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  1. #1
    i love skylights's Avatar
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    Default Am I Sx/So or So/Sx?

    Second guessing myself...

    Either I'm a very socially-strong Sx, or a very sexually-strong So.

    Many people have said I don't register intensity enough to be Sx/So. It's a fair point. In comparison to some Sx-doms I know, I am not nearly up to their level. I am not particularly polarizing unless I am very angry... I relate so strongly to Sx but I don't seem to exude it. From my standpoint, at times I am baffled by the strength of force that some Sx-doms unleash without curbing it for others' sake.

    My understanding of my instinct is to immerse. I want to become part of everything, to sink into deep connection with it all. My primary values are love and unity. I am happiest when I am amongst a small group of the people who matter most to me - my family and boyfriend, particularly in immersive environments (as in, a very consistent feeling-invoking atmosphere, such as nature, cityscape, earthy spa, luxurious resort, cozy home, elegant restaurant, etc). I have a very strong internal sense of hierarchy - who comes before who - and will have a very hard time attending to a "lower-order person" (eg a casual friend) when there is a "higher-order" person (eg family) around, unless I am doing it at the pleasure of the higher-order person. Sp-last manifests in my lack of desire or attention to drawing boundaries between myself and other things, and neglecting self-upkeep as a result - if I keep up with myself in Sp terms, it's generally for the sake of allowing my life to continue operating optimally, not for my personal pleasure.

    I strongly empathize with "the Sx/So ideal is not to run away but to stand and fight, tearing down the walls and breaking all chains" (Bumblyjack, PerC). Rarely do I rip everything apart, for the sake of harmony, but I feel like my natural inclination is towards "purifying". Nothing is more satisfying than a discussion that removes all the barriers and lays everything out on the table, that exposes everyone's hearts and purest desires and allows us to build off of truth rather than illusion. I believe that at the core level, with all illusion removed, we all resonate with one another, so if we are all exposed we are all united, and if we are all truly united then we are all exposed. It's the ideal state of existence because it allows everyone the best chance at self-actualization.

    My intensity/volatility comes out most in my close relationships... it's a combination of caring more about those close relationships and therefore reserving most of my energy for them plus understanding that there is a level of safety in close relationships that does not exist in outer spheres, due to the bond already formed - though of course sometimes I am pushed to my limit and give a less-close person a hellish litany of infuriation. I can give you a short history of my life plotted by "periods" of my romantic interests, and how that person colored each period. It's almost like a zeitgeist, an overall amalgamation of my environment and values and desires represented by a singular person. Addictive tendencies are strong in me. I also experience the dreaded push-pull... WANT WANT WANTing what I don't have, and then questioning it once I'm in it. I move through cycles of immersion/ecstasy and withdrawal/doubt. I have always felt things the strongest when in a liminal state - both ecstasy and heartwrenching despair. I miss the frequency of ecstatic feelings in liminality, but I also enjoy the grounded pride of stability, and still manage to squeeze some ecstasy in!

    I'm not an exhibitionist, but I don't balk at kissing in public. I do strongly dislike saying "I love you" in public to my SO - it feels too private to exhibit, at least with us not having a formal social commitment. I share personal truths and lay my own issues bare, but I don't share family or relationship struggles because I feel that it is inappropriate to expose my loved ones like that. I don't reveal financial issues for the same reason - it feels inappropriate. I shy from political argumentation, as though I have strong feelings on the matter, I dislike personal confrontation and prefer a proper debate forum where it is less personal. I am strongly interested in sociopolitical reform but do not take as much action towards it as I ought to. I have these great visions of change but often am preoccupied with my own little sphere, and am shy approaching groups. I acknowledge authorities for their position's functionality and their willingness to serve the common good but respect their power entirely on the basis of whether they use it responsibly, and do not feel a compulsion to side with them (beyond maintaining my job/legal security) or to see them as anything beyond people in a position. I find cults of personality to be very bizarre... the only people I idealize are fictional characters.

    I generally feel like Sx is in the driver's seat with So restrictions buffering from every side, but perhaps it's the other way around, with an So unity lead supported by immersive Sx connections. I don't relate well to some classically So elements like keeping abreast of cultural trends. I feel like my native "sphere" of comfortable interaction and attention is quite small, though I desire to be universally connected.

    Beh, opinions and/or guidance would be appreciated.

