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  1. #11
    Unapologetic being Evolving Transparency's Avatar
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    @skylights I get so/sx ness from u, but that's just me. I was reading somewhere here the other day that to figure out what your dom instinct is, you have to think of which one is "broken" in a sense. So usually the second one is actually moderately mature. Which may be why you feel very strong sx but not strong enough to resemble other sx doms. So for me, I know I'm sp/sx now because I am doing the sp things (always being rediculously responsible, for me, my SO, my parents...like taking care of finances because the thing I lack the most is Security) So I take on responsibility so I know things get done and can feel secure...blah, blah, blah... I don't know how that looks for so though...I do know my one friend was beat up by other kids in school when he was young and that probably left a HUGE emptiness/feeling of socialness being broken in him...and that's how I can determine he's so dom (other than his more subdued demeanor.)
    "Once the game is over, the Pawn and the King go back into the same box"

    Freedom isn't free.
    "Freedom is the right to tell people what they do not want to hear." ~ Orwell
    I'm that person that embodies pretty much everything that you hate. Might as well get used to it.
    Unapologetically bonding in an uninhibited, propelled manner
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  2. #12
    Sweet Ocean Cloud SD45T-2's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by EJCC View Post
    This may sound goofy, but I'm glad you notice that I do that. I feel like I share a whole lot of myself, and am very open when the situation calls for it -- but it doesn't seem like people notice. Maybe it's because I seem calm in a Te-dom way when I'm doing it.
    That could be.

    Explains, in part, why I'm so conflict-sensitive for being an ESTJ. But then again I'm guessing so/sp and sp/so are likely much more common for ESTJs.
    Probably

    I'm not sure, but I think SLO John Cooper (Michael Cudlitz) is an ESTJ 8w7 sp/sx. Then again, he's fictional.
    1w2-6w5-3w2 so/sp

    "I took one those personality tests. It came back negative." - Dan Mintz

  3. #13
    royal member Rasofy's Avatar
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    You seem to focus more on the individuals, and your level of empathy level seems more compatible with sx/so -though your vibe indeed looks like so/sx, like EJCC mentioned. But maybe that's how a phobic-6 sx/so is supposed to be?

    I've noticed that most so/sx's have a lot of shoulds and shouldn'ts, and you couldn't be more different in this aspect.
    -----------------

    A man builds. A parasite asks 'Where is my share?'
    A man creates. A parasite says, 'What will the neighbors think?'
    A man invents. A parasite says, 'Watch out, or you might tread on the toes of God... '


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  4. #14
    reborn PeaceBaby's Avatar
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    @skylights: you and I share some vibe. I used to type myself as so/sp but recently changed it to try on so/sx, realizing sp was not reality but aspirational. My pulling back into myself was more about sx than sp. For me, the sp stuff is so far down the food chain it seemed silly to imagine I was paying any decent amount of attention to it - it's more about the so/sp combo I wish I was, about being able to make more difference.

    So, how do you feel when you compare yourself to my vibe? I mostly see your sx come out in defense of home & hearth, and this vibes to me as so first. And I agree with @Kasper, that love makes us all seem sx-driven at times, in the exclusivity of that bond. I am aware and work and struggle with so-dom connections on a near-daily basis, and am so conscious of it that there's no denying that it's a preoccupation. So, if you take the love relationship out of the mix, do you ever really forget or not notice all the social nuance around you?
    "Remember always that you not only have the right to be an individual, you have an obligation to be one."
    Eleanor Roosevelt


    "When people see some things as beautiful,
    other things become ugly.
    When people see some things as good,
    other things become bad."
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  5. #15
    The High Priestess Amargith's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by PeaceBaby View Post
    @skylights: you and I share some vibe. I used to type myself as so/sp but recently changed it to try on so/sx, realizing sp was not reality but aspirational. My pulling back into myself was more about sx than sp. For me, the sp stuff is so far down the food chain it seemed silly to imagine I was paying any decent amount of attention to it - it's more about the so/sp combo I wish I was, about being able to make more difference.

