Road trip, figuratively: Spidey's typeme

[Galena]

This questionnaire looked like fun. I want to see what you think.

0. Is there anything that may affect the way you answer the questions? For example, a stressful time, mental illness, medications, special life circumstances? Other useful information includes sex, age, and current state of mind.

Anxiety. 20s. Under the stress of being momentarily stagnant in life.

1. Click on this link: Flickr: Explore! Look at the random photo for about 30 seconds. Copy and paste it here, and write about your impression of it.

Explore doesn't spit out a random single photo anymore (unless I'm doing it wrong), so I found and used an independent generator.

My photo:
http://www.flickr.com/photos/mika-rin/8553651165/sizes/m/in/photostream/

My response:
The colors are lovely and feel clear, clean and new. Normally, I'm attracted to darker colors, but that just makes images with a palette like this refreshing. I wonder how this photo would fare in a photography class or up against technical scrutiny and criticism because of its sparseness, distance, and how its focal point is so small and off to the side. I'm not saying I would agree with a critic or that I agree with using guidelines to filter art, though I would take an experienced critic seriously because they got the job because of what they could show for it. I can appreciate something and question it at the same time, just like this photo.

But when I am put in the position of critic myself, I tend to be accepting of most things and, over using standards, look for worth in a piece of work. Everything, even things that appear useless or bad, has purpose from some perspective. That purpose might just be unintended, difficult to find, or have only rare applications. It actually offends me when anything (art or otherwise) is called worthless or valueless, because if I can find a perspective through which something has a purpose, why can't you? If this photo is technically lacking, someone took and posted it because it is something to them anyway. Maybe they just wanted the nice color, for which this is good.

Note: This is my favorite question here. I wish type could be determined with a series of revealing activities like this, but tuned specifically to the preferences. What you do in the activity would expose your preference regardless of what you like or imagine inside. I'm probably never going to truly understand what each function is because I have to learn things by hand.

2. You are with a group of people in a car, heading to a different town to see your favourite band/artist/musician. Suddenly, the car breaks down for an unknown reason in the middle of nowhere. What are your initial thoughts? What are your outward reactions?

Internally, I would panic first. Whether anyone in the car knew it or not would depend on how close I was to them. I would be sure, though, that we could still get to the concert, even if we were late. I would ask if anyone knew anything about cars or had experience because I sure don't. There's always a way to do things, and the possibilities are only limited by what we are willing to do. The biggest deciding factor in this situation would be whether anyone is getting cell phone service. Then, if after we checked out the car and tried a few things, we could call help or alternate transportation. Another important factor is how close to the concert we are and whether this is the main way a lot of other people are getting to the same show. If any of us were really desperate to go, they could hitch a ride with other fans given there were others on this road. They would understand! In a real problem-solving situation, I would think up and offer even more contingencies and options for getting around them, but this is just one question on a forum and not worth the novel. You get the idea.

If getting to the concert turned out to be too much for us in the end, it might be upsetting for a short time, but ultimately, it wouldn't be so bad to me. Once we got the car problem sorted out, there would still be a whole night ahead of us. We might discover something special to do on our own locally. I hope my friends wouldn't be the type to settle for just going home after this mess, but unfortunately I have a history of attracting such people and being dissatisfied that way.

3. You somehow make it to the concert. The driver wants to go to the afterparty that was announced (and assure you they won't drink so they can drive back later). How do you feel about this party? What do you do?

Go to the party, of course! If I get tired when I go out, I never notice until I get home, so I'd probably be wanting more at this time to hold off that tiredness and add more experience to the night. Besides, with the stress earlier over the broken down car, I would need to do some extra unwinding. I used to hang back at events like these and keep to myself, but now I know better than to think that is what I really want to do.

4. On the drive back, your friends are talking. A friend makes a claim that clashes with your current beliefs. What is your inward reaction? What do you outwardly say?