  2. #2
    Administrator highlander's Avatar
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    I think you are Sx. Not sure why. There is just something that that seems like it.

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  3. #3
    this is my winter song EJCC's Avatar
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    Going off of "vibe theory", I think you vibe more like me and @fidelia (so/sx) than like the sx/so folks on the forum. That being said, your OP seems pretty sx-first. Especially, for example, having "these great visions of change but often am preoccupied with (your) own little sphere"... Seems like so-second being subject to sx-first. Almost the entire OP seems like you care more about intense experience of unity with people/things, than you do about anything group/society-related.
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  4. #4
    i love skylights's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by EJCC View Post
    Going off of "vibe theory", I think you vibe more like me and @fidelia (so/sx) than like the sx/so folks on the forum. That being said, your OP seems pretty sx-first. Especially, for example, having "these great visions of change but often am preoccupied with (your) own little sphere"... Seems like so-second being subject to sx-first. Almost the entire OP seems like you care more about intense experience of unity with people/things, than you do about anything group/society-related.
    Thank you for summing up my entire OP in a paragraph

    Yes, you've hit on the issue exactly. I am generally preoccupied with Sx concerns but don't vibe Sx even to myself.

    I do very much relate to your and fidelia's communication styles, always very genuine, heartfelt, and open, but contained/appropriate. It's like there's natural padding for the sake of keeping in mind that you are speaking to an audience. I feel that way when writing here. There's an automatic consciousness that I am speaking to a large, anonymous group of "everyone", and a need to conduct myself in a more restrained way because all eyes may be on me.

  5. #5
    this is my winter song EJCC's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by skylights View Post
    Thank you for summing up my entire OP in a paragraph
    Sorry!
    Quote Originally Posted by skylights View Post
    Yes, you've hit on the issue exactly. I am generally preoccupied with Sx concerns but don't vibe Sx even to myself.
    Just a subdued sx/so, I guess.

    These things happen. I still have to fend off people claiming I'm so/sp. But the thing is, despite everything, my blind spot is still sp, regardless of whatever sp-recognition skills I may have by virtue of being SJ.
    ~ g e t f e s t i v e ! ~


    EJCC: "The Big Questions in my life right now: 1) What am I willing to live with? 2) What do I have to live with? 3) What can I change for the better?"
    Coriolis: "Is that the ESTJ Serenity Prayer?"



    ESTJ - LSE - ESTj (mbti/socionics)
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  6. #6
    i love skylights's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by EJCC View Post
    Sorry!
    It was a compliment. I wish I had an ESTJ editor.

    Just a subdued sx/so, I guess.

    These things happen. I still have to fend off people claiming I'm so/sp. But the thing is, despite everything, my blind spot is still sp, regardless of whatever sp-recognition skills I may have by virtue of being SJ.
    True, good point. I see Sx over Sp in you though, too. You share so much of your core.

    I did also find this "coolside" descriptor, which seems relatable - "coolside sx/so - strong sx, strong soc, weak sp. pulls from so/sp secondary, political activist streak, 'cooled' by soc with some intellectual reserve, channels sx into social causes."

    Lord knows Sp is weak in me. D:

  7. #7
    Diabolical Kasper's Avatar
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    I would ask what your pre-occupation is, what causes you most imbalance, as that would typically be your core instinct, weather it be flipping between social and anti-social, or promiscuity and abstinence. Personally, when romance is in the mix, my Sx kicks in hard core and I can be very Sx obsessive, however even if it is over the top, it never feels like it is something I can't pull back on, and it comes and goes in spurts, meanwhile my gut drive to seek belonging is always causing me angst, when I look at the patterns of past behaviour, my Sx has always backed So needs outside of romance, I get passionate about a group environment, and never feel belonging (So 9).

    As a 6, your key point will be security, in a So/Sx this tends to look to individuals more than the Social of other E-types, as per normal, charm and humour as well as a "lightness" will be present, meanwhile the Sx/So will have a dramatic flair, and is more likely to be counter-phobic.

    I would suggest focus on your instincts outside of romantic relationships, seeing as you know you have Sx in the mix somewhere, romance can intensify that (imo). It may be projection, however if I wasn't so heavily impacted by core 9 So needs in day to day life, romance would have me sure I was a Sx dom.