    So, how do you feel when you compare yourself to my vibe? I mostly see your sx come out in defense of home & hearth, and this vibes to me as so first. And I agree with @Kasper, that love makes us all seem sx-driven at times, in the exclusivity of that bond. I am aware and work and struggle with so-dom connections on a near-daily basis, and am so conscious of it that there's no denying that it's a preoccupation. So, if you take the love relationship out of the mix, do you ever really forget or not notice all the social nuance around you?
    As a comparison and reference, I'll add the following: I personally also notice the social nuance, but it is something I have to consciously think of checking. I'll do it to keep myself out of trouble, to keep things going smoothly, to serve my preference for harmony, but I also often find myself getting frustrated at having to do this shit, especially when I'm low on energy. Sx otoh is my world. It's as natural to me as breathing. It does not exhaust me, it's something I'll do even when i'm dog-tired (noticing the energy of the person, that is - acting on it would be later when Ive got more juice myself, and yes, I do make that mental note to do so later).
    ★ڿڰۣ✿ℒoѵℯ✿ڿڰۣ★





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  6. #16
    Certified Sausage Smoker Elfboy's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Rasofy View Post
    You seem to focus more on the individuals, and your level of empathy level seems more compatible with sx/so -though your vibe indeed looks like so/sx, like EJCC mentioned. But maybe that's how a phobic-6 sx/so is supposed to be?
    this could also just be being an NFP.

    I've noticed that most so/sx's have a lot of shoulds and shouldn'ts, and you couldn't be more different in this aspect.
    that's more superego than Social instinct, though there is some overlap (and 6 is a superego type)
    @skylights
    to be honest, I could see either. have you taken this test?
    http://www.typologycentral.com/forum...iant-test.html
    ENFP: We put the Fi in Fire
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    Sunburst!
    "You are a gay version of Gambit" Speed Gavroche
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  7. #17
    Sugar Hiccup OrangeAppled's Avatar
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    I'd say so/sx. Your way of describing dynamics with people & what you focus on sounds more like bond-forming & bond-maintaining than moth-to-flame intensity. It sounds like you want something deep, but lasting, not a rush of excitement. It's the SO instinct that seeks a niche with people, including private, close individua ones, not necessarily public or group ones. You seem rather careful in leaving impressions - I don't see a repulsing side.
    Often a star was waiting for you to notice it. A wave rolled toward you out of the distant past, or as you walked under an open window, a violin yielded itself to your hearing. All this was mission. But could you accomplish it? (Rilke)

    INFP | 4w5 sp/sx | RLUEI - Primary Inquisitive | Tritype is tripe

  8. #18
    i love skylights's Avatar
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    First of all, thank you, everyone, for your input. I'm sorry I've taken a while to respond; it's a busy transition time in my life at the moment, and I've been mulling over this in my day-to-day life for a few days now.

    -

    @Kasper - In terms of sx, I have essentially always had one major obsessive focus, but in terms of romance, I've actually only recently really gotten into reciprocal relationships - almost all of my "relationships" from childhood to my 20s were one-sided liminal crushes. So it's hard for me to say "outside" of romance, because I've really mostly only had liminality, and that has been constant. I feel somewhat at a loss if there is not one main thing that I am after. I do know that within a relationship, I become much more socially-attuned. FWIW, I think I am much more "lightness", charm, and humor than dramatic flair.

    -

    @EJCC - Yeah, maybe it's your calmness. You seem stable and self-assured. But you are kind of "soft" for an ESTJ, and I think that gives a bit of it away. You're more malleable and dynamic than others I've met. I wish I could find more information on "darkside" so/sx, because I think that's where I'd end up, if I'm social-first.

    -

    @Amargith - Well, thank you for the compliment. I'm not sure I am. I envy your ability to always come straight from the heart and not falter, which may be 4 or perhaps your stronger sx. I relate to your post in how, when I am watching a group performance, I may enjoy the group as a whole, but I do tend to fixate on the most "juicy" of the group. I am hyperaware of any magnetism between themself and myself. I do also feel the pull and push.

    From reading your sx-dom thread, I get the sense that I have some burning sx inside but don't exude it outwardly. It's true that I strongly shy from putting off others. I want deep bonding but not at the expense of offending others. I don't do "us against the world" as much as "us working together to help the world". That's what has me confused - is that sx/so, or so/sx?

    -

    @Aleda - Thank you very much for clarifying that... the sense of connection>hierarchy prioritization. I tend to get deep quickly with anyone 1-on-1, but that sense of internal order is hard to ignore for me.

    In terms of "brokeness", I had a very unusual childhood due to a severe medical condition, so I have always been rather different socially than most people I know. When I was very young, I mostly interacted with adults, because I couldn't be around peers for danger of infection, and saw little use in talking to my peers later on - from my POV, adults were easier to talk to, less cliquey, and more informative. I was simultaneously socially stunted and advanced as a result, and have always felt the wake of that. But I've always felt somewhat "broken" in the sx sense because of deep feelings of longing and yearning. But I don't feel like that's a bad broken, just a natural human sort of broken. Do you relate with that feeling as a sx-second? The social aspect is more of a "stupid" kind of broken, like I feel like I can see it but am incompetent at using it.

    -

    @Rasofy - You are kind as always. What do you mean by shoulds and shouldn'ts? I do have some shoulds and shouldn'ts, I think, but they're more about the nature of good relations and less about specifics, if that makes sense. It essentially boils down to I think everyone has a responsibility to not harm, as much as they possibly can control. Beyond that everyone should be free to do what they want.

    -

    @PeaceBaby - Yes, I do agree that you and I share some vibe, though I think you're definitely stronger than me socially. You seem more... "removed" in a way? Like you are better at pulling back. Though I think that so/sx makes more sense for you, too. As for nuance - I don't think I ever not notice social nuance, even when in hot pursuit. I think social nuance is even one of the things I find attractive - I like to watch how others interact socially and what kind of social wake they leave.

    One thing that has been bothering me, though, is how I can get a little bit socially stupid when caught up in sx matters. For example, I had two enormous crushes that went poorly in college. The first was a little freshman thing, and I was totally head over heels for a super-involved ExFJ in student government, and I joined a group of his and did a bunch of work for them essentially completely for the sake of liking him. I'm not sure if it was obvious or not... I was never sure. I cared about their cause, but not nearly as much as I cared about him! It fell out when I discovered he had a secret girlfriend. I was disappointed that he was attached and I thought it was stupid that she was "secret", so that was the end of that. I still look him up sometimes. The second crush was longer and more serious, a super-involved ENFJ, that I became fairly close to. I joined one group a little after her, not for her sake (but her being in it made it more exciting), and another at her invitation. As I got into the groups, I began to differ from her in my orientation to the groups - I felt more in sync with the groups and less of a need to tailor them towards what I wanted (she was very headstrong and so/sp, and very clear about her agenda). I still regret how I tended to side with her over melding more with the group - and now, years later, I've reconnected with those groups as an individual and am the more lastingly-involved of the two of us, strangely enough. I don't know what all this says about my instinct... whether I was blinded by sx or whether I was doing my so/sx "order" thing and she was coming before the groups.

    As for social nuance - I guess I always see it. It doesn't seem draining. Neither does sx, though. No clues there.

    -

    @Elfboy - So I did the test, but I had a little trouble because I don't relate to all parts of each number. I figured I'd do it the hard way and respond to each line.

    Just by numbers, I came out 41 so and 40 sx.



