Am I Sx/So or So/Sx?

[Fidelia]

I'm coming late to the party, but you vibe so/sx to me. I find it easy to communicate with you, in a way that I generally don't with sx doms. I couldn't say specifically what the differences are though.

 

[skylights]

I'm coming late to the party, but you vibe so/sx to me. I find it easy to communicate with you, in a way that I generally don't with sx doms. I couldn't say specifically what the differences are though.

I appreciate the input later or sooner. I have always found it easy to communicate with you, too, of course. We seem to be on a very similar plane in some ways.

 

[skylights]

Drowsy and mulling over this, so two questionnaires. I got rid of the sp part in the first one because I am without a doubt sp-last.


Social (Need for Social Validation) - Can show up with strong focus on groups, organizations, family, world, friends, your surroundings, your social image

1. Do you need or really like social validation?
Yes, I generally seek it strongly. Sometimes I wonder why I care about it with strangers.

2. Is social image important to you?
Yes. I like to come off looking successful, happy, stable, etc.

3. Do you have desires/fantasies of being rewarded in a social or public arena?
My fantasies are mostly of being "successful" in the public arena. To have a well-respected career that I enjoy in the human services field, to do well in it, to make enough money to provide well for myself and my family, to be respected by my colleagues, preferably to have some sort of leadership position, to have a happy, stable relationship and a happy, stable family, and to have a happy little group of friends. I always have this weird train of thought where I think of the girl I considered "most successful" from my high school, and how my goal now is essentially to be able to have a "queen bee" like her look at my life and to feel up to par - not because I necessarily match all her achievements (she's a 3w2 and always front and center), but because I am happy with what I have and where I am.

4. Do you think about your affect on others, groups, organizations, and the world?
Yes, I do. My self-esteem has long been on the lower end, though, and so that tends to lessen how much I desire to be in the limelight and how much I want to contribute, because I know that with contribution comes recognition.

5. Is it very important to you to look good in public, groups, work, and the world? Is name recognition important, either yours or others?
Yeah, I feel like it is. Everyone has a reputation and you'll have an easier time navigating anywhere with a good reputation. I had a pretty decent, somewhat-well-known reputation at my university and it opened a lot of doors there. But in terms of "fame", I don't really desire that. I'd like to be known in my career field and in my social circles, but I don't have any wish for it to go beyond that.

6. Are you upset if you don't get enough validation, reward for the hard and creative work you do in a social context or for a social cause?
Yes and no. I've been very involved in behind-the-scene groups which don't take credit for their work, and it's very satisfying to watch the fruit of your labor unfold and to enjoy being an anonymous benefactor, especially with others who are "in on" the secret. On the other hand, I have had someone else publicly try to take credit for my work, and I publicly called them out and ripped them a new one - something very rare for me. That was one of the few occasions I can remember being completely socially assured in open confrontation, because I felt like she had blatantly transgressed a moral boundary.

7. Are you involved in groups, organizations and team oriented activities?
I'm still involved in a few from school, as a more passive member. Most of my "group time" nowadays is with my family.

8. Is belonging to special groups or being a leader of a group important to you?
I enjoy being a part of groups that have agendas that I believe in. Networking with others is really the only way to create substantial change, so groups have a chance at that. I like being in group leadership because there's more influence - I tend to be someone who tries to quiet down any voices that are getting too loud and helping quieter members speak up. I abhor when individual people try to assert their singular personal agenda through the group without regard to others' preferences.

9. Are you strongly upset if you feel not included or rejected by a group or family or not invited to a social event?
Not usually, because if they're not inviting me it probably means we're not close. I have been hurt in the past by people I thought were close friends not inviting me to events, but even that is a good opportunity to re-evaluate whether the friendship is actually as close as it appeared.

10. Do you make your money through your association with groups affecting a large number of people?
Um... sort of?

11. Do you get really upset if you make a social faux pas? Do you think about and plan out how you will be or present yourself in public?
I usually get pretty embarrassed, yeah. But I'm an ENFP, I mess up a lot, and people still seem to like me enough anyway.

12. Are you the social instigator and connector in your family?
In my nuclear family I often am.


Relationship (Need for 1 to 1 or Relationship Closeness)

1. Do you define yourself through a romantic or close partnership? Is closeness with another person of paramount importance?
Yes, it's very important. It's stabilizing. Though I've tried to get away from defining myself that way, because I used to let it completely overwhelm my identity, and I want to be my own person. Thankfully, my current SO pushes me to try to be my own person, too.