  8. #8
    this is my winter song EJCC's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by skylights View Post
    It was a compliment. I wish I had an ESTJ editor.
    I'd love to be your ESTJ editor! Hit me up.
    Quote Originally Posted by skylights View Post
    True, good point. I see Sx over Sp in you though, too. You share so much of your core.
    This may sound goofy, but I'm glad you notice that I do that. I feel like I share a whole lot of myself, and am very open when the situation calls for it -- but it doesn't seem like people notice. Maybe it's because I seem calm in a Te-dom way when I'm doing it.
    Quote Originally Posted by skylights View Post
    I did also find this "coolside" descriptor, which seems relatable - "coolside sx/so - strong sx, strong soc, weak sp. pulls from so/sp secondary, political activist streak, 'cooled' by soc with some intellectual reserve, channels sx into social causes."
    Ooh, those descriptions are great. (I just googled your quote.)

    The "lightside so/sx" fits me perfectly: "engaging, ingratiating even, and is the closest to what has become the stereotype for so/sx. unmistakably friendly, amusing, eager to attend to others in a personal, customized way. also hesitant or unwilling to upset the delicate chemistry or harmony of individual or group dynamics, since soc cohesion is at a premium."

    Explains, in part, why I'm so conflict-sensitive for being an ESTJ. But then again I'm guessing so/sp and sp/so are likely much more common for ESTJs.
    Quote Originally Posted by skylights View Post
    Lord knows Sp is weak in me. D:
    Same here. Good thing I'm surrounded by sp-users, or else I'd burn myself out every day!
    ~ g e t f e s t i v e ! ~


    EJCC: "The Big Questions in my life right now: 1) What am I willing to live with? 2) What do I have to live with? 3) What can I change for the better?"
    Coriolis: "Is that the ESTJ Serenity Prayer?"



    ESTJ - LSE - ESTj (mbti/socionics)
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    want to ask me something? go for it!

  9. #9
    The High Priestess Amargith's Avatar
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    Tbh, Ive wondered the same thing. You tend to be more...pragmatic and smooth in navigating the forum than I am, I find

    But that could just be the 6. Tbh, I do believe you to be sx-so. So-doms tend to be even more level than you are in social situations. They have a need to be part of the tribe, ime. Their greatest need seems to be to feel at home in the crowd of people they hang out with and they will protect that desire and back off easily when they feel that home threatened by their own - what they believe to be - inproper actions - something I have yet to see you do. And some of that overlaps with the 6s need for security and loyalty of those around them, but it has a different flavour to it. You don't seem to have the need to make the tribe your home per se, but you do seem to desire loyalty and knowing where you stand, as well as protect yourself and your 6 agenda which leads to you being private and courteous amongst others.

    Here is a link to a post I wrote on being sx-so. Remove the 4 drama filter and see if you relate
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  10. #10
    Unapologetic being Evolving Transparency's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by skylights View Post
    I am happiest when I am amongst a small group of the people who matter most to me - my family and boyfriend, particularly in immersive environments (as in, a very consistent feeling-invoking atmosphere, such as nature, cityscape, earthy spa, luxurious resort, cozy home, elegant restaurant, etc). I have a very strong internal sense of hierarchy - who comes before who - and will have a very hard time attending to a "lower-order person" (eg a casual friend) when there is a "higher-order" person (eg family) around, unless I am doing it at the pleasure of the higher-order person.
    I have only read up to this part, and I will read more when I can, but I have been told just cause I am comfortable in small groups doesn't necessarily mean I'm sx. Also IMO I know what sx feels like and the "higher-order" you're referring to, to me doesn't sound like sx. To me it sounds like so. To me sx feels like I want the deepest connection I can get with "you" <--- you being the person in front of me. My end goal is to get on this emotional/spiritual/whatever wave we both can ride on together and look into the depths of ur soul kinda stuff. With that being an end result I want .... there can be no order in heirarchy of who this connection happens with. This connection could happen with anyone at anytime, and usually doesn't take that much time to get there with an sx, IME.

    Also IME Fi, being similar to Ti in that is "catagorizes" (instead of how Ti catagorizes subjective facts about objects or what not) Fi subjectively catagorizes people and the feeling aspect of things. And that also sounds very so. I have none of that...and I have Fi last and so last, so I am pretty bad at catagorizing people in that way.
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