    -
    @OrangeAppled - Yes, it's very accurate that I seek deep, long-lasting bonds. And thank you. I try to be cautious... I don't see a point in repelling people. I don't want to, mostly because I like to bond with everyone, plus the 6 in me says it will only bite me in the butt if I do.

  9. #19
    The High Priestess Amargith's Avatar
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    @skylights

    Fwiw, I do subscribe to the us working together to help the world-thing in general. In fact, it is how I approach the world - groups, friends, acquaintances. With an So though, I do use the us agains the world approach - more to solve the difficulties that life tends to throw at you. I find that standing together as a team to take those on is key to maintaining a happy, healthy and emotionally close relationship with your partner. I will readily admit though that I *need* my sx-fix, aka my thirst for emotional closeness quenched for me to be able to do the whole helping the world-bit. If not, I feel like a vampire on animal blood. The whole helping-the-world bit does get me enough to survive on...but it is going to make me cranky without having any intense bonding and it will exhaust the shit out of me in the end. Properly fed though...I'm able to bring my own sx-juice to the table in helping others, so to speak.

    As for the offending others thing...I had trouble learning to give people space when I was younger (didnt quite get not everyone shared my preference, and when I did realize it, why that was and how to go about changing my approach), but I too rather not offend people and feel sort of nonstop restrained in an so-corset in order to respect the fact that others do not exactly enjoy burning intensity and intimacy the same way I do. I do believe people have the right to rebuff your good intentions if it aint for them and while it can be hard to keep things reigned in, no is no (and reluctance is a good indicator to no). It can ruin good relationships in a heart beat and cause a bunch of misunderstandings that are ultimately not worth it. It is exhausting though..kind of like holding in your belly non-stop. So when someone gives the green light to let it all hang out...man does it feel good
    ★ڿڰۣ✿ℒoѵℯ✿ڿڰۣ★





    "Harm none, do as ye will”

  10. #20
    i love skylights's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Amargith View Post
    @skylightsWith an So though, I do use the us agains the world approach - more to solve the difficulties that life tends to throw at you. I find that standing together as a team to take those on is key to maintaining a happy, healthy and emotionally close relationship with your partner. I will readily admit though that I *need* my sx-fix, aka my thirst for emotional closeness quenched for me to be able to do the whole helping the world-bit. If not, I feel like a vampire on animal blood. The whole helping-the-world bit does get me enough to survive on...but it is going to make me cranky without having any intense bonding and it will exhaust the shit out of me in the end. Properly fed though...I'm able to bring my own sx-juice to the table in helping others, so to speak.
    I know what you mean by this... though I actually sometimes struggle when my partner is feeling upset at someone/something, because my natural (phobic 6?) response is to defend that person or thing. I do feel very much on a team with my partner, of course. I felt more "us against the world" in a previous relationship, and I delighted in it at times, but it also felt false at times - like once I was away from my partner, I would feel embarrassed and disconnected. But with my partner, it was awesome being in our little clique looking out at the world together.

    Actually I wonder if that's more so/sx of me after all if I was enjoying the feel of the partnership because of the bond (looking out together) rather than because of the connection (looking at one another).

    As for the offending others thing...I had trouble learning to give people space when I was younger (didnt quite get not everyone shared my preference, and when I did realize it, why that was and how to go about changing my approach), but I too rather not offend people and feel sort of nonstop restrained in an so-corset in order to respect the fact that others do not exactly enjoy burning intensity and intimacy the same way I do. I do believe people have the right to rebuff your good intentions if it aint for them and while it can be hard to keep things reigned in, no is no (and reluctance is a good indicator to no). It can ruin good relationships in a heart beat and cause a bunch of misunderstandings that are ultimately not worth it. It is exhausting though..kind of like holding in your belly non-stop. So when someone gives the green light to let it all hang out...man does it feel good
    Hah, yeah, that's the truth.

    I never really had a problem with getting too close/too much, but I was always hypersensitive to interpersonal relations, and restrained as a result.

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