Any disorders or conditions we should know about? No.
1. What do you think your life is about? What drives you in life? This can be something like a goal or a purpose, or anything else that comes to mind.
I don't know what my life is about but I feel like my goal is to learn more about the world - typically something that has not been uncovered yet, or not that deeply. I don't want to only know about one topic really well - I'd rather know lots about lots of things and then use these things that I learn in a creative endeavor. My goal is to be able to do this independently. Its always been that when I learn lots about a particular topic I move onto another one though the previous ones still remain as interests. I would revisit them later.
I want to be able to see parts of the world that people don't often get to see and this has been a desire of mine since I was a child.
2. What were you like as a kid?
Pretty adventurous. I ran around my (ghetto) neighborhood getting into trouble by breaking into abandoned lots and houses with my ESTP 7w6 sx/so older brother. I would never have done those things if it were not for him but I enjoyed it greatly. At home I spent all my time reading. I would go through phases with regards to what I was interested in (much like now). Some times I would be into books about unusual animals and insects, then space, then fables, etc. On the weekends it was not unusual for me to read a minimum of 5 books underneath a tent I made in my room, only coming out to eat. When it was supposed to be bedtime, I would lock myself in the bathroom with a book, much to the dismay of my parents.
I had my own projects in the classrooms that I made up and other kids participated in and the teachers were not involved in but they let me work on them on my own during class and after school.
Later on in High School most of the teachers didn't like me too much. Neither did most of the other students. I always did my own thing. Some girls tried to get me to join their clique because they liked my super-popular brother but I refused and this made them not like me.
3. Describe your relationship with your parents. Does anything stand out about the way you interacted?
My Dad is an INTJ and we used to be close but not anymore. He was the one that always took me to the library and other places. My mom is an ESTJ and has a practicality that I don't have. When I figured out that she didn't fundamentally know me as a person I stopped feeling close to her. Actually it made me super depressed because I told her things about myself I wanted her to understand and she didn't. This happened when I was in my early 20s. They were both very strict. I would get grounded all the time and mostly retreated as a child.
4. What values are important to you? What do you hope to avoid doing or being?
-I need to be myself. I detest covering myself up in something that isn't me.
-I need to be free. I need to be independent. I want to be creative.
-I need to master things, I'd like these to be things that are tangible to me.
-I want to avoid being stuck - stuck in my life, not being able to grow as a person.
-I need to learn more, do more. I need to be fulfilled with what I am doing. I hate having a job where the point of it is to just do the job and get paid. Its so boring to me.
There is probably more here, I can revisit this later.
5. Aside from phobias, are there any fears that characterized your childhood? Have they continued into the present day, or not, and if not, how have you dealt with them?
I was scared of normal things like heights, dogs. I wasn't scared much as a child. Oh, I was scared of getting caught by my parents when my brother and I would do criminal activity, especially since I would get beaten. Later on when I was like 13/14 I decided I wouldn't do those things anymore because I had a fear of being tried as an adult and having a criminal record (which my brother now has).
6. a.) How do you see yourself?
It depends on how I feel. I'm pretty confident in who I am as a person. I see myself as a person who does their own thing without any regard for what I'm supposed to do. I see myself as someone who thinks things over a great deal especially if its something I care lots about. I see myself as melancholic and sometimes neurotic. I always stand up for what I believe is right.
b.) How do you want others to see you?
Independent. Smart. Unique. Most of the time, I don't think about how others see me. It's only when someone tells me something what they observed about me that I think about how I look like from the outside (not in the physical sense, in a more abstract sense) and I realize that I am unusual.
c.) What do you dislike the most in other people?
-I hate it when people try to start shit for the sake of trying to start shit (but I enjoy discussion even if its super intense and people are at each other if it means we get to learn more).
-I don't like it when people look all the same. It bothered me a lot in High School when that clique all wore matching outfits (like, seriously guys?!!). I don't really like juggalos either lol. I just don't get it.
7. Which habit do you most automatically act on? Rank the following habits from most to least automatic, on a scale of 1 (most) to 3 (least).
a.) Work for personal gain with more concern for self than for others. (1)
b.) Strive for a sense of tranquility in yourself and the world around you. (2)
c.) Decide what is right for the betterment of something or someone else. (3)
8. Where does the wandering mind take you? What provokes this?
My wandering mind goes everywhere! I think about people that I know, creative / artistic endeavors I'd like to do. I think about the world. I think about the why of everything. I think about myself and who I am as a person, and how I can realize myself.
Nothing provokes this. It just happens, but it happens most when I am alone and best when I am on a long walk. Its something I enjoy a great deal.
9.What makes you feel your best? What makes you feel your worst?
I feel my best either when I am alone with my thoughts like I described in Q8 above. I feel my best when I am working on something. Mostly my own thing. I can help other people with what their doing, but I'd rather not. I like when I finish something / accomplish something, especially creatively. Something tangible rather than learning lots about a topic, which I do more often these days.
10. Let's talk about emotions. Explain what might make you feel the following, how they feel to you or how you react to the emotion:
a.) anger - I get angry often but mostly at myself. I like to think I have a long fuse, but from what others tell me I do get angry lots. I have outbursts but if you know me then you know it doesn't mean much. For example, I would get pissed off at the idea of something rather than a person.
b.) shame - TBH, I'm pretty ashamed of myself right now. I'm definitely not where I want to be and I'm struggling with this a lot. I don't even want people to know. I'm ashamed about being ashamed. In my healthier states I don't feel shame that much.
c.) anxiety - Right now I'm experiencing this as well for the same reasons as (b). If I don't know how to do what it is I want to do, then I'm anxious.
11. Describe how you respond to the following:
a.) stress - attack whatever is causing me the stress head on. Try to find a solution.
b.) negative unexpected change - Die a little bit inside, depending on how negative. Keep to myself a whole lot more.
c.) conflict - I don't really like conflict. In fact I hate it, but I recognize the importance of confronting it. Of course, it depends on the situation. If it was a stranger, I'd probably ignore it. If it was a loved one I'd probably tiptoe. This one is way too complicated because I think it depends on the scenario and what the conflict is and who its with and what I believe in and a whole bunch of other stuff. Ask me other questions regarding this if you need clarification.
12. a.) What kind of role are you naturally inclined to take in a group? Why?
Observer firstly. I watch everything. Later on, after a while, I feel as though I've become a leader though I didn't seek it out at all. (Here I'm describing my prior job where I was part of a group of people that had to work closely together. I am not currently part of any group, and I've never been part of a group before that.)
b.) If put in power, how do you behave? Why?
I think I'm fair. I'd listen, let people do their own thing but still I would make the important decisions. I don't really want to be in power though, or to have any sort of responsibility like that. I hate it a lot. I also hate telling people what to do and I'm not good at it at all. I the enforcing that goes along with being in power.
c.) Do you tend to struggle with others who have authority over you? Why?
No. I don't really think anyone has authority over me. The interactions I have with anybody informs our interactions in the future. We may get along or not, and authority does not matter.
13. What do you see or notice in others that most people don't?
Of course it depends on the person. With most people I generally notice when they are super honest. It's something I love.
14. Comment on your relationship with trust.
I don't trust easily, but I don't think I am generally distrustful.
15. Briefly: What religious and/or political beliefs do you have? Do you think they influenced your responses in this questionnaire?
I have no religion. Politically I lean to the left. I don't feel like it influenced my responses.
I'll try to answer the optional questions at a later date.