Outwardly, I'd ask a few probing questions at most, and express my viewpoint only if the tone in the car was very light. That is, if I said anything. We're in the car on the way back from a concert and a party. This is not a good time for an argument. Even if it was a strongly held value that I might defend in some other circumstances, I wouldn't pick this battle here and now. I don't like battling in general, as I fear that I cannot defend my beliefs in an argument. They're not dense in an argument-ready way, but more experiential and, even the strongest, always ready to be changed. When I was younger, I'd be even less likely to discuss.

Inwardly, though, it would be more serious. The first thing I'd feel is, in my gut, a line being slashed between me and that person. It would be unlikely that I could get any closer to them than I am already after this, and I'd feel some of this every time I saw them from then on. This line used to be a lot harsher and tougher to overcome when I was younger, by a lot! If I were eight years old in that car or even thirteen, I'd suddenly hate that person inside! Maturity rules, doesn't it? Additionally, though, I'd feel a drive to understand the other person's point of view and a questioning of my reaction. The stronger I react to something values-wise, the stronger my questioning of my own reaction is. This I have grown into instead of away from over the course of my life. If it were a really big issue here, I might think about it for days and do some research on the issue.

Someday, I'd like either like my value-reactions to cool down, or to get more comfortable defending values in the moment if I feel so strongly about them. It fortunately looks like I'm already drifting toward a more sincere middle point already. The outer reaction shouldn't cover up a wildly divergent inner one. I want to be honest.

5. What would you do if you actually saw/experienced something that clashes with your previous beliefs, experiences, and habits?

These are the hardest situations when they arise organically, but I also seek them out myself to balance my point of view. As strongly as I believe one way, I need to research/look around for opposing views that are as strong as mine and feel the difference, perhaps try them out. Like most people, too, I also look for people who agree with me. This is both for the hit of confirmation and to compare sides and get a read on what kinds of people share my belief and whether they are as in touch as those who disagree with me.

From a recent thread (this will repeat a few things from above, but up next to phobik's good scenario):

to me, a similar glimpse of "SYSTEM ERROR"

this scene from eurotrip comes to mind

occurs when I become aware of the possibility of the existence of new data that can compromise partially/the totality of my understanding of reality.

I get this with values, and the gif is completely accurate. There is a physical jolt inside.

To me, becoming aware of this and then choosing to look away simply does not compute. And yes, this is with the notion that, in taking it in, my entire understanding of reality/belief system may be challenged but in the face of the possibility of "everything you believe in is a lie", that's more a potential for relief -by confirming whether the possibility is confirmed or not i.e. taking in the data and verifying its validity - than further turmoil.

Yes! It must be investigated, or if it doesn't come to me, then sought out! Whenever I have a particularly strong reaction or gut feeling, I'm pretty much compelled to look around and research for information that could overturn it or at least disagrees with it at equal strength to my feeling so I can compare views. I want the lies in my beliefs exposed. I want that shock.

When such an experience comes to me organically, it's a big deal. It shakes my trust in my own mind and gut because when I experience something like this for myself because experience overrules belief for me. When I see a situation like this, I just can't hold the previous belief anymore at its original strength. I can believe things that I see, I can believe things that I might see, but it is impossible for me to believe things that I won't see. Bouncing back from an experience like this comes in a process for me: first, I switch to believing, hardline, what the experience told me. Then, over time as the shock fades, I drift back to a healthier place between the debunked belief and the experience. I will not ever revert to the same as I was before the experience, though.

6. What are some of your most important values? How did you come about determining them? How can they change?

My access to them is situational, so there are more than I can just dredge up while sitting at my computer. Let's just list five.