2. Do you like intense energy, particularly in relating to people? Are you energized when you have a revealing conversation or engagement with another, particularly a special other?
Very... the deeper, the better. I like to tear right into the deepest issues. I'm more comfortable opening them up than opening myself up, though. I tend to end up being "counselor" to others' issues IRL, but I don't like exposing my "higher order" issues to anyone "lower order" (in other words, I wouldn't ask a friend for advice if my boyfriend and I are fighting, because I feel loyal to him first, and feel like it would be wrong to expose our issues to someone with less of a bond). I share my own issues anonymously online, where I don't risk subverting that sense of order.

3. Do you tend to focus more attention on close relationships than money?
Yes, very, very much so. I've never really consciously concentrated on money... I tend to be a natural saver so I don't really have to worry about it. I use my money to facilitate my close relationships.

4. Does money relate to how a partner will see you more than security for yourself?
Money is the avenue to creating a pleasing life for myself and my partner. I like buying my partner gifts and taking him out...

5. Are money and resources less for self and more to please an intimate other?
Very much so. I don't really care about my own resources... I basically only gather them for the sake of pleasing my partner and being socially stable. I'm very sp-last, lol.

6. Does your attention go more to how well you relate to a partner or potential partner than to other concerns?
Yes, they're usually first and foremost in my mind. If things with them are not stable, the rest of my life feels not-stable.

7. Would others describe you as dramatic? Do you like to go deep with things?
I love to go deeply, but I don't think I've ever been described as dramatic.

8. Do you tend to be in the moment and not think as much about the future or your future security?
Oh, no, I definitely live in the future and think about future security.

9. Do you have an urge to merge? Do you "lose yourself" with an important other at times?
Hur hur, urge to merge. Yes, I very much have that. I love to lose myself... it's easier than asserting my own self and identity. But I don't think it's necessarily a good thing... because when I "return" to myself I wonder what the hell happened to my sense of values.

10. Do you like risk taking? New experiences? Tend to get bored without enough stimulation particularly in the area of relationships?
I don't like risk-taking (I'm a 6!); I love new experiences; I do tend to get bored without enough stimulation and I bug my partner if/when I do.

11. Are you focused more on connection with another and forget your own priorities?
Yes, very much. I will generally drop whatever I'm doing for the sake of my partner.

12. Do you focus a lot on sexuality, romantic fantasies or mystical spiritual experiences?
Yeah, romantic fantasies in particular. As for mystical spiritual experiences, I have those when out in nature mostly, or doing yoga.

--

1. What drives you in life? What do you look for?
I think I'm driven most by happiness in life. I like to make others happy, and I like to be happy. I want to explore the world and take pleasure in it. I want for things to be fair and for everyone to be able to live well. I seek beauty, comfort, fun, and idealism.

2. What do you hope to accomplish in your life?
I hope to create a life that pleases me and helps others and the environment... I hope to leave the world a little happier, a little more just, a little better protected, and a little more beautiful than before I got here. I hope to lead a life that focuses on equality, renewal, and love.

3. What do you hope to avoid doing or being? What values are important to you?
I hope to avoid doing or being anything that is a negative influence on the world - cruel, unjust, self-absorbed, wasting resources. My most important values are love, unity, compassion, fairness, aesthetics, understanding, and preservation.

4. What are your biggest fears (not including phobias)? Why?
I think my biggest fear is being completely alone, stranded somewhere completely in isolation, because then everything I care about is gone.

5. How do you want others to see you? How do you see yourself?
I would love to be seen as warm, compassionate, knowledgeable, fun, idealistic, and sophisticated. I tend to see myself as curious, volatile, aesthetic, self-conscious, and idealistic.

12. Comment on your relationship with trust.
I'm inherently skeptical. I trust my family most, then my significant other.

13. List some of the traits you: a) like; b) dislike most about yourself.
a) tendency to gather knowledge; empathy; sense of aesthetics. b) low self-esteem; lack of self-discipline; volatility; indecision.

15. If a stranger insults you, how do you respond/feel? What if they compliment you?
If they insult me, I'm probably angry and probably feel like it was inappropriate/unnecessary. If they compliment me, I am happy and grateful.

 

[mintleaf]

I don't see why a person has to have a dominant instinct. it really seems that for some people, the two most dominant instincts are inseparably conjoined.

 

[Evo]

In terms of "brokeness", I had a very unusual childhood due to a severe medical condition, so I have always been rather different socially than most people I know. When I was very young, I mostly interacted with adults, because I couldn't be around peers for danger of infection, and saw little use in talking to my peers later on - from my POV, adults were easier to talk to, less cliquey, and more informative. I was simultaneously socially stunted and advanced as a result, and have always felt the wake of that. But I've always felt somewhat "broken" in the sx sense because of deep feelings of longing and yearning. But I don't feel like that's a bad broken, just a natural human sort of broken. Do you relate with that feeling as a sx-second? The social aspect is more of a "stupid" kind of broken, like I feel like I can see it but am incompetent at using it.

I love being a 6 but sometimes I don't. Cause now I'M second guessing my instinctual type! ...I feel like I REALLY relate to you, especially in this paragragh above. I didn't have a medical condition tho, my mom did, which seems to have impacted me in a similar way, because everything stated here is like a rundown of my life. lol Your presentation to me always seems so thought out and so-ish.

 

[skylights]

I love being a 6 but sometimes I don't. Cause now I'M second guessing my instinctual type! ...I feel like I REALLY relate to you, especially in this paragragh above. I didn't have a medical condition tho, my mom did, which seems to have impacted me in a similar way, because everything stated here is like a rundown of my life. lol Your presentation to me always seems so thought out and so-ish.

Apologies.

Yes, my presentation is usually fairly thought-out... especially in writing. I'm not so good in speech. I still struggle to understand if I am/could be a social dominant, sexual secondary that generally prioritizes individual connection.

 

[Azure Flame]

If you naturally smile toothy grins a lot, you are most likely not sx... or just not Fe.

Also, Sx usually are reclusive unless they're searching for a mate, at which point they act like So. Once they find the mate, they beat it over the head with a club and drag it into the cave for aeons of intimate bonding. (creepy)

so dominants, when looking for a mate, often act sp and search for someone of social status.

 

[Elfboy]

If you naturally smile toothy grins a lot, you are most likely not sx... or just not Fe.

Also, Sx usually are reclusive unless they're searching for a mate, at which point they act like So. Once they find the mate, they beat it over the head with a club and drag it into the cave for aeons of intimate bonding. (creepy)

....what on earth are you talking about?

so dominants, when looking for a mate, often act sp and search for someone of social status.

this is true some of the time

 

[skylights]

If you naturally smile toothy grins a lot, you are most likely not sx... or just not Fe.

Haha, I do naturally smile toothy grins a lot. And I am not Fe, but my Fi is not as far from Fe as some.

Also, Sx usually are reclusive unless they're searching for a mate, at which point they act like So. Once they find the mate, they beat it over the head with a club and drag it into the cave for aeons of intimate bonding. (creepy)

so dominants, when looking for a mate, often act sp and search for someone of social status.

Let me think about my crushes and relationships... as far back as I can remember, significant crushes and relationships:

1. Middle school. I was extra nice to him and always gave him my snack. He was a popular basketball player but always kind to me. It didn't go anywhere.
2. High school. She was queen bee of my social circle. Tried to get close to her. Did. Was disappointed, discovered she was far more volatile and less confident than it appeared on the surface. My attraction evaporated almost instantly.
3. College. He was a prominent member of student government and an organizational activist. Joined his group purely for the sake of getting close to him (though it was a good cause) and provided them with a lot of good work. Discovered he had a secret girlfriend. Was disappointed, plus thought the secret-keeping was stupid.
4. College. She was a student leader. Joined a group she was in (not because of her), then was invited by her into another group. Ended up liking the groups more than her... she was narcissistic.
5. Post-college. He pursued me. He was an assistant manager at the time.

I don't really like to drag my mate in with me as much as I like to drag them out and parade them around. I mean solo bonding tiems is wonderful, but I like being out and about with them. It provides some of the best opportunities for flirting!

Maybe I am a social dominant. I really do have a thing for people with status. I've never gone after them because of their status, but I'm always attracted to people who are headstrong and involved.

 

[Evo]

Yes, I do agree that you and I share some vibe, though I think you're definitely stronger than me socially. You seem more... "removed" in a way? Like you are better at pulling back. Though I think that so/sx makes more sense for you, too. As for nuance - I don't think I ever not notice social nuance, even when in hot pursuit. I think social nuance is even one of the things I find attractive - I like to watch how others interact socially and what kind of social wake they leave.

