post
    Feeling is not emotion in MBTI. The association with emoting and feeling is because emotion communicates weight. Feeling types tend to express emotion to impress upon others the value of what is being said. Introverted feeling types tend to do so less as they're feeling is applied inwardly, leaving them generally disinterested in affecting others and sometimes resistant to being affected.
    I've been reading all morning and think I'm getting a better understanding. Extroverted feeling seems more fitting than introverted for me. Thanks for responding to my question, though in hindsight I realize it was kind of a stupid one. Lots still to learn.
    Find my Enneagram writing here. Also, I'd love for you to take my six question Enneagram surveyEnneagram survey!✨

  5. #5
    Senior Member Mal12345's Avatar
    Join Date
    Apr 2011
    MBTI
    IxTP
    Enneagram
    5w4 sx/sp
    Socionics
    LII Ti
    Posts
    14,019

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by SD45T-2 View Post
    This sounds like a job for @OrangeAppled and/or @Lexicon.
    Percentage of INFJs in the general population = 1 - 3%. Not common.

    However, the OP's story indicates INFJ. Wanting not to be common, writing or using art to express emotions, feeling deeply not reacting hysterically, confrontational yet likes to help people (although this latter does not predominate) - all point to INFJ.

    @small.wonder - sorry about your loss.
    "Everyone has a plan till they get punched in the mouth." Mike Tyson
    “Culture?” says Paul McCartney. “This isn't culture. It's just a good laugh.”

  6. #6
    Wake, See, Sing, Dance Cellmold's Avatar
    Join Date
    Mar 2012
    Posts
    5,810

    Default

    Your reaction sounds a lot like my own when my grandfather and then grandmother passed away.

    I am sorry about your loss....animals are so beautiful in the unconditional love they present to us. Except for us of course, but who cares cats are cooler.
    'One of (Lucas) Cranach's masterpieces, discussed by (Joseph) Koerner, is in it's self-referentiality the perfect expression of left-hemisphere emptiness and a precursor of post-modernism. There is no longer anything to point to beyond, nothing Other, so it points pointlessly to itself.' - Iain McGilChrist

    Suppose a tree fell down, Pooh, when we were underneath it?"
    "Suppose it didn't," said Pooh, after careful thought.
    Piglet was comforted by this.
    - A.A. Milne.

  7. #7
    So she did. small.wonder's Avatar
    Join Date
    Feb 2013
    Enneagram
    4w5 sx/so
    Posts
    976

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by Mal+ View Post
    Percentage of INFJs in the general population = 1 - 3%. Not common.

    However, the OP's story indicates INFJ. Wanting not to be common, writing or using art to express emotions, feeling deeply not reacting hysterically, confrontational yet likes to help people (although this latter does not predominate) - all point to INFJ.

    @small.wonder - sorry about your loss.
    Thank you for the sentiment, and sharing your take on my potential type. It's not that I don't want to be common, that snobby rare label is actually what made me a bit squeamish about being INFJ. I like to be different, but only if I am-- if that makes sense. The more I read about the functions and actual foundation of INFJ (and stop watching youtube videos of "INFJ's", whom I cannot relate to), the more I begin to see it actually fitting though. I'm sure it'll be a while before I'm completely sure.

    Quote Originally Posted by AffirmitiveAnxiety View Post
    Your reaction sounds a lot like my own when my grandfather and then grandmother passed away.

    I am sorry about your loss....animals are so beautiful in the unconditional love they present to us. Except for us of course, but who cares cats are cooler.
    Thanks, they really are. I love all animals but actually prefer dogs to cats (if I had to choose)-- that shows how special Satchmo (my cat) was though for being thoroughly loved by a whole family of dog people. He's prowling the tall grasses in the sky now.
    Find my Enneagram writing here. Also, I'd love for you to take my six question Enneagram surveyEnneagram survey!✨

  8. #8
    Temporal Mechanic. Lexicon's Avatar
    Join Date
    Sep 2008
    MBTI
    JINX
    Enneagram
    5w6 sp/sx
    Posts
    5,759

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by small.wonder View Post
    Last night a tragic thing happened and I wonder if my reaction to it might help discern which type I am (between INFJ, INFP and INTJ). I've been skeptical of my testing as INFJ as soon I realized how many people test as, and believe they are this "most rare" type. That and I don't fit some of the characteristics-- I am confrontational for the most part, and though I like to help people it's not a major component of my life.

