User Tag List

Results 1 to 5 of 5

Thread: Should-ing All Over Life: Fe?

  1. #1
    Senior Member Array Tabula's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jun 2010
    9w1 so/sx

    Default Should-ing All Over Life: Fe?

    I've seen it mentioned more than once that having a case of the chronic shoulds is mostly an Fe-related affliction--SFJ in particular. I know I definitely suffer from it myself, but there's a part of it that makes me [again, for the 21304283rd time], question myself and my type.

    Assuming Fe is my aux, applying shoulds/operating on the basis of implicit shoulds to inter/personal situations should (hehe) be a natural and egosyntonic behavior, yes? I guess it wouldn't be 100% of the time, 'cause I'm a human and stuff. But still. I'm wondering about other SFJs and their relationship with their shoulds.

    Maybe an example is called for?

    I work in childcare. Experiencing conflict between what I think I "should"/am supposed to do and what I think is the most reasonable or right thing to do is a daily occurrence for me at my job.


    Let's say Tommy is playing "outer space." He takes a bunch of toys and starts throwing them across the room--"shooting stars!" he says. I SHOULD tell him to stop throwing the toys. I'm supposed to tell him to stop throwing toys. My ESFJ co-worker is immediately yelling from across the room, telling him to sit at the table and play with the toys. I know this. I feel this. But I want to encourage his imagination. He's not hurting anyone, he's not breaking anything, and he's enjoying himself. I feel pressure to tell him to stop, even though I personally don't believe he needs to.

    This is a constant problem for me in my life. Not just at work, but everywhere. What does it mean? Am I still SFJ because I can RECOGNIZE the "supposed to's" in line with Teh Unspoken Rulez of Life and feel pressure to enforce/behave in accordance with them even when I don't agree with them? I don't mean to insult any SFJs by indirectly saying they mindlessly agree with and follow every rule all the time, either. I guess I'm not sure how to explain what I mean here. Hopefully someone understands what I'm getting at... kinda?

  2. #2
    Honor Thy Inferior Array Such Irony's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jul 2010
    5w6 sp/so
    LII Ne


    I experience this alot too. Especially at work. I don't think what you say is limited to any one particular type. I do see it as more of a tension between different functions with different agendas. In your example, I think it's either a Te vs Fi tension or a Fe vs Fi tension. Je functions seem more concerned with external shoulds.
    5w6 or 9w1 sp/so/sx, I think
    Neutral Good

  3. #3
    Senior Member Array King sns's Avatar
    Join Date
    Nov 2008
    6w7 sp/sx


    Nah, Fe's just have certain kinds of shoulds.... People would be all over the place and scattered in their heads without their shoulds... Maybe P's have less than J's
    06/13 10:51:03 five sounds: you!!!
    06/13 10:51:08 shortnsweet: no you!!
    06/13 10:51:12 shortnsweet: go do your things and my things too!
    06/13 10:51:23 five sounds: oh hell naw
    06/13 10:51:55 shortnsweet: !!!!
    06/13 10:51:57 shortnsweet: (cries)
    06/13 10:52:19 RiftsWRX: You two are like furbies stuck in a shoe box

    My Nohari
    My Johari
    by sns.

  4. #4
    Wake, See, Sing, Dance Array Cellmold's Avatar
    Join Date
    Mar 2012


    I probably lack shoulds. At least shoulds that I am not joking about.
    "An upsidedown wire heart
    Being sucked into a periscope
    Still the mind is dull
    Like you need another excuse"

    … a theory is primarily a form of insight, i.e. a way of looking
    at the world, and not a form of knowledge of how the world is….
    .. all our different ways of thinking are to be considered as
    different ways of looking at the one reality, each with some
    domain in which it is clear and adequate….
    - David Bohm

  5. #5


    I have a lot of social "shoulds" with people... I have been told that I am weird and uptight about boundaries but then I disregard the boundaries if i just don't care or I want to mess with people. eNFJ btw.

    Another ENFJ I know tries to live his life "without boundaries" because he sees society as restrictive.

    My ESFJ dad is only really concerned about "shoulds" in a group setting but one on one he really doesn't care.

    My INFP mom is the most uptight about "shoulds" on a personal level.

    My ISFP friend doesn't seem to really define her life in terms of "shoulds" in social or personal contexts.

    Saying that, it seems to be a very individual thing.

Similar Threads

  1. A life without love or a life without respect?
    By Elfboy in forum The Bonfire
    Replies: 19
    Last Post: 07-02-2012, 11:26 PM
  2. Pro-life/reverence for life
    By Lark in forum Philosophy and Spirituality
    Replies: 13
    Last Post: 05-13-2012, 09:44 PM
  3. Z: What's your given life enhancing zeal or life mission in life?
    By lightsun in forum Philosophy and Spirituality
    Replies: 0
    Last Post: 09-11-2011, 07:18 AM
  4. [SP] SPs Inner life
    By KLessard in forum The SP Arthouse (ESFP, ISFP, ESTP, ISTP)
    Replies: 37
    Last Post: 06-16-2009, 07:42 PM

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts