Alright kids, so I got totally opposite results after taking two free enneagram tests. I have no money to pay for a more accurate test, so I'm turning to you.
1. What drives you in life? What do you look for?
For the past few years, my primary focus in life has been to discover the common denominator between all people, regardless of belief or culture or time period. I suppose this has two sources: first, from my natural desire to communicate. I most often considered things in terms of how they might be expressed to others, which requires an understanding of the thing and the other—this is close to the core of my value system, which drives all of the decisions I make, especially in recent years; second, from my religious background. I was raised by two heavily Evangelical parents, and as I began to really look at what it was that was to be believed, I realized I could never make a clear & committed decision without this common denominator—without knowing what is of the most essential importance for all men (again in regards to communication, a lack of understanding of this would cause you to teach something ‘important’ that is, in fact, NOT important for much of the world, or even A FEW in the world; one small example was my brief but intense interest in the language of the Pirahã people, the existence of which could virtually eliminate any claim that philosophy/any abstract consideration is even necessary for a man—unless these considerations are completely separate from language, which brings a whole other set of unique challenges to my search & to my communication).
I realize that the common denominator between all men is not something that can be represented in any way; it is not communicable. It is, solely, a heartbeat. However, what my life stands for (perhaps we can call this my value system?) is of paramount importance, and as a teacher, my primary concern is that I communicate it to my students. Once I realized just how dissimilar the values are between, for example, Chinese & Americans, much of my then-current system crumbled & I had to pick it up from scratch.
All things now are to eliminate inconsistencies between who I am/what I do and the values that I believe are the MOST worth living by, in the eyes of absolutely anyone on this planet. Everything else, though worth considering, is only important to me inasmuch as it can be proven to be worth doing.
Three relationships got me to this point; in people I find the biggest challenges to my state of being, and I always respond. I must respond.
I feel I am not strong, nor am I particularly special. I am shallow in many ways, am not very capable of normal-life functioning, and have spent many years thinking myself into all sorts of unnecessary, melodramatic pickles.
2. What do you hope to accomplish in your life?
I would like to make some headway regarding all of the above, but there is one concern that takes precedent, and that is love. If, at the end of my life, my love has been proven by everything I was and everything I did, it will be very difficult for me to hold on to any regrets.
This is perhaps an abstract answer, but I assure you, it has the most practical implications.
3. What do you hope to avoid doing or being? What values are important to you?
I do hope to avoid a materialistic life, where I am no longer able to allow myself time to re-evaluate, consider, adapt, or learn.
4. What are your biggest fears (not including phobias)? Why?
I’m not sure when this fear began, but I do remember it peaking about 3 or 4 years ago, at university, and that is, the fear of being left alone at the end (end of the world, end of existence, end of college, any end really); perhaps more accurately, of disappearing (or that everyone else was gone), like watching myself get sucked into a black hole; a void.
5. How do you want others to see you? How do you see yourself?
I used to care a lot about this, I suppose, but now I only worry that they don’t notice how bad I am at the day-to-day necessities of life: cleaning my house, cleaning myself often enough, remembering to take important shit with me when I leave somewhere, remembering important appointments or any number of important things, waking up on time, etc etc. Now I really worry about this; before I didn’t care at all. My gf has a lot to do with this. I could hide most of it when I was alone. I hold her in quite high esteem, and I feel if she values something, it must be worth caring about. Many of those things I was quite careless about before (including the day-to-days, but also things like taking care of the older people in your family. She is Chinese, and there is very little one can say to argue with her point about this, and I don’t want to, actually.)
6. What makes you feel your best? What makes you feel your worst?
Doing well at something & less mistakes; when I can make my gf pleased.
Failing at something consistenty; when my gf is angry because I made a stupid mistake (not sure if that’s because it reminds me of my failures, which I was/am very good at forgetting, or because I really don’t like unresolved conflict), or simply because she’s unhappy and nothing I can do will make her feel better.
I didn't finish the questionnaire, but if anyone needs more information, let me know which of the last questions you'd like me to answer.
7. Describe how you experience each of: a) anger; b) shame; c) anxiety.
8. Describe how you respond to each of: a) stress; b) unexpected change; c) conflict.
9. Describe your orientation to: a) authority; b) power. How do you respond to these?
10. What is your overall outlook on life and humanity?
11. Discuss an event that has impacted your life significantly; more importantly, how you responded to it.
12. Comment on your relationship with trust.
13. List some of the traits you: a) like; b) dislike most about yourself.
14. What do you see or notice in others that most people don't?
15. If a stranger insults you, how do you respond/feel? What if they compliment you?
16. What's something you are: a) thankful you have; b) wish you could have? Why?
Thanks guys. I really appreciate the help.