One thing that has been bothering me, though, is how I can get a little bit socially stupid when caught up in sx matters. For example, I had two enormous crushes that went poorly in college. The first was a little freshman thing, and I was totally head over heels for a super-involved ExFJ in student government, and I joined a group of his and did a bunch of work for them essentially completely for the sake of liking him. I'm not sure if it was obvious or not... I was never sure. I cared about their cause, but not nearly as much as I cared about him! It fell out when I discovered he had a secret girlfriend. I was disappointed that he was attached and I thought it was stupid that she was "secret", so that was the end of that. I still look him up sometimes. The second crush was longer and more serious, a super-involved ENFJ, that I became fairly close to. I joined one group a little after her, not for her sake (but her being in it made it more exciting), and another at her invitation. As I got into the groups, I began to differ from her in my orientation to the groups - I felt more in sync with the groups and less of a need to tailor them towards what I wanted (she was very headstrong and so/sp, and very clear about her agenda). I still regret how I tended to side with her over melding more with the group - and now, years later, I've reconnected with those groups as an individual and am the more lastingly-involved of the two of us, strangely enough. I don't know what all this says about my instinct... whether I was blinded by sx or whether I was doing my so/sx "order" thing and she was coming before the groups.

As for social nuance - I guess I always see it. It doesn't seem draining. Neither does sx, though. No clues there.

I notice my sx come out in relationships as well...I actually kind of hate being so dominated by impulse sometimes. Although I feel like it really gets me in motion, I wish I had other parts in my life where I could be that motivated.

According to this i would still go with So/sx

"Sexual variant

People of the sexual variant are very much interested in one to one contacts. They are looking for intimacy and this may show in sexuality, though not necessarily. Being in a relationship is very important to them. They are the most passionate of the subtypes, being temperamental and having more energy. They have less of a problem with getting into a fight and care less about rules and responsibility.

Social Variant

People of the social variant prefer to be in groups or teams. They are more interested than the other subtypes in the position that they and others have in a group, and are consequently concerned with status. Wanting to be accepted, they try to fit in and be nice"



"Sexual 6 - Seeking Intimacy/Intensity
•Udit Patel "Feisty Vulnerability (Ichazo's "Strength and Beauty")"

Sexual Sixes get their sense of security primarily from their emotional bond with a significant other. But they also have many doubts, both about their own ability to have a suitable mate and about the mate's ability or willingness to really be there for them. Sexual Sixes often manifest a tension between their gender roles: they are both masculine and feminine, "macho" and coquettish. Moreover, Sexual Six women have a tough, tomboy side to them but still come across as feminine. Similarly, the men of this Variant display a sensitivity and vulnerability while being essentially masculine. Sexual Sixes also tend to be emotionally intense, like Eights and Fours. Part of this comes from anxiety about their ability to keep a strong, capable partner. Thus, Sexual Sixes try to cultivate their masculine or feminine attributes in order to find a good partner and, later, to remain appealing to this person. Often, they feel most comfortable relating to members of the opposite sex and may feel competitive with the same sex. They also tend to test their significant others to see if they are strong enough and to make sure that they are really committed to the relationship. When more stressed, Sexual Sixes can be emotionally volatile, with their feelings about people changing strongly and suddenly. They fall into suspiciousness about their partner and can be quite jealous, while at the same time feeling a strong need to "prove" their desirability.


•LifeExplore

Sixes with this subtype tend to act strong or seductive when insecure. They are much more likely to be counterphobic, especially the men. May seem like Eights, take risks, talk tough. Act powerful and in control at the times when they feel most frightened. Worry about looking weak, having their fears show. May act arrogant but aren't really. Some study martial arts or seek a way of life that makes them strong. Beauty is another focus; trying to seem attractive so as to contain fear, get approval, and distract others. May consciously hide behind a seductive mask. Unlike Threes, Sixes know they are hiding. Can act cool and patrician or be flirty. Some have a focus on aesthetics. This subtype often has a stronger connection to the vanity of 3.

Social 6 - Seeking Acceptance/Belonging/Inclusion/Status
•Udit Patel "Generating Support (Ichazo's "Duty")"

Social Sixes look for security in the social sphere—that is, through their affiliations with different people and organizations. They are warm, engaging, and humorous, trying to send out the message that they are approachable and safe. They like to enlist people, getting others involved in projects or activities they see as worthwhile. Social Sixes frequently volunteer to work in groups and committees. They do not necessarily enjoy doing this, but they see it is necessary and so are willing to give their time and energy. They want to be regarded as regular guys or gals and may have difficulty taking stands that would be unpopular in their peer groups. They seek consensus before moving ahead with their agendas and they want to feel that others are "with them," backing them up. Although Social Sixes like being involved, they often become nervous about holding positions of responsibility because they are afraid that they will have to make decisions that others will not like, thus losing their support. When more insecure, their suspiciousness may lead them to form in-groups and out-groups in the workplace or in other social or societal areas.


•LifeExplore

Social Sixes tend to be dutiful and especially dependent upon authority. More often phobic than counterphobic. Often dedicated to a cause. When acting alone they will still refer to others in their mind for safety and agreement. May want to see your opinion first before they will offer their own. Could change their mind to agree with you. Often align with a group or a cause and will follow the rules loyally, trying to please the boss. "Company men." Focus on a social or work context and try to be ideal within it. Could persecute others in the name of their group's ideals. May imagine they can't live without the group's support: "If I don't play by the rules I'll be out on the street selling pencils." Later there's inevitable disillusionment. Then Six starts grumbling that they are not appreciated. Could go passive/aggressive, resent a boss they had romanticized. Connection to 9 is stronger with this subtype."

"sx/so
Motivation: to impact others, question assumptions, challenge convention.
This is the type that exudes the most raw charisma and sexual energy. They may identify so strongly with whatever they're involved with that they often become the symbol of its core essence, and sometimes its lead agent for change. Hardly content with the status quo, this sub-variant seeks to alter the fundamental structure of something while at once embodying it's purest or most extreme form. Possibly attracted to radical views on politics, philosophy, spirituality or creativity that reflect their penchant for testing boundaries. They enjoy pushing other's buttons, especially those resistant to their modes of expression. It's not uncommon for them to have a pet social, political or spiritual cause which they're able to support with heartfelt conviction. May exploit and seek to redefine sexuality to reflect their own colorful and uncertain understanding of it. While prone to exhibitionism, they are strongly attracted to grounding influences which can anchor them and provide stability. Failure to satisfy an especially intense desire for connection may cause this sub-variant to spite others at the risk of jeopardizing the need for an equal, stabilizing force. Can feel pulled between wanting a life of maximum intensity and reassuring episodes of peaceful convention.• Expression: intense, outer-focused
• Energy: intense energy expressed outwards, assertively
• Behavior: intense, assertive, sultry and aggressive
• Mindset: "If I can maintain position and inclusion in the group/world, I can keep up and escalate all this merging/intensity."
• Blind spot: Likely to neglect their desire to build their sense of personal value, accomplishment, and security of place with others for the sake of their primary concern of seeking intense connections and experiences, in average-healthy levels. May not have an awareness of the body's need for food or sleep, or of the need to accumulate wealth for reasons of security, or of the need to manage time or resources to establish an orderly lifestyle."


"soc/sx
Motivation: to create lasting connections with those they are interested in - the "best friend."
This type has very strong one to one social skills, but is usually uncomfortable in group settings. They enjoy cultivating multiple relationships, and can be intensely involved when in the presence of someone they are interested in, but have difficulty sustaining these bonds when apart. This may give the impression of being flighty and rootless, willing to adapt and mirror others in order to connect, but lacking a defined approach that would give their relationships a more solid standing. They may have political interests, but are generally more pragmatic and less partisan than the other social variant. They are often attuned to pop culture and the latest trends.• Expression: bright smiley, intense expression
• Energy: outward energy expressed intensely, broadly
• Behavior: bright, smiley, erratic and scattered
• Mindset: "If I can get close to people with merging/intensity, I can make sure of and keep improving my position and inclusion in the group/world."
• Blind spot: Likely to neglect their desire to seek intense connections and experiences for the sake of their primary concern of building their sense of personal value, accomplishment, and security of place with others, in average-healthy levels. May not have an awareness of the body's need for food or sleep, or of the need to accumulate wealth for reasons of security, or of the need to manage time or resources to establish an orderly lifestyle.
"





I think you give off warm, non-confrontational.



In comparison just in looks.. [MENTION=5494]Amargith[/MENTION] has picture of fire lol "intense" You have aquamarine going on in your pic....much more sublte lol

 

[EJCC]

I change my vote to so/sx, after reading your answers and thoughts from fidelia and PB and others.

