I am a bit confused about my enneagram. When I read about 4, everything seemed to be just exactly me, but when I read about 7 it's almost the same. I can very much relate to both 4 and 7, maybe I am totally wrong and my enneagram number is different. Please will anyone help me to figure this out?
Everyone seems to look for who they really are to some point, but for me this is one of the most important questions. Not just finding who I am on the outside, but who I really am in my core. In most of the people and things I try to see their cores, and how they really are. Even though I try to look deep into things, I might seem superficial, because I tend to look to much at the image, or status of others. It's really important for me how I look. I think my image is the expression of who I am, which is very important for me. I always try to wear clothes, that are original and can somehow describe me. My problem is, that I tend to be very indecisive and I often try to change my style, image, or who I am. I have very high standards for myself, that I try to reach. My ideals and expectations often tend to be too high, or unrealistic, which often brings me the feeling of being unsatisfied. I am very prone to depressions, mood swings, self-pity. I often tend to feel like the victim. I dislike to express these feelings, because then I feel like the attention whore, pathetic and weak. To people around me, I usually show my happy and fun loving face, because I think people can accept me better like that. I am very sensitive on criticism and rejection and I rely on my happy face, that it will make me more likeable around others. I like to express my feelings through some creative work like writting, music, singing... Being creative makes me feel great and it gives me the space to express myself which I really need. But I have to fight with feelings of failure and envy. When I see that someone is more successful, or more creative, original... I tend to feel like the biggest looser and lost the interested in all the work. That's why I have very big problem with finishing projects, that I start. I also tend to overanalyze my work, feelings, thoughts... Even though I am sensitive type I have a strong sense for adventure, excitement and experiences. I get extremely easily bored, I hate stereotypical work and I need a lot of change. In stereotype I always feel like chained, I need freedom, chance to live my life my own way. I dislike responsibilities and tend to run away from them. I am careless about lot of things and I wear my head high in the clouds. I like to spend time with my friends, at the parties and just having fun. I often end up doing some crazy and spontaneus things. My big dream is to travel the world and collect new and new experiences. Stereotypical family life just seem so depressing to me. I fear of having ordinary life like everybody else does. I also dream about being successful as a musician, or writer. I view myself as an artist, who is orriented toward pleasure and bohemian lifestyle.