    So back to last night. My 15 year old, totally healthy, farm cat was attacked by my larger breed dog and we ended up having to put him down (the broken jaw he sustained would have been too much for him to recover from). This cat was the only cat I have ever loved, he essentially thought he was a dog, would come if you called him and was such a personable, awesome animal. My entire family loved him, it was a rough night to say the least. I should also say, this is the third incident my family has endured of violence between animals that ended in a visit to an emergency room. We're pretty jaded.

    My Mom (who we think is an ESFJ, e2) was absolutely devastated, she cried, was very outwardly emotional and blamed herself. Even today she has been quiet, talking intermittently about him (the cat) and tearing up.

    I on the other hand only cried a little, and was otherwise calm. I felt a lot of empathy for my cat, but I also am able to think clearly. I felt upset, angry and hurt but I just don't portray it outwardly in the same way as my Mom. I talk or write to express my emotions, they run extremely deep but I usually don't get hysterical. I have cried when talking one on one, or alone thinking/writing about something that has hurt me, but still not the hysterical hiccup kind (though I did do that in my teens). I can also get past things really quickly, like today (though I miss our cat) I was okay to actually treat today like Independence day. Even after an argument I move on immediately, which sometimes is frustrating/surprising to others. My Mom on the other hand usually needs to process an argument and have space/time to work through it on her own.

    Does that say anything about my type? I think it points more to introverted feeling, but I'm only newly learning/understanding the functions.

    One thing I just realized: it's only grief/sadness that I don't express outwardly. Anger, joy or other emotions are very outward expressions for me. Huh.

    I'm totally open to thoughts or questions, thanks! -^_^-

    Too subjective to tack down to type, imo. Trauma will always be expressed in a pretty individual way, regardless of what MBTI type you relate to.

    I don't know how other INFJ's deal with loss, but when I got the phone call that my brother was murdered/had to give the news to my mother, I was calm/could think incredibly clearly. I also didn't cry when my father died when I was 9. I try very hard to deal with the here and now when painful things occur/just a mental gearshift. When my cat went missing a few yrs ago, again I was calm, but obviously pretty distressed. I find writing as a means of extroverting the feeling/sorting through them to be pretty cathartic. Either privately or openly. Depends on where I am, at the time.

    Anyway.. Honestly, I think it really depends on the person- external influential factors such as upbringing, environmental circumstances, etc. That's always going to shape how we react and express our feelings. I'm sure other types will vary across the board with how pain is expressed, as well. Sadness/grief are highly vulnerable emotions, regardless of type. I think a lot of people would by nature hold those cards close, for a variety of reasons.

    I notice some people seem to look at MBTI in what appear to be absolute terms. Personally, I see the functions/types as a relative spectrum. I don't expect anyone to 100% relate to type descriptions. People have more dimension than that. (example- not all INFJ's are bleeding heart Mother Teresas who live to serve humanity). If at the core you relate to the bare bones of a type description, then I figure that's the one you'll identify with most. /shrug


    I'll end my rambling here. I want to say I'm sorry for your loss, but it always sounds hollow/manufactured. The feeling is there, though.

    Take care.
    03/23 06:06:58 EcK: lex
    03/23 06:06:59 EcK: lex
    03/23 06:21:34 Nancynobullets: LEXXX *sacrifices a first born*
    03/23 06:21:53 Nancynobullets: We summon yooouuu
    03/23 06:29:07 Lexicon: I was sleeping!



    04/25 04:20:35 Patches: Don't listen to lex. She wants to birth a litter of kittens. She doesnt get to decide whats creepy

    02/16 23:49:38 ygolo: Lex is afk
    02/16 23:49:45 Cimarron: she's doing drugs with Jack

    03/05 19:27:41 Time: You can't make chat morbid. Lex does it naturally.