You seem too so to be sx-dom, but not too sx to be so-dom... if that makes sense. I don't think your sx seems nearly as intense/laser-focused as it would be if it were your dominant.

 

[skylights]

@Inari Love - thanks for the aggregate of info!

Often align with a group or a cause and will follow the rules loyally, trying to please the boss. "Company men." Focus on a social or work context and try to be ideal within it. Could persecute others in the name of their group's ideals. May imagine they can't live without the group's support: "If I don't play by the rules I'll be out on the street selling pencils."

This is the one thing I've never associated with or understood. I am really not a "company" type... maybe because I generally dislike capitalism. I don't trust any kind of organization that people are primarily in for money's sake. I'm also not sure I understand persecuting others in the name of a group. I have too much personal empathy to be so black-and-white. Same with group support - groups are just collections of people, not the be-all-end-all. I have an so/sp super-phobic coworker who's the company type and she drives me nuts.

"soc/sx
Motivation: to create lasting connections with those they are interested in - the "best friend."
This type has very strong one to one social skills, but is usually uncomfortable in group settings. They enjoy cultivating multiple relationships, and can be intensely involved when in the presence of someone they are interested in, but have difficulty sustaining these bonds when apart. This may give the impression of being flighty and rootless, willing to adapt and mirror others in order to connect, but lacking a defined approach that would give their relationships a more solid standing. They may have political interests, but are generally more pragmatic and less partisan than the other social variant. They are often attuned to pop culture and the latest trends.
• Expression: bright smiley, intense expression
• Energy: outward energy expressed intensely, broadly
• Behavior: bright, smiley, erratic and scattered
• Mindset: "If I can get close to people with merging/intensity, I can make sure of and keep improving my position and inclusion in the group/world."
• Blind spot: Likely to neglect their desire to seek intense connections and experiences for the sake of their primary concern of building their sense of personal value, accomplishment, and security of place with others, in average-healthy levels. May not have an awareness of the body's need for food or sleep, or of the need to accumulate wealth for reasons of security, or of the need to manage time or resources to establish an orderly lifestyle.
"

This sounds pretty accurate, minus what I struck out. I've always been good about maintaining relationships and have a history of getting really pissed off at friends who apparently can't even manage responding to two Facebook wall posts a year to keep in touch. It's always me trying to hunt down others. I've given up recently, just letting them go. If they don't value me enough to keep in touch, it's not a friendship I really want anyway.

I'm also hopeless with pop culture, trends, and current events.

I think you give off warm, non-confrontational.

In comparison just in looks.. @Amargith has picture of fire lol "intense" You have aquamarine going on in your pic....much more sublte lol

Lol, true. My avatars tend to be a little softer and floatier.

I change my vote to so/sx, after reading your answers and thoughts from fidelia and PB and others.

You seem too so to be sx-dom, but not too sx to be so-dom... if that makes sense. I don't think your sx seems nearly as intense/laser-focused as it would be if it were your dominant.

Yeah, that makes sense. I see what you mean and agree.

 

[EJCC]

This is the one thing I've never associated with or understood. I am really not a "company" type... maybe because I generally dislike capitalism. I don't trust any kind of organization that people are primarily in for money's sake. I'm also not sure I understand persecuting others in the name of a group. I have too much personal empathy to be so black-and-white. Same with group support - groups are just collections of people, not the be-all-end-all. I have an sp/so super-phobic coworker who's the company type and she drives me nuts.

Descriptions of the social instinct that focus on that sort of thing -- companies, institutions, "social status" -- strike me as being incredibly biased towards so/sp (and possibly SJ). I completely agree with you about money; I use money as a means to an end. Seems like it's the people who are sp-first or second who see those sorts of things as more than just a necessity*.

*Excluding people who were raised in an environment that (over)valued money as an end in and of itself.

 

[Amargith]

You will be missed in the sx-so club.

 

[Galena]

Good stuff in this thread. I've been watching, as another sp-last who is looking between these two stackings, and understand so a lot better now.

 

[skylights]

Descriptions of the social instinct that focus on that sort of thing -- companies, institutions, "social status" -- strike me as being incredibly biased towards so/sp (and possibly SJ). I completely agree with you about money; I use money as a means to an end. Seems like it's the people who are sp-first or second who see those sorts of things as more than just a necessity*.