-Taking in information. Just plain taking everything in because there is a use for every tidbit, and if something looks silly, that just means that its use isn't in plain sight and takes a perspective shift. The phrase "this isn't worth thinking about" actually offends me, but I see its function. This is a high-risk value to hold, and I'm always learning to use it more wisely and know when its application helps and hurts.
-Being told not to jump into something doesn't make sense. How will I know anything about that something until I have been in it? I don't learn lessons any other way. This is another one that is risky and matures.
-Like ideas, all people have a place. If someone looks worthless, their place may just be more obscure or impossible for you yourself to access. Writing someone off strikes me as lazy.
-Predicting what other people will do based on their traits and their past is a useful skill. It will keep you safe and enrich your life, and I do it as much as anyone has to do in life. But it still skeeves me out for some reason.
-As long as they're not hurting anyone, other people can make what choices they want.

7. a) What about your personality most distinguishes you from everyone else? b) If you could change one thing about you personality, what would it be? Why?

a) Creativity, gentleness, aesthetics, unwillingness to hate. Ability to see and experience possibilities instead of just thinking of them: if I slip and recover on the edge of a cliff, for instance, I also get a flash of experientially what it would be like to fall to my death. In the broken-down car scenario above, I would be able to imagine arriving at the concert late so vividly I could almost hear the music and feel the crowd around me as I push through, but also experience what it would be like to go home in all its mutedness and bedside lamp light. These things are all neutral qualities, good at times but not at others. "Distinguishes" doesn't apply a value.

b) I am too self-centered, and I need a lot more than I have the courage to ask for. I don't have the real-world focus of most people. Obsession at times? Yes, but obsession does not have the depth, hold and practicality of focus. Too much of an "if it feels good, do it" way about me. Too many things done to achieve an end of self-improvement rather than out of a genuine desire to connect with the world. Too much personal weight placed on what other people think.

8. How do you treat hunches or gut feelings? In what situations are they most often triggered?

This is covered in the section on situations that conflict with my values. I question them, and when experience contradicts them, they are definitely overpowered. I would benefit from trusting them more.

9. a) What activities energize you most? b) What activities drain you most? Why?

Energized: Creating something that involves personal expression and tastes, like an outfit, a piece of writing, the decorations in a room, an imaginary world, or a mixed drink. If it is relevant to others, their feedback is the most energizing part. I like to create entertainment. But then, a creation might not be relevant to others, in which case I have learned to keep the creation to myself. I also like learning about things that I can add to myself with, which could be as abstract as typology or tactile as how to style hair. Beautifying and exploring other people with such creations is fun, too. It makes for good gifts. Socializing in large and energetic groups one person at a time is ideal when I am out, if you can understand what that means. Stimulating activities whether physical or mental work, as well as new activities. I have an immediate gratification problem, and those who know me as quiet and serious would be surprised by my hedonism. Beautiful places are energizing and experience-shaping. I am drawn to color but not as great as visual composition.

Drained: Repetitive tasks, dealing in technicalities and physical limits, serving others within a framework I did not create, administrative details, red tape, things that do not give immediate feedback. Anything I do not have a personal interest in and being around people who choose not to take personal interest in what they are doing.

Unfortunately, a lot of the things we have to do to live and to actualize drain me, while I am energized most by things that are mainly related to appearances or myself. That is why I seek things out that will be challenging to me when I make choices in life as well as pursue the immediately enjoyable. My untempered preferences are not sustainable in the real world, and if I follow them too purely, they're just indulgent and antisocial. When I get some leisure time by myself, though, it all surfaces safely, and it's striking how little has changed since I was a child.

10. What do you repress about your outward behavior or internal thought process when around others? Why?

Almost everything. Other people don't get to see much. I don't know why I'm this quiet anymore. It may have to do with being from a family of very reserved people (among them, I was actually the most intense, and it was regarded as too much), or perhaps painful feedback from my early social environments. When I think I've been given an appropriate place to open up, though, I risk going unsafely overboard and becoming overbearing, sucking in all the attention I habitually deflect and giving way too much. It's like bingeing after starving oneself, and just as bad, so I'm making the effort recently to seek out more lively and expressive situations on a regular basis so I can spread out the need for stimulation and feedback.

The end. Ermahgerd, I actually finished it.