  9. #9
    So she did. small.wonder's Avatar
    Join Date
    Feb 2013
    Enneagram
    4w5 sx/so
    Posts
    976

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by Lexicon View Post
    Too subjective to tack down to type, imo. Trauma will always be expressed in a pretty individual way, regardless of what MBTI type you relate to.

    I don't know how other INFJ's deal with loss, but when I got the phone call that my brother was murdered/had to give the news to my mother, I was calm/could think incredibly clearly. I also didn't cry when my father died when I was 9. I try very hard to deal with the here and now when painful things occur/just a mental gearshift. When my cat went missing a few yrs ago, again I was calm, but obviously pretty distressed. I find writing as a means of extroverting the feeling/sorting through them to be pretty cathartic. Either privately or openly. Depends on where I am, at the time.

    Anyway.. Honestly, I think it really depends on the person- external influential factors such as upbringing, environmental circumstances, etc. That's always going to shape how we react and express our feelings. I'm sure other types will vary across the board with how pain is expressed, as well. Sadness/grief are highly vulnerable emotions, regardless of type. I think a lot of people would by nature hold those cards close, for a variety of reasons.

    I notice some people seem to look at MBTI in what appear to be absolute terms. Personally, I see the functions/types as a relative spectrum. I don't expect anyone to 100% relate to type descriptions. People have more dimension than that. (example- not all INFJ's are bleeding heart Mother Teresas who live to serve humanity). If at the core you relate to the bare bones of a type description, then I figure that's the one you'll identify with most. /shrug


    I'll end my rambling here. I want to say I'm sorry for your loss, but it always sounds hollow/manufactured. The feeling is there, though.

    Take care.
    Thanks, I do appreciate it-- I feel your sincerity through the references to your own loss. I do agree with what you've said here, I likewise said somewhere on the forum recently that we are not cookies from type cutters (ugh, how boring would that be).

    I've realized that my OP here was short-sighted, but appreciate the responses none the less.
    Find my Enneagram writing here. Also, I'd love for you to take my six question Enneagram surveyEnneagram survey!✨

  10. #10
    Senior Member Mal12345's Avatar
    Join Date
    Apr 2011
    MBTI
    IxTP
    Enneagram
    5w4 sx/sp
    Socionics
    LII Ti
    Posts
    14,019

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by small.wonder View Post
    Thank you for the sentiment, and sharing your take on my potential type. It's not that I don't want to be common, that snobby rare label is actually what made me a bit squeamish about being INFJ. I like to be different, but only if I am-- if that makes sense. The more I read about the functions and actual foundation of INFJ (and stop watching youtube videos of "INFJ's", whom I cannot relate to), the more I begin to see it actually fitting though. I'm sure it'll be a while before I'm completely sure.
    "I like to be different, but only if I am." That is an authentic INFJ talking right there.
    "Everyone has a plan till they get punched in the mouth." Mike Tyson
    “Culture?” says Paul McCartney. “This isn't culture. It's just a good laugh.”

Similar Threads

  1. Trying to find my type since days! ESTJ or ENTJ?
    By LoyalKnight in forum What's my Type?
    Replies: 7
    Last Post: 06-17-2017, 01:25 PM
  2. [i]Still[/i] trying to find my type...
    By Brylif in forum What's my Type?
    Replies: 1
    Last Post: 08-05-2016, 12:06 PM
  3. Can someone please give me advice on how to find my type?
    By Sweetheart in forum What's my Type?
    Replies: 7
    Last Post: 10-08-2015, 09:02 PM
  4. Can anyone Skype me to help me find my type?
    By Nicki in forum What's my Type?
    Replies: 5
    Last Post: 10-27-2012, 03:59 AM
  5. Help me find my type: INFJ? INTP?
    By kav2330 in forum What's my Type?
    Replies: 38
    Last Post: 08-23-2011, 08:31 PM

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts
Single Sign On provided by vBSSO