*Excluding people who were raised in an environment that (over)valued money as an end in and of itself.

Yes, sorry, so/sp, I typo'd on my company coworker. She's so/sp. I think you're right about this. I can even relate better with money - I like money well enough - I just don't trust people who are only after money. I have met some lovely so/sps, but I also get a "coldness" from some I know IRL. I suppose that's me feeling the unity-awareness on top but it not being supported below by tight bonding, so it feels like things are "reversed" from the way they "should be" in my mind. Have you ever read the typewatch literature online where it talks about how you can either have a hyper-strong dominant and a pussy-whipped second, a second instinct with a "corner office", or a second instinct that's sleeping with the first? That last one would be my sx, in typical sx style. And she's on top. I guess that's why it's harder for me to relate to so/sp than sx/so, because sx is perched atop so and she disapproves.

I found this and thought it was neat:

I've said this before in other topics, but the way I see it, the variants represent your needs and priorities. The types are more like your internal issues. Your own problems. The internal problems you focus on (the conflict between ego, superego and id). The variants, by contrast, focus on the outside world. The outside problems you focus on.

Therefore, the social type focuses on society as a whole, and… well… social problems. That is – your job, your school, whether you have homework to do, whether you don’t have homework to do, how well are you doing in life, how well are other people doing in life, how well are you doing in life compared to how other people are doing in life, your role, etc.

It compells you to desire to interact with others, and focus on the interactions between you and others, as well as the interaction between you and… things even. It’s a thought that’s very… gear-like. Very… mechanic.

There’s always movement. They are aware of also the interactions between others and others, and others and the environment as well as themselves and others and themselves and the environment. It’s being aware of interactions in general. How everything interacts with each other. That’s what makes it very gear-like. One gear affects another, and their aware of how they can harm and help this whole entire process (of interacting with others and stuff).

When they lose someone, they feel that a gear was just lost. They can’t interact with it anymore, and it’s gone. That something’s missing (and they know what it is).

Sx-firsts, on the other hand, aren’t as aware of the interactions between them and others and the environment, rather… their more aware of the chemistry. So while the so-firsts are more “mechanical”, the sx-firsts are more “chemical”.

Focusing on sx-first issues involve: Am I close to my gf/bf? Am I close to my family? How much in common do we all have? Do I really like this thing? Am I attracted to it? Is that person attracted to that other person? etc.

They’re more aware of the bonds and the chemistry between them and people, as well as environment, and other people and other people, as well as other people and the environment. They really like being close to their intimates, and are generally passionate about things.

Likewise, they fear that those chemical bonds could be broken, and when they are, they are emotionally hurt. They feel literally separated, and ripped away from the other person or object.

Finally, sp-first issues revolve around: Am I healthy? Do I look good? How are my financial issues? How is that person’s financial issues? Am I hungry? etc.

In other words, sp-firsts worry more about fitness. Fitness in general, of course, not necessarily just body fitness. Therefore, they worry more about how fit they are in their environment, as well as how fit other people are in their environment. They want to be fit. I guess this represents more of… potential energy, rather than mechanical and chemical energy.

When someone leaves them… I guess perhaps they feel more unfit, since I’m sure they may rely on others to keep them fit. Though, its still more important for they themselves to be fit on their own.

Therefore… now… stackings:

So/Sx- Mechanical energy -> Chemical energy (-> = then)
Focus on the interaction of things, and how their “chemical energy” influences these interactions. They use their “chemical energy” to help them interact better. They seek a bond with everything they interact with.

Sx/So- Chemical energy -> Mechanical energy
Focus on the chemistry of things, and how their “mechanical energy” influences the chemistry between them and others. They may rely on interactions to help their “chemical bonds” remain stable (such as asking a friend for advice on the relationship, as well as interacting with the right objects to help the relationship remain stable).

So/Sp- Mechanical energy -> Potential energy
Focus on the interaction of things again, but then they also focus on their fitness, and how fit those interactions are. Use their fitness as a away of reinforcing the strength of the interactions as well (“I will do better at work if I am well-suited”).

Sp/So- Potential energy -> Mechanical energy
Focus on their fitness, while also focusing on the interaction of things. How those interactions affect their fitness. They may, for this reason, seem more business oriented. (“If I take that offer, it might help me more”).

Sp/Sx- Potential energy -> Chemical energy
Focus on their fitness, as well as the chemical bonds they’ve developed with people. They also focus on how those chemical bonds affect their fitness.

