Curious: what in that is ENFJ-specific?This particularly describes not only the ENFJ type but also the 3 moving to 9: "Exhaustion drives me to completely passive apathetic rest, I will get away from other people then and just lie down, perhaps read some easy fiction & temporarily less ability to confront people. Then I'm back and up again."
Nice thought that I might be well integrated, but heh I'm not so sure about that. I just never tried to build any persona. I am who I am even if some people don't like the way I am.Secondly, I wasn't trying to consider your reasons or motives behind having such-and-such traits, e.g., being competitive, because these change with level of integration. A 3 at a high level of integration is going to care less about persona.
I don't get this idea of pretense relationships. How does a 3 do that sort of pretense relationship and why? I have a hard time imagining the point of that."And then there's some other things that I haven't experienced but would like to and used to dream about a bit. Including a real quality relationship."
A type 3 at average to below-average functioning doesn't have any real quality relationships with others, they are based out of pretense. At the higher levels of functioning there is the desire to find real quality relationships, but this process must begin with the relationship with one's self.
By real quality relationship I meant finding people (friend and/or romantic) who care as much as I care about them. In several ways. This is my problem with relationship stuff. OK, this topic is for sure complex, but anyway it's definitely not to do with personas. Actually, as I don't have a neat persona, that probably acts as a good filter to weed out most people in the relationship arena lol... Yes this was a way to say that many people have a hard time handling the way I am...
I'll try to go as deep in this as I can."I could analyse more of why I like to be competitive. Why does a 3 essentially care about competition? For a type 3, must it be for the goal of being admired or can a 3 have another motivation? For me it's a different motivation."
In general I prefer intrinsic motivation over external motivations. Working for other people's admiration or working to pass someone else who's ahead of me in life are external motivations and not motivating enough on their own, they don't put me into action on their own. Instead, I get directly satisfied by achieving my envisioned goal or by meeting a challenge. I don't need others applauding me to get to feel great. I'm motivated primarily by the challenge itself and not by external validation.
Related to that is that I don't look at life as a "game to win". Life is just here and I need to feel alive doing something, not sit on my ass bored. The challenges and goals and striving for them is what makes it all interesting and satisfying. If it's something crazy or big enough that most people don't even start to think about doing then it's significant and meaningful if considering life on some abstract level. (And what I said about doing something that has an impact for others too by it being useful in their lives is also meaningful, but I can't yet analyse this one well.) Note, by default I'm not very good at evaluating what's meaningful. I don't often stop to consider life on this level. Not on an everyday level. But if I'm to I look back, I definitely feel better if I can evaluate my life to say it's had some point and meaning.
I could however have an image triad related motivation in terms of how I like to feel I'm not just some random average person. Also, yes, it's a good feeling to know that I've got more things or am in a better position than others. Still, I don't feel the need to advertise my things and it's not the direct motivation putting me into action either. I'm satisfied if I simply know that I have it.
Yet another motivation for me being competitive: I'm either intensely doing something or I don't get involved (maybe this is an SX-dom instinct thing?!) and trying to beat someone else can help me make me interested in an activity and get the intensity level needed to keep going with it. Interestingly enough, it can also be a turn-off if I feel it'd be too much pain in the ass trying to win while it's just some random game that I'm not truly hooked onto. I drop it there then, lose interest, be bored, leave, whatnot. What I primarily need is get hooked in some way. But competitiveness definitely has a big role in keeping up the intensity level. And once I'm into it, it's very hard for me to get off it, I'll be very angry/frustrated if I don't win.
So, how are 3's about that? Is there a way for type 3 to value themselves without needing to get the validation from other people? Can a type 3 exist without other people's feedback? Can you relate all this here to some integration level? Though, I've always been this way, this is not the result of improving myself or anything. I just simply never needed feedback or validation.
Maybe I misinterpret the fulfillment (type 7) and the self-sufficiency ideas (type 8) though. Let me know if you think that could be the case.