Sx/Sp- Chemical energy -> Potential energy
Focus on their chemical bonds, as well as fitness. Basically, the fitness of those chemical bonds, and what they can do to make them “fitter”.

Obviously I personally fall somewhere between mechanical and chemical interactions... [MENTION=17424]decrescendo[/MENTION] may be right in that to some degree my instincts may simply be on par with one another. I feel like I employ both methods - though it occurs to me that I use "chemical" relating more consciously and intentionally, whereas I "track" relations all the time, which is probably a good indicator of so/sx over sx/so.

Good stuff in this thread. I've been watching, as another sp-last who is looking between these two stackings, and understand so a lot better now.

I'm glad you've found it useful... I feel like I've learned a lot too!

You will be missed in the sx-so club.

Aw thank you! And trust me, I'm still sx-y enough that I still relate! I will still nom on sx/so issues all the time I'm sure...

 

[OrangeAppled]

Descriptions of the social instinct that focus on that sort of thing -- companies, institutions, "social status" -- strike me as being incredibly biased towards so/sp (and possibly SJ). I completely agree with you about money; I use money as a means to an end. Seems like it's the people who are sp-first or second who see those sorts of things as more than just a necessity*.

*Excluding people who were raised in an environment that (over)valued money as an end in and of itself.

Not really. The same way SO-last types may see SO as some cartoonish social status seeking tendency, SP-last seem to see SP as some cartoonish security & materially focused tendency.

All of the instincts are about necessities, but your stronger ones are the ones prioritized.

SP ---> keeping control via your own physical state, whether by being able to meet your needs, by reducing your needs, or by indulging to self-soothe
SX ---> pursuing intensity, attraction & connection reminiscent of mating, making a mark or leaving a legacy analogous to producing offspring
SO ---> forming niches & bonds with other people, whether more broadly social or intimate, feeling a sense of belonging somewhere & connected to other people

 

[skylights]

Just because I was reading TGO's posts and this thread at the same time, I wanted to echo part of my response to him here, since it's really more of a dual response inspired by the last few posts in both threads, which is that something I think might be very important that was misleading to me personally in my understanding was that I thought instinct variant was a method of prioritization, and would determine what you want, but I think there's more of an element of perspective to it than I realized - that it doesn't so much determine what you want so much as it determines the "why" of you wanting it, and how you tend to see it, whether it's something you need to chase or whether it will just fall into place for you, if that makes sense.

So for example given money, I think basically everyone uses that as a means to an end, but a sp-first might have more of a feeling of actively needing to manage their money, while an sp-last like myself might tend to ignore it more and just assume money will work itself out - it's not that I don't think money is important, or I don't like it or want it, but I've just never felt a burning need to keep up closely with it... whereas my sp-first boyfriend tends to stress a lot about money. And we're the reverse with close relationships. He seems to be much more relaxed about interpersonal maintenance where it's my stress point and something I really pour a lot of energy into.

My point being, I didn't realize how much of a "lens" aspect there was to instinct, but it seems like there is. Almost more of a prioritization of what you feel compelled to keep track of than what you necessarily seek.

 

[EJCC]

Not really. The same way SO-last types may see SO as some cartoonish social status seeking tendency, SP-last seem to see SP as some cartoonish security & materially focused tendency.

All of the instincts are about necessities, but your stronger ones are the ones prioritized.

SP ---> keeping control via your own physical state, whether by being able to meet your needs, by reducing your needs, or by indulging to self-soothe
SX ---> pursuing intensity, attraction & connection reminiscent of mating, making a mark or leaving a legacy analogous to producing offspring
SO ---> forming niches & bonds with other people, whether more broadly social or intimate, feeling a sense of belonging somewhere & connected to other people

I was using the phrase "more than just a necessity" in the sense of physical necessity. Maslow's hierarchy of needs, i.e. that you have to meet your physical needs before you can even begin to tackle the rest. So, what you just saw -- and what appears to have struck a nerve? -- was my simultaneous recognition of sp needs as being most important, objectively, and devaluation of it from it being my last instinct.

 

[mintleaf]

My point being, I didn't realize how much of a "lens" aspect there was to instinct, but it seems like there is. Almost more of a prioritization of what you feel compelled to keep track of than what you necessarily seek.

really interesting thought, something I've been trying to articulate for a while. someone (you?) should